Everly

Loss of a parent - daily thread

2,350 posts in this topic

Hello, Lisa, thank you for letting us know how you are doing.  The battle is long and hard, but with hope, determination and courage, you will win!  We are praying for you and cheering for you along the way. 

My dad had his birthday on June 28th.  He would have been 89.  Ernesto took me to the cemetery.  I still miss my dad every day.    Ernesto and I are still trying to get my home ready for sale.  Lots of repairs needed and It's so hard to find good help.  Trying to decide what to keep and what to throw and donate is difficult.  So many memories as I go through my father's things.  I also have things from my mother, grandmother, great uncle, great aunt and my late half brother.  I want to list the house by August or September at the latest, but there have been a lot of delays.  Most recently, I came down with benign paroxysmal positional vertigo which makes the room spin when I first get out of bed.  I had it before about two years ago -- it has to do with the crystals in the inner ear that affect balance.  I'm getting better but I feel tired most of the time.

Take good care, dear friend, and keep up the good fight!

Much love and big hugs.....

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Missionblue, it's lovely to hear from you. I do hope your vertigo gets better as it sounds very unpleasant. Glad to hear Ernesto is still with you too, I hate to think of you all alone by yourself in  your house. We  will never stop missing our mum's and dads I guess it gets easier the more time that passes by. I hope you can sort everything with the house on time, I know it's a huge task. I would have the same problem of I were to sell as now it's a third generation home, lot's of stuff collected over many years. Please drop by when you can and tell us how you are doing.

Reader, how are you feeling these days about your home?. I know everyday is a constant reminder when you and your dad lived together. Personally for me although sad at times remembering the last week's and days,it is also comforting in the sense I feel closer to my mum. Keep smiling, you are a special person.

Hugs Lisa.

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It is sure nice to come here and see the support shared with each other.  Although I don't come here as often I think about many of you who were here for me when I was going through the tough times in losing my parents.  

To the new people...I am so sorry for your losses.  This is a group that none of us want to be a part of but thank GOD it is here.

All is well with me.  Although it's been 4 years since losing my mom and 3 years since losing my dad I think about them every day.  I still miss them a lot but now when I think about them the pain is gone and replaced with feelings of gratefulness in having them for parents.  Time really is healing and so are tears.  Holding tears back is denying my feelings and that isn't a good thing. 

The big news for me is that I finally made a decision after sitting on the fence for so long.  I am going to retire at the end of September.  After having that knee replacement I am finding it tough to be on my feet all day at work.  It is time to look after myself and enjoy my days.  One thing that we all know is that no matter what age we are taken "home" ... life is too short so I plan on enjoying whatever time I have left here.

Take care everyone and thanks for being here for the new people and for me too:)

love

Cindy Jane

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@Lisa k, thank you for letting us know you are doing alright. You are such a brave and nice person, I keep you in my prayers.

@reader, how are you today? 

I feel ****. I keep having dreams where I am with my mom and I know she's dead and I don't want to wake up because then I won't see her again.  Nothing seems real. We have just come back from a 3-week vacation from Southeast Asia, it was an exciting travel. But there is always this surreal feeling inside me, this surreal quality to life. Am I still in denial? Because there are many moments when I wanna call my mom and catch up with her. And it seems like yesterday. But at the same time she's kinda becoming a very distant memory, like a mirage, and I even feel it was never real. I hate my life and I hate that she had to leave us so soon. And I'm so incredibly jealous of all my friends who still have mothers. And all of them still do. I cannot wrap my head around that fact that I'll never see her again. 

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Dear @Lisa k

Thank you for your kindness and for remembering me and my dad. Its very hard coming home from work and thinking my dad is no longer sitting in the living room or kitchen waiting for me. It has been a struggle. My sister said to me today, I wish you would sell the house. I think the memories are just too hard for you. And yet others have said why not wait one year or two years till the brain fog lifts from grief before making any major decisions. Many people feel its too much house for one person, but like you, its the house I grew up in. I don't know what to do sometimes. I still hate myself so much, thinking if I was a better caregiver my dad would be alive. That overwhelming sense of duty and responsibility just doesn't go away. I do feel like a failure still. 

Dear Cindy Jane,

Congratulations on your retirement!!! That is wonderful news. Happy for you. You are so right my friend. It is important to enjoy our lives. Enjoy every moment if possible. Thank you as always for your words of encouragement.

Dear @Athina

Sorry for your pain my friend. I know how much you miss your beloved mom. Surreal is the word, I would use too. Logically I know what has happened but in my heart and soul, I can't seem to let it go. My siblings say I am ruminating and dwelling too much. I get so angry because I feel like I have no one to share my dad with anymore. Today, I am OK. I went to see my dad yesterday at the cemetery. I wanted him to flowers. I might go again today and bring him a coffee. He loved his coffee. I kept looking at this tombstone, thinking why aren't you at home?

Grief and mourning it will just take more time for our hearts and minds to come to terms with the pain and sorrow. Thank you for thinking of me.

Hard to believe its really July 2017. I don't know where the time goes..

Take care my friends! Thank you from my heart for all your support and understanding! Sending all my thoughts and prayers! With much love and hugs.

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mom died last month. my brother and i knew she was going..alzheimer's and 2nd broken hip.  i decided not to put her through another hip surgery. we thought she would only live days and she lasted 5 weeks.  even hospice didn't know how she was hanging on. i should have gotten on a plane and been there.  i was leaving my brother with her, and he was an angel to her for the past 7 mos in a nursing home. but i cant' shake this horrible heartache that i wish i had been there. she was in a coma, and i sang to her an hour before she died.  but the hospice nurse had asked me a few days before if i was coming.  she said they sometimes wait for someone to get there. i told her i wasn't coming, my brother was there and we were on the phone all the time.   but, i should have gone. 

mom was ready to go. i hate that she had so much pain for a month, even knowing they were trying to keep her comfortable.  i am so very sad that i didn't go.

and i am so very sad my mom is gone.  so sad. 

i am trying not to cry in front of my husband.  after telling him a tough dream i had about mom in pain, he said i needed help. she's been gone 6 weeks.  i cant' just get over this..  i'm just so sad.  

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Visited my mom's grave today. I cried on my way there, but was at peace once I reached her grave. Told her how my day went. This may only be true of me, but talking out loud to my mom gave me comfort. I'll visit again tomorrow to put a flag on her grave site. And yes, tell her again how my day is going so far. May all of those grieving find peace in due time.

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Dear CMH,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your mother. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is unbearable during this difficult time. Please try and be kind to yourself. We all try and do the best we can in these extremely difficult situations.  No one wants to see their parents suffering. Hindsight is always the hardest thing in the world.

Please let yourself cry as much as you want.  If you want to, try to seek out grief counselling or a support group. I have also tried reading these websites What's Your Grief and The Grief Healing Blog.

Please know we are all thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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I lost my mum just over 5 months ago.  We were very close.  Spoke every day even though we didn't live in the same country.  In 2016 she was diagnosed with dementia. I knew it already of course as for 2 yrs before her memory wasn't great and she was more depressed and withdrawn.  It was the beginning of dementia.  2016 things went to another level and she could no longer care for herself.  I started grieving the loss of my mum that year as things got worse.  It was a very stressful year traveling back and forth while having my own health issues.  Then toward the end of the year she went into hospital for what appeared to be an infection.  A series of complications and 6 weeks in the hospital and then she died.  Even though its been 5 months, the devastation is as raw as it was and depression seems to be getting worse each week.  Because its been a few months people assume its better now so no one really mentions it.  I can't talk to anyone about it.  I pretend to be ok but I am not ok.  

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Dear sadandlost,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I know it hurts a lot. And trying to get through each day is a challenge. I'm with you, I wish people around me would realize I still need them to check in and lend an ear, but my family has expected me to move on. It is a hard reality to accept. I have tried to look for supports elsewhere through different websites, grief counselling and support groups. I have a good high school friend that checks in because she lost her mum 3 years ago to liver cancer and understands.

Take care of yourself the best you can. I know its not easy. Please know we are all here to listen and support you. Its still ok to be sad. People have also recommended these different things to try. I know everyone is different, so don't feel any pressure. But I've been thinking about journaling, writing a letter to my father, creating new rituals to remember him by, daily meditation and prayers, or taking a new class. Its a terrible journey, with one step forward and 10 steps back right now. I try to take strength from so many other posters who have told me it will get better with more time.

Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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CMH, PHILLIP, SADANDLOST:

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please do grieve, do cry and do whatever it takes to get it off your chest. It helps to talk to someone, write down about your feelings or join online grieving sessions. Take all the time you need to grieve. There is no time limit. It's really sad that people expect us to get over it. They don't understand probably because they've never experience it or wasn't close to their moms or dads.

You are not alone in this sad  journey. We'll be with you every step of the way. We are here to listen to you. We are here to support you. We are here for you. 

With much LOVE AND HUGS

May

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In a few days it will be 5 months since I lost my mom.  It still doesn't feel real, until I'm hit, yet again, by the reality of it.  More and more it seems to come out of nowhere.  The odd part is I can talk about it w/o the pain of loss, like it happened but she got over it and she's fine now.  Then randomly a flash of her laying in bed in hospice, or the text from my dad saying we have to let her go will pop in my head and I'm brutally aware that she's gone forever.  I feel like I don't even know where the last 5 months have gone.  

I've been thinking about the last time my mom and I hugged.  I hugged her often in late Jan/early Feb, but she was in a vegetative state and couldn't hug back.  Usually she was sleeping.  The last time I had seen her was Xmas, but I was sick and she was immunocompromised.  Last July was the last time we hugged, during her stay at the nursing home while she was regaining her strength to walk again.  I laughed b/c it was like she was never going to let go, since I wouldn't see her again til Dec.  Then I thought about our last real conversation.  Or tried to.  I think it was Jan. 13, 2016, just before she lost her hearing.  After that my end of the conversation was entirely written word.  I did my best to keep up but I can only write/type so fast.  I think about that and get upset thinking that right now we should be having our first verbal conversations in over a year again.  That on Jan 24 she was scheduled for cochlear implant surgery, but instead got septic shock and an irreversible stroke.  It's such bullsh*t.  

I see some of you have mentioned other people not understanding the severity of your loss, not having perspective for how deep it goes.  And then the pain of seeing others with their parents.  That all resonates with me and I'm sorry you all have to deal with that.  I've reached the point, well, awhile back I did even, where everyone seems oblivious to my loss. For the most part, I've always felt alone in my grief, but it's reached a new level of alienation.  It's hard to know what to say to someone who only just lost someone, but I think it's even harder after some time has passed and you've already spent all your relevant words.  Their lives move on and so do their minds.  Sometimes I think we learn more than we would like to about these peoples character during times like this. 

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@The Girl, I love your posts. I miss my mom every minute. But as I've said - it's a strange feeling. It seems like we talked just yesterday, and simultaneosly she is such a distant memory, almost like a mirrage in a dessert. 

And yes, everyone else is oblivious of my grief. I am happy now that I have terminated friendships with some people. 

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@The Girl @Athina - Hugs to you. I know exactly what you're going through. I was once where you're at now. It seemed like it was not long ago that i was taking care of mom. I was cooking for her, bathing, helping her walk, etc. After mom passed, I've never been so lonely in my life. Even tho there is always people around me, i was lonely.

It's been 2yrs 3 mo since my mom passed. I still have my moments thinking and missing mom. I wish she was here just one more day. I would hug her tightly, tell her how much I love her, laugh, joke and just treat her like a princess. 

Hang in there. Take care. Love and hugs 

May

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Hello everyone. It has been a few months since I last came in here. I've been thinking about coming here lately in hopes to see familiar names. I'm glad to see @The Girl @Athina @MayFGL and @reader . Hello to everyone else that I've yet to chat with. I hope everyone is as a good as they possible can be. It's now been 6.5 months since my mother's passing. I find that it's getting easier in some ways. When the pain was unreal I would journal. I can't remember the last time I wrote. While it's good to get a break from the grief it is also saddening. While I know I will never forget my mother and our memories, I find that the "easier" things are getting the less I think about her and the less "raw" or "real" her memories are. That makes me sad. My dad said at some point he stopped thinking of his own mother after she passed. He said it has been a while that he only thinks of her once or twice a year. I don't think that'll be the case for me anytime soon but that thought it scary. I do have events this summer that have been difficult to deal with. We recently went on a family vacation for my son's 3rd birthday. My mom was very much excited to go on that trip and it was difficult not having her there. My daughter will be getting baptized in two weeks. She won't be able to see her for that. Her first birthday is late this summer and she will be missing her first of many birthdays. I went to the mall this weekend and was surrounded by stores she once frequented. I couldn't help but look at the departments she once shopped at and thought of how she would have enjoyed trying on all of this season's clothes. It was also painful to see women shopping with whom I can assume was their mothers. They were much older in age than me and my mother. I couldn't help to be jealous that they have been able to have many years togethers. Years that me and my mother were robbed of. 

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The whole time line feels almost shocking.  Though I think the first 2 months I was so lost in my head that they may as well not have existed.  I can't believe it's already July.  My mom's last days in the hospital and in hospice feel like a bad dream, but it also doesn't feel like this much time could have passed.  I think grieving probably does make us a little crazy.  I am a bit relieved to not be in those first 2 months anymore, but there's also a part of me that wants to stop time and stay as close to my mom as possible.

@Athina It is a strange place to be.  The wound isn't as fresh as it was early on, yet I'm still learning how to adapt.  In some ways it has gotten much easier, in that I'm not entirely focused on that loss all day long.  But at the same time, my mom is always on my mind in some fashion, only w/o me actively thinking about her, if that makes sense.

@MayFGL "Lonely" is the perfect way to say it.  It doesn't matter how many people are around, they're just not the right fit.  I think about my mom's unique view of the world and want to talk to her so badly.  She was kind but cynical, and bluntly honest but w/o judgement.  Such a light hearted, free spirited woman, but with a deep wisdom about others and how things worked.  I've talked to a few people about different things going on and felt disappointed b/c they can't offer her perspective.  Everyone has their own experience in the world that no one else could share entirely.  I guess I just became dependent on what she had to offer.  

@ELiz You have some exceptional moments coming up and I wish you the strength to get through them.  Other than mothers' day, nothing has stood out yet.  My mom's birthday is July 22nd, and I'm dreading it.  My parents anniversary passed but I couldn't remember the exact date.  It was a day after that I learned my dad had left the house and avoided it, and then had to deal with an insensitive family member.  I guess this is how we adapt though.  Maybe in time those special days will get easier from this. 

I haven't been around mothers with their children yet.  Not really, at least.  I was invited out for drinks next week by my friend's mom while she's in town, and have another friend visiting the area with her mom later in the month.  I'm hoping spending time with people I care about outweighs the pain and jealousy of seeing friends with their moms, but I really don't know how that will go. 

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@ELiz - Yes, I'm still around. It just that I haven't posted in awhile. I'm glad you are still here. I agree with you that time is the healer. I don't ever want to ever forget my mom either. I still think about her when it's quiet and I have alone time. But sometimes I find myself forgetting bits and pieces about mom. I've noticed it after my mom's passing. I should automatically know her death date to be Mar 13, 2015. Twice i had to think back. I'm 50, but that I don't feel it, sometimes. ;) I've told my doctor about my memory and she says it's understandable bc I've been through so much. I suffered 3 strokes. One being major and left my whole right side weak. I mean I can't even remember family names. When I want to call them, I'm staring at them trying to think of their names. It's terrible!

I'm so sorry that your mom wasn't able to join the family vacation, the birthdays, the baptismal. I know. Nothing is the same without our moms.

@The Girl - I hear you, my friend. Sometimes I just wish we can stop time and go back in time when mom was here. I was mom's main caretaker. I would do it all over again. It was very challenging for me especially when I'm handicapped with one hand taking care of my wheelchair bound mom. i would go through everything again just to have mom back. 

I hated hospice. I was beside mom day and night. I just went home to shower and "eat" and stayed with mom overnight. I recalled that I didn't eat, instead I took cat naps till my brother and sister were ready to head back. At night, i would stay up and wouldn't sleep while my brother/sister slept. I wanted to stay up in case something happened with mom. When I was there it didn't dawn on me that mom was waiting to pass there. I hated hospice bc the thought of no water/food breaks my heart seeing mom starve to death. :(

Love and hugs 

May

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@ELiz, good to hear from you. And it's good to hear that you are healing. All of my three kids will also be having birthdays in July. Will be sad. My only comfort is that my little one seems to remember her sweet grandma. We ocassionally talk about her and look at the pictures. Myself, I guess my grief pace is the slowest, I part of hope that I come back home and mom will be here. I keep having dreams where we do normal stuff together with no glimpse she's dead. She's always on my mind. Of course, not like the first month after death, but she sits there, quietly, no matter what I do. A major step backwards for me was that I had to go to the dentist. First time for me as my mom was my dentist entire life. That triggered, again, many memories. Big time.

I think I would look for some grief book regarding sudden loss of a loved one. I didn't related much to the Motherless daughters.  

@MayFGL, I am not focused on the death date as well. Your post made me think about mom's passing date. And it's blurred. Anyway, I do not care about her death date. Am I the only one who has not gone to cemetry any single time since the funeral? But my mom is only the ashes now and I do not associate that place with her. How many of you have cremated your loved ones? Somehow it also is hard to believe that your loved one is nothing but ashes. 

I don't know why I am still in denial. The other day I had to look up her death certificate to convince myself I did not made up her. Why do I feel like I imagine my mom and that she never really existed? 

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Today marks 5 months since my mom passed.  For me, the 9th stands out each month, to where I'm almost fearful of it b/c that's another month further away from the last time I saw her.  I hate that I moved away, so far away right before her decline and lost the last year of her life, and often wonder what may have be different had I stayed.  Maybe nothing, or maybe everything.  I can imagine it going so many other ways that there's no way of knowing what could have been, and I'll probably drive myself mad if I spend too long thinking about it. 

@MayFGL Being caregiver is a lot to take on, physically and emotionally.  I feel as though those are often the ones who are the most affected, b/c you've put so much into maintaining quality of life.  My dad was my mom's caregiver and from what my brother has told me, he has only left the house on their wedding anniversary last May, aside from grocery shopping.  

I'm sorry you had to witness your mom's decline and then further in hospice.  Seeing them like that is a helpless feeling.  I had never felt more like a child and more like an adult than ever before in my life.  And somehow at the same time.  The part that haunts me is seeing my mom in a manner that was borderline infantile.  I keep saying she was in a vegetative state for lack of better words, b/c she was but not entirely.  Mentally there was still something there, impossible to say how much, but in a vastly decreased cognitive state, at least what she could project to us.  It's just a very hard thing to watch that I wish none of us had to go through, but sadly I guess there's no avoiding it.  I'd do anything for more time though.

@Athina It probably differs person to person, where some find it comforting to have a place to visit their loved ones, but I personally don't find it necessary for my own grief.  My mom was also cremated, but is in one half of a double urn that eventually, hopefully not for many, many years, that my dad will share.  They have plots at the cemetery, but her gravestone is being stored in my parent's garage.  I'm unlike most people here where I haven't been able to visit since her funeral.  I've always been at odds with cremation.  It seems so impersonal, but those were her wishes and I also kind of feel like after she's gone there wasn't anything to hang on to anyway.  There's so many conflicting feelings with grief that I don't think anything would feel "right".  Despite what arrangements were made, it isn't like we can truly let go.  But those arrangements signify just that. 

The dreams are becoming fewer and far between.  My last one was a week ago and all that happened was I saw my mom.  No interaction even.  I just saw her walk through the door, arms full of bags from shopping, like she was years younger, and I woke up.  The dreams of her always rattled me, but it was always comforting seeing her.  I hope there will be many, many more.  

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This summer is very weird for me. Far too weird. We did some traveling to South East Asia (which I absolutely adored), but I do not feel complete. I read books that make me cry. I guess it's a new normal now. How I wish to come to my parents' house and just crash there. Be the child. I feel so robbed. I have one more year left here, then we have to move. I was considering some weird options, I mean weird countries. I am not sure if I'm not on the edge of doing something crazy. I always liked traveling and trying out new things, my mom was the one who encouraged me (my sister, on the other hand, is a very settled person, a total opposite to our nomadic style of life). I feel like I have to continue this in respect for my mom. But at the same time it is strange how demotivated I am. Most of the time I'm surprised that I'm still alive. Because it feels that this heartbreak is unbearable. 

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To provide some context to the story, my parents separated 6.5 months ago. I was with my mom on Mondays-Wednesdays and Saturdays while I was with my dad Thursday-Friday and Sunday. My father was on vacation this week. I am only 16 and he died. 

On Sunday, June 11th, I had gotten my hair straightened for senior pictures (what my school does at the end of Junior year). I was so excited. We talked so much about how nice the pictures would look and we went on an adventure that day to find a salon. He drove me back to my mom's place at night and the next day came by. The 12th. My dad called me on the 12th at 7:05, but I wasn't able to respond (which isn't unusual because I suck with my phone). I called him back at 8:03 and he didn't answer. It was strange, but I didn't think much of it. I suspected he would call me later. He never did.

My stupid stupid self didn't take it as a sign. He didn't answer on the 13th or 14th obviously, but I didn't go to him because nothing could ever happen to my world. My precious precious dad. I went to his place on Thursday the 15th, excited for him to see me without my braces on. I had a sinking feeling, but I ignored it. When he didn't open the door (the chain was on, which he always takes off) that sinking feeling came back 100 times amplified.

Warning: The next paragraph is overwhelming, so if you're uncomfortable, don't read it. My dad was found dead.

I called the police and they finally came after 2 hours (terrible) and broke down the door. I heard the shower running. I went to the bathroom to find my dad on the floor of the bathroom, naked and decomposed. I screamed. I never screamed. I knew he was dead, but I still asked "is he dead?" They said yes. I didn't know what to do. I was so worried. The medical examiner came and said it wasn't a homicide.

They took his body to the forensic office and called my mom a week later to say he died of heart failure stemming from his diabetes. I wish I had been there. I wish I had told him to not drink as much (I was not really aware of diabetes until last year). I wish I watched what he ate. I feel like the worst human being ever. I also feel like the dumbest for not coming when he didn't answer. I could have been with him since he was on vacation and he didn't have to leave at night. But I wasn't. I am so mad at myself.

I also feel like everything I do is meaningless. I put up with so many things in my life, like bullying and a bad social life until high school as well as a plethora of family problems prior to the separation. Then the separation happened. And now the light of my world is gone. I did everything with him in mind. He won't be able to see me do anything. I miss him so much. What is the point of trying if life is just against me all together? I have always thought this, but he was always there for me. He was one of the few good things. I hate my life so much. I know I can't bring him back and I know parents will die in your lifetime, but this is too much for a 16 year old to handle. 

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@thesadgirl, you are right, this is too much to handle. To lose my mom at 35 I feel completely robbed, but to lose a parent at 16 is way too early. No one is supposed to go through this at this age.

I am really sorry about your dad. The way you found it out is horrible, it is more than normal to be in shock. I hear you when you say you wish you cared more. These thoughts haunt us. All the what ifs and etc. My mom was very healthy but I still blame myself for not caring more. I invent situations in my head that I could prevent all this, taking her to the doctor and ordering an MRI. But at that time how could I have known? Our mind tries to follow logic, but what to do with a broken heart? 

Such events are really life changing and isolating. Hopefully, we will get through them stronger. I already feel like many more years older and wiser. I pity my friends who treat their parents like they will live forever. But the truth is you don't get it until you are in that boat. 

Last two nights were extremely hard. I couldn't sleep at all and I kept thinking what my mom is missing out. 

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Dear @thesadgirl

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is very deep. I can hear how much you loved and admired your dad. He was very lucky to have you as his daughter. I know its hard. Looking back we all wish things could be different. The what ifs fill our mind and won't let go. I still do it and its been 9 months since my dad has passed. Everything you are thinking and saying is normal and part of grief. I know that doesn't make it easier though.

Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you. Lean on your mom during this very difficult time. Be kind to yourself as much as you can.

Thinking of you. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.

 

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Hello friends ... sorry for not stopping by as often but my life is pretty full right now.  Among all of the busyness, I have to say that a day doesn't go by that I don't think of my parents.  I have figured out that as time goes by (lost mom in Oct. 2013 & dad 11 months later) they will always remain in my heart and thoughts.  Almost 4 years later I am able to feel more gratefulness than sorrow.  I can look back and be so thankful for having them for my parents.  Even when I think of their last days my heart is no longer heavy.  Time really is healing in the case of such losses.  

As each day passes my goal is to live like they lived.  I try to be the kind of person that they were ... being kind to others, having joy in the simple things like a trip out to the lake, working in the yard, spending time with family and friends, and on and on.

I am so sorry for all who come here after such a loss.  There is no getting around the grieving process and that is a good thing because otherwise we would never be able to move forward.  The thing that really helped me get through the deep sadness was in knowing what they would want for me.  This I know for certain!  They would NOT want me to spend the rest of my life in sadness or regret.  They would NOT want me feeling guilty about things that were not in my control.  They WOULD want me to be the best person that I can be so that one day (when it is my turn to go "home") that we will be reunited again.  

My faith (which is very strong) is based on what is written in the Bible and I find that what is written is very comforting.  So anytime the sadness in missing them hits me, I pick up that book and read a few scriptures and the heaviness of my heart lightens.  

Things are going well with me and the preparations to retire in a couple of months.  I will be on a tighter budget but it will be manageable.  In retirement I plan to spend much more time enjoying the things that I usually don't have much time for.  Puttering in the yard, playing music again, getting together with friends and family, taking small day trips out of the city and spending time in nature.  

I just wanted to stop by and say hi to those who were here when I first came.  You helped me a lot back then and I won't ever forget that.  I want to give my condolences to those who have lost a parent and say that I get how you are feeling and that you WILL get through this.  

Keeping you ALL in prayer for comfort when the sadness hits.  

take care

Cindy Jane

 

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Dear @cindyjane

Good to hear from you. Congratulations on your retirement. As always, thank you for your encouraging and hopeful words.

We all need to know there is hope at the end of this dark tunnel. Hard to believe 9 months has gone by and I am still tearful wishing for the past.

Thank you for your prayers and kind words.

Take care my friend.

 

 

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