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After all this time


kroberts

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I lost my dad to cancer in 2000, seven months pregnant with my first son. Even now I am bitter and angry and more than a little lost. This can't be normal. I've read all the books, I know the stages of grief. So why am I having such a hard time moving on? And to make matters worse my mother is ill and most likely won't last another year. I'm too young to be an orphan. How do I cope and start to move on, when the only thing I want is for my dad to get to be a part of my life and of my childrens, and for my mother to be around another forty years?

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I think there is more truth in your feelings than alot of people will admit. There is no set time limit for grieving. I lost my Dad, too, going on 4 years and it's still painful. Each and everyday there is still something that I need to talk to him about. Discussions. To hear his voice once more.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

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Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with you. Losing your parents is one of the most traumatic things you'll ever go through. My father died 32 years ago when I was 15 and it still is difficult to accept. It's nine years since my mother died and hurts like hell. Some people can move on fairly easily while others never get over it. The best we can do is learn to live with it.

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i feel the same way to - i lost my mom in june 07 and i feel sad and mad and angry - i know the drs didnt giver her the best care they could have had - i cant explain it right now - but i know that for sure -  that hurts so much to know - if she had - had better care when she first started to get ill this wouldnt have happened at all - she passed so young 68 - i was just 33 - just a kid in every way - she was my whole life - i had neevr been on my own ever before not at all - not even for 1 day - and here i had to live w/o her completely - i think the only thing that got me thru that first year was meeting my now husband and God and meds - i took super strong antidepressants and thats what numbed my pain enough to survive - i hated feeling numb but what could i do ? at that time it was better than feeling the pain -  now i go on and off of my meds bc i dont like feeling numb - off of them i am sad and angry and hurting but on them i am ok but numb - whats the easy middle ? i dont know yet i guess -

but i know without them i cry so super easy at any little thing that saddens me -

on them i am strong and brave and a winner -- crazy i know but thats how meds make you feel - i wish i could feel that way all the time with out them -

i was such a mess when my mom passed on at home - thats she wanted it - but  i was here all alone with her when she went - that made it so super hard -

no support from any family at all what so ever - i have two family members who tried somewhat - but were so numb and gone already one from drugs and one from what ever - that it was just like being completely alone in my hell - i had 1 aunt who lived miles away who did try to support and encourage me - and another aunt by marriage who turned out to not really be the supportive great lady i though she was - i am still very disappointed in that to say the least - my mom had wanted me to go and live with her when she passed on - but needless to say that sure didnt happen -

i had it so hard after mom left - theres no words to describe it all - it was hell on earth if there is such a thing - i cried every day and night - and even if i woke up at night - i would just sit and bawl for hours - and cry myself to sleep at some point -

 

i suffered so much and all alone in my hell - even now after 2 years this june i still hurt so much and grieve - it will never end i know that - i guess all i can do is just take it day by day - i know so many others i have heard from just go on and no big deal - but i had a deeper relationship with my mom than that - to just go on and forget it as some have told me to do - my father told me in a not to nice way very shortly after she had left its over move on - you can imagine how that made me feel -

 

i sat and cried - unfortunately i was in his car at the time so i had to try to not cry - hes the type that if he sees you cry - well it doesnt bother him one bit -- at times hes nice to me and then at others hes so selfish and gone -

i need to go to bed - have a good night and dont feel alone in your grief - hugs

 

 

 

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