Grief and the Court System

[willsmom]

Kevinsmom: I am so sorry...and I sincerely mean that, I was just taken back with your statement. I live in constant confusion...and I mean that. Please know that I am here to listen and help, everyone here is so nice.

Ribitsmom, everything you said is right and when I spoke with the lady attorney in Atlanta, she is my favorite, she said do not go...it will be very taxing and basically horrible, and she said the attorney in Orlando, who is actually doing the depo. plans to pretty much chew on her...so I pass, even though I will enjoy watching it---so mean, but true...I send only good vibes you all's way...Kevinsmom, again I apolgize, I was just stunned...Sincerely, WillsMom~~Allyson

[kevinsmom102]

It is unbelieveable what we are put through. It is actually inhumane. The little ass has another hearing in December to try once again to be tried as a juvenile. When the trial comes I will probably be in a mental institution or dead, because I could in no way sit and watch pictures of my child's autopsy. How much do they think we can take? I'm done as it is. I can't imagine.

[willsmom]

KevinsMom102: I can understand you horror at the situation. I do not know all the circumstances, but here where I live a woman contacted the local paper and had people write letters asking people to help her stop the release of the man who killed your son; and it worked. He was denied parole, and will be in prison a long, long time. And yes, I did write a letter. My Will had just died, so mine was just raw with emotion, and anger, and I like to think that helped. If this punk's hearing is in Dec., you have time to rally support, even if your local paper won't touch it, you can always run an ad telling your story and asking people to send their letters directly to the presiding judge. I know, this is a small idea, but it could have a major impact. I would like to know more about you and your situation, but completely understand if you want to not dredge it all up, even though we are all consumed with the deaths of our children. As far, as being dead or institionalized, I too, can understand that feeling. I have had two "break-downs", but was only in the ER and medicated and sent home...No hospitals for me....I hope this has helped you. Know that I am trying to reach out and understand. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you nothing but VICTORY over this horrible person, who did an unspeakable thing...may he rot....Sincerely, WillsMom~~Allyson

[rhonda68]

I am so so sorry to all! I am all alone and I am having a really bad spell. No one understands! I just had an old friend on the internet I said hello and she put away on right away. This seems to be the sort of response I get from everyone. I dont want to be here anymore I dont belong on the earth. My disability manager just phoned and he irratated the heck out of me i so wish I had a physical illness instead i hate this pain in my chest that just doesnt go away.

Love to all,

Richards Mom

[kevinsmom102]

Thank you Will's Mom. Believe it or not, this December hearing is for this little animal to again see if he can be tried as a juvenile. This trial for this matter will likely not even take place until sometime in June or July. What a lovely burden to have to carry along with the grief of your child. It just never ends. You can't even grieve your child because you have so much rage that this animal stole him from me at the beginning of his life. He had so much to look forward to. THis is pretty much the story.

My son was murdered on September 3, 2005. My son was 17. Kevin and three of his "friends" were at the mall when a fight started with another bunch of kids. The kids began fistfighting. My son was stabbed directly in the chest by one of these kids. The kid sliced Kevin's wrist and then plunged a knife into his right lung and pulled the knife all the way to the bottom of his lung. Kevin didn't have a chance. He was the only one injured out of 15 kids.

This kid deliberately and intentionally took the life of my only child. My son turned 18 years old on October 2, 2005. I wish I would have died with him. The pain is completely unbearable. I don't know how I will survive this. My son was a beautiful light in my life. My world revolved around my Kevin. Now he is gone.

I don't know how I will survive this. My son was starting a new job on September 6, 2005. He was an apprentice for a sprinkler fitting company with my brother. He never got to start his new job. He'll never get married and have children. I'll never be a grandmother, and our family name stopped at Kevin as the rest of the family have girls. Kevin was the namesake.

I miss my son terribly and I am at a loss. I not only have to deal with the loss, but now I have to deal with the courts and the lawyers, etc. The ordeal just doesn't end.

It's a shame that we had to bury our children before us. It just doesn't seem fair at all.

[willsmom]

KevinsMom102---You are so mad, you are just like me---Please take that anger and kick him in the face.....DEMAND he be tried as an adult...get even more pissed off...I know this ****-head wants to walk as a juvenile....Get mad...take action...Demand he answer....and be mean.....I wish I could do more...I hate it....I am stuggling for words......Did you thnk anything of my idea??? I am tired and don't have to work for hubby...please e-mail me....I just hate it...I give you so many thoughts, my son was just a baby, and I suffer so horribly......

[willsmom]

Rhonda: Have a few minutes...the pain in your chest is panic....and everyone here hss had it or still suffers from it...(me)....Please know we are here..sometimes...we answer late...but EVERYONE is kind. Stick around...and tell us about yourself...........................

[willsmom]

All my depositions have been moved to AFTER the first of the year---I was so so rude, mad, sad, disappointed...I really let the Fla. attorney have it. The co-counsel cannot make it due a scheduling conflict, and my Fla. attorney wants them there because he is not licensed in Ga., and is scared of screwing up was my take on it---what a chump--and then to top it off the "other side" was relieved, because "her" attorney is in the middle of a trial. Do any of these people think??? Do they NOT arrange things together?? When do we get to be a priority---I suppose NEVER---Everything sucks, and I just want my baby.

[kevinsmom102]

Lawyers can screw with you until the end of times. Especially when they are defense lawyers representing dirtbags and scum. They are scum themselves for taking these little ingrates on as clients in my book.

[willsmom]

KevinsMom102: Just checking on you and sending peace your way. I hope the Thanksgiving holidays were alright. I did fairly well, but now have completely just dropped into a pit of despair; feeling sorry for myself...you know all the emotions.

I am sending you good vibes. Let me know how you are doing. WillsMom~~Allyson

[ribitsmom]

We just found out today that our court date has been pushed off until May of 07...we are so upset about this. You almost wish that you can just drop it, but we are so far into it that you can't. The accident was Sept of 03 so we are looking at about 4 years before we have some closure. The RailRoad just keeps messing with us, sending attorneys to court that have no authority to say anything or make any calls on whatever is being discussed. They have done one depo in early Sept this year and the rest (important ones) aren't until Feb of 06. Very frustrating.

[kevinsmom102]

Thank you Allyson's Mom. I'm just so far deep down in the pit I don't think I'll ever crawl out. I just can't function without my son. It's not worth it.

[willsmom]

KevinsMom102: I know you are in deep, deep pain--but please try to function even if it is just a little. The pit you are in has been home to all of us at some point, and I often, still find myself in that pit, but time does help you, and so does the fact that your boy is still with you, and you will see him again, when God is ready. Try not and despair--silly sounding, I know...All I can say is try and hang in there and go with whatever emotion(s) you feel. Just don't ever think you can't go on--I am sure alot of people on here, have thought suicide---I know I have on several, several occasions, but I hold back due to my living sons, and on thefact that I really, firmly believe my dead son would be quite unhappy with the fact that I left my life and his brothers....I know, I am rambling---but I just don't want you to feel so horrible, silly sounding again, but please I know I do care, and am standing right there with you when the times are unbearable--We all are. You be good to yourself, your son would want that. WillsMom~~Allyson

[willsmom]

Ribitsmom---I cannot even picture the sheer anger and frustration--I will just truly flip out if my case is shoved to the back of the docket over and over--but as we have said before, the RR is a BIG GUN, and does have power. I know you will prevail over them, they would be be playing such cat and mouse with you---they want you to give up--DON'T.. Kick'em in the balls, stay strong, and know I am sending BIG BAD vibes to the RR and there attorneys---LOL--Try to keep yoour chin up!! You can do it!! Allyson

[ribitsmom]

Willsmom/Allyson: you are the voice of reason...I hope we are all so wise when replying to others. Thank you.

Kevinsmom: As Allyson/Willsmom stated, we have all been in that whole of despair that you are so new to; Each day may seem to get worse and worse but find something to hold on to, even if it is the punishment of the one responsable. That is how I got through the first year was dreaming of the day the R/R would be punished, even if it is only through the wallet. I want to hurt them like they hurt me and this need for retribution kept me going.

Hugs to you and please know that we are all together, you made the first step...coming to this site and you will survive this, even if you don't want to at the moment a small part of you must want to if you came here.

I am very sorry for the awful spelling, I should type in word and copy/paste, too lazy.

Denise

[willsmom]

Why Denise---thank-you for the compliment, and I must return it, because you have often helped me...Try and enjoy the weekend, and stay in touch...I send you only the best!! Allyson

[kevinsmom102]

Thank you to everyone. I am trying so desperately to hang on through this. Yesterday was three months since Kevin's murder, and could barely breath all day long. I thought I was going to have a heart attack(actually I was wishing for one). This holiday is ripping me apart as I know it is everyone. This site is wonderful and I do feel relieved after I come here. Thank you again. I think that everybody has to feel suicidal at the loss of a child at some point. I still wait for him to come through the door. I think sometimes I'm going crazy.

[willsmom]

KevinsMom102: Three months is such a sort period of time, you are still numb, I worry about you saying that you feel like you are having a heart attack, that is a sign of severe panic, and I don't know if I told you, but I suffer from clinical depression and acute anxiety (panic attacks) I basically had a break down about a month and 1/2 after Will died and we began to discover all the medical errors, and I just snappped...what I am trying to get to and save you from is that breakdown and ending up in the ER. My hands and feet had completely turned inward, I could only speak out of one sound of my mouth, I thank God, my sister was driving...we were taking everyone trick or treating. I thought I was having a heart attack (panic mimics heart attack symptoms)--I am just spilling all this on you so you do not suffer the "break" I did, do you see anyone, for therapy. You probably suffer alot of the same things I suffer from...I have flashbacks, night terrors...I could go on and on---but my main objective here is to let you know that you maybe headed for a "snap"---I don't see how you could not be. Please find someone who can prescribe something (I take Xanax) for your panic...and to help---I am here if you need anything--WillsMom~~Allyson

[willsmom]

Best book ever: The Worst Loss: How Families Heal from the death of a child. Author: Barbara D. Rosof...I promise you will feel enlightened and relieved.Willsmom

[ribitsmom]

Thanks Willsmom, I will look up the book.

I am so frustrated with the legal system. It just seems to move at a snails pace. We got the dates of mediation and court (as I posted previously)and I am now concerned that those are also VERY tentative. I can see this dragging out until 2009 or some such god awful date. By the time they finish we could very well be gone from this earth too. After talking to the lawyer, oops sorry, the assistant, since the lawyer is too busy to talk to me, it seems it wouldn't be unusual to have this drag out for years. Do you know, if I had known this in advance I would have probably not messed with it. I probably would have tried to make public stinks for the R/R.

Thanks for letting me vent. Hope all are doing well.

Denise

[willsmom]

Man-OH-Man~~ You know what I would do, and have actually been actually considerding myself...is talking directly to my attorney(s)--Lay out all my feelings. How this is going to change NOTHING, and tell him to push for a settlement...In that book I told you about, there is this man who is an attorney himself, to make a sad story short; his son is hit and killed by a drunk driver and the man fights for THREE years to ge this man put away for pretty much the rest of his life and he did it...and he just cried when it was all over with...Said there was no gratifcation in it, and he still did not have Kyle (his Boy)---SO-- what I driving at is that I see and relate to where you are coming from~~BUT do we let someone beat us up and not come back fighting??? It is nothing but a catch 22--Damned if you do, damned if you don't...I say screw them all. I hate the process too...but what else can we do?? Let them off?? The questions are endless. I gotta run---I hope you are well...and that Christmas is kind to you and yours. Allyson

[ribitsmom]

Allyson-Oh, if I could only...If we could just back out, if we could have them push for a settlement, if we could...so many things. We are 1 of 4 in the lawsuit. Each of us has an attorney, but we are all working together. What one does the others have to follow suit, no pun intended. We (my husband and I) were the first to get an attorney and this pushed the rest into also obtaining an attorney. I think that you are correct, I need to talk to our attorney directly. The problem is that there really isn't anything new to tell me, we are kind of standing still, so much legal rig-a-maro. The R/R fights everything, they come to the table unprepared, on purpose. They have deep pockets and can put this off for years. Well, we don't need the money, so can put this off for years too...if we were interested in the monitary outcome. But that isn't what we want, I want to stand at the top of a building and scream about the injustice of the way my daughter was taken, scream that the R/R is responsible. I can't do this for fear of hurting the case. It is that damn "catch 22".

I too, hope you and your family have a peaceful holiday season. I know that this is an awful time of year for many of us. We need to do what we can to get through.

Kevinsmom, I hope you are doing well, I haven't seen you posting for a while.

Peace to all.

Denise

[willsmom]

I had forgotten you were involved with three others...The only thing I can think of that may wake up the RR is to let them know you have money, don't give a damn about money and are prepared to fight for the next 10 years, and that you are thinking of going public; you know like threaten to start screaming "Boycott the Railroad; they are murderers"---Tell your attorney to pass that along in legal ease---I'd start trying to nip at their heels, like a nasty little dog---another words, just being a constant thorn. Talk with your attorney and see if you can't call them directly or have him do it...I would up the stakes---Being a bitch, is a good thing, when needed--and they need it. Let them know you are NEVER going away...See if you cannot post a sign or a huge cross where the accindent occurred. I see them here along the highways. Start thinking kinda like Rambo--but run everything past your attorney, so you don't commit some crime while trying to stir the pot. I'd take them by the head and not let go. Gosh, I sound like some crazy woman, but I just want you to get their attention and having them thinking, that you are NOT just going to sit by idling on their next delay tactic....I hope I didn't scare you, but I was so horrible at the beginning of my fact finding mission, it was scary---but I was so mad---and I know you are too. My simple advice is attack where you can with the consent of your attorney. I wish you strength and power. As I have said to you before, kick'em in the balls---

I have not seen KevinsMom either~~I hope she will post to us...

Anyway, know that I am here and we will fight our way through Christmas...Take care and please, do not think I am some mean woman...we (both of us) have been put in BAD situations and I always come out fighting when backed into a corner, especially when my children are involved---I hope I gave you some ideas. Good Luck and keep me posted. Allyson

[kevinsmom102]

I'm still around. I have had a terrible terrible week. It has been awful. I can't take any more Christmas anything. I feel like I am insane right now. I am still waiting for Kevin to walk through the door. My court ordeal will begin either the end of this month or next month when the little asshole is going to try to get reduced to a juvenile and then I will have to come back to life for that anyway. The state is prosecuting the case, so I "can't speak" at this particular hearing, but from here on out, it will be a different story. This little bastard ruined my life and my son's life and my families' life, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to ruin his life. I had to take off of work today because we had our firm Christmas party and just the thought of it made me want to vomit. I can't take it anymore. I can't listen to a Christmas song and that was my favorite all time holiday. Not anymore. Thank you all for thinking of me.

[ribitsmom]

Willsmom, I sure wish I could do everything that you suggested (and I DON'T think you're mean) but we are actually VERY limited in what we can do. The judge will not allow us to be present during much of this, my attorney has asked me not to talk "specifics" with anyone...this is a VERY in-depth case. In the first year I did quite a bit of the leg work and forwarded it to our attorney, I live near the crossing that the accident occurred at and EVERY time I saw or heard of an issue there I notified the attorney specifics. But what happens is that it seems everything you do is for naught. It is very possible the names, dates and issues will be brought up when the time comes, but "when the time comes" is so long from the date of the accident that it will seem insignificant.

Also, due to there being other families involved I won't be able to raise a stink unless they are on board with it also. If I do anything to jeopardize our case that is one thing but I can't jeopardize it for the others involved. Which, I hope, should explain why I am sitting here on my hands doing nothing other than complaining.

Kevinsmom, I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. The holiday’s are so difficult to begin with, but this is your first without Kevin and I KNOW how excruciating it is. Do you have friends and family that are there to help, spend time with you without making it more difficult for you?

I send you both a “cyber-hug” and hope this season will be gentle with you both/all of us.

Denise

[willsmom]

Oh Denise, I did not mean to imply you were sitting on your hands---I cannot even begin to understand how truly in depth your case is; I was just trying to think of ways to help you, and get rid of that awful feeling of being stuck, which in reality, you are. You are at the hands of the system and the attorneys and we both know what we think of them--LOL...All of it is just a terrible waiting game...waiting to see who moves first, who blinks, or who quits...Please know I think of your situation often and constantly wish you only the best and a quick resolve....Please know that I am here and ALWAYS an ear...Hang in there as always, and be good to yourself over the holidays. It is raining here and my oldest son is spending the night with a friend, and I've got a bad case of the blues and the blahs...I will go for now, but stay close. As Always, Allyson

KevinsMom--glad to hear you are hanging tough. I am sending you my thoughts, and I wish us all a speedy relief from the holidays...Allsyon

[ribitsmom]

Allyson-I didn't think you implied that I was sitting on my hands...that is just kind of how I feel, my own addmission. So much time goes by without me being able to do anything that is of help. It is a very frustrating situation. I hope and pray that your case doesn't take anywhere close to this amount of time. It just gets to a point where it feels as though it will never end.

Thanks for being there.

Denise

[willsmom]

Denise: I FINALLY worked up the gall to call my attorneys and discuss why I have not heard rebuttal from the other side concerning all the questions we had to answer, and the fact that I still have NOT taken the oath to be in charge of "Will's estate"---my God, he was only a baby--it makes me sick, but I got the blow off, so I blew them a firecracker of an e-amil and lo and behold, I am getting all the answers and the questions, and rebuttals will be mailed by Wed., How pitiful it is we have to beg for info., that should be ours away...the second "they know" what is going on...we should know. I did not think my opinion could go any lower...but it has.

How are doing?? The holidays are hard...I am not so good...I am like on in and out mode...I hope you are better. Be safe and hang in there...Allyson

[ribitsmom]

Allyson~I am so glad you are finally getting some information. It is very frustrating when we sit here and wait. I try to make myself understand that I am not the only case these lawyers have, but good business skills should include good customer service skills. We are the customer and should be hand held. We haven't been through this before, I would assume a VERY high percentage of the cases are first times for the families.

I also understand that some of the information they get they don't share with us due to trying to keep it "close to the chest". A lot of the information they do not want to let into the hands of the opposite side. I understand that 100%, because I was on the phone telling my husband stuff that I had learned from the lawyers and my son's friend was sitting right there at the table too, I later learned that his father works for the company we listed in the suit. I don't know that he said anything to the father, I don't know that if he did say anything the father would repeat it to the company he works for, but the possiblity is there. this has actually happened to me twice, once someone was pumping me for infromation and I later realized they work for the opposing side.

I am sorry to go on and on, I was just trying to give law firms a "defense".

I am sorry you are not doing well for the holiday season, I know it is so difficult. The only thing I can suggest, which is probably not healthy, is to stay very busy, you don't have time to think. I too have had "moments" but for the most part I am chugging along and not doing to bad, I think. It hits me when I least expect it. We haven't decorated the tree yet. My son got the tree 4 days ago and it is still standing there bare. We are either going to decorate it tonight or tomorrow.

Christmas shopping hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be, I have had moments during this project also, but not a lot. Often I will be out and see something and think, "Bridgette would love this" but it isn't a bad feeling, it is more of fondly remembering. But then other times I will see or touch something and the tears are right there. I am having a difficult time going to the grave site lately. I am not feeling her there, not feeling the comfort that I want to feel.

Know that I think of you and all the rest of us at this time of year.

Denise

[willsmom]

Denise...I have said it a million times if not a trillion, I really do enjoy you and your feed-back...You are really a neat and kind person...I am still screwed up and sad, but you have actually made me feel a little better. I loved hearing about you shopping, and how you would see things and think Bridgette would love this...that made me have hope.... Hope I may feel like that...You are strong...and I admire that, boy, would I like to steal some of that from you right now....

Your "close to the chest" comment hit home too...My attorney in Orlando always says "play your cards close"---Personally, after all this is over...both of our situations are over...I am taking up target practice....With both those phrases attached to a target...and I will open fire...FREELY....Please stay close during the holidays...email me any time...gbush@rose.net....Your are on my same page....and my God stay with us and our children...Allyson----Oh, as far as customer service skills in correlation to attorneys...they have NONE!!!--LOL-- Stay close...and have a nice day tomorrow....AB

[ribitsmom]

Allyson,

Thank you for your reply. I meant to reply to you directly after your post but became side-tracked and then the holiday's and company happened...not enough energy to do it all. Thank you also for the words, what a great lady you are.

Contact info for me is: denise35@comcast.net feel free to email at any time.

I hope you made it through this portion of the holiday season, I did but wasn't happy about it. We had quite a bit of company and it is so nice to have them gone, sounds awful, I know. I didn't pull the tear jerking mom through the last few days, way to busy and too many people I would rather didn't see me in that kind of position, if you know what I mean. I hate the "oh, poor Denise" type of comments from certain people. I guess I would much rather they think of me as cold and unfeeling than to offer the pity they offer.

But, now that it is quiet around here the tears are coming and don't want to stop.

I just showed my husband the letter that came from the lawyers, about the dates being moved to 2007, he is not happy. It also had a comment on it that we could call anytime with any questions we might have...well, isn't that a load of bull? I suppose we can call whenever we want, but it is doubtful to get us any information.

My best to you and your family at this time of year.

Denise

[willsmom]

Hey Denise: I am so glad the holidays are almost over. My boys go back to school tomorrow, which will be awful. I had to set up Will's estate; take the oath and sign the papers. It was very hard. I will not dwell on it now, because I am having a bad go of it. Who in the world would ever even think you would sit across from some Probate Judge and raise your right hand for YOUR BABY??? Really, really sick.

Just wanted to check in with you. I hope things are smooth on your end, and going a peaceful as possible. I am just sad and mean and resentful all rolled into one....Feeling blue. Let me know how you are. Sending only the best thoughts...WillsMom~~Allyson

[ribitsmom]

Hi Allyson,

I have been in Vegas for the last 10 days for a convention, am very exhausted but the first thing I do (instead of going to bed) is check BI. I am so sorry that you had to sit through a Probate. I am not sure I understand WHY you would need to do this, I always assumed probate to be for the "elderly" that we lose. I have obviously not had to go through this for Bridgette yet. It sounds as though you must be close to done with this whole ordeal. If that is the case I am happy for you, if not, I can only tell you that this portion of our grief will one day come to an end...I am not sure if that is a good thing or not.

I have to agree with you about the holidays being over. Ours were pretty stressful, then immediately after I had to go out of town, which may have been a good thing, jumping from one traumatic thing to the next kept my mind active.

How did it go letting the boys go back to school? Are you past the worst of it? Maybe enjoying a little peace and quiet? I hope it has turned out to be a good thing instead of difficult.

Take care and my best thoughts are with you also.

Denise

[willsmom]

Las Vegas---you lucky girl, even if it was Convention based. Letting the boys go back to school is/was hard. I am just backt to the point of nit wanting to get up and get moving~~who knows why, I just hate it. I hate cooking breakfast, getting them ready, getting ready and heading out the door. It would be so much easy to just lay there, but as we both know, we can't.

I had to do the Probate oath to open an estate for Will, because if we are awarded anything, most of it will be his; for his wrongful death, even though we have control over it, and then we maybe awarded damages for all the hardship and loss and mental/physical anguish. I would assume you will have to do this. I was lucky I had a nice woman Judge who was walking on egg shells...she just kept saying "I am so sorry." I didn't start to fall apart and shake until I got to the car. My husband would NOT even go with me. The "other side" of this case has already started requesting release of my head-shrinker records, so I was stuck dealing with that most of last week. Depos on everyone are SUPPOSE to take place 2/24/06. That should be a pleasant day~~Huh??

I hope you are doing well. Anything new on your end, or is everything still at a stale mate?? I hope things will get going...you have been so patient, and steadfast for so long...I wish us both a speedy resolution. I will go, I know you are busy, but I was glad to hear from you!!! Take Care and stay close! WillsMom~~Allyson

[ribitsmom]

Allyson-just not fair, is it? That the loss of our child/children is reduced to "awarded damages". In the very beginning of this awful mess I was deligated to being "trustee" of any and all damages, or of Bridgette's estate. They also wanted names of aunts, uncles, and grandparents that would be concidered next of kin. I will be thinking of you at the end of Feb. when the depo's get going. Are you saying that your husband wouldn't go with you when you did the Probate oath? Why ever not? Maybe that was a dumb question, if your husband is anything like mine, it is so much easier for my husband to keep away, easier for his sanity. His thought is that if he doesn't have to think about it the easier it is for him.

I am glad that you had a judge that is considerate. Will this be the judge you have throughout the long drawn out ordeal? We have a judge appointed and this judge is going to be the judge throughout. I have not had to be present during any of the hearings as of yet, so do not know how the judge will behave. I do know that the judge (a woman) was a defense attorney in her past life and leans very heavily on the defense side...but has surprised our lawyers with her sympothy to our cause, so far.

Nothing new on our end, everything is moving just as slowly as ever. I am completely swamped until the beginning of April, lots of travel for work, so will probably wait until the beginning of May to see where we are sitting. The depo's are supposed to start for us in Feb. also, so maybe I will get some information prior to me calling the law firm.

My thoughts are with you,

Denise

[willsmom]

Hi Denise: Yes, I was lucky to run across a kind soul, concerning the Probate Judge, but she will not be the presiding Judge, I have no clue who will be at this point...and the trial will be here in Thomas County, which is going to be really strange because this place is tiny and I would not be surprised if we did not know atleast some of the jurors...All that private, personal stuff... I wish I had never done this. My marriage is in shambles, I want to divorce so badly, but I worry over my boys and money, but I virtually live alone and his presence is nothing but bothersome, and he is mean, and never tries to help with anything. Last night I came in from PTO (Parent/Teacher/Organization) and he came into the laundry room and threw down a load of jeans and walked off---I had not been in the door 10 minutes...I will not bore you with all that mess...it is just time to let go and move on.

I hope your day is kind to you and I hope things getting moving for us. I will keep Bridgette and you in my thoughts and prayers...and of course, my Will~~ Take care and keep pushing ahead!! Allyson

[ribitsmom]

Allyson-I am so sorry about the difficulties in your marriage. I wish that all marriages pulled together after the loss of a child, but sadly, sometimes that does not happen. My marriage is far from perfect, but we did pull together in many ways after we lost Bridge; it may have a lot to do with seeing each other so rarely after the accident, being able to grieve in our own ways. However, that was difficult also, wanting the other there with you at your lowest points. We have lost touch in many ways also, the intimate part is gone at this point...I can only hope that comes back someday down the road, otherwise our marriage will fall apart.

Advice, when your husband threw the laundry down and walked off, I would have washed everything but his stuff. OOPS, I guess I can be a bit nasty.

Did you have issues before you lost your Will? If not, maybe consider counseling? I guess this is the wrong thread for this discussion. My heart is with you, and wish you the strength to kick his butt.

Denise

[willsmom]

Hi Denise---Just let me say I am so glad to see a reply from you...it makes me think and review...as far as hubby, still the same...except tonight he called and brought home dinner...KFC, but still dinner---trying to be nice , I guess. I ate and did not say much....I am just going to play things by ear. You would not believe how much I have had you and your daughter in my thoughts. I guess we have alot in common, but I do think of you and her...as I do Will, of course. I have to go to the BIG head checker tomorrow at 9:30, which I hate, I much prefer my therapist...Not much else to say other than the fact that I laugh that we just keep this thread going...and I am glad...We talk about everything...LOL---I will keep in touch...you do the same,please...I will type soon...you do the same!! Allyson

[foreverchanged]

I just found this forum today, so I have not had time to read through many of the threads. However, this one stood out to me. The five year anniversary of my four year olds death was this past November.

Needless to say, hindsight is everything. Any parent who is in a situation where you need to go to court, my recommendation is to hire the meanest and nastiest attornies you can find.

You only get one shot in court. We should have taken the time to get on our feet a little, do some research, and find a cold hearted lawyer, someone who eats other lawyers for lunch.

*this post was edited because it contained too much of my personal information

[kirksdad]

Foreverchanged, what a very hard lesson to learn, but the advice you can help others with is hard learned and useful. When one goes through what you go through thinking goes out the window and hoping for the best is something we feel others should understand, but our court system is not set up that way. Shopping around for someone that knows what they are doing and are not afraid to do it can take some time, but must be done. One is for sure that the other side will do that if they have the money. You are right the death of a child, even hurting a child, sometimes only brings forth the minimum of punishment and to me that thought is just uncomprehensible, but it is always happening.

Courts and the laws are not set up to protect and punish what is happening with our children. Hopefully as people push for new laws and punishments things will change, but that comes with a lot of heartache and a lot of pushing by those that understand where the laws go wrong. That is where your advice is so good, one has to do it to make any difference in what is happening and it is so very hard. I am so very sorry for your loss and if you would like to tell us about your child we would like to hear. Jim

[ribitsmom]

Foreverchanged-I am sorry about the loss of your child also.

Since we lost our daughter in an auto/train accident (Sept.26, 2003) I have thought so many times that we should have a book on the "do's and don'ts" of losing a child. From the minute the coroner was at my door to 2.5 years later, I could have used a hand book. When you are going through this awful, awful (can't think of a word strong enough) thing that happened to us all, you don't stop to think of the correct way of going about it. We probably wouldn't have sought justice if the police officers and chief of police hadn't recommended it. So we immediately (within the first 2 weeks) saw a lawyer. It is still dragging on, I feel that we have great lawyers, but the system allows delay tactics from the defense. I have to assume that they feel the longer they delay things the more people will forget. The soonest things will be done is almost 4 years after the accident...that is providing the defense doesn't throw up more barriers.

We would love to hear about your child and would love to offer a shoulder if you feel like unburdening...this is a great web site for those of us that have lost a loved one or child. All that I have met on Beyond Indigo have been wonderful in helping me find my way through my grief.

Denise

[willsmom]

I just want to say that I too, am so sorry. I am fighting right now to find justice for my son.

As far as finding attorneys that are mean, cut-throat and business like, I agree...I have one that is even harsh with me....but I do enjoy his outlook. I can only wish you the best, and hope you hang out with us...even though things are a little different....Stay strong...and remember: no decision is the wrong decision...Be kind to yourself....Allyson

[foreverchanged]

Thank you all for your kind words.

God Bless You All

[willsmom]

Today is my 37th birthday....and I can safely say I am depressed. I do not care about much...I hate everything....I am miserable. I want my Will and will never see him, until God is ready....and I am mad. I am mad at everyone. Where is my carefree life??? Why am I so sad and why is my son dead??? I am going turn into one of those people who never say a word....

[ribitsmom]

Willsmom, I wish you a happy day and hope that the blues pass quickly for you. I also hope that you will feel visits from Will...instead of waiting for God to decide WHEN you will spend time with Will. I frequently have a feeling that Bridge is with me...I hope, for your birthday, that you also have this from Will.

[foreverchanged]

WillsMom--I feel much the same as you most of the time. One thing I have realized is that nothing, not even death, seperates the love that my son and I have for each other. That is continual.

I do not have much to say, either, most of the time to other people. However, when I do feel that void I take pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and write to my son. It gives me a release.

Thinking of you and sending my love.

[willsmom]

Hey Foreverchanged---I am here any time...Can I ask why you are in the court system thread?? I may not have read back...my fault, and if so, just tell me. I do not want you to have to type anything that causes pain or anguish, so just say--"read back, dummy"~~LOL I will be looking for you to check in, just as I do Denise, she is great and quite kind....Hang in there and I will read back, so I know what is going on...Just wanted to answer you!!WillsMom~~Allyson

[willsmom]

Read back and remember now----My words stay the same.. I am here as is Denise, I know. I check in and out so often, that I have to apolgize for not being up to speed, plus my mind is always flying in a million directions, between Will and lawsuits, my living kids, my husband and his problems...Just remember me as the lady with no short term memory anymore---LOL---But I am here. WillsMom~~Allyson

[ribitsmom]

I just wanted to say that I hope all are doing well and that I check in every day to see what is posted. Nothing new on my end, life is just chugging along weather we want it to or not, sometimes it moves way too fast. My son is finally done with school and we are trying to figure out his "higer eduction" portion of his life.

Take care all and know that I think of you all alway's.

Denise

[willsmom]

Hi Denise....I am too, just checking in; on your son...have picked a college??I come from such a strong military back-ground, I would encourage him to get a degree, and TRY the military....You know, fighter pilot...ass kicker....All my oldest wants to do is get into FSU...and play football...nice dream, but as I tell him...everyone wants into a huge school with a great program...Boys...I won't discourage, but I would rather see him a vet..or a fighter pilot...he has football on the brain...he is only going to be 13---so dreams are nice and FSU is about 45 minutes away...I could do his laundry, and bribe with a home cooked meal...Who knows?? I still have to conquer driving.

Good to see you on the board...I am still dreading depos. (2/24)....I pray and think of you and your daughter, as I hope you do my son...May Go rest their souls...Allyson