lost boyfriend in car accident

[katiekitten1993]

Hi. My name is Katie short for Kathleen. I'm hopping I can get some help from here. I am 21 years old and my boyfriend Wesley passed away Jan. 21st at 2:45pm in a scooter accident. He was my true love, my soul mate, my everything... We were together for 4 years and did everything together and im having a very hard time dealing with his death... I'm in so much pain right now feel like I'm torn in half pretty much and I'm scared, lost, and confused. So much has happen in 4 years and every step I took Wes was there to support me in every wway.He knew everything to say and do to make me feel better. We would always call or text if we were apart so I keep expecting a message or his ring to show, but it doesn't. Right now I want to disappear from earth and be with him again, but all my friends and family say it won't solve anything. I just want to be in his arms again. I really don't know what to do with myself anymore. I remember him saying he loves me every single day. Him being proud of me as well. I do suffer from Anxiety and depression also I pull my hair. I felt like i didnt have those things with him. He made all that disappear. I need him so much right now. I don't know how I'm going to get through this.

[sim-law]

Hi Katie,

 

So sorry for your loss, this is a terrible feeling for you to go through but I am sure you will get through it. Time is on your side as you are still very young, although you will not feel this at present. For us oldies we may not get any more chances in life but you should remain as optimistic as is possible in this situation and time will help to take the edge off the pain.

 

Please write if you want as it does help to let others (in the same situation) know your feelings.

 

Peace and love

 

Simon

[Moshi]

Hi Katie. Although I am twice your age, you and I are going through a very similar situation. I too lost the love of my life, just two days after you lost yours. We too were in the fourth year of our relationship. And his death was also sudden and violent. I feel exactly the way you are feeling right now. I have screamed, raged, sobbed, and gone through moments of not wanting to be alive. We did absolutely everything together, so now everything is robbed of meaning in his absence. I can't imagine a time when I will ever want to do the things I once loved, because he is too much a part of them, and now he's forever gone.

 

I'm trying to get to the other side of this anguish one day at a time...sometimes even one minute at a time. That's all that anyone in our position can do.

 

I can tell you two things that I am doing to help get through each day. First, I found a grief counselor. In the past, I've never found mental health counselors to be of much use for anything, but I have to say in this instance, it has been very helpful to have someone that I can vent to and agonize with, and I know he will always be sympathetic and nonjudgmental.

 

Second, I try to fill my head with *anything* that keeps me from obsessing over my loss. RIght now that consists mainly of stupid tv shows that I never watched while he was alive. So I'm less likely to find myself saying "this is something we would have talked about." If nothing else, it allows me to stop crying for at least a little bit, and that gives my body a break. Grief is phyiscally hard on you.

 

I hope you will keep writing and let me know how you are doing.

 

Kerri

[Crispygirl]

Hi Katie,

 

I am so glad you reached out.  I think a lot of us can relate.   I too lost my partner recently (2 weeks) and am just beginning what feels like an impossible journey back to something resembling a normal day (even a normal hour!).   I can`t sleep or watch tv or eat.  I am also resorting to terrible reality TV because lets face it you don't have to pay much attention.   I have about 50 things started and nothing finished.   I have no focus or desire to do much at all.   I think that is okay for a short time and I am going to let myself just be for a bit and try to get through the pain. 

 

One thing I decided when my partner passed was that I was going to finish our bucket list.   I am finding it is something to look forward to.   I am not ready to do them yet, but there are things we wanted to do that we didnt get to and places we wanted to go that didnt happen either.   With your partner being so young, I would encourage you to think about doing the same if you think it would help you.   Maybe just pick a few things.  As I said in another thread, I feel like it is my gift to him to live life to the fullest for both of us and to kick its butt!   My partner wouldnt want me to give up living, he was so full of love, laughter and life, he would want me to pick up the torch and get on with it!   Give yourself permission to laugh and be happy, then when you are ready get out there and keep living.   I know it seems impossible right now, but I have to believe that things will get a little easier for us as time goes by.  

 

I also agree that seeking a professional to help is a good idea.   Our families and friends can be wonderful support,but they probably feel like they don`t know what to say or do to help, and why would they?  if you are having depression and other issues (which is understandable) see someone who is trained to help people through these tough times.   I have been seeing a therapist since just before my partner passed and it is freeing to have someone to listen to you without judgement and who is not in your day to day life. 

 

I will be thinking of you.