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My husband died


AllyHop

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I posted this is another forum but this looks more active.

I came home from work on Feb 26th and found him. They suspect he had a heart attack. He'd been alone all day.

I feel like I can't breath, I can't think, he was a part of me.

We'd been together 26 years, married for almost 20. I just want him back. I don't know why this happened?

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:huh: :huh: :huh:

Dear Ally!

 

I´m terribly sorry for your loss!I lost my beloved man too,so I know how unbearable pain it is when someone you love above all suddenly died.I lost him in 18 hours from morning till night and my whole world has knocked down.I was looking for the best way to find a comfort in my immense grief,so I express my deepest feelings in my own poems I´ve been writing to my beloved Jan from the bottom of my heart.It´s like a real life-giving sap I can´t live without...like a bridge on the other side I can talk to...like a way of going on side by side forever...I can´t live without my heart..I can´t live without my soul...However somehow I´ve survived so far...You can read my story on here to see the reason keeps me going on.I hope you can find a support,comfort and understanding here,because we all understand what you´re going through now.You can write us whenever you feel lonely wanting to talk to,writing what you worry about...I´m on here for you too.

 

Please,take care and remember that your beloved hubby is always with you.

 

One day we´ll be with our loved ones again...

 

Hugs from Janka

 

 

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Newbie I read your post and wanted to reach out to you.  I lost my partner last September so I am coming up for six months.  The only thing I can tell you is that it does get better.  I am a strong woman and was the organiser in our partnership.  He had been ill for a long time and although his death was sudden and unexpected, I knew it was looming.  However, nothing prepared me for the devastating effect it had on me so I understand how you are feeling.

 

It is different for everybody, but I was okay for the first three weeks because there was so much to do, but then it just hit me and I could hardly function. There were times when I thought I wouldn't get through but I was saved by our two wonderful dogs and some good friends.  What I call the acute phase lasted nearly four months and I am only just coming out of it.  Slowly, slowly, there are days when I can smile, even laugh and not think of my partner every second.  It is still grim and I came on this site tonight for the first time because inexplicably I was having a bad day.  I call grief the silent assassin, it strikes from nowhere without warning.

 

Be kind to yourself.  If you want to go to bed at six o' clock, do so, or if you want to sit up all night, that is fine.  Watch daytime television, try to eat something when you can and do little things that cheer you like get outside into the garden, go for a walk, buy some fresh flowers.  

 

The only advice I can give is that this terrible phase will pass but not immediately.  A book I read described it as fear and that is exactly how I felt - little fingers of fear running up and down my body and constant butterflies in my stomach.  I couldn't understand it at all.  Even our lovely house seemed weird, it felt like the furniture was just staring at me.  I lived in my bedroom the first two months and just passed through the sitting room on the way to the kitchen.  The dogs got me out and that is important but don't move at anybodys timetable other than your own.

 

Lastly, I have had some help from CRUISE the grief counsellors.  The lady they sent to see me was marvellous so don't discount it.

 

I promise you that you are not alone.  Hold tight.

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hi I'm new to the group,its nice to be able to talk with people who are going through similar things.I lost my husband in aug 2014 he died 5 days after surgery to fix his aortic dissection. He battled with it for 7 months. I wasn't with him at the hospital when he passed so I have a lot of guilt that I wasn't by his side .He passed away unexpectedly his heart was just too weak and he went into cardiac arrest. I'm sorry for everyone's loss on here its sad to hear all of the stories on how they lost there loved ones.

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I lost my husband/ best friend 1 1/2 yrs ago. I was his caretaker for the last 3 yrs of his life. My outlook on it was, I did so much grieving,no while he was still alive that I could handle anything. 5 weeks after his death I took a part time job that turned into 60-80 hrs.

I am not in the best health either. I have lupus, fibro and a few other things. As a result of working so many hours and the streets of being a manager, I quit after 6 months. I got another job and was let go after 6 weeks.. I took a fourth job and all went fine except my illness reared its ugly head and took 2 1/2 weeks off. A short time later they closed the coffee shop because they were making no money. I am taking a breath because I don't think I really went through or even started grieving process. Mainly I don't know what it is or what to do. Those around me say I am the strongest woman they have ever known....I'll get through this...I should be looking for someone else, I'm young. But I don't see these things nor do I feel the way they say I do.

I am a point now where I hate to leave my house....not because I don't want to be around people but the process of getting ready and the thoughts that get into my head....I always try and talk myself out of going. I have lived in this town for only 41/2 yrs. most of that time was taking care of my husband. I know I am dealing with depression and a lot of anxiety. I need some people too talk to that have gone through it.

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hi all

 

  • I am 3  years out from my loss.   I can tell you this for me    it got easier as time went on.   I know the loss will NEVER leave me however  it seamed to get easier for me.  maybe just because time helped me to know his years of discomfort have passed.   just know for you all it will get easier as well. 32 years  together was a roller coaster sometimes UP sometimes DOWN all in all it was our life.   I was his caretaker for  several years and would do it all again. 
  •   We move on   or  we crawl in a corner and cal lilt over.  DO your BEST to move on as they would want you to do so.  My husband even said find someone new and be happy again.  I did manage to find someone was the most difficult time as thinking about dating at   54 was - wow -  not easy to even think of it.    I have to say I   went on line and for MONTHS I could not  admit I did it.  I know for me this was a  uncomfortable time and yet a  moment when I knew   it was time to move on as life is better to have a friend to share it with.   It is not something everyone has to do or even should do yet for me I was alone and do enjoy having a friend to be with.       Not sure why I am telling this but I did.    Just to say  it is ok for me today. 
  •     I do understand the pain of the loss you are experiencing now with your loss.   I cried and cried before and after my loss.   I so enjoyed spending time in this forum I did it often my first year.   Seams everyone here was in the same boat.       OH YES  THIS ALSO     BE CAREFUL   I got ripped off of several thousand from a contractor after he died so do be careful   I never thought would happen I am smarter then that well  still happened to me.  I joined a couple grief support groups as well they also helped.     Well time for me to hit the hay  just wanted to check in as it was 3 years and another marker for me.   Sending love and hugs to all here and  know this my friends this too will pass.   
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