Young Love Lost

[socopasetic]

I am the parent of a teen who has lost a boyfriend just over one week ago. My daughter is 18, her boyfriend would be 19 April 9th. Im not sure where to post this. The two were not married but loved each other as best friends and as partners that wanted to face a future together.

 

Let me tell you about this young man. He had a very tough life, but always had a smile on his face and had the biggest heart a person could have. Even though his life was hard he was open to giving and receiving love. He was born to a Father that was drug addicted. He loved his Mother, she was his strength. At some point she fell into drinking and taking pills to cope. She passed away when he was 9. He was being raised by his Father in a state where his extended family did not live. He told me that he would sit on the floor as his Father was strung out and pray that his Father would not OD. As sick as his Father was, he loved him and had already lost his Mother. Other times his Father would disappear for weeks and this young man said he thought he would die of starvation. His extended family fought though the courts to get custody of him,  he moved in with his Grand Mother in our state. Believe it or not, it took them years. He struggled there far to long.

 

My daughter was one of the first to welcome him into his new school. He later told me he knew he knew he cared for her at first sight. They became fiends, and eventfully became best friends.  He was ashamed about how he was brought up, he was also using pills as an escape. His self esteem was low. Over the years of the friendship I watched his boy grow into a young man that had goals, hope for his future. He loved and respected my daughter as she should have been. He loved her with his whole heart. Through their friendship he had been using less and less often. I have to say that when he used he never did so around my daughter. He knew she wanted more for him, and he knew it hurt her. They began dating a year and 7 months ago after years of friendship. He was fighting a good fight ...  looking forward to prom, walking across that stage and graduating, as well as planning a career for the future. We were all very proud of him! Just three weeks ago he told me he was happy. Maybe more happy than he had ever been in his life.

 

Last Sunday this young man shoveled snow for his Grandparents most of the day, went with his Grand Father and helped with chores around the house that were hard for his elder Grandparents to complete. He was always helpful and respectful. The next day my daughter began calling. He was sleeping late and that was not a normal thing. By early afternoon my daughter called and requested that someone wake him up. His Uncle put the phone down then came back to say. I have to call you back, he's dead. Her heart is broken. This young man had taken some pills, passed out, and suffocated. She does not blame herself, but that does not make the pain any easier to deal with. We all know that he wanted to live, he wanted to kick this habit he used as an escape. We all know he deserved a better life for himself. He was a good soul. Loving, caring, and thoughtful of others.

 

I watched my daughter collect herself and start making calls to their friends. Just as I had watched my Mother do years ago when my Father passed. In all her weakness she was strong. I watched her at her boyfriends funeral stand up and let the room know that this young man had a purpose, not to walk away without thinking of the good and bad that he has given to anyone that knew him. And that he taught each of us lesson's we shouldn't forget. I watched her tell the world not to measure him by the way he died ... but measure him by the way he made a room light up when he entered it, how he always had a smile on his face, caring words for others even when he was struggling with issues himself.

 

The first four days after his death were hard for me to watch her. She cried non stop for the first 30 some odd hours until she finally sleep. She was sick to her stomach and couldn't eat for days. I kept her home from school that week. My son had told me that this young man always walked my daughter to every class before going to his own. She went back to school yesterday and I know it was hard. Its half way through the school year and she has to deal with the loss and grief and still earn the right to walk across that stage at graduation. Prom for her is out of the question.

 

How do I best help my daughter threw this?

 

** I know that some may judge this young man. But he worked hard at having a better life and was worth good friends and love from others to lift him up and help him through. My daughter nor my family regrets any moment of time we spent with him. He deserved more than he got from this life.

 

[susanbruce]

First please accept my condolonces on the loss of this young man. He sounds like a very nice person. What is his name? What is your daughter's name?

Your daughter did him a great honor at his funeral. She knew the real person that he was trying to be. I have great respect for what she has done for him, both before and after he passed away.

What can you do for your daughter?  That's a very tough question. Everyone handles grief differently. You mentioned that she reminded you of your Mother when your Dad passed away.  How did your Mother do after that? How did she cope? What help did she get?  Your daughter may just need someone to just listen to her.  She may want to write a journal. She may feel better with a group grief counselor.  She's going to have to be the one that makes those decisions.

As her Mother, just try and make sure she get's enough rest, nutrition and exercise. Put her favorite flowers in a vase beside her bed. Write a note telling her that you love her and put in under her pillow. Or put it in a book so that she will see it at school. Just be there for her.

Susan 

[lastlove19]

I too lost my boyfriend at 19 years, he was 23 at the time, he was killed in a car accident and he also had drugs in his system. I know exactlly how your daughter fills.the best thing you can do for her is to be there and support her in any way you can.

I fell in to a deep depression for almost two years, and now i have peace with it all. it will take time. but everyday will get better, you just have to give it time. IT may not seem like it now but it will. after my boyfriends death i blamed myself for his death.  But i have respect for you daughter for speaking at his funeral. i couldn't bring myself to go to My boyfirend's. now i regret not going, but i couldn't see him like that. 

MY name is NIKKI and if your daughter needs someone to talk to that knows how she feels let me know. the only way to heal is to heal together. i learned that! God bless

[lastlove19]

I too lost my boyfriend at 19 years, he was 23 at the time, he was killed in a car accident and he also had drugs in his system. I know exactlly how your daughter fills.the best thing you can do for her is to be there and support her in any way you can.

I fell in to a deep depression for almost two years, and now i have peace with it all. it will take time. but everyday will get better, you just have to give it time. IT may not seem like it now but it will. after my boyfriends death i blamed myself for his death.  But i have respect for you daughter for speaking at his funeral. i couldn't bring myself to go to My boyfirend's. now i regret not going, but i couldn't see him like that. 

MY name is NIKKI and if your daughter needs someone to talk to that knows how she feels let me know. the only way to heal is to heal together. i learned that! God bless

[lastlove19]

I too lost my boyfriend at 19 years, he was 23 at the time, he was killed in a car accident and he also had drugs in his system. I know exactlly how your daughter fills.the best thing you can do for her is to be there and support her in any way you can.

I fell in to a deep depression for almost two years, and now i have peace with it all. it will take time. but everyday will get better, you just have to give it time. IT may not seem like it now but it will. after my boyfriends death i blamed myself for his death.  But i have respect for you daughter for speaking at his funeral. i couldn't bring myself to go to My boyfirend's. now i regret not going, but i couldn't see him like that. 

MY name is NIKKI and if your daughter needs someone to talk to that knows how she feels let me know. the only way to heal is to heal together. i learned that! God bless