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Struggling to cope with my father's death


MissionBlue

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MissionBlue

Thank you, May, for making me feel welcome.  I wish you, Eve and silverkitties all lived close so you could come to my barbecue.   I think what Eve said is so true:  that our relatives are different than we are -- that's why we're on this board grieving and they're not.  My therapist said pretty much the same thing.  She said that I'm used to communicating on a deep emotional level with my father,  and now that he's gone,  there's no one else who can provide the same depth, because most people just aren't that deep.  I still think it's not too much to expect my brother to talk to me himself, instead of making his wife relay the conversation. 

 

I don't expect anybody to miss my father as much as I do, since I was his only child, but I am so sad that his sister didn't come to visit my dad in the hospital when he was dying, yet soon afterward, she travelled to Texas by a charter plane, so she can get around when she wants to.  Now her kids want me to go out of my way for her 90th birthday party which is going to be held at an Indian casino.  I have decided to go, because a cousin is giving me a ride and I haven't gambled in a long time.  If I can't have love, then maybe the fates will give me money.  I once won enough money at the Luxor in Las Vegas to pay for my trip and my companions expenses, too.  A friend told me her friend won $80,000 at the River Rock Casino.  I'll be going to Cache Creek. The sad thing is that the cousin who is taking me doesn't talk to her sister anymore!  And I always thought their family was super close.  There are so many feuds going on in my extended family that when I invite cousins over, I have to do so separately, because some aren't talking to others.  It's such a pain!

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Wouldn't it be nice if we all lived close? Okay, Missionblue, tell me what time is the BBQ and I'll fly up there. LOL Yes, I agree with Evelyn and your therapist. I didn't think of it that way.

 

Sounds like you'll have fun at the casino. I hope you win big. I have a friend who lives in Louisiana. She goes to Coushatta casinos frequently. When she walks into a casino she has a feel for which slot machines she will have luck with. Every time she goes she wins. One time she and her friend was playing two slots that were in a lobby. Once she saw it she said we are going to play those. They sat there and was winning the whole night. Their husbands have to come every once in a while to empty their container. 

 

I miss gambling and wish to visit Vegas again. I remember when I was playing the quarter slots. I was winning...not big tho. I didn't realize that a man was standing close by watching me. When I proceeded to get up, he asked me if I have a quarter. I said, "Sorry. No." He was trying to follow me. He was so drunk. I'm surprised that the guards didn't stop him.

 

It sucks when one person isn't talking to another and you have to go out of your way to solve a problem. Can't they all just get along?! Drama. Drama. Drama.

 

I hope you have a great time.

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MissionBlue

Thanks, May.  'Twould be nice indeed if you could come to my BBQ -- it starts at 3 pm.  :)  If we all were close, we could form our own grief support group -- there aren't enough of them here in SF. 

 

That is so encouraging about your psychic gambler friend.  When I was at the Luxor I stuck with one generous machine and my cousin had fun cashing in my chips.  I'm hoping my dad will guide me to the right slot machine.   

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Hi everyone,

I wanted to know if I was alone and this forum has shown me that I'm not so I wanted to share my story and see if anyone had any hopeful words for me.

I lost my Dad in July, he had CLL (leukaemia) for around 8 years. We all thought he would beat it after that long but he took a turn for the worse in the beginning of July and a week later he was gone.

I cried a lot that week and then seemed to be coping pretty well until now. All of a sudden I have so much anxiety and I can't eat or sleep. All these thoughts about dying and the afterlife are constantly attacking my brain and I can't seem to switch them off.

I am American but live in London with my fiancé. All my family are in the US and he's been so supportive but it gives me even more anxiety putting him through this as I feel like I'm stuck in this black hole and I don't know how to get out. I have a lot of thoughts like what's the point? I just feel so lost and so hopeless. I can't get to sleep and I wake up a few times in the middle of the night with such high levels of anxiety and panic. I feel so out of touch with reality and so stuck in my own head. I cry at least 2 or 3 times a day. It's so hard to get out of bed in the morning.

I looked into anti depressants but apparently they make your anxiety and depression worse before it gets better. I'm a dancer and am off work with an injury so I can't work to take my mind off everything.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can get my life back on track? It seems like I'm just trying to get through each day without having a panic attack. If anyone wants to help please respond.

Thank you for hearing me out.

Anjuli

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