My Corgan - I miss you

[pantheraleo1974]

Hi

Just yesterday I put down my 17 year old cat Corgan. I am sorry to all the folks on here who have lost a pet too, especially recently as the pain is very fresh. I have been dreading the day for a long time. Among friends and family who had pets around the same time my Corgan was the last to go. About six weeks ago I had him at the vet for lethargy and vomiting. He was diagnosed with kidney disease and his diet changed. He seemed to improve for a bit and then in the last two weeks the vomiting started again. Also he had arthritis in his hips and i noticed he would take a long time to lie down and couldn't seem to get comfortable. Last Wednesday night I said to him as he was struggling to get comfy in bed that tomorrow we would go get him some medicine for his pain. The day before I had a terrible headache and took some medicine for myself and felt incredible guilt for making him suffer with pain and no relief. When i told him we would go to the vet the next day he immediately licked my nose as if to say thank you. The vet ran bloodwork, took an xray, gave him medicine and sent him home. That night he paced for hours. I went in to work that evening (another source of guilt. He wasn't alone though) and when i got home he was still pacing but also howling as though in more pain. That night he came to sleep with me as usual but the next morning Friday he had a seizure. That was the most frightening thing i have ever seen. Back to the vet that morning. They did an ultrasound and found cancer of pancreas or something in that area. The vet said he should be put down as he only had days to live. I did not hesitate because i only want him to not suffer anymore. I waited about 5 hours for family members to say our last goodbyes. Just before we got to the vet, she told us that he had had another seizure and she sedated him. I just miss him so much. I keep expecting to see him in his usual spots in the house. I am not really in shock because I have kind of been preparing for this since his kidney diagnosis. Disbelief that its actually happened. I can't seem to listen to music that i like because it reminds me of when I would go home and have him there. I am dreading going back to work for fear of breaking down there and/or being ridiculed if I do. Reading other posts seems to help me not feel so alone. I wish for all of us to find peace and know that our pet friends are in a better place with no sickness or pain, just happiness