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29 years old and lost both parents within 3 years


s.a. 1986

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3years ago, my Mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and consequently died at the age of 60, less than 8weeks from the point of diagnosis. This heartbreaking loss absolutely destroyed me but as a family we supported each other through the tough initial years of grief.

The grief was still extremely present when 4weeks ago; with no prior signs or warning, my Dad had a fatal heart attack and died at the age of 63.

I am only 29years old, and i now have no parents. Its rubbish,

 

The death of them both has absolutely destroyed me, and i now have serious issues with my self-belief, confidence and anxiety. I have just got back into work having spent the past year in poor health (and i need a purpose in life, i want to work and be successful more than anything). Until years ago i have always been a confident young man, however recently my confidence and self-belief is at an all time low having spent so much time out of work.

 

The untimely death of my father, incidentally 3years to the day that we buried my mother; occurred whilst i was looking for work and i now feel increased sense of immense pressure to succeed in honour of my Dad who was my absolute hero, my inspiration and my aspiration. I literally could not speak highly enough of him. I miss him so much already.

This seems to have resulted in me being so afraid of failing at work that i get anxious to the point of being unwell and have panic attacks meaning so far i have only completed 11 hours in my first week, This is incredibly embarrassing, but I also find it hard to explain and to discuss the issue at length with any friends or family as i feel ashamed of the way i feel.

 

I want to work for so many reasons: to earn money, to have a purpose and to be recognised and to be proud; but despite work being the thing is want most, the anxiety and fear of failing take over and all i can think about is escaping from the situation.

Within hours of going home, i will be fine and will find myself thinking logically and will be incredibly frustrated that i am wasting a very good job opportunity.

I have an introductory counselling session booked for Tuesday evening to try and deal with the grief alleviate the anxiety, as one thing for certain is that it simply must be addressed and it is ridiculous and its becoming a real problem.

 

I am extremely lucky to have an incredible supportive and caring girlfriend who i live with, a very close relationship with my  2 brothers and a sister, and an extremely supportive network of extended family and friends, but yet i have never felt so alone. I have spent the entire 29 years of my life craving their affection and their support, looking for their praise, seeking to impress and to  make them proud of me, and now i am left alone and i dont know what to do or where to turn. 

 

I found reading other people's stories on this site was a very useful exercise for me, if anything, just to help me realise that i am not alone in my feelings. I have no idea if anyone will even read this far down but as i am embarrassed discussing the issue with friends and family, i thought i would give this forum a go so thanks for reading:). 

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sad&lonely

Hello, you are honestly not alone.. I know exactly how you feel. I have just lost my mother 4 weeks ago, she was 63 and dropped dead, alone in her house.

My dad died 3 years ago, so now I am left an orphan an 35.

Hang in there, I'm sure (hoping) things will become more bearable for both of us.

Chin up, make you parents proud, become the man you want to be.

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I understand. I lost my mom 11/6/13 and my dad 12/18/16. I'm the youngest child.  Single and still rising. Due to losing them around the holidays I really get aught up in the loss and tend to shut down. The best we can all do is  keep our heads up and still rise. Trust that all our parents were meant to teach us we were taught. I'm 35 and did not do everything perfectly when they were here and would give all to have them back, but it's not meant and I make peace with that repeatedly! I appreciate you both pouring out your heart as most people cannot understand this pain because you really only know when you have gone through it! Let's continue to lift each other up and rise!

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