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avc2003

Grief and the Court System

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Tina's Dad,

Thankyou!!! I really appreciate your words of encouagement and I am listening!

This weekend we are all going up north for some much needed time away! Our older son, Eric and 3 of his friends are coming along! It should be fun!

Last year we all were up there the week after Josh died, to "get away from reality" for awhile and my husband and all the kids were fishing, my husband said out loud that the only way he would know that Josh is around us is if he would caught a mountable fish (which is something he has never been able to do).

We all fished awhile and about a half hour later, Tom yelled that he had a big fish on....he got it in and sure enough, it was a big small mouth bass! It is now mounted and on the wall up at my parent's cottage!

I will get through this, I have to!!! And I know that my son and my husband are also going to be having a hard time. Our son will have to be supbeneaod and that is going to be very difficult for him!!

Thankyou again for the prayers and kind words! They mean alot to me!

I'm glad that you have had some help with your wife! I hope you are able to stay well and strong for her!

Prayers are being sent to you and your family as well!

Josh's Mom

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Chels1003, I admire your courage. You are right, our kids were and are a gift, always will be. You did what you could for your little girl and giving her hope when she was afraid was the greatest gift you could have given to her.

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Josh'sMom, sometimes we are given a sign of hope from Heaven in the most unusual things. I can see a big fish being given to you as a sign of hope. I hope you get to enjoy that lunker for many many years. It will never be your son, but it will always be the perfect reminder.

I'm sorry to hear about the subpeona news. It's a difficulty for our children to face court, even if they are teenagers. Having been in the foster system, I was in a little juvenile trouble. I know how bad it is for kids in court. It's scary.

Keep strong through this. While you do all this, make sure you take a little time out to pamper yourself. I always say try to encourage a Mom to do her nails, take a long bubble bath, have her hair done, or something like that. It will do a lot for your self esteem. Try to relax, even if it means a meditation or yoga exercise.

Take care, and keep us posted on the whole thing. We'll be right here. Mark

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Hi Everyone, I appreciate the kind words you've shared with me.

Joshsmom, I hope you and your son both find the strength for the day you go to court. I am scared to death as well about having everything dismissed. I bet it's not going to be easy for your son, at all. On a different angle, perhaps it will help him feel as though he's helping his brother. Nothing worth fighting for is ever easy.

And I also have to say, what a wonderful experience it must have been away at camp when you got that first big fish! I hope you catch many more!

Mark, I also appreciate what you shared about your brother and grandfather. It must have been very hard for him. And for you. You still have alot on your plate and you have so many wonderful positive things to share which incites us to remember to take care of ourselves. That's a heavy task most times, if not all of it, and I trust you are doing the same for yourself when you can.

I am glad I held on to hope and believed in it when Kris and I needed it most. It still hurts that I knew and never really said "goodbye". I didn't want to. It's something I am going to have to learn how to deal with some day.

It's strange, but holding on to some of these hurtful emotions is like holding on to her, does anyone else ever feel that way too?

Anyhow, it's been pretty rough here for a few days, but something happened a few minutes ago that was quite nice. I was walking the dog and I stopped to talk to a neighbor. We were chatting for a bit and he stopped to ask about Kris, and how I was holding up lately. I told him back and forth all the time. And one of his sons piped in out of nowhwere that he didn't want me to feel sad all the time. I said something I haven't exactly been feeling or practicing lately. That it's okay to be sad sometimes, you just can't let it run your life. I responded carefully, mindful that he is still a child. Not even 3 minutes before that, I could easily have thrown myself on the ground in complete angst and self pitty for all I was feeling. But I think I probably said it more for myself. A little wake up call, since I've lately been drifting back into the whole whirlwind of extreme emotions.

I'm rambliing on a bit, yet sometimes little things, that don't seem like much, reel me back into a grounded position. I'm grateful for that. I guess it also felt good to have someone I'm not very close to look me in the eye and confront openly what I can barely express with my own family. I can almost guarentee that Jonny and Kait would probably tell me the same thing, that they don't want me to be sad all the time, if they weren't afraid it would hurt me. Or them.

We live in a tough world. If we look back to before our losses, I bet we can all come up with a few experiences that we felt were beyond our control, stressful, unfair. Now it would seem so petty.

Right now, each of us have, through this site, or in our daily routines, touched someone else's life and made a difference. I'm also saying it "out loud" now so that when I start to feel this way again, during the next round (my emotions remind me of a boxing match, TKO and the whole nine or million rounds left to go, I've got one year and nearly 8 months under my belt so far), I'll try to remember feeling a tiny bit of calm in the midst of my own storm. Not that I haven't before. In saying it, I hope to make myself more accountable and not drift so far back next time around.

I wish you all the best. Another holiday is coming up soon. They all dig in one way or another. Our last 4th together as a complete family was spent in our hometown, Newport RI. We parked the car. Immediately ran into 2 baby squirrels that had fallen out of a tree. Incubated them in sweatshirts, and solicited every pet shop around for supplies and advice for three days until we returned to Ny and relenquished them to a wildlife caregiver. Also, during the fireworks, Kris was allowed to pet a special military unit K-9 drug dog. Usually they are not allowed any outside human contact besides their trainers, but they made an exception for her. It made her feel very special to be the only child among a group of hundreds that would have loved to have petted that dog too. I'm glad for that moment, and very sad that having cancer is the only reason she was allowed to do so.

Take care, many blessings, and remember you are not alone.

Proud mom of Kris, Jonny & Kait.

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Chels1003, out of a child's mouth, eh. My wife is fighting the final stage of dystrophy, and the emotions we battle and the ensuing stress, you don't cut with a knife, you use a chain saw. It gets so hard to hang on some days. THen I get a phone call from my four year old grandson, and he says, Grandpa, I just want Grandma to feel good, because I love her. You know, I get all teary just writing that. He's the most beautiful child in the world. Wait until your babies have babies, and you'll understand. lol.

Thanks for the kindness about my family. There was an ad campaign about something on the telly a while back about having a "do-over" and if I could have just one, I'd go back to tell that man how much I love him. I could write all day and not tell you how much I miss my grandfather. But we live in the present, and see toward the future. We can't progress to the past; it can't be done. I just pray to see him in Heaven when my time comes.

As I read all of your post, I felt so sad for your loss, that I started to cry for you. What a dear, precious gift you had taken. Take your time through the steps of grief, and remember that only you can decide how and when to make a move into the next step. Only you can decide you are ready. It's your time, it's your grief. Twenty months is a short time. Go easy on yourself, and give yourself a break. Pampering, makeovers, bubblebaths, and that sort of thing can help you with the most difficult days.

I'm off to care for my wife, who is in the last stage of dystrophy, and having brutal pain. Today is very bad. I'm praying for her, and I know that she'll have a better life in Heaven. This is a harsh illness. I'll tell you more later, but I need to tend to her now. Mark

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Hi Everyone!

Well our weekend away was wonderful!! Alittle sad at times, but a needed get-away!!

We also got a letter from the DA today, stating that he refiled the charges against the Mother and that the witnesses that didn't show up for court before have their whereabouts known, so hopfully things will go forward quickly from here on.

We also got the subpeanoes for the kid's jury trial, and unfortunatley all of us, my older son, myself and my husband all recieved one! I am so scared! I don't think I can go up there and talk about anything without breaking down, and once I breakdown and I don't think I will be able to compose myself again!

I am also worried because when you are a witness you are not allowed in the court room until you are called to testify so you don't hear any other witnesses answers, well we don't want to miss anything that goes on during his trial!!!! I hope the DA allows us to go first!!! That way it will be over right away!!!

I am so scared!!! Why is it that something we've waited desperatly for, for over a year is finally happening and I'm just so scared!!!!

I wish that I could say that we could go through all of this and in the end it would just return things back to when Josh was here with us, then I could do this so easily!!! If only all this heartache would bring him back home to us!!!

i feel like nothing will be good enough for what we have to go through again!

I feel so out of control!!

Soory to sound kind of goofy, but I feel so strange about all of this. It's just too hard!!!

Thanks for listening!!!

Josh's Mom

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Tina's Dad,

I am sending prayers to you and your wife! I am so sorry to hear that she is enduring so much pain! I hope that you and her can find the peace your needing to right now!! Please know that I am thinking of you!!!

Chels1003,

Thanks for the encouraging words! Our trip away was very much needed and enjoyed, as much as we let ourselves!!

I hope that you find comfort too!!! I know it's far and in-between for all of us but we take what we can get!!!!

Thinking good thoughts amd prayers sent to each of you!!

Josh's Mom

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Josh'sMom. You really DON'T sound goofy at all, eh. You sound like a Mom who loves her child and wants him back at any and all expense. You will feel so many emotions and may even feel like you are losing your sanity before this is over. My attorney told me to be ready to go places emotionally that I may not want to go, referring to a lawsuit while I was in grad school. It's a scary place to be, and I'll be praying for you and your family.

It sounds like the short holiday was a welcome break for you. After the court issue has been settled, you may want to take another.

Thanks for the prayers. We appreciate all the support from so many who have taken the time to pray, from the casual acquaintance to my business associates in England. Needless to say, I sleep little now, and most of my life is consumed with her care. But, I am so blessed to have loved the most beautiful, wonderful lady in the world. My life is perfectly complete because I have known and loved her.

Take care and keep us updated on how you're progressing with this. Take a little time to fuss over yourself too. It may seem like a trivial thing in the middle of all you face, but it will do so much for your spirit.

More later, Mark

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I haven\'t been posting for some time. Seems it\'s MY job to try to convince the DA this is a case that needs to prosecuted. So, I haven\'t been allowed to really grieve my son, I\'m too busy trying to get justice. I was told \"When you get a taped confession of Tory (the one who was passing out his fathers\' meds) saying that is was him that gave John the pill, then we\'ll SEE what we can do with it.\" So, even when I do the police depts. job, make it as easy as possible for them, then they\'ll SEE? Oh My God. Who is it that gets to decided who is worthy of justice, & who isn\'t. I thought we all were.

Salem, & Portland Oregon have the highest death rate due to methadone related causes in the nation. Yet, our ER\'s don\'t included Methadone on any of their toxicology screens. It\'s something the family has to ask for, and if Tory hadn\'t said Methadone to my face, I never would have associated it with John Robert. If I hadn\'t asked specifcially for the test, we never would have known. Tory sure wasn\'t going to tell. Nor was his father. Allowing John to die was OK, as long as they saved themselves. This can\'t be right. While my son was dying, they were busy getting rid of evidence.

Methadone recently was changed to a schedule 2 drug, before it was only used in drug treatment centers. Where they tell you what you have, you have to bring lock boxes if you get some to take home, why? Because this is a serious drug! But Dr.s are handing them out like they\'re codeine.It wouldn\'t be further from reality. It is even now more prescribed than morphine. One morphine tablet isn\'t going to kill you, one Methadone tablet will. It\'s that simple. The newspaper said methadone prescriptions have increased $40% in the last 2 years. And, the methadone deaths have increased 20%. But their numbers are way off. It\'s much much higher. How will we know until we start adding methadone to the first tox screen. Because as I said, had Tory not said methadone in my house, while telling me \"John\'s overdosed, John\'s overdosed\" I never would have put John & methadone together. I never would have asked for that test, & we never would have really know how John died.

So, I have been busy talking to & pissing off anyone and everyone who I think may have some input. They are calling the DA, and the DA is getting pissed at me. I must realize they have \'other more important cases\". I urge you all to check your own local hospitals, & inquire if their tox screen includes methadone. Find out how many \"new Rx\'s\" have been written for methadone in your area. Most people who get a Rx filled, just go home & put it in their drawer, or in the medicine cabinet, and kids, looking for that umph to add to their night, are just looking for that amber bottle with a sleepy eye. They have no idea what they have. Or that they can die. If ONE PILL is enough to kill a healty, athletic 24 yr. old man, it\'s enough to kill a 15 yr. old kid. Somehow drinking & mixing drugs is the common thing to do as recreation. It can\'t be done with methadone. And most don\'t know the difference between methadone & other pills for pain reduction. This has got to stop. We have already lost too many. Whatever it is that you think to do, do. John needs all the help he can get. Tory shouldn\'t be allowed to continue his life without answering to this, nor should Tory\'s father Dave. They were too afraid for their own saftey (from the cops) they stood by & watched my son die. Calling 911 would have jepordize them too much. The blood on their hands doesn\'t seem to bother them much, but it\'s killing me. And knowing that this will continue to happen to our children breaks what was left of my heart. Look into the details of your own cities. Find out what\'s being done to prevent this from happening. How many of your children know, if you have someone you can\'t \'wake-up\', never put them on their back, only on their side, with the top arm over them, hanging off the bed, and always call 911. No matter what. The trouble you may get in, will never be worse than the death you allowed, and all the suffering that will follow. Hang in there Josh\'sMom, don\'t let this get away, or get the best of you. Every victory , helps another get justice, and will allow others to live. Otherwise our boys have died for nothing!

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NQueen,

It sounds like you have been busy and that's a good thing! I give you so much credit for the strength you have to keep going forward to get justice for John! The guy that gave him the Methedone, I'm sure, is aware of your actions to try and get to the truth in this, and he should be worried! He may be acting like nothing is bothering him on the outside, but beleive me, he is hurting on the inside! No one could live with what they did and not be reliving it themselves, over and over. Keep up your fight and I sure hope something happens to get your DA to motivate himself and get going on this case!!!

I have been trying to remind myself of the importance of our case too, even though I am so scared and sick to think it may be for nothing, I have to think positive!!!! For Josh!!!!

It just sucks to feel like we've come so far and in the end they may still get off!! There are no guarentees, that's for sure!

The kid that gave Josh the methedone did sign a confession, but his attorney has been trying to get it thrown out because she says they got it from him when his Mother wasn't present with him....(He was 17 and hadn't been waived to Adult Court at that time, but did later on.!) Anyway, the Ploice Chief told us that the Mother was present and so the fight goes on. I can't imagine what the trial will be like, especially with all of us getting supbeneoded! All I know is that I will use my time on the stand to show the jury and everyone in that room, what a great son I have!! I will do everything in my power to prove that he was not at fault in this! He had no intention of dying that night! But that kid knew the dangers of Methedone, his Mother almost overdosed on it a few years ago herself, (I found out a few weeks ago!) and she's got the balls to hand it out for her kid to sell to other kids!!!

All of our kids are good kids!! Some have accidents, some make mistakes that cost them their lives, but in the end, they are still gone and for a reason that makes no sense to us! It all seems to unreal! We are all parents that have done everything in our power to raise our kids to be the best they can be, and still things can go wrong!! We know our kids were the best kids ever! We know we were the best parents ever, but still this happened!

It makes me so angry! Again I am in the defense mode! I can't seem to ever get past this, there are always people who seem to think that a kid who took a pill, is a bad kid, or the parents weren't there for them! I disagree!!!! The kid's or parents who are out there selling or giving away these pills are the ones to blame! If these pills were not made available, my son wouldn't be gone!

he would still be here, living the life he should be living!

I'm sorry, but I just love Josh so much and want people to know that he was a 16 year old boy! He was so young and full of life!!! This just isn't fair!

Keep strong, NQueen, and I am hopeful that you will get the justice you are looking for!!! We have to!!!!

Josh's Mom-4-Ever

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Josh'sMom, did you say once that you live in the state of NY? The state has a wierd statute for fatalities. The defendent is tried as an adult as young as twelve, therefore, fight it. Everything should be admissible in court. I can't believe they are playing penny ante with children's lives against the misuse of this drug. If they want to play hard ball, pitch a few curve balls. In a few days, I will be speaking with my attorney, and I'll ask about this issue to verify it. I'll let you know what I find.

NQueen. By making Methadone a schedule 2 narcotic, my wife has been able to have pain relief at home, instead of being placed in a nursing home. The reckless misuse and abuse of this narcotic is insane. I'm proud of you for doing so well in your efforts to bring this to justice. It's a matter of human responsibility, not covering up a stupid "party" gone amok. I can't picture in your case it was a "party", because he just doesn't seem like the type to do that, after all you have said. I know, teenagers, and am now starting into my third teenager, but I hope we can give them the benefit of the doubt. My oldest was born a heroin baby, and she has not once used drugs, so I guess that says a lot about the statistics for drug abusing teenagers.

As far as having to monitor the use of methadone, I hope people read this and pay attention, because it's a serious drug. I was told by a neurologist that it only takes thirty to fifty milligrams of Methadone to kill a small framed teenager who has never used drugs. That's a very small dose. Many pain patients are on five to ten times that dose. A young person has little chance against this drug. Yes, the FDA needs to have better controls, but ultimately, we need better human responsibility. If it's in the hands of civilian population, they need to be under strict licensure for possession.

It may make possession more difficult for my wife, but it's far better than a family losing a child. This sickens me, and I weep for your families.

Take care of yourselves while you fight through these issues, because you are still grieving your losses. To grieve is a journey, a process, and only you can choose how to take each step. I wich you all you need. Mark

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Tina"s Dad!

We live in a small town in Northeast Wisconsin! I don't know what's going to happen with all of this, but it sure does help to hear your encouraging words!

My husband and I are just upset that now we have to be left out of the courtroom until we're called for witnesses!

We are worried too about the kids and what they'll be asked up on the stand! This so hard!!

I pray for you and your family, and hope that you find comfort in the hours and days ahead!

Josh's Mom!

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JoshsMom. When you can't monitor the way the prosecuting and defense attorneys will tear into your children, it's way too much stress. If there were only someone who could monitor that situation for you, at least you can rest your minds that they won't be emotionally abused by some %@&$% attorney looking to further his/her own career. I was bouncing around the net, and found the statutes about the way it is there. Pretty tough laws. If you want, I'll give them to you here, or e-mail them. But, you probably already have them. The skinny on it is, the person who gave the dose is guilty of reckless homocide, a class B felony. This is because of the disregard for human life in the giving of that dose which claimed your son's life. A class B felony in NY would be about twenty five on the sentence, but with all the crowding, they actually get about seven to ten. Hardly seems righteous for the cost of a life.

NQueen, I'm thinking most of these laws are close from state to state. You most likely have checked into it by now, and it would be the same Class B felony. But, there may be a conspiracy charge against the parent who was prescribed the med and allowed their child possession for distribution. If you go to the state website, then search for homocide laws, you should eventually find what you need.

I get quite angry that this great nation's system of justice can be so messed up. I like to look things up like this, so if I can help you any, let me know, and I'll do all I can. Later on, Mark

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Nqueen and Joshsmom, it\'s unfair that you have so much work ahead of you with the lawyers and DA offices. And that you feel you are doing alot of the work for them. I am too. It\'s part of the process, unfortunately. Not to defend, just to remind as gently as I can, the lawyers and prosecutors you are working with, have so much on their plates already. It\'s so common the family does a great deal of research....No one can do the work with as much passion or drive as the family directly affected. Meaning all of us. Personally, I\'d rather it be me than a stranger.

Nqueen, you are doing so much work and I am sending you all my best...www.findlaw.com is one of the best research sites you can get to without having to pay for it. you can spend as little as 9.99 for a week or a day with lexus nexus, with your drive, one day is all you\'d need, nearly every state lists their statutes online which will be linked directly to findlaw.com at no charge....Look for the latest Supreme court ruling(which is free by way of findlaw as well) or better yet...your federal district court(also free with findlaw)...that has alot of pull....Keep up with the headlines....the latest and \"greatest\" is what you need. Even if it isn\'t in your district, your state, what ever stirs up emotion in the general public. It might be quiet in Oregon or Wisconsin regarding methadone, but another state might be screaming out loud in outrage. ....it will help, especially if what happened to them is very similar to what happened to your children.

The moment I called hospice when Kristian passed, they sent her nurse right away. The first thing they made me do was dump all of her codiene, morphine and roxanol down the toilet. Their main concern was that I would take them to take my own life and I resented it.

Kris had so much of it that they never got through half of it...They had a time limit....They had to make sure I called a funeral parlor before they could leave my house. I kept refusing. .She had just turned 10. I just couldn\'t and that was a fight in itself alone.

I stored all the left over meds in the basement. A couple months later my neighbors boyfriend broke into my basement and stole all of it. I was furious beyond belief. How dare a grown man steal my dying daughters pain medications....and I was furious that he sold the six bottles of liquid codiene and 3 or 4 bottles of morphine on the streets....with her name address and telephone number on the bottles....I filed a police report...He was eventually arrested for unrelated charges. However, the judge that sentenced him made it clear that stealing my daughters pain medications from my basement would not go unnoticed. He could not prove, yet he did say he had no doubt it was this man that took them and sentenced him to the max by law and told him to spend that time thinking on all those things. I doubt this jackass ever will. He\'ll probably stew in it and blame me for making his life that much harder. My neighbor had to move. Gee, how inconvinient of me to complain of her drug habits interfering with my life. Her parents bought her a brand new house to start her life over. Get her away from the craziness my life caused her.

Tinasdad, I am sending peace and love for you and your wife. Your words \"I am so blessed to have loved the most beautiful, wonderful lady in the world. My life is perfectly complete because I have known and loved her.\"

I said the same of Kris. She hated having others looking over her and doing all her bidding, yet she didn\'t have a choice. And she was in horrific pain as well, having a brain tumor and 2 spinal tumors that rendered her paralyzed so quickly.

If she were still living and breathing, she wanted to be a lawyer...A doctor....She could have been anythng she wanted....She had the umph. She took no crap from anyone...Especially anyone trying to feel sorry for her....She verbalized that expressly and it wound up in my being sure several nurses and hospice workers never showed their faces in our home again. One of them shook her head at me like Kris wouldn\'t make it past the next few minutes. Kris didn\'t want to see her again. And Kris nearly left us within that time. She was strong...She had will. One to be admired. She lived for one more month after that one nurse gave us merely one or 2 days. I\'m glad Kris kicked her out....no one wanted to hear that. And she turned one or 2 days into one more month. One I\'ll never forget so long as I live. The one month everyone told me how strong I was for Kris. I told them I had nothing to do with it. It was Kris. She was stong for both of us.

proud mom of Kris, Jonny & Kait

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Chels1003, I'm sorry for the way your situation turned out. In NY we now have to show photo ID in order to obtain the prescription from the physicianfor methadaone and morphine, and it's the patient's responsibility for any loss of that prescription, unless proven by theft. schedule II narcotics are too easy to acquire and it only takes a simple burglary. Remember when our homes were safe? Now we are expected to invest in expensive alarms and monitoring to prevent this problem, and it's our problem, not that of the guilty.

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I live in Alberta Canada and my son was killed in December of 04 on a worksite accident. He was caught up in an ungaurded tailpulley of a gravel crusher. My husband and I have no recourse as here you can not sue and employer for accidents or deaths on the job. We are so frustrated and angry. The company that my son was working for was shut down for 4 months and made to make safety changes. Alberta has laws that are supposed to govern job safety, but many companies are never checked into. Occupational Health and Safety investigate all accidents and they are the ones who recommend charges. The bastard who owns this company could be up on 5 charges, but our "justice" system could allow him to plead guilty to one count and the rest be dropped. There is no justice for our son or us. Any money that is awarded goes to Occupation health and safety. The bastard never called us and never attended my son's funeral, but he's so sorry. I think he's sorry for the inconvenience that my sons death caused him and nothing more. I'm so sorry that you all have to go through this. Thinking of everyone always.

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Jahrynsmom, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I am originally from the Ottawa area. I share your feelings in this, knowing the hazards in the industrial areas. I drove a transport and saw many dangers. To have justice would be a blessing for you and your family, so you can gain closure and peace. These tragedies in the Canadian workplace are so upsetting and needless, avoidable by stricter control of legislation. Please feel free to write anytime and express your feelings. We share our hearts and journeys so that we may help each other with their journey through grief and healing. I wish for you enough for all you need.

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Jahrynsmom, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I am originally from the Ottawa area, currently in the States. I share your feelings in this, knowing the hazards in the industrial areas. I drove a transport and saw many dangers. To have justice would be a blessing for you and your family, so you can gain closure and peace. These tragedies in the Canadian workplace are so upsetting and needless, avoidable by stricter control of legislation. Please feel free to write anytime and express your feelings. We share our hearts and journeys so that we may help each other with their journey through grief and healing. I wish for you enough for all you need.

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Tina's Dad,

I sure hope that you and your family are doing OK, you haven't posted for awhile.

I hate to ask your advice if things aren't going well with your wife, I know that you are very busy caring for her, but I am feeling very alone and at my witts end.

Next week should have been the jury trial for the kid that gave Josh the Methedone. We recieved a letter on Wednesday, stating that the trial has to be postponed because one of the witnesses for our side, the crime lab technician, cannot attend the trial. I am so upset about this, and wondered if you had any insight regarding the way a subpeona works. Isn't it a mandetory appearance, or jail?

I can't understand how after almost a month after we all recieved the subpeona's, now she says she can't be there? Is she going on a vacation?

It looks like we will be waiting until Fall now to even get another date rescheduled!

This kid's got charges for 1st degree Reckless Homocide, 2 counts of distributing a Schedule 1 and 2 Narcotic, since he signed a signiture bond after the Preliminary Hearing for these charges, he has since been charged with Bail jumping, and possesion of drug pariphinalia, and I have heard this morning that he broke into a home of his friend, broke into a lock box that they have containing drugs for the friend's ADHD, I think they said he stole Arbitrol, and $100 in cash.

Now I would like to ask your opinion as to why he isn't behind bars? How in the world could a judge keep sending back home? In our case he was waived into Adult Court!

His Mother has 2 full pages of charges against her for everything from selling drugs, to writing bad checks, to drunk driving, and driving with a revoked license, to lots of disorderly conducts!

The judge that was overseeing the cases involving these people is retiring at the end of this month and so because of the refiling of the mother's case of ditributing and the postponment now of the kid's trial for Josh, we will have a new judge by the time the cases are back in court!

I don't know if this is a good thing, or a bad thing?I wonder if this would have been handled differently if we would have hired a lawyer? We only have the District Attorney and I am beginning to wonder if they are all in kahoots with each other! This mother used to work as a jailer for our county. I just wonder if things are getting overlooked for some reason and we will never be able to do anything about it!

I don't mean to go on and on, but my husband and I and our son, Eric, are just so upset! I don't know what to do, I don't want to just sit back and do nothing, especially if there's something I CAN do! We live in a small town about 30 miles north of Green Bay, Wisconsin! Maybe because it's a small town????? I just don't know what to think!

I hope your able to get a chance to read this!

Thankyou for listening!!

Josh's Mom (Sue)

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Joshsmom, what does the DA say about this. Are you dogging him about what it going on? I know that it is hard to do that, but seeing you and the pain that this drugged up family has caused, might, I say, might just push him into doing more. This kid sounds like a complete mess that needs to be taken off the street. As for the judge in the case, hopefully, you might just get someone that is tough on crime. Maybe you could find someone with the paper in your town that would be willing to expose what is going on. If this kid is doing everything you are hearing then I am guessing it would make for a good story and put some pressure on the DA.

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Kirk's Dad,

I have always contacted the DA each time I either hear something this kid has done, or when we recieve a letter from him regarding the case.

Each time, he has a reason for what's happening. When I called and asked him why the kid wasn't in jail after being caught with drug pariphinalia, being out on signiture bond, his response was, "I was just as upset about it as you are, but it's up to the judge to decide and he let him go home".

With the trial postponement, I really lost it on the phone with him, I was crying and trying to make him understand what this was putting us through, and he just said that she is an important witness and we need her there to testify, so we have to wait, and then he said he knew this was an emotional rollercoaster!

He almost sounded disgusted when I called him and told him I knew that the kid had been arrested for the paraiphinalia and that he was not in jail....this is a small town, eventually you hear everything!

As far as a paper goes, they've ran small stories about the case each time when he charged and stuff, but they always write false things concerning how Josh died. They always say that he died of an alcohol and drug overdose, which isn't true. I had them recant and reprint the article, but then a few months later another one ran and said the same thing again about alcohol being involved!!

It's just a vicious circle!!!

This kid is going around telling Josh's friends that he'll get off and nothing is going to happen to him, and I wonder myself, nothing happens everytime he does something, so why would he be afraid of getting in trouble?

Thankyou for responding, I hope this doesn't continue to drag out for too much longer!! I'll keep you posted on what's happening.

Josh's Mom

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Joshsmom, I just don't understand our system today. It has become a joke. I wish there were something you could do, but it sounds like you are trying everything and getting no where. Is the judge that is letting him go the one that is retiring because if he is that might just be a good thing then. You have been through so much with this and I know that it has got to be so very hard on the family, but I would just keep bugging the DA, he sounds like he might just break at some time. This kid is dirt and there is nothing you can do about what he is saying, but at least you are hearing what is going on, although at times I am sure you wish you weren't. Let's face it the courts in America are set up to help the innocent and the guilty. The victim plays no real part in what is happening although the courts now a days would like you to think so. Hopefully this next judge that you get will want to throw the book at him for being such a mess and I would just keep bugging everyone as long as you can stand it, but remember you have to stay healthy in all of this, physically and mentally. For the long term after our kids' death the health of our body and mind suffer extensive damage that takes time to repair. You need to do what is best for you, but remember to try and relax when ever you can. I know that is easier said than done.

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I guess I am one of the lucky ones. It has taken time, but the State Attorney has asked for my input regarding the "punishment" of the driver who caused my sons death. I have been able to give my input, change my mind- and she says she won't do anything without my consent. All this has its good and not so good points, as the driver was/is my sons "best friend", which makes it difficult for me to go with the highest punishment available. Im sorry you have not had the same treatment. I live in Florida.

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I was, in the beginning of all of this, sent a big packet of forms, letters and things to fill out pertaining to the Victim's Compensation group. I went ahead and photocopied every bill involved in this and lost wages and other things and sent it back, only to recieve a letter in return stating that we cannot get compensation for Josh because he took these 2 pills volintarily. I almost screamed!!!! I didn't even know this victim thing exsisted and they were the ones that sent me the information and stated that I could forward this to get restitution from this kid. I didn't ask for anything, but went through all pain and hassle to collect the funeral and cemetary bills, ambulance bill, lost wage statements and whatever else, only to be told, "never mind"!

We have been allowed to forward the copies to our ditrict attorney's office and if restitution is ordered, they will be taken into consideration for repayment. (I could care less about the money, it's the fact of this kid not caring, changing his ways or showing any remorse for what he did! He just keep going about his life while ours is falling apart!

I was also aksed to submit to the DA, a letter stating what punishment we would like to see this kid get and i did do that, but so far he hasn't even gone to trial!

I am glad to see that things are going forward alot faster for you, but i do understand about him being your son's best friend!

This kid, thank god, was someone that josh barley knew and we had never even seen him before. We had heard of his mother, her reputation isn't a very good one. Good luck to you in your decision, it has to be difficult!!!

We will just keep going like we are and hopefully this will end soon!

Take Care!

Josh's Mom

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