Grief and the Court System

[ribitsmom]

Allyson,

I wish you a strong back bone for tomorrow. The only thing I can say is that by Wed. it will be a new day and tomorrow will be something you can look back on as your past.

I can not believe you will be feeding your kids Sushi...and that they will eat it. My 19 year old wanted to try it in the worst way so when we took him, he ate it, but said that he didn't need to do that again. Of course, my husband travels to Japan often and decided to get him some of the most trying courses.

[willsmom]

LOL--Denise, they love the stuff, they always freak people out when they order, because they sound like they are from Japan---they'll eat raw oysters too...love them. I love them, and boy do I wish I was at the beach right now. You made me laugh so hard, when I read that. I never try to disway them from trying anything, they like smoked salmon, grilled tuna...Anyway, tonight is Subway--I am re-reading over all Will's papers and the OB's depo. and decided to take a break, and I had to research myaline membrane disease, which it appears my poor Will also suffered from--basically means he was pre-mature and his lungs were not fully developed...what a quack, and to think she was my OB/GYN for years. Gosh, I was a blind fool. I better finish reading--it was nice to chuckle there for a minute...Take care, and have a nice evening...Allyson

[aprilsmom]

First of all - Allyson and other moms- I lift each of you in prayer- there have been a million times that I wanted to join this thread but I have been afraid of blabbing and hurting my son-in-laws lawsuit when some defense attorney picks up on this site. I don't give a ----anymore-here's the summary: Bobby and the girl that was after him when April was still here are living together. April had 1/4 million in life insurance and workman's comp because she was on the job when the accident happened. She was the sole financial support and she and her dad built her home (just sold for 1/2 million). There is a lawsuit pending that is supposed to NET another couple of million dollars. (by the way Ribitsmom-the attorney works primarily for the railroads and metrolink victims-so I know how powerful they are and feel for you immensely!!)

I love my son-in-law because he has been in our family since he was 16, lived with us, etc. April would have turned 28, Bobby 29, last week and I am falling apart about his decision to be with someone that hurt April tremendously. I really want to BLOW HIS CASE RIGHT OUT OF THE BLASTED WATER! Should I, shouldn't I???? Why should I let this girl benefit financially for the rest of her life when this whole situation could have been the reason April was not paying close enough attention that morning to her driving? This girl and Bobby have not worked a day since the accident 16 months ago-must be nice-while our Family works everyday and April has two sisters and two brothers who still cry themselves to sleep at night------too many questions, too few answers....I'm trying to be a good Christian! Aril told me in a dream that I would know what to do when I asked her about Bobby......I can't have my daughter back but I'd like my son back---I think??????????? Any advise? Thanks and peace to you. Renee

[aprilsmom]

Just so you can see better the type of girl this is, go to pg. 31 of the posts on Feb. 10th at 5:38 am. It is about the physical confrontation between the girl and I on April's driveway. Bobby hasn't spoken to me since that night. I'm so SAD!!! Renee

PS Beautiful pictures of April and our family on www.aprilduarte.com

Thanks for listening, Renee

[aprilsmom]

sorry, it's on loss of an adult child thread.

[ribitsmom]

Aprilsmom/Renee,

I feel your pain. I have to assume that it feels as though you lost 2 children, April and Bobby. I have not yet gone to read the other thread that you speak of, just what you have posted on this discussion, but will when I have more time.

I assume April and Bobby were married? And he filed the wrongful death suit? Many times with a wrongful death suit parents, siblings and grandparents are listed as 'next of kin' and are entitled to a portion of the suit. This is what I got out of what the lawyer told me anyway. It is at the judges discretion, however, what portion the next of kin are entitled to.

I would think that if your husband/or Aprils dad helped build the home, sweat and tears or even financially, he should be entitled to a portion of the sale also. These are things that are assumed, not first hand knowledge, but something I would look into.

My advise for you and Bobby is to call him, talk to him and tell him how you feel, try to keep the anger out of the conversation, but let him know how much you miss him in your life, explain that it hurts to know that he is with the girl that hurt April. We can't fix anything buy just wishing, we need to be pro-active.

I hope you the best.

Denise

[willsmom]

First of all, I am sorry for not getting in touch sooner...but I have never felt so exhausted or mad in my life. My depo. lasted close to four hours; my husbands' was maybe 45 minutes. I am still angry and quite stunned at how much I cried, even though, I tried not to~~~I am still trying to digest it all, but I can safely say, that no matter what happens...I will NEVER have my baby back...all the bullshit that went on, and the things that happened drove that fact home---HARD. I am so angry, that I will never quit...never stop, never even think twice about fighting for my Will---he deserves that. F**K that attorney and F**k the situation....that bitch OB can't read....IF she could...Will would probably be with me.

I am going tomorrow to make his grave ready for summer, and talk to him. I am just so wiped out. I have done so much research...and KNOW that an echo would have saved him...I could scream.

I am sorry---for being blunt and rude...but I am still angry and will remain that way...Win, Lose or Draw. WillsMom--FOREVER~~Allyson

[joshsmom]

Wills Mom,

I am so sorry that you were put through so much! I cried all trhough every court proceeding too! I tried not to also, but everything was so raw and I know what you mean!!!

It does help to know though, that you made it through and showed them that you are not giving up!

I wish I was there to give you a "real" hug! I know you deserve so much more!

Being a Mom is what we live for now! Just remember that you have done everything in your power for Will, that you could!

He is always with you, send him a kiss from me when you go to talk to him today!

Josh's 2nd Angel date is May 31st and I have been a wreck!

That year, May 31st was Memorial Day, so we have 2 days to get through! The Fair is in town again, he LOVED the fair! I hate that he isn't here to have fun this weekend! Plus he should be Graduating from high school with his class this Sunday!

God, I hate this!

Sorry for falling apart when you need someone there for you today!

Sue

[ribitsmom]

Sue and Allyson,

You both are hurting so bad right now, I so wish that I could comfort you both. Even with words I don't feel that I could be of comfort.

Sue, I am thinking of you as the date draws nearer, I know what you mean by "2 days to get through" as we lost Bridge on homecoming night, Sept. 26th. So each homecoming day (or the week of, because it is such a big ordeal) is so difficult, but also the date of the accident. It is so hard to see all the kids whooping it up and having a grand time, when your baby won't be here any longer to enjoy it also.

I have been through 3 proms, 3 of each holiday. 3 birthdays, mothers days...they are all so hard to stay in touch with your sanity cells.

Allyson, you made it, you gave your depo and made it, the crying and anger that you went through (are still going through)you could look at part of the healing process. You will be drained, but when you wake up from your re-couping/re-grouping, you may see things clearer. I hope for your sake that you do.

Love you both,

Denise

[aprilsmom]

Hugs going out to you Allyson and Sue-even through cyberspace! Josh's 2nd angel date also marks the car accident that took the life of two beautiful high school girls in our area. They were 16 and 17 and it was the first time they were allowed to go camping w/a group of friends (as a reward for being such good students). Witnesses said that they heard Trish and Erica screaming for the driver to stop as she proceeded to joy ride in a desert area. The driver walked away after rolling the vehicle and the 2 of the 3 girls in back seat did not make it. One of the moms is our chapter leader for Compassionate Friends. I will be thinking of you both (moms) this weekend and pray there won't be too many vehicle accidents.

Denise, yes, Bobby and April were married for 3 yrs. together for 10 (since age 16). Bobby filed the wrongful death because his mother begged him too. She moved into my daughter's home with Bobby and stayed over a year. Her dr. put HER out on medical leave while all of us went to work! Our family is not listed on the suit but can tailgate on Bobby's case when it is all over. But, it will never be over for me. I don't want one single penney, just don't want this girl to have it after her nasty text messages to April 3 days before the accident. The defense attorneys don't know there were two cell phones in the truck, just the work phone. They also don't know how bad April's vision was or that she didn't have on her sunglasses when I saw her 11 minutes before the accident. They also have no clue about the pre-existing relationship, that alone would cut the settlement monies down considerably. The intersection was the entity of county and two different cities. The was a sign illegally placed, the limit line back too far, and records of numerous city meetings where citizens BEGGED for a light. They put up not one but 3 lights within a year of the accident and even asked if I would like to come turn it on. Since it was the week of April's birthday I refused. There is also digital video of where people couldn't stop (they couldn't SEE) and video of people stopping after the improvements/changes were made. I was able to speak with the driver of the truck a few mornings after the accident and that it exactly what he told me, crying: :"The look on April's face was so confused that I thought my God am I running a stop.....she wasn't even excelerating, she was rolling out like she couldn't SEE". Well, the sun at 8:30 am is RIGHT there and I know she didn't have her sunglasses on and I know she was talking to someone on the phone just a minute before and I know she was distraught. And then the sign and the limit line, etc. etc. I'd make a great witness for the defense don't ya think?????? I know, I'm just being spiteful right? Sorry to go on and on.

[willsmom]

AprilsMom: What a horrible mess. I am so sorry you are going through this. I ahve about ten minutes...so I will be short and concise: I would do everything I tell everyone here....search and research. I apolgize for not being a better ear.

I will say one thing, you may not like, Noone makes a perfect witness...noone does well in depositions...it is AWFUL, and please KNOW I will never discourage finding answers and learning the "truth"---Be ready to hang tough...EVERYONE here, who had beem through it said it was terrible, but I thought I was a bad ass, and could take anything....I lied to myself.

When my husband and I had a break...I said to him: "Why are we here?" "They can never give us back what we want.".....And then I got mad...and I thought...My Will (my son) deserves this fight...and I have turned into a basic bitch over this situation ever since. IT IS FOR WILL....

Stay strong and stay in touch, and never lose the fighting spirit...Allyson

[aprilsmom]

I wish we could sit down and talk in person. I live about an hour north of LA in case any of you would like a place to veg for a few days. You ARE one tough cookie Allyson and so am I. But ya know, just a thought.... April would hate all of this, that we moms are going through this crap. She used to always say that life is too short to be unhappy. She would want all of us to heal - little Will didn't get a chance for us to get to know him but I bet he would want his mommie to be okay too. I hope April is holding his hand and teaching him all the cool stuff she used to do like soccer and carving pumpkins - she never wanted to have a baby here-she said the world is just too mean. Was she an old soul? Her sister Kristi said that April came to her in a dream and when she asked her about Bobby, April just had that mischievious smile on her face and LAUGHED. Thank God she can't be hurt by him now. Take Care Ally-where do you live lady? Renee

Oh, you're right about witnesses; they'd have to scrape me off the floor, even as tough as I think I am.

[ribitsmom]

Aprilsmom: I believe that we are doing about the same thing, except that I am filing the suit, and for you, Bobby filed the suit...But, I am not sure that I am doing this for Bridge, I think it is too late for Bridgette to benifit from this suit, we are surely not going to benifit from this, I just want things to be safe for others and I want the RR to understand that crossings are not safe. A train kills someone every 115 minutes of every day, that is too many in my opinion and things need to change. In the accident that took our daughter there were 4 that died; that is just not right.

I think that Bridgette may be ok with what we are doing, we didn't start this for any reason other than the fact that multiple people told us too, we were just out of it in the beginning; but I think that Bridge would tell us that if we are helping to right a wrong then go for it.

With your Bobby's wrongful death, I hope that he is in it for more than money and is trying to make the world a better place.

It sounds as though you need to kick the girls butt though, that he is with...I obviously went back and read the thread that you mentioned, can you tell?

Denise

[aprilsmom]

Hi Denise, yes, like you, we were all just numb and everyone was begging us to seek legal counsel. I'm sorry now that we did that. Bobby had to be drug there by his mother, which makes me wonder about her motives....Bobby was so angry, saying that April had become reckless in her driving. I just wanted to know what the heck happened out there because none of the stories from the witnesses, cops, etc. matched up and I know that April wouldn't have run a stop (which a witness did finally say). It's amazing that the truest story probably came from the driver of the Peterbilt. All I know is that this lawsuit has turned everyone's life upside flippin' down and chased some of our affection for each other right into the ground and April would have HATED that part. What I wanted you to know was my experience with the lawyer. A good friend of mine hooked us up with him and told me that he doesn't take cases unless he can win and win big. His office sits on top of Citibank in LA. He has represented the railroads for years. He is an older gentleman and I have to say, he won me over...seems so caring and all, sheesh, I'm such a lousy judge of character anymore. Anyway, you are going up against a powerhouse but you have the biggest powerhouse of all time on your side-The Lord Himself! I can't tell you how many people just in our little community have lost their lives at the railroad crossing by one of our local high schools. Actually, a woman in my church lost her 16 year old daughter, hit by the train, many years ago and then I read the story about Bridgette....you are right, way to unsafe and something needs to be done and you are brave to do that. April was always working on a cause for the less fortunate, she would have been proud of you too! Sorry to blab, just don't want to do Memorial Day I guess. Take Care, Renee

[willsmom]

Aprilsmom--Yes it would be fun to all sit down and just chat and compare ideas. You and Denise are going to be a great help to one another, you both are basically in the same boat,a dn you both seem really tough, determined, and ready to "play ball", so to speak. I am glad you have found a guy you like. That is a HUGE plus. What I would give to be in LA---I live in small town in Ga. and the tallest damn building is the water tower~~No Joke. I miss my hometown, alot, of Irving, righ outside of Dallas. What I would give to walk around downtown Dallas and ACTUALLY go into a Neiman-Marcus---Oh poor me... Stay fighting and stay strong. There will be times you want to run/stop/quit....just hang in there; and listen to Denise she is no nonsense, and a nice woman. God Bless our Children, and may they visit us tonight in our dreams. WillsMom~~Allyson

[willsmom]

I was looking back...and wish this place had a "chat"----WillsMom

[joshsmom]

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I have really been feeling down!

I miss Josh so much!

I can't believe it's 2 years today!

I wish I could dream of him!! I lay awake at night, talking to him, asking for a dream, and waiting......nothing!

It makes me feel so alone and empty! I can't understand the reasons for any of this! The reality of it is really hitting me and I can't handle it!

Sorry, I just hate this so much, I want my son back!

[willsmom]

JoshsMom--I am so, so, so sorry. I can only send you the best thoughts. My two year marker is coming soon, so I can really relate. I will pray for you, maybe it will ease some of the pain, and heartache. Please know I am here, we all are here, and that your son does hear you. Be kind to yourself today, and just try to get through the pain. Again, I am sorry. I wish there was something I could do....know that I am thinking of you. WillsMom~~Allyson

[foreverchanged]

I was just stopping by to check in on all of you.

My heart goes out to you, Josh's Mom. Those anniversary dates can be bad . . . but so is most every day, isn't it?

I'll check back soon.

Thoughts and prayers to you all.

[joshsmom]

Thanks for posting and reminding me that I am not alone in this!

I am so glad that the weekend is over!!! I feel so drained and exhausted, but don't we all feel that way, most of the time now?

When I did take the time to relax and concentrate though, I felt Josh around us, and I know he was here with us throughout the weekend!

The missing him, though, doesn't lessen!

I hope you all have a good weekend, I know this one will be alittle easier to handle than last week!

No plans for me.....just taking it easy!

Take care,

Sue

[kayleym]

Hi. I'm not sure if i wrote on this site before. I usually write on Loss of a child. My anniversary date is July 3rd. It will be one year since my daughter died at 5 months pregnant. I had planned to take the day off and go visit her grave. Its a 2 hour drive from here. My husband doesn't want to go. I think he doesn't feel its necessary. It won't bring her back so i guess ill be going alone. Anyways, im sure it will be hard. I will post later and hopefully i will get through this. I'm not sure why I posted here. I guess its just to hope that someone else understands. Take care Christine.

[willsmom]

Christine....You can post anywhere. This thread is an active one....We all are looking for support and help and advice; but none the less; you are welcome. As I feel I would be---Anywhere on this board...we do have "guests"---but whether or not they stay....is a mystery. I am sorry for your loss(es). I hate saying that...We ALL know we have lost. Good Luck and know we always gab here..........

[soempty]

I am trying to decide whether to attend the coroner's inquest for my son tomorrow. I was told that it is just a formality and that the coroner chooses the people to be on the panel. In our case, the coroner has been involved in covering things up from the beginning. So I do not know if it is worth it to be there or not.

Also, can anyone tell me who else is allowed to be there besides our family?

[willsmom]

Hey soempty---NOTHING IS A FORMALITY....I hate to be a bitch....but I would go---as far as who can go---ANYONE...

I do not know what is up with you, but I would be present for everything ot request---FAMILY ONLY.....I am not being mean or ugly...I have dealt with ****-heads all day---and my new motto is: "MY SON"----my boy who died, too young and I have gotten hard, and mean.....Think ten times before you do anything. In the most respect, WillsMom~~Allyson

[willsmom]

Please excuse my post "soempty"---I sound Like a dumb-ass---LOL

I am just saying to research... I have had a terrible day. WillsMom

[ribitsmom]

I haven't posted for over a week, and missed visiting the site. I was out of town from Memorial day through last night, and feel as though my head is spinning at this point.

Aprils mom/Renee, Thank you for the post and I wanted to say to you; just hang in there and I hope the best for you.

Joshsmom/Sue, I am so sorry that I missed posting to you on your awful day, I was thinking of you and know how difficult it is.

Soempty-I would ask your lawyer who can attend and who can't. To be perfectly honest, I am not sure what a "coroner inquest" is, and am not sure that I would attend if I could. I feel that some things are just too difficult. On the other hand, if this coroner is known to be "covering" things up, you may want to be there, if for know other reason than to hear things first hand. Understand that all documented paper work you have the right to have sent to you, so you can then go through it in the privacy of your own home.

Kayleym/Chirstine, you can post wherever you want. We have all lost a child and we are all grieving and I feel that everyone on this site is looking for help and looking to help, so you do whatever makes you feel better. I understand your husband not wanting to go to the grave with you, my husband doesn't go either, and I just need to understand that we grieve in different ways, he lets me do it my way and I have to allow him to do it his way.

Willsmom, you are such a great lady.

Denise

[joshsmom]

Hi Everyone!

Ribit's Mom,

Thankyou for thinking of me, it was a long weekend and I am glad it is behind us! Two years....seems like a lifetime, and then again, it feels like yesterday!

I took your advice and did the article for the West Virginia Gazette. The series ran in three parts and Josh was included in the 3rd series. There was alot about him! I was sickened when I read how very dangerous and lethal Methedone is! I hope something can come out of this now that people are beginning to understand the drug is so very dangerous!

Josh never understood this, lots of people don't! According to the research they did, most overdoses happen when the methedone is perscribed by a doctor! It effects people so differently, one pill can kill you!

Very scary!

Take care and I will keep you posted on any new developments with the article!

Thanks for being here!

Sue

[ribitsmom]

Well, for all of you that have been following my journey here on BI I have information that I won't spell out in huge, clear words, but will say that things took a turn for the good, as far as I am concerned. The mediation and trial that we weren't expecting until May or later of 2007 has been changed. We now have mediation in July of 2006 per the opposing side. They felt that they did not want to put any more money into the investigation and prep for trial, so asked for early mediation. I see this as a good thing for us, I want nothing more than to have this behind us, and be able to move on in out lives. I can only hope that this is a good thing. From what I understand, the next couple of weeks will be spent putting together demands...I really have no idea how that works and assume I will find out.

[willsmom]

Oh Denise~~~I am so happy for you. Finally, you can have some sort of peace. I told you a million years ago that they would bow down. They(RR)were just hoping for you to give in and let it go---BRAVE, BRAVE girl!!! I am so glad for you, it is a strange thing to say, but I almost feel relief. Let them feel some justice...do them some good~~Pigs.

I came on to post to you actually, or anyone who may have knowledge of an errata sheet. I know basically what it is, but wanted to pick some brains. Help me, if you can. I have to deal with that aspect of it now. Big Fun!

Hurricane Alberto is coming our way, or so it appears...Seen worse though.

Hello to all~~ And again Denise, Major Kudos to you!!!!! Take'em by the throat. WillsMom

[kirksdad]

Denise, this sounds like a good thing. I know getting this behind you will be a relief, when that happens, but just know you have been on the right track and sometimes that just has to happen to make others listen.

[ribitsmom]

Kirksdad and Willsmom,

Thanks (I think). At this point, I don't know if this is good or not, but it feels good to see an end at this long awful tunnel.

I mentioned last evening that this would be coming to an end to our neighbor and the only thing he wanted to know was, "How much?" I know that I asked our lawyer that same question (in a much different way, of course) and was never given an answer or guess...but that my neighbor asked pisses me off. I politely said..."don't know" and changed the subject. What I wanted to say was, "What an ass and it would never be enough".

[willsmom]

Oh the age old question---"if you sue, what do you get?"----In our case a BIG FAT nothing----you get back your girl and I get back my boy, then we are talking. People will blow your mind at times. Just take it as someone who has not a clue, and it sounds like you did--so good job.

Keep the faith and I will pray for you and Bridge and Will....Hang tough, honey---you are almost out of this thread---but PLEASE never leave us!!!!!!!!!!Allyson...P.S. Hi Kirksdad, you have been quiet---glad to see you!!! Allyson

[aprilsmom]

HHHHHHHHhooooooooooooray Denise- something for our side/our kid's sides/thank you Lord!

[ribitsmom]

Well, now the hard part starts. The information coming through at this point is very quick and very difficult. DNA results are in, which held no surprises, just difficult to hear. They were expecting the DNA to be inconclusive, due to the seriousness of the accident, meaning there would be dna all over the car, which would tell them nothing, due to 4 people in the car.

We will start working on the "value" of my daughters life, or loss of her life. How do you figure out what the loss of her life is worth????? There isn't an amount that you could suggest that would be exceptable. She will never graduate from high school, never marry, never have children, never have a career. I think that this will be one of the most difficult parts of the suit.

I have been great emotionally for quite some time, I have been able to laugh, have fun and think of Bridge in happy ways for a while now...until just recently. It is like starting all over again. To top it all off, my husband is in Indonesia at the moment, so I am scared for him, and I am going through all of this without him with me. I know that it is difficult for him to go through this at such a distance too...it has been like this since the day of the accident, in fact, he was routed around the accident when he was on his way home from out of town. He was home for about 2 weeks after and left for destinations far away.

I wonder if that is why our marriage survived...we were never together to fight or let our grief tear us apart.

[willsmom]

Hi Denise---as we both know there is NO value that can be placed on our children's lives. I would take several things into consideration: The loss of her companionship, her never being able to have children, thus denying you the joy of knowing them, her age expentency, never being able to touch her, talk to her, laugh with her....etc---I do not want to make this make you sad. I would seriously write a list....I mean, just never being able to hold our childs' hand is priceless---so how to reach such a disgusting conclusion?? I don't know, but I can assure, if that happens to me and they ask that of me; my list will be long....days long. There is no value, my friend, ....I wish I could help more....As Always, Allyson~~~But you hang in there~~~ And as always, take'em by the throat, better yet the balls.....

[joshsmom]

Ribit's Mom,

I'm sorry I haven't written back to tell you that I am so relieved to hear that an "end" to this part of your journey is in sight! I have been reading all the posts though, and I want you to know that whatever happens now, you will handle just as you have handled everything else that has been thrown at you so far!

Putting a price on our children's lives......I just don't know how anyone would expect a parent to do that! We do know the price of losing them, that's a constant!!!!

When the kid in Josh's case was sentenced to a year in jail, I ran into a woment I know shortly after and she said to me, " It's a good thing for you that the courts took so long to settle the case, because if the kid wouldn't have been caught again with Methedone he would have walked in your son's case!"

What does someone get from saying things like that or going out of their way to make you miserable???? I just don't know, and truthfully over the past 2 years, I can say, I really don't care anymore. Since then this girl has tried numerous times to talk to me, she always puts her arm around my shoulder, and I always tense up!!! I know she know I despise her!!! But why does she feel she has to always talk to me? Leave me alone!!!!

maybe someday, just maybe, people will understand just a little bit about what we have really gone through, and are always going through!

Stand strong for Bridge!!!!! She's with you too!

Keep us posted!

Sue (Josh's Mom)

[Judgesmom]

Hi, I haven't been here in quite a while my son Jordan at l9 was killed by a drunk driver June 13, 2002 and it hasn't got any easier. My son's killer got a month in a jail two boys died in the crash. His month was served on the weekends so he was allowed during the days. On his last weekend in jail he had to pass a urine test and he tested positive for cocaine and marijuana, jail on the weekend didn't do anything for him. He was thrown in jail with no mercy from the judge this time for 7 to l8 years he will be out shortly, I hope he will screw up again and be back again, and I hope he serves his l8 years of parole under constant guard, cause people like him screw up over and over again. We heard he was in a work camp of sorts but living in Canada and him in Alabama we don't know much. But what we do know is that we are in a "club" a "club" that I would not want anyone to join,my heart aches everyday for him, to see him to touch him just to hold him. I miss him so very much, this time of year is bad because of his angel date but his birthday is in August and then comes another holiday and another, it never goes away the sorrow, the pain. He was the love of my life and my life will and is forever changed, when he died half of me died along with him. There is no use arguing over Courts or anything, nothing brings them back, our precious children, I would give a million trillion dollars for just once glimpse. The good thing if you can call it good was that I moved back to Edmonton where I raised Jordan and I am now best friends with his father who I left 6 years before Jordan had died, I kick myself for living, but Jordan came to visit me lots, in fact he was on his way to live with me when the accident happen. I just want to wish everyone well and know what they are all going through each and everyone of you. I have met some wonderful people from Beyong Indigo and I am so glad it was here when I needed it the most, like I said I have not written in a long time. But if anyway wants to read more about Jordan please go to www.jordanwodehouse.com but you have to sign the guest book as it makes me smile when I know someone takes the time to say hello to him. Much life and peace to all if there is such things after loosing a child, but we will all live on, we have no choice.

Love

Carol-Ann

www.jordanwodehouse.com

[ribitsmom]

Carol-Ann, what a wonderful site. Jordan was loved by many and that must be a great feeling for you. This may sound corny, but I think it helps to have so many that loved your child sharing in your grief, or maybe it is helpful to know that your child was loved by so many and will be missed by so many.

We also had at least 800 at the funeral and services and so many after that continued to support us in our grief, I don't believe we would have survived it if all of these kids hadn't been there through that awful time with us.

[ribitsmom]

The date for the mediation is getting closer and I can tell you that trying to put together a "demand" is so painful. How do you put a $$ amount on your childs life? I know that is not HOW they come up with the amount, it isn't what our grief is worth, it isn't what we lost and the "value" of what Bridgette could have become, but how do we, as parents seperate all of the 'could have beens' from what we are to achieve? My husband gets it, he understands, and I understand but can't take my emotions out of the mix.

We had a confrence call the other night with the lawyer and I broke down, or lost it...I try so hard not to, but some times it is just impossible to hold it together; it comes right back at you and hits you upside the head. The worse part of losing it is that it affects my husband and son, them trying to be strong and not lose it and when I can't keep it under control I can see it rip them apart too.

I know that this makes no sense, I am jabbering, but just wanted to share the difficulties that going through this is. I know all of you understand.

[willsmom]

Denise: I hate to just lay it on line with you, but I would rather be frank than beat around the bush. And I know the decision you have to make is a completely unresonable, disgusting thing that noone should have to do, but I would mull over everything; all the lost time, all HER lost time, all the things you still had to look forward to and I would hit them so high and so hard and I would even cite everything that made you reach whatever amount you decide. I think I had mentioned to you prior, that just her companionship alone is worth millions, and the loss of possible grandchildren, her wedding, I could go and on, but I do not want to hurt you. I am mad for you and with you. I would seriously write down everything, and go into mediation like you are entering a boxing match, that you will not lose. Turn the hurt and anger toward them, and kick the living **** out of them...make them feel it, even if it is only through money----we have no other way. My advice is simple: Hit'em hard and knock them on their ass. Take no prisoners, and just live on bitch mode until this is over (toward them, of course). You will get through this, and I know Bridge will marvel at your strength and feel at peace with the fight you fought. You are doing the right thing. Remember, all we want is accountability, and my friend, you are about to get it. Stay strong, and give them hell, they surely have given it to you. God Bless and know all will work out....WillsMom~~Allyson

[ribitsmom]

Allyson, I wish it were as easy as you suggest...I have so much grief and anger that I would happily do everything that you suggested; however, the laws won't work that way for me here where I live. We are not allowed to ask for more than a certain amount, and you are not going to get an amount that would cover damages like loss of companionship. Each state has specific laws that you have to follow, and our state is pretty tight on what they will allow and what they won't. What they do is take an amount that she would have made (she was only 17, so who knows what that amount would be) and multiply it by how many years she would have lived, given the average age of women, and then ask for a portion of that, because if she had lived we wouldn't have expected her to support us with her income.

What bites is that I don't care what she would have made, I care about what I lost, what my husband lost, what my son lost, her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Each and everyone of us are missing out on the most wonderful person in the world. She had the most wonderful personality, she was a go getter, she was clever and creative and who knows what she would have become. Hell, my son used to say he wanted to work at Taco Bell when he grew up so he could eat all the taco's he wanted...but now he is going to school to for business and computer science. Bridge wanted to be a fashion designer and own her own label...she could have done it too...or she could have gone to school and stepped in later to help her father with his businesses. But these are things that are irrelevant, they never happened so you can't take them into account.

I want this over...very badly, I want this over, but I am also willing to say NO to everything that is offered in Mediation and take it to court. The bad thing with that thought is that it would be at least another year before we saw a court room and then it could go on forever.

[willsmom]

I understand what you are saying and all the trappings of the laws from state to state make things even harder. I am no where near your point, but I pretty much have the same attitude--My attorney wants to go to court...I just roll with it. Please do no think I am trying to make your situation simple, or easy...I just want you to win the fight for justice. I am sorry for all the things you are going through, and I wish I had the magic statement that would make you think: "That's it, that is the answer" but I am just trying to help and I want you to know that nothing will never truly help us until we see our children, when that day comes. Just try and get through this aspect of it, even though it is awful and way to detailed and very taxing....My, goodness...I cannot picture the stress that must run through your brain...Mine never ceases. I will leave you to your own thoughts...Have you thought about having the attorney run the numbers for you. Let him give a ball park figure, and why he feels that amount is adequate? Research it?? I don't know, Denise...it is just me, trying to help, and I don't think I am doing a great job, but I am here, and please take care of yourself...Rest, even if it is with the help of Tylenol PM---or something. Let your poor body/brain regroup..I will shut up---but take care and I am here. Allyson

[ribitsmom]

Allyson...your "go get'm" attitude is wonderful and a bit of a pick me up.

Yep, we have already decided on a $$ amount, but it is within the amount that the state would allow or has received in past cases, if you ask for too much you will be laughed at, but if you don't go a satisfactory amount you will be second guessing your decision in the future.

My thought was to get Bridge an amount that is paving new roads for future accident victims, but that isn't possible either. To me, this is the most devistating event in the world, to others this is just another 'accident'.

[aprilsmom]

Dear Denise and Ally- I find it amazing that they would ask the parent to put a price on their child's value. We were never asked that and I'm sure they wouldn't have dared ask Bobby! All I know is the suit was said to be about 7 million and might net 1-2 million. Since April was married, her spouse is the one that the state says is most affected and her family is not entitled to anything unless they want to initiate their own lawsuit (which we don't). We would have to prove our "relationship" with April, how often we were with her, etc. what a bunch of b.s. that all is......April talked to her sisters hourly on the phone and was teaching Brett to drive.

The intersection having no light, misplaced limit lines, visual obstructions, involves two city, one county, and two privately owned entities I believe. They also calculated April being the main income source in her marriage, her college degree and her income to project what she would have brought to her and Bobby. For a 26 yr. old, she made great money and was just awarded the So. California employee of the quarter for a prominent home construction company.

You are both right, no amount of money can replace my daughter. All I want is to be allowed to HEAR what happens. I'm worried about the driver of the truck, he is a religious man and hasn't driven since that day. His 20 yr. old son was with him and held April's hand and prayed for her. I don't want them hurt anymore than they already are! If negligence is proven, let Bobby have the proceeds, after everything that's happened I still have to trust him to do what's right. I also would like to see all the medical/coroner reports; she was my BABY and I'm not afraid. Most of all, can we EVER put this all behind us and try to salvage SOMETHING so that we can GO ON WITH OUR LIVES? We can't put a price on that either. Your are absolutely right on Denise when you say," to others it's just another accident". Keep in mind that to them it's just another entry in their checkbood as well- they'll never miss it.

God Bless You Both,

Renee

[ribitsmom]

Renee-I am still surprised (you had mentioned this before) that they are not taking parents and siblings into consideration with Aprils case. Of course she was married and working at the time for your loss and supporting a household, but for our daughter they are taking our son and the grandparents into concideration also. The loss of companionship that they are suffering. What I mean by that is that the grandparents and my son are eligible for monies from the suit...

[doobugsmom]

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I have really been feeling down!

I miss Josh so much!

I can't believe it's 2 years today!

I wish I could dream of him!! I lay awake at night, talking to him, asking for a dream, and waiting......nothing!

It makes me feel so alone and empty! I can't understand the reasons for any of this! The reality of it is really hitting me and I can't handle it!

Sorry, I just hate this so much, I want my son back!

[doobugsmom]

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I have really been feeling down!

I miss Josh so much!

I can't believe it's 2 years today!

I wish I could dream of him!! I lay awake at night, talking to him, asking for a dream, and waiting......nothing!

It makes me feel so alone and empty! I can't understand the reasons for any of this! The reality of it is really hitting me and I can't handle it!

Sorry, I just hate this so much, I want my son back!

Thats funny you should mention dreams because that is what i was just thinking today, why haven't i dreamed of my son yet, that is so weird, it may be a way of our minds protecting us because it my too painful to see them in a dream

[ribitsmom]

Doobugsmom - I have a funny little story that may help with people wondering about dreams...not that this is a funny situation, but it opened my eyes.

I had been very upset about not being able to dream about Bridge, our daughter that we lost close to 3 years ago. Everyone that I had talked to that had lost someone had these wonderful dreams to sustain them and I was jealous. Then one of my trips out of town I was sleeping in a hotel and it was about midnight and I was jarred out of a wonderful dream by "something" banging on the wall of the next room. I was irritated, thought about calling down to the front desk, or banging back, or just calling the room next door...then I thought, well, it can't go on all night, leave them be. When the noise was done, I laid back down and tried to get back into whatever dream I was having, because I didn't recall what the dream was, just that it was wonderful. So I started thinking about the dream and come to find out, I was having a dream about my daughter, it was a weird dream, to be sure, we were in some hippy basement, beads and all, trying to get comfortable on a mattress thrown on the floor and my daughter wanted to leave. That is when the noise woke me up...

What I think is that my daughter wanted me to remember that I was dreaming about her and used the funniest way possible to wake me up so I wouldn't forget. If you knew my daughter, you would understand that this is just her type of sense of humor.

I think that we all have these dreams about our children, but some of us just don't remember them.

I hope this lightened the day and anxiety for a few of you that wish or hope that they had these dreams.

[aprilsmom]

That is too too funny; sounds like Bridge had a sense of humor too. April had this mischievious smile and funny giggle; everyone would think, "what now"?

Hope all is going well. Do you know when your case will be determined/settled?

Doobugsmom- Hope you're over the intensity of the two year mark-ours will be in November. I hope you feel Josh's hug this morning?

Allison- Where are you lady? I've missed your chats! Take CAre all, Renee

[ribitsmom]

Renee,

We have mediation on the 24th...I don't know weather this will be the end or not, but I hope it is, I don't want to go to court.