long term boyfriend suddenly passed cheated?

[lifeis2shortt]

hello I'm new to this site i didn't know what to do so I will write to vent and hopefully I can get a fulfilling reponse. I don't know where to begin so I will start from the top. 5 yrs ago I met my boyfriend who was actually someone I was never supposed to be intrested in because at the Time he didn't fit my qualities (how far we came) anyway for about the first 2yrs we was just messing around but we always spoke and saw each other every week I realized that I had fallen in love with him even though it took him a little while to come around due to the fact he was hurt a lot and so was I, but still tried to see if we could try it out.He eventually came around because he said he truly loved me and didn't want to see me with no one else.I should also mention during this whole time he became my best friend,confidant ,lover and companion and it's very hard for me to have friends because ppl are always after something but I thought he was different he was a positive, family oriented person who had strong morals he always motivated me to be better We spent damn near almost everyday with each other ,spoke to each every day and I felt our time with one another was genuine. At the beginning of this month (March 2015) we had a bad fight and I basically said I was done with him (even though I knew we come back for each other)but unfortunately 2 weeks passed and we didn't speak and that Friday he got hit by a taxi I didn't know until 2 days later in the newspaper I found out I wasn't close with his family so every one knew accept me.I was struggling to go to his funeral because I didn't want to see him like that nor found out anything that will upset me even further well that didn't happen being that I wasn't close with the family it was no acknowledgment of me or that I even exisTed,the same females friends i was complaining about were declaring their love for him, me founding out he lied to me about certain things when he looked me straight in my face. It's like pouring salt and lemon juice in a stab wound.I gave this man every part of me, things I would be uncomfortable doing with anybody else I would do with him ,all the countless hours,days,weeks of the time we spent together or me just going to his job because he wanted some company,food or something miscellaneous even when I was tired or had a headache I would travel to c him,I would/have given him my last and for me to have endure and hear these things from other bitches. **** he would have never heard come from anyone mouth at my funeral, I feel like I'm seriously going crazy one minute I love him I just want him near me and the nxt I'm wondering was it all just for his convenience because I was just there giving him all my love? because the way all his female friends spoke it was like he did the same thing with me he did with them,was I just a really good friend he got the benefit of f***ing and only gave me love because I gave him love? I dnt see what made me different from them girls and on to make matters worse on why this hurts so much is because I warned him about these chicks and he didn't listen I'm at the point where I don't believe he really loved me or even appreciated me it would explain all the arguments and it hurts like a bitch to know someone you gave your heart and soul to will never know how much they hurt you or does it even matter. Sorry this so long

[ModKonnie]

I am so very sorry you had to go through this ordeal. I don't know what to say to you that would make you feel any better. I'm kinda confused about all the other girls. If he spent all his time with you, how would he have time to spend time with them? Who are these people? Were they just saying that because they don't get along with you? Why didn't you get along with his family? 

 

I know this is so very hard, and it's going to take time to sort through and heal, but you will be able to do this. We will be here for you. 

 

ModKonnie