Does it ever get better

[Vaughneen]

2014 was to be the year the greatest year ever, I got married in March to my first love and we have a son togather he's 7 years old. After the wedding everything was just perfect we talked about having another baby but that would be a year later, to our surprise we didn't have to wait till 2015 on the 31 May 2014 I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive, hubby was so excited and wished that it would be a girl. I had a pretty good pregnancy no issues at all. Until the 9 Oct 2014 25weeks pregnant I started leaking, thinking that my water broke my parents rushed me to hospital. I was booked in and kept there over night on the 10.10.2014 at 12:15 due to enduced labor I gave birth to beautiful little girl weighing at 580g, my husband was the happiest man that day. Because she was born preterm we didn't worry much as my son was born at 27 weeks weighing 1.2kg we thought we did this once we can do it again and all will be alright.

 

But I was so wrong this was start of many tears and heart breaks for myself and my husband. We named her Madison (Gift of God- strong fighter) becos even though she was diagnosed with 4th grade brain bleeding, hydrocephalus she was just so responsive to daddy and mommy when we visited her in NICU. Everyday I went to the hospital to see my little girl with so much hope in my heart that she will overcome all the illnesses and gain weight and I would be able to take her home, regardless of what the nurses and dr's said, some said switch off the machine you don't want to be stuck with a child who cant care for herself but I held on.

 

On the 7.12.2014 I went to church and just as the praise and worship started the hospital called and knew exactly at that moment my little princess was leaving me, my husband was at work so while I was rushing to the hospital with my mom I called him to get to the hospital as quickly as he could. Arriving at the hospital Madison was barely there, my little poppet was saying bye. Who would have thought that the first time I would hold my baby would be when she was just a lifeless little being.

 

My heart is broken into a million pieces, I constantly feel like there is no place on earth for me. I have failed my husband and son, no daddy's little and no sister for my little boy.

 

Will I ever get better, when do we know that life is normal again.

 

Vaughneen

[Mermaid Tears]

Vaughneen....am so sorry to hear that your Baby girl had to leave her family and earth home so soon...and it doesn't matter if your child lived 2 hours...2 days....2 years...or 50 years....they are still your child. We have no answers....but we do have hearts and hands to reach out....and we come together with this deep grief that can only be there when we lose that child.

   Please do not think of yourself as not being successful....or have any guilt or blame.....I do believe that guilt and shame are tools of evil....and we will never be able to reach a healing place. I wrote something a few months ago and I will share it with you....we lost our Beautiful..Beloved boy...John David..he was 42...I hope this brings you solace.

[lsj53]

Vaughneen, As Susan said we understand and feel your pain and are here to listen. I lost my only child, Shawn age 43, , in November 2014, No matter the age of our child or the circumstance we each experience a loss we can't comprehend or put in words so that those who have not lost a child can understand. That's why I'm so glad we all have found this site to help us through a journey we never thought we would be experiencing. Talk to us and let us be here for you. GOD BLESS.

[sgtkelly3]

Vaughneen,

 

I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't possibly understand what you're feeling.

 

If you haven't already, look into seeing a therapist or grief group. Although I lost my father (when I was 2) instead of a child, my therapist has been invaluable in helping me navigate through the grief of someone I deeply loved dying.

 

And remember, we're here when you need us. We'll help lift you back up when you stumble.

 

Thinking of you,

 

-David

[Vaughneen]

Hi

 

Guys last night I laid in bed and thought about what you have said, I have come to realise that my anger is directed at God, I haven't been able to pray for days , I wanted a miracle and did not get it, so I feel like there is no sense in praying for anything. My days are still getting harder to point where im scared to even mention Madison's name when im with my husband we haven't spoken about her in long time, my due date would have been January 26,2015, its a few days away and I already feel like locking myself away in my bedroom and shutting the world out.

[mydeepestthoughts]

I would like to extend my deepest condolences to you and your family. Death is a great enemy to mankind, knowing that we will no longer be able to hear our loved ones laughter, or see their smiles is a devastating thought. And to lose an infant to that enemy, is such a heart devastating thing to endure. But is death the end of all things? Please allow me to share a hope found in God's word the bible..John 5:28,29 which reads " Do not be amazed at this, for the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice. 29: and come out" This is a promise that Jesus made to all of us who are affected by death. Many are taught that when young ones die that God needed another Angel, and because of this false belief, many instead of drawing close to God in times of tragedy..push him away. Who can love a God, who is all powerful, and would give us such a beautiful gift, like our baby, and then cruelly take it away? James 1:18 states that "When under trial, let no one say: “I am being tried by God.” For with evil things God cannot be tried, nor does he himself try others." So God Would never do anything to cause us pain.

Then why does God allow suffering? Why do bad things happen to good people? Many may ask.

Please examine this free tract entitled "Would you like to know the truth?" On the following link.

http://www.jw.org/en/publications/books/know-the-truth/1102008390/#?insight[search_id]=facc7496-d0fd-45b9-b4ba-34b0826f4f32&insight[search_result_index]=0

Condolences.