My precious Maggie

[jayskate]

It was 12 years ago that I found my way to a local shelter to find a new best friend.  I intended to adopt a kitten. As I started walking past all these cages, one cat "Maggie" would stick her paws through the cage trying to nab me.  She would meow and rub her face up against the cage.  But she was a few years old and I was looking for a kitten.  While walking back and forth she never relented.  

 

When the tech asked me if I selected my new family member, I told her Maggie.  The tech actually teared up saying that she was scheduled to be euthanized that evening.  It was a great day for Maggie and an even better day for me as this was the start to a wonderful friendship.

 

She was the best cat I have ever had.  I know my other cat Bosco thinks he is the best, but as much as I love him, she was my favorite.  She was so loving and would cuddle up next to me every night. She was so sociable with anyone who came to visit.  She just loved being around people.

 

She aged well without many problems.  Had to have a few teeth removed a couple years ago and was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism.  No big deal, a new prescription diet and some medicine and within a year her thyroid levels were normal.

 

Last Wednesday I noticed she had some discomfort around her jaw when I would pet her.  I inspected her mouth and her gums were pretty red and a couple of her back teeth didn't look to good.  I took her the next day to the vet and she suggested we remove a few of the teeth as there was some resorption.  Vet said this was pretty painful for Maggie.  I was a little worried about putting her through this trauma again since she seemed to be normal (eating, playing etc), but I had to do what was best for her and elected to have the surgery.  She had to have some blood work done beforehand to make sure she would be O.K under anesthesia, but it all came back normal so she was good to go.

 

Yesterday she had her surgery.  Vet told me to not be too concerned about some of the blood still dripping out of her mouth.  She also was sneezing some blood too.  I had plenty of pain meds for her and some antibiotics and vet said the bleeding should stop in a few hours.  If she was still bleeding in the morning to please come back.

 

We came home, she ate some food, drank some water, used her bathroom so it was looking O.K.  She slept all night under my bed cover.  There was some blood on the towel she slept on and a little bit around her mouth so back to the vet.  The vet had some concern about bruising still not being healed from when we took blood last week for her pre-surgery anesthesia.  Also a little concerned that she still was bleeding a bit from her mouth.  She took some more blood to check her clotting.  The initial test was way off the charts.  Her blood was not clotting at all.  Vet didn't want to believe this test because the results were so off that she should have been bleeding profusely and she wasn't.  She wanted to do another draw and send this off to the lab for a definitive answer.

 

Maggie didn't seem to phased.  She was walking around the room, purring and wanting to be petted.  We returned home about 11 A.M.  I had to go to work for a few hours and returned home around 2 P.M.  I couldn't find her in her normal spots but there she was in her little clothes hamper basket in my closet.  She didn't look good at all.  She wouldn't purr and wouldn't even look at me.  She just stared at the closet wall.  As I lay with her tenderly petting her back she would whimper every now and then.  A few minutes later she began to cry and did this for 15 to 20 seconds.  It was the worst sound I have ever heard.  I called the vet and she said it was O.K to give her some more pain meds as it had been at least 8 hours from the previous dose.  Within the next 30 minutes she would cry several times.  I tried to console her as best as I could.  When she began to heavily pant and cry I knew something wasn't right.  I called the vet and said I would be there in five minutes.  When I returned with her crate she tried climbing out of her basket and fell over.  I picked her up and set her feet back on the ground.  If I wasn't holding her up, she would have fallen over again.  I placed her in her crate and she just lied on her side panting and crying.

 

I made it to the vet within a few minutes.  They immediately took her in the back. I could hear he cries and I was crushed.  I knew in my heart my baby was not coming home again.  The vet was shocked that her vitals had fallen so rapidly.  Her body temperature that morning was 103, it was now 92.  Her heart rate elevated, panting, trouble breathing and looked pale (anemic). She was dying.

 

They took me a to a room and brought my best friend in.  I couldn't take her whisper cries.  I caressed her head as they put the drugs in her body to ease her suffering.  Being a man and trying to not show much emotion ended when I felt her chest give its last compression. 

 

I come home to my other cat and he knows something isn't right.  He has walked around the house meowing, entering bedrooms, closets looking for his lifelong friend.  I sit here crying while typing as he keeps returning to me as if to ask where is Maggie.  I feel so guilty about doing the surgery now.  I know that I did what was best for her, but it still doesn't ease the pain.  

 

I will forever remember and love my Maggie.

 

[Rizzo]

Oh, I am so sorry.  This must have been awful and heartbreaking.   I know you feel guilty, but I too would have followed the vet's advice trying to do the best for my baby.  I know I should say cherish your memories but right now this would be too hard to do.  Allow yourself grief and crying.  Share your pain with many close friends and forums.  Find all the support you can.  Give your other cat lots of love because he is grieving as well.

 

Did the vet tell you what went wrong?

 

I found out 11 days ago that my baby has stomach cancer & is leaving me.  We are just waiting until he shows signs of discomfort or stops eating/drinking completely. Life has stopped for me.  I have stayed here with him all this time; offering 20 types of food daily.  I would let him stop but he cries for food. (probably the steriods) We can't do this forever but I just can not imagine not having him sleeping with me. I am so afraid of that last day, the light leaving his body and the emptiness to follow.  I have many regrets as well.  Things I shouldn't have or should have done.

 

Thanks for sharing your story with me.

[jayskate]

Oh, I am so sorry.  This must have been awful and heartbreaking.   I know you feel guilty, but I too would have followed the vet's advice trying to do the best for my baby.  I know I should say cherish your memories but right now this would be too hard to do.  Allow yourself grief and crying.  Share your pain with many close friends and forums.  Find all the support you can.  Give your other cat lots of love because he is grieving as well.

 

Did the vet tell you what went wrong?

 

I found out 11 days ago that my baby has stomach cancer & is leaving me.  We are just waiting until he shows signs of discomfort or stops eating/drinking completely. Life has stopped for me.  I have stayed here with him all this time; offering 20 types of food daily.  I would let him stop but he cries for food. (probably the steriods) We can't do this forever but I just can not imagine not having him sleeping with me. I am so afraid of that last day, the light leaving his body and the emptiness to follow.  I have many regrets as well.  Things I shouldn't have or should have done.

 

Thanks for sharing your story with me.

 

 

Hi Rizzo, thank you for your kind thoughts.  I am sorry to hear about your baby.  I hope that there are many more days to share your love together.  Don't dwell on the inevitable, take each day as a blessing and don't worry about what might have been different if other decisions were made.  I know its easier for me to say that than to know what you are going through.  You do have my deepest sympathy.

 

I did just speak to the vet about my Maggie.  Her additional blood results returned from the lab and they confirmed she was suffering from a blood clotting disorder.  However she couldn't determine if it was Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation (DIC) or some other blood clotting deficiency.  Since the act of bleeding doesn't exert pain, she suspected that she suffered from some sort of a clot that caused a disruption of blood supply to her internal organs which caused one or more of them to shut down.  It didn't make sense because I thought it was her inability to clot that was the problem.  Apparently with clotting disorders your blood system gets out of whack and can cause clots to form. It makes me sick to think that she went through such pain for at least an hour.  I still hear her cries and it breaks my heart.

 

I do have to understand that I loved Maggie so much and I did what I thought what was best for her to ease her pain. It just hurts to know though that doing what I did caused the worst result.