Very confused and sad after loss of my companion

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I'm going to start off by saying this feels a bit crazy to me, i've never used a forum before, but i really feel like this is the only place i can turn to.

Last october i found and collected a kitten that had been on sale from a farm about 40 minutes north of my home, and from the moment i first saw him I fell in love with him. I named him pablo, he was black and white, with jazzy patterns down his front legs. I promised him i'd look after him and love him always. From that moment on, Pablo was my best friend, my little baby cat. He slept on the pillow next to me tucked under my blanket, he sat on my shoulder, he walked in between my legs, i even used to sneak him tiny bits of cake (that was his fave). I'd only ever left him for two nights to go to paris for my 18th, i left him with my mom, she looked after him well and sent me lots of pictures.

On wednesday i went away again, this time only to wales for two nights, Pablo was left with my mom again. I had a really great time, but walking back from the train station all i could think about was seeing Pabs again.

As soon as i walked through the door my mom told me she wanted a word with me and took me into the lounge. She showed me this little cat, she had been talking about letting me have another one as a companion for pablo when i wasnt there, so i got really excited, until i realised pabs wasnt there.

my mom told me that on wednsday night even though all of the windows were locked he'd somehow dissapeared and ran away, so i instantly wanted to look for him.

She then changed her story and said that he'd died and council had taken him away and i couldnt see him again. It was all very overwhelming. All i could think of doing was calling my dad, my mom hadnt been making any sense and obviously i wanted to go look for my Pabs.

After a few story changes i was finally told the truth (kind of) - My moms boyfried accidently let Pablo out on his way to work eart thursday morning, and he'd been hit by a car on the next street over.

she told me the council had taken his body and he was gone, which devistated me, i wanted to give pablo a burrial and say sorry for leaving him, it would have never happened if i hadnt have left him.

But driving towards my dad's house there in the middle of the road was pablo. relitivley flat, rotting in the middle of the road.

my mother had left my baby to rot in the middle of the road for over a day and a half.

honestly i've never been so heartbroken ever in my life, i feel really upset for pabs, nobody even put him out of his pain, they just left him. I collected him and wrapped him in his favorite blanket, and burried him under his favorite bit of grass in the garden.

all i can do is cry, and i feel even more bad now as my mom has just tried to replace pabs with this new cat, but muffin will never be able to replace pablo, Pablo got me through some really tough times and was with me at some of my best. I hadn't even known him for a year but i thought we had so many left together.

I really do love Pablo with all my heart and i hope wherever his afterlife has taken him he's happy, and he knows i love him so so much and i'll never ever forget him and the impact he's had on my life.