Members HMN2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 This isn't the usual post because I didn't lose my siblings to a death, but because of a death. You see, I'm the youngest of five children - my parents divorced when I was young; my dad raised my brothers and my mother raised my sister and I. My brothers would visit often but wasn't in my life on a regular basis. I've lived in Ohio nearly all my 44 years of life. My mother has always been the most kind, caring and loving person you'd ever meet. Her life ended just three short weeks ago and I'm struggling with the lack of compassion my siblings have expressed. My mom had a stroke which left her paralyzed 20 years ago. The amount of care it took to keep her comfortable and safe was more than one person could handle. I'd ask my siblings to help, however that fell through. If we five could take turns caring for mom, she'd be comfortable and wouldn't need strangers pitching in. Well, after many attempts - many failed attempts, I took to a home health care company and set up daily visits to watch over mom while I was at work or dealing with my own family. I'd almost beg my siblings to help with mom. Sit with her, run to the store, laundry and or doctor visits - I'd be ignored or any excuse they'd come up with was given!! I finally gave up and took the role of her care giver on my own. I stood by her for the entire time. Not a day went by where we didn't talk or visit - I loved (and still do) this woman whole heartedly and unconditionally. Her physical condition might have changed but her being my mom didn't!!! June of 2014 the decision to move mom into a skilled nursing facility was made. This was the hardest decision of my life but her health was the main concern. I turned to my siblings again to help with moving her into the home as well as packing her house - no assistance (not like I'm surprised) - so my husband, my sons and myself moved my mom into the home and packed then moved her belongings to storage. I calculated her monthly bills and between us five, the total we'd pay would be $85 - only fair, right? Again, I'm let down by their lack of support. So for the entire time my mom was in the nursing home - I WAS ALONE in her care, her visits, laundry, etc. I visited her nearly every day and the smile on her face was enough to make any bad day disappear. She depended on me for her care and the day to day things a mother and daughter share. Three weeks ago today, I had to call hospice in for mother. Reaching out to my siblings to let them know mom's days were numbered - still no response. Yeah, my sister visited but it was a short 20 minute visit and was more focused on the new tattoo she got (yes, I asked her how much it cost because if she didn't have funds to help with moms bill, surely she didn't have money for a tattoo, right???) - sickening!! Mom died on March 10th - I was there with her and will forever remember how beautiful she looked. Her struggles were over - she was finally at peace My siblings have yet to show any signs of support - hell, they didn't even help with planning the funeral. And one brother wasn't even at the funeral! What's wrong with these people? Why am I struggling day to day with the loss of my mother and they seem to be 'okay' with her being gone? Do they truly NOT CARE? The one woman who is responsible for their being here is gone! Oh, they showed 'some' remorse towards her but it just seemed like another day to them. Heck, I was told by one brother that I should get over it and move one. So where am I going with this? When I walked away from mom's grave, I walked away from my siblings. Their lack of support through the years and the lack of love they showed towards mom is enough for me to distant myself from them. I've heard more excuses from them to last a lifetime. It is a shame to have such a big family yet I feel like an only child. I don't think I'll ever get over mom's death and I know I'll never find it in my heart to forgive them how they treated her. I know it's typical for one child to take on the care of an ill parent but this is extreme - two decades of ZERO help!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angelpur Posted March 30, 2015 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 It is astonishing the lack of support you received from your siblings. THANK GOODNESS your mum had you in her life; you singlehandedly showed her love and care until the very end. You should be immensely proud of yourself that you are a better person than your 4 siblings put together. You'll have no regrets when it comes to how you cared for your mum and were there for her as a daughter should be....I hope knowing that helps you deal with your grief xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HMN2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2015 Angelpur - thank you for those kind words. I'm very disappointed in the way my siblings have behaved throughout the years but never more than I have since the passing of my mom. I could never have turned my back on mother - she depended on me and I was not about to let her down. You're right - I have NO regrets at al! I know in my heart I did what I could to make her situation less painful. I gave her unconditional love and showed her what a real daughter is like. Given the chance, I'd do it all over again - I miss my mom beyond belief <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angelpur Posted April 1, 2015 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2015 I don't have any regrets either (my 22yr old sister died unexpectedly seven weeks ago). I think not having regrets or any guilt will help us in the long run. You had a perfect relationship with your mum and I had that with my sister. Of course the closer we were, the bigger the loss. It's so hard isn't it. I'm still muddling through each day, wondering how on earth I can live without my best friend x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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