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one 2 many death has broken my heart


trina

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I am heartbroken by my brothers death.we were very close and at the end of august he was found dead in his flat.he was my baby brother and my friend.weve been through a lot together and we were always there for each other.our dad died in 2001 of cancer.i found him on the sofa.i was very close to my dad and his brother who died a couple of years before.also when i was 18 i had a stillborn son, his father also died and his ashes were placed in our babys grave.my other brother comitted suicide 18 years ago. I wasn't very close to him as he used to beat my little brother up.how can I ever survive now he's gone too.i feel like he's lost and I don't know where he is.i feel like I'm a magnet to death and keep worrying who's goin next....I'm waiting for an operation. I don't mind the thought of going but don't want to leave my husband and 2 children.

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Trina,

 

First of all, I want to say I'm sorry. It isn't fair what you're going through. It isn't fair my father died as a police officer in the line of duty when I was 2. It isn't fair that ANY of us have to deal with death.

 

If you haven't started seeing a grief group or therapist, I'd recommend you start going. The path is long, hard, and littered with difficulties, but they help show you the way to get through the most excruciating parts of it.

 

I also want to let you know that however you feel -- anger, sadness, numbness -- is alright. People who tell you a timeframe you should "get over it," or who try to tell you to stop showing your emotions and "be happy you had them when you did" are spewing BS. Frankly, most people say these things because THEY'RE uncomfortable seeing someone show their emotions because THEY want to keep repressing. Do what you need to do, no matter how weird you think that makes other people feel.

 

Take as long as necessary to grieve. You'll know when the right time is to move past it.

 

And if you need us, we're here for you.

 

Thinking of you,

 

-David

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