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Grief and the Court System


avc2003

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Tina's Dad,

Thankyou!!! I really appreciate your words of encouagement and I am listening!

This weekend we are all going up north for some much needed time away! Our older son, Eric and 3 of his friends are coming along! It should be fun!

Last year we all were up there the week after Josh died, to "get away from reality" for awhile and my husband and all the kids were fishing, my husband said out loud that the only way he would know that Josh is around us is if he would caught a mountable fish (which is something he has never been able to do).

We all fished awhile and about a half hour later, Tom yelled that he had a big fish on....he got it in and sure enough, it was a big small mouth bass! It is now mounted and on the wall up at my parent's cottage!

I will get through this, I have to!!! And I know that my son and my husband are also going to be having a hard time. Our son will have to be supbeneaod and that is going to be very difficult for him!!

Thankyou again for the prayers and kind words! They mean alot to me!

I'm glad that you have had some help with your wife! I hope you are able to stay well and strong for her!

Prayers are being sent to you and your family as well!

Josh's Mom

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Chels1003, I admire your courage. You are right, our kids were and are a gift, always will be. You did what you could for your little girl and giving her hope when she was afraid was the greatest gift you could have given to her.

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Josh'sMom, sometimes we are given a sign of hope from Heaven in the most unusual things. I can see a big fish being given to you as a sign of hope. I hope you get to enjoy that lunker for many many years. It will never be your son, but it will always be the perfect reminder.

I'm sorry to hear about the subpeona news. It's a difficulty for our children to face court, even if they are teenagers. Having been in the foster system, I was in a little juvenile trouble. I know how bad it is for kids in court. It's scary.

Keep strong through this. While you do all this, make sure you take a little time out to pamper yourself. I always say try to encourage a Mom to do her nails, take a long bubble bath, have her hair done, or something like that. It will do a lot for your self esteem. Try to relax, even if it means a meditation or yoga exercise.

Take care, and keep us posted on the whole thing. We'll be right here. Mark

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Hi Everyone, I appreciate the kind words you've shared with me.

Joshsmom, I hope you and your son both find the strength for the day you go to court. I am scared to death as well about having everything dismissed. I bet it's not going to be easy for your son, at all. On a different angle, perhaps it will help him feel as though he's helping his brother. Nothing worth fighting for is ever easy.

And I also have to say, what a wonderful experience it must have been away at camp when you got that first big fish! I hope you catch many more!

Mark, I also appreciate what you shared about your brother and grandfather. It must have been very hard for him. And for you. You still have alot on your plate and you have so many wonderful positive things to share which incites us to remember to take care of ourselves. That's a heavy task most times, if not all of it, and I trust you are doing the same for yourself when you can.

I am glad I held on to hope and believed in it when Kris and I needed it most. It still hurts that I knew and never really said "goodbye". I didn't want to. It's something I am going to have to learn how to deal with some day.

It's strange, but holding on to some of these hurtful emotions is like holding on to her, does anyone else ever feel that way too?

Anyhow, it's been pretty rough here for a few days, but something happened a few minutes ago that was quite nice. I was walking the dog and I stopped to talk to a neighbor. We were chatting for a bit and he stopped to ask about Kris, and how I was holding up lately. I told him back and forth all the time. And one of his sons piped in out of nowhwere that he didn't want me to feel sad all the time. I said something I haven't exactly been feeling or practicing lately. That it's okay to be sad sometimes, you just can't let it run your life. I responded carefully, mindful that he is still a child. Not even 3 minutes before that, I could easily have thrown myself on the ground in complete angst and self pitty for all I was feeling. But I think I probably said it more for myself. A little wake up call, since I've lately been drifting back into the whole whirlwind of extreme emotions.

I'm rambliing on a bit, yet sometimes little things, that don't seem like much, reel me back into a grounded position. I'm grateful for that. I guess it also felt good to have someone I'm not very close to look me in the eye and confront openly what I can barely express with my own family. I can almost guarentee that Jonny and Kait would probably tell me the same thing, that they don't want me to be sad all the time, if they weren't afraid it would hurt me. Or them.

We live in a tough world. If we look back to before our losses, I bet we can all come up with a few experiences that we felt were beyond our control, stressful, unfair. Now it would seem so petty.

Right now, each of us have, through this site, or in our daily routines, touched someone else's life and made a difference. I'm also saying it "out loud" now so that when I start to feel this way again, during the next round (my emotions remind me of a boxing match, TKO and the whole nine or million rounds left to go, I've got one year and nearly 8 months under my belt so far), I'll try to remember feeling a tiny bit of calm in the midst of my own storm. Not that I haven't before. In saying it, I hope to make myself more accountable and not drift so far back next time around.

I wish you all the best. Another holiday is coming up soon. They all dig in one way or another. Our last 4th together as a complete family was spent in our hometown, Newport RI. We parked the car. Immediately ran into 2 baby squirrels that had fallen out of a tree. Incubated them in sweatshirts, and solicited every pet shop around for supplies and advice for three days until we returned to Ny and relenquished them to a wildlife caregiver. Also, during the fireworks, Kris was allowed to pet a special military unit K-9 drug dog. Usually they are not allowed any outside human contact besides their trainers, but they made an exception for her. It made her feel very special to be the only child among a group of hundreds that would have loved to have petted that dog too. I'm glad for that moment, and very sad that having cancer is the only reason she was allowed to do so.

Take care, many blessings, and remember you are not alone.

Proud mom of Kris, Jonny & Kait.

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Chels1003, out of a child's mouth, eh. My wife is fighting the final stage of dystrophy, and the emotions we battle and the ensuing stress, you don't cut with a knife, you use a chain saw. It gets so hard to hang on some days. THen I get a phone call from my four year old grandson, and he says, Grandpa, I just want Grandma to feel good, because I love her. You know, I get all teary just writing that. He's the most beautiful child in the world. Wait until your babies have babies, and you'll understand. lol.

Thanks for the kindness about my family. There was an ad campaign about something on the telly a while back about having a "do-over" and if I could have just one, I'd go back to tell that man how much I love him. I could write all day and not tell you how much I miss my grandfather. But we live in the present, and see toward the future. We can't progress to the past; it can't be done. I just pray to see him in Heaven when my time comes.

As I read all of your post, I felt so sad for your loss, that I started to cry for you. What a dear, precious gift you had taken. Take your time through the steps of grief, and remember that only you can decide how and when to make a move into the next step. Only you can decide you are ready. It's your time, it's your grief. Twenty months is a short time. Go easy on yourself, and give yourself a break. Pampering, makeovers, bubblebaths, and that sort of thing can help you with the most difficult days.

I'm off to care for my wife, who is in the last stage of dystrophy, and having brutal pain. Today is very bad. I'm praying for her, and I know that she'll have a better life in Heaven. This is a harsh illness. I'll tell you more later, but I need to tend to her now. Mark

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Hi Everyone!

Well our weekend away was wonderful!! Alittle sad at times, but a needed get-away!!

We also got a letter from the DA today, stating that he refiled the charges against the Mother and that the witnesses that didn't show up for court before have their whereabouts known, so hopfully things will go forward quickly from here on.

We also got the subpeanoes for the kid's jury trial, and unfortunatley all of us, my older son, myself and my husband all recieved one! I am so scared! I don't think I can go up there and talk about anything without breaking down, and once I breakdown and I don't think I will be able to compose myself again!

I am also worried because when you are a witness you are not allowed in the court room until you are called to testify so you don't hear any other witnesses answers, well we don't want to miss anything that goes on during his trial!!!! I hope the DA allows us to go first!!! That way it will be over right away!!!

I am so scared!!! Why is it that something we've waited desperatly for, for over a year is finally happening and I'm just so scared!!!!

I wish that I could say that we could go through all of this and in the end it would just return things back to when Josh was here with us, then I could do this so easily!!! If only all this heartache would bring him back home to us!!!

i feel like nothing will be good enough for what we have to go through again!

I feel so out of control!!

Soory to sound kind of goofy, but I feel so strange about all of this. It's just too hard!!!

Thanks for listening!!!

Josh's Mom

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Tina's Dad,

I am sending prayers to you and your wife! I am so sorry to hear that she is enduring so much pain! I hope that you and her can find the peace your needing to right now!! Please know that I am thinking of you!!!

Chels1003,

Thanks for the encouraging words! Our trip away was very much needed and enjoyed, as much as we let ourselves!!

I hope that you find comfort too!!! I know it's far and in-between for all of us but we take what we can get!!!!

Thinking good thoughts amd prayers sent to each of you!!

Josh's Mom

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Josh'sMom. You really DON'T sound goofy at all, eh. You sound like a Mom who loves her child and wants him back at any and all expense. You will feel so many emotions and may even feel like you are losing your sanity before this is over. My attorney told me to be ready to go places emotionally that I may not want to go, referring to a lawsuit while I was in grad school. It's a scary place to be, and I'll be praying for you and your family.

It sounds like the short holiday was a welcome break for you. After the court issue has been settled, you may want to take another.

Thanks for the prayers. We appreciate all the support from so many who have taken the time to pray, from the casual acquaintance to my business associates in England. Needless to say, I sleep little now, and most of my life is consumed with her care. But, I am so blessed to have loved the most beautiful, wonderful lady in the world. My life is perfectly complete because I have known and loved her.

Take care and keep us updated on how you're progressing with this. Take a little time to fuss over yourself too. It may seem like a trivial thing in the middle of all you face, but it will do so much for your spirit.

More later, Mark

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I haven\'t been posting for some time. Seems it\'s MY job to try to convince the DA this is a case that needs to prosecuted. So, I haven\'t been allowed to really grieve my son, I\'m too busy trying to get justice. I was told \"When you get a taped confession of Tory (the one who was passing out his fathers\' meds) saying that is was him that gave John the pill, then we\'ll SEE what we can do with it.\" So, even when I do the police depts. job, make it as easy as possible for them, then they\'ll SEE? Oh My God. Who is it that gets to decided who is worthy of justice, & who isn\'t. I thought we all were.

Salem, & Portland Oregon have the highest death rate due to methadone related causes in the nation. Yet, our ER\'s don\'t included Methadone on any of their toxicology screens. It\'s something the family has to ask for, and if Tory hadn\'t said Methadone to my face, I never would have associated it with John Robert. If I hadn\'t asked specifcially for the test, we never would have known. Tory sure wasn\'t going to tell. Nor was his father. Allowing John to die was OK, as long as they saved themselves. This can\'t be right. While my son was dying, they were busy getting rid of evidence.

Methadone recently was changed to a schedule 2 drug, before it was only used in drug treatment centers. Where they tell you what you have, you have to bring lock boxes if you get some to take home, why? Because this is a serious drug! But Dr.s are handing them out like they\'re codeine.It wouldn\'t be further from reality. It is even now more prescribed than morphine. One morphine tablet isn\'t going to kill you, one Methadone tablet will. It\'s that simple. The newspaper said methadone prescriptions have increased $40% in the last 2 years. And, the methadone deaths have increased 20%. But their numbers are way off. It\'s much much higher. How will we know until we start adding methadone to the first tox screen. Because as I said, had Tory not said methadone in my house, while telling me \"John\'s overdosed, John\'s overdosed\" I never would have put John & methadone together. I never would have asked for that test, & we never would have really know how John died.

So, I have been busy talking to & pissing off anyone and everyone who I think may have some input. They are calling the DA, and the DA is getting pissed at me. I must realize they have \'other more important cases\". I urge you all to check your own local hospitals, & inquire if their tox screen includes methadone. Find out how many \"new Rx\'s\" have been written for methadone in your area. Most people who get a Rx filled, just go home & put it in their drawer, or in the medicine cabinet, and kids, looking for that umph to add to their night, are just looking for that amber bottle with a sleepy eye. They have no idea what they have. Or that they can die. If ONE PILL is enough to kill a healty, athletic 24 yr. old man, it\'s enough to kill a 15 yr. old kid. Somehow drinking & mixing drugs is the common thing to do as recreation. It can\'t be done with methadone. And most don\'t know the difference between methadone & other pills for pain reduction. This has got to stop. We have already lost too many. Whatever it is that you think to do, do. John needs all the help he can get. Tory shouldn\'t be allowed to continue his life without answering to this, nor should Tory\'s father Dave. They were too afraid for their own saftey (from the cops) they stood by & watched my son die. Calling 911 would have jepordize them too much. The blood on their hands doesn\'t seem to bother them much, but it\'s killing me. And knowing that this will continue to happen to our children breaks what was left of my heart. Look into the details of your own cities. Find out what\'s being done to prevent this from happening. How many of your children know, if you have someone you can\'t \'wake-up\', never put them on their back, only on their side, with the top arm over them, hanging off the bed, and always call 911. No matter what. The trouble you may get in, will never be worse than the death you allowed, and all the suffering that will follow. Hang in there Josh\'sMom, don\'t let this get away, or get the best of you. Every victory , helps another get justice, and will allow others to live. Otherwise our boys have died for nothing!

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NQueen,

It sounds like you have been busy and that's a good thing! I give you so much credit for the strength you have to keep going forward to get justice for John! The guy that gave him the Methedone, I'm sure, is aware of your actions to try and get to the truth in this, and he should be worried! He may be acting like nothing is bothering him on the outside, but beleive me, he is hurting on the inside! No one could live with what they did and not be reliving it themselves, over and over. Keep up your fight and I sure hope something happens to get your DA to motivate himself and get going on this case!!!

I have been trying to remind myself of the importance of our case too, even though I am so scared and sick to think it may be for nothing, I have to think positive!!!! For Josh!!!!

It just sucks to feel like we've come so far and in the end they may still get off!! There are no guarentees, that's for sure!

The kid that gave Josh the methedone did sign a confession, but his attorney has been trying to get it thrown out because she says they got it from him when his Mother wasn't present with him....(He was 17 and hadn't been waived to Adult Court at that time, but did later on.!) Anyway, the Ploice Chief told us that the Mother was present and so the fight goes on. I can't imagine what the trial will be like, especially with all of us getting supbeneoded! All I know is that I will use my time on the stand to show the jury and everyone in that room, what a great son I have!! I will do everything in my power to prove that he was not at fault in this! He had no intention of dying that night! But that kid knew the dangers of Methedone, his Mother almost overdosed on it a few years ago herself, (I found out a few weeks ago!) and she's got the balls to hand it out for her kid to sell to other kids!!!

All of our kids are good kids!! Some have accidents, some make mistakes that cost them their lives, but in the end, they are still gone and for a reason that makes no sense to us! It all seems to unreal! We are all parents that have done everything in our power to raise our kids to be the best they can be, and still things can go wrong!! We know our kids were the best kids ever! We know we were the best parents ever, but still this happened!

It makes me so angry! Again I am in the defense mode! I can't seem to ever get past this, there are always people who seem to think that a kid who took a pill, is a bad kid, or the parents weren't there for them! I disagree!!!! The kid's or parents who are out there selling or giving away these pills are the ones to blame! If these pills were not made available, my son wouldn't be gone!

he would still be here, living the life he should be living!

I'm sorry, but I just love Josh so much and want people to know that he was a 16 year old boy! He was so young and full of life!!! This just isn't fair!

Keep strong, NQueen, and I am hopeful that you will get the justice you are looking for!!! We have to!!!!

Josh's Mom-4-Ever

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Josh'sMom, did you say once that you live in the state of NY? The state has a wierd statute for fatalities. The defendent is tried as an adult as young as twelve, therefore, fight it. Everything should be admissible in court. I can't believe they are playing penny ante with children's lives against the misuse of this drug. If they want to play hard ball, pitch a few curve balls. In a few days, I will be speaking with my attorney, and I'll ask about this issue to verify it. I'll let you know what I find.

NQueen. By making Methadone a schedule 2 narcotic, my wife has been able to have pain relief at home, instead of being placed in a nursing home. The reckless misuse and abuse of this narcotic is insane. I'm proud of you for doing so well in your efforts to bring this to justice. It's a matter of human responsibility, not covering up a stupid "party" gone amok. I can't picture in your case it was a "party", because he just doesn't seem like the type to do that, after all you have said. I know, teenagers, and am now starting into my third teenager, but I hope we can give them the benefit of the doubt. My oldest was born a heroin baby, and she has not once used drugs, so I guess that says a lot about the statistics for drug abusing teenagers.

As far as having to monitor the use of methadone, I hope people read this and pay attention, because it's a serious drug. I was told by a neurologist that it only takes thirty to fifty milligrams of Methadone to kill a small framed teenager who has never used drugs. That's a very small dose. Many pain patients are on five to ten times that dose. A young person has little chance against this drug. Yes, the FDA needs to have better controls, but ultimately, we need better human responsibility. If it's in the hands of civilian population, they need to be under strict licensure for possession.

It may make possession more difficult for my wife, but it's far better than a family losing a child. This sickens me, and I weep for your families.

Take care of yourselves while you fight through these issues, because you are still grieving your losses. To grieve is a journey, a process, and only you can choose how to take each step. I wich you all you need. Mark

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Tina"s Dad!

We live in a small town in Northeast Wisconsin! I don't know what's going to happen with all of this, but it sure does help to hear your encouraging words!

My husband and I are just upset that now we have to be left out of the courtroom until we're called for witnesses!

We are worried too about the kids and what they'll be asked up on the stand! This so hard!!

I pray for you and your family, and hope that you find comfort in the hours and days ahead!

Josh's Mom!

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JoshsMom. When you can't monitor the way the prosecuting and defense attorneys will tear into your children, it's way too much stress. If there were only someone who could monitor that situation for you, at least you can rest your minds that they won't be emotionally abused by some %@&$% attorney looking to further his/her own career. I was bouncing around the net, and found the statutes about the way it is there. Pretty tough laws. If you want, I'll give them to you here, or e-mail them. But, you probably already have them. The skinny on it is, the person who gave the dose is guilty of reckless homocide, a class B felony. This is because of the disregard for human life in the giving of that dose which claimed your son's life. A class B felony in NY would be about twenty five on the sentence, but with all the crowding, they actually get about seven to ten. Hardly seems righteous for the cost of a life.

NQueen, I'm thinking most of these laws are close from state to state. You most likely have checked into it by now, and it would be the same Class B felony. But, there may be a conspiracy charge against the parent who was prescribed the med and allowed their child possession for distribution. If you go to the state website, then search for homocide laws, you should eventually find what you need.

I get quite angry that this great nation's system of justice can be so messed up. I like to look things up like this, so if I can help you any, let me know, and I'll do all I can. Later on, Mark

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Nqueen and Joshsmom, it\'s unfair that you have so much work ahead of you with the lawyers and DA offices. And that you feel you are doing alot of the work for them. I am too. It\'s part of the process, unfortunately. Not to defend, just to remind as gently as I can, the lawyers and prosecutors you are working with, have so much on their plates already. It\'s so common the family does a great deal of research....No one can do the work with as much passion or drive as the family directly affected. Meaning all of us. Personally, I\'d rather it be me than a stranger.

Nqueen, you are doing so much work and I am sending you all my best...www.findlaw.com is one of the best research sites you can get to without having to pay for it. you can spend as little as 9.99 for a week or a day with lexus nexus, with your drive, one day is all you\'d need, nearly every state lists their statutes online which will be linked directly to findlaw.com at no charge....Look for the latest Supreme court ruling(which is free by way of findlaw as well) or better yet...your federal district court(also free with findlaw)...that has alot of pull....Keep up with the headlines....the latest and \"greatest\" is what you need. Even if it isn\'t in your district, your state, what ever stirs up emotion in the general public. It might be quiet in Oregon or Wisconsin regarding methadone, but another state might be screaming out loud in outrage. ....it will help, especially if what happened to them is very similar to what happened to your children.

The moment I called hospice when Kristian passed, they sent her nurse right away. The first thing they made me do was dump all of her codiene, morphine and roxanol down the toilet. Their main concern was that I would take them to take my own life and I resented it.

Kris had so much of it that they never got through half of it...They had a time limit....They had to make sure I called a funeral parlor before they could leave my house. I kept refusing. .She had just turned 10. I just couldn\'t and that was a fight in itself alone.

I stored all the left over meds in the basement. A couple months later my neighbors boyfriend broke into my basement and stole all of it. I was furious beyond belief. How dare a grown man steal my dying daughters pain medications....and I was furious that he sold the six bottles of liquid codiene and 3 or 4 bottles of morphine on the streets....with her name address and telephone number on the bottles....I filed a police report...He was eventually arrested for unrelated charges. However, the judge that sentenced him made it clear that stealing my daughters pain medications from my basement would not go unnoticed. He could not prove, yet he did say he had no doubt it was this man that took them and sentenced him to the max by law and told him to spend that time thinking on all those things. I doubt this jackass ever will. He\'ll probably stew in it and blame me for making his life that much harder. My neighbor had to move. Gee, how inconvinient of me to complain of her drug habits interfering with my life. Her parents bought her a brand new house to start her life over. Get her away from the craziness my life caused her.

Tinasdad, I am sending peace and love for you and your wife. Your words \"I am so blessed to have loved the most beautiful, wonderful lady in the world. My life is perfectly complete because I have known and loved her.\"

I said the same of Kris. She hated having others looking over her and doing all her bidding, yet she didn\'t have a choice. And she was in horrific pain as well, having a brain tumor and 2 spinal tumors that rendered her paralyzed so quickly.

If she were still living and breathing, she wanted to be a lawyer...A doctor....She could have been anythng she wanted....She had the umph. She took no crap from anyone...Especially anyone trying to feel sorry for her....She verbalized that expressly and it wound up in my being sure several nurses and hospice workers never showed their faces in our home again. One of them shook her head at me like Kris wouldn\'t make it past the next few minutes. Kris didn\'t want to see her again. And Kris nearly left us within that time. She was strong...She had will. One to be admired. She lived for one more month after that one nurse gave us merely one or 2 days. I\'m glad Kris kicked her out....no one wanted to hear that. And she turned one or 2 days into one more month. One I\'ll never forget so long as I live. The one month everyone told me how strong I was for Kris. I told them I had nothing to do with it. It was Kris. She was stong for both of us.

proud mom of Kris, Jonny & Kait

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Chels1003, I'm sorry for the way your situation turned out. In NY we now have to show photo ID in order to obtain the prescription from the physicianfor methadaone and morphine, and it's the patient's responsibility for any loss of that prescription, unless proven by theft. schedule II narcotics are too easy to acquire and it only takes a simple burglary. Remember when our homes were safe? Now we are expected to invest in expensive alarms and monitoring to prevent this problem, and it's our problem, not that of the guilty.

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jahrynsmom

I live in Alberta Canada and my son was killed in December of 04 on a worksite accident. He was caught up in an ungaurded tailpulley of a gravel crusher. My husband and I have no recourse as here you can not sue and employer for accidents or deaths on the job. We are so frustrated and angry. The company that my son was working for was shut down for 4 months and made to make safety changes. Alberta has laws that are supposed to govern job safety, but many companies are never checked into. Occupational Health and Safety investigate all accidents and they are the ones who recommend charges. The bastard who owns this company could be up on 5 charges, but our "justice" system could allow him to plead guilty to one count and the rest be dropped. There is no justice for our son or us. Any money that is awarded goes to Occupation health and safety. The bastard never called us and never attended my son's funeral, but he's so sorry. I think he's sorry for the inconvenience that my sons death caused him and nothing more. I'm so sorry that you all have to go through this. Thinking of everyone always.

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Jahrynsmom, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I am originally from the Ottawa area. I share your feelings in this, knowing the hazards in the industrial areas. I drove a transport and saw many dangers. To have justice would be a blessing for you and your family, so you can gain closure and peace. These tragedies in the Canadian workplace are so upsetting and needless, avoidable by stricter control of legislation. Please feel free to write anytime and express your feelings. We share our hearts and journeys so that we may help each other with their journey through grief and healing. I wish for you enough for all you need.

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Jahrynsmom, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I am originally from the Ottawa area, currently in the States. I share your feelings in this, knowing the hazards in the industrial areas. I drove a transport and saw many dangers. To have justice would be a blessing for you and your family, so you can gain closure and peace. These tragedies in the Canadian workplace are so upsetting and needless, avoidable by stricter control of legislation. Please feel free to write anytime and express your feelings. We share our hearts and journeys so that we may help each other with their journey through grief and healing. I wish for you enough for all you need.

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Tina's Dad,

I sure hope that you and your family are doing OK, you haven't posted for awhile.

I hate to ask your advice if things aren't going well with your wife, I know that you are very busy caring for her, but I am feeling very alone and at my witts end.

Next week should have been the jury trial for the kid that gave Josh the Methedone. We recieved a letter on Wednesday, stating that the trial has to be postponed because one of the witnesses for our side, the crime lab technician, cannot attend the trial. I am so upset about this, and wondered if you had any insight regarding the way a subpeona works. Isn't it a mandetory appearance, or jail?

I can't understand how after almost a month after we all recieved the subpeona's, now she says she can't be there? Is she going on a vacation?

It looks like we will be waiting until Fall now to even get another date rescheduled!

This kid's got charges for 1st degree Reckless Homocide, 2 counts of distributing a Schedule 1 and 2 Narcotic, since he signed a signiture bond after the Preliminary Hearing for these charges, he has since been charged with Bail jumping, and possesion of drug pariphinalia, and I have heard this morning that he broke into a home of his friend, broke into a lock box that they have containing drugs for the friend's ADHD, I think they said he stole Arbitrol, and $100 in cash.

Now I would like to ask your opinion as to why he isn't behind bars? How in the world could a judge keep sending back home? In our case he was waived into Adult Court!

His Mother has 2 full pages of charges against her for everything from selling drugs, to writing bad checks, to drunk driving, and driving with a revoked license, to lots of disorderly conducts!

The judge that was overseeing the cases involving these people is retiring at the end of this month and so because of the refiling of the mother's case of ditributing and the postponment now of the kid's trial for Josh, we will have a new judge by the time the cases are back in court!

I don't know if this is a good thing, or a bad thing?I wonder if this would have been handled differently if we would have hired a lawyer? We only have the District Attorney and I am beginning to wonder if they are all in kahoots with each other! This mother used to work as a jailer for our county. I just wonder if things are getting overlooked for some reason and we will never be able to do anything about it!

I don't mean to go on and on, but my husband and I and our son, Eric, are just so upset! I don't know what to do, I don't want to just sit back and do nothing, especially if there's something I CAN do! We live in a small town about 30 miles north of Green Bay, Wisconsin! Maybe because it's a small town????? I just don't know what to think!

I hope your able to get a chance to read this!

Thankyou for listening!!

Josh's Mom (Sue)

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Joshsmom, what does the DA say about this. Are you dogging him about what it going on? I know that it is hard to do that, but seeing you and the pain that this drugged up family has caused, might, I say, might just push him into doing more. This kid sounds like a complete mess that needs to be taken off the street. As for the judge in the case, hopefully, you might just get someone that is tough on crime. Maybe you could find someone with the paper in your town that would be willing to expose what is going on. If this kid is doing everything you are hearing then I am guessing it would make for a good story and put some pressure on the DA.

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Kirk's Dad,

I have always contacted the DA each time I either hear something this kid has done, or when we recieve a letter from him regarding the case.

Each time, he has a reason for what's happening. When I called and asked him why the kid wasn't in jail after being caught with drug pariphinalia, being out on signiture bond, his response was, "I was just as upset about it as you are, but it's up to the judge to decide and he let him go home".

With the trial postponement, I really lost it on the phone with him, I was crying and trying to make him understand what this was putting us through, and he just said that she is an important witness and we need her there to testify, so we have to wait, and then he said he knew this was an emotional rollercoaster!

He almost sounded disgusted when I called him and told him I knew that the kid had been arrested for the paraiphinalia and that he was not in jail....this is a small town, eventually you hear everything!

As far as a paper goes, they've ran small stories about the case each time when he charged and stuff, but they always write false things concerning how Josh died. They always say that he died of an alcohol and drug overdose, which isn't true. I had them recant and reprint the article, but then a few months later another one ran and said the same thing again about alcohol being involved!!

It's just a vicious circle!!!

This kid is going around telling Josh's friends that he'll get off and nothing is going to happen to him, and I wonder myself, nothing happens everytime he does something, so why would he be afraid of getting in trouble?

Thankyou for responding, I hope this doesn't continue to drag out for too much longer!! I'll keep you posted on what's happening.

Josh's Mom

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Joshsmom, I just don't understand our system today. It has become a joke. I wish there were something you could do, but it sounds like you are trying everything and getting no where. Is the judge that is letting him go the one that is retiring because if he is that might just be a good thing then. You have been through so much with this and I know that it has got to be so very hard on the family, but I would just keep bugging the DA, he sounds like he might just break at some time. This kid is dirt and there is nothing you can do about what he is saying, but at least you are hearing what is going on, although at times I am sure you wish you weren't. Let's face it the courts in America are set up to help the innocent and the guilty. The victim plays no real part in what is happening although the courts now a days would like you to think so. Hopefully this next judge that you get will want to throw the book at him for being such a mess and I would just keep bugging everyone as long as you can stand it, but remember you have to stay healthy in all of this, physically and mentally. For the long term after our kids' death the health of our body and mind suffer extensive damage that takes time to repair. You need to do what is best for you, but remember to try and relax when ever you can. I know that is easier said than done.

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griffinsmom

I guess I am one of the lucky ones. It has taken time, but the State Attorney has asked for my input regarding the "punishment" of the driver who caused my sons death. I have been able to give my input, change my mind- and she says she won't do anything without my consent. All this has its good and not so good points, as the driver was/is my sons "best friend", which makes it difficult for me to go with the highest punishment available. Im sorry you have not had the same treatment. I live in Florida.

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I was, in the beginning of all of this, sent a big packet of forms, letters and things to fill out pertaining to the Victim's Compensation group. I went ahead and photocopied every bill involved in this and lost wages and other things and sent it back, only to recieve a letter in return stating that we cannot get compensation for Josh because he took these 2 pills volintarily. I almost screamed!!!! I didn't even know this victim thing exsisted and they were the ones that sent me the information and stated that I could forward this to get restitution from this kid. I didn't ask for anything, but went through all pain and hassle to collect the funeral and cemetary bills, ambulance bill, lost wage statements and whatever else, only to be told, "never mind"!

We have been allowed to forward the copies to our ditrict attorney's office and if restitution is ordered, they will be taken into consideration for repayment. (I could care less about the money, it's the fact of this kid not caring, changing his ways or showing any remorse for what he did! He just keep going about his life while ours is falling apart!

I was also aksed to submit to the DA, a letter stating what punishment we would like to see this kid get and i did do that, but so far he hasn't even gone to trial!

I am glad to see that things are going forward alot faster for you, but i do understand about him being your son's best friend!

This kid, thank god, was someone that josh barley knew and we had never even seen him before. We had heard of his mother, her reputation isn't a very good one. Good luck to you in your decision, it has to be difficult!!!

We will just keep going like we are and hopefully this will end soon!

Take Care!

Josh's Mom

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griffinsmom

It just is that no matter what we do, how much we cry, beg, plead, bargain, wish, pray- our children will not be walking through the door as we know them any time soon- if ever. This is what I tell myself when I get too out of control, that there's nothing I can do to change what has happened. It stinks.

You can meet us at: https://griffin-schwartz.memory-of.com/about.aspx

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Joshsmom, I am so sorry you are going through all this, and for nearly nothing. I hold you in prayer, so that the next young person won't have such easy access to these pills. Injustice can be so painful. May your heart be given peace as you struggle to make sense of his death. Mark

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Hi I am Bridgette's mom, I did scan this thread to see if I could find my answer...but I didn't, so I will ask and hope for a favorable answer.

We lost our daughter in a car/train accident on 9-26-03, she was riding with 3 boys, going to pick up a friend of hers then on to a birthday party...they didn't make it. The first thing the R/R said (of course) was that they went around the arms, the first thing the News media said was that they had all been drinking, even zoomed in on an UNBROKEN bottle of rum that was still in the car, the train hit doing 60 mph, 3 of the 4 kids were thrown many, many, many yards from the vehicle, my point is that no bottle would have survived an accident like this.

Anyway, we were told by local police to get in touch with a lawyer, it was stressed strongly that we do, even given a name of a good lawyer by the detective that was there.

So, now we are almost at the 2 year mark and they are telling me it can be another 1-3 years. IS THIS NORMAL? GOD, we just really want it over with. There are at least 20 lawyers working on this case (with all the kids in the vehicle, and all the specialty lawyers that they have hired)you would think that they could put this together quicker.

This is like the final part of putting our daughter to rest and it is like we are not allowed to until we are told that we can by a bunch of lawyers.

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Ribitsmom, first let me say I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter, Bridgette, this is not a part of life that anyone wants to experience. It becomes especially hard if one has to experience it and the court system at the same time. Unfortunate what you are experiencing is normal. It takes a lot out of a parent to have to go through this, the not knowing what will happen is beyond belief. I guess a lot of it has to do with what your lawyer is telling you about the possible outcome. If they believe the outcome will be positive, negative, or not even sure. Sometimes just getting the information out there so that it is available to others can make such a difference in others lives and I am sure what happened with your daughter is something you don't want happening to another family. The news media will jump at any chance to sensationalize a story without any understanding, or comprehension about what it does to the lives of those left behind. I have talked to many going through these lawsuits and it is very draining because, yes, it is hard to put everything that bothers us about it to rest. To be honest, it will never be put to rest no matter what the outcome.

You have to ask yourself is you feel this is something that you are prepared to cope with, many will be able to do it, and many won't. Just stand back and take a look at the whole picture, what it is doing to the family. If you have the support then continue, if you feel you can't make it, then before you make a decision maybe you could get the advice of an advocate. In larger cities there might be someone to talk to that could give you some counseling about what to expect when you proceed. This is a very hard and tough road to take, it might help others, it will be hard. Jim

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RibitsMom,

Sorry it took me awhile to write back, I saw your other post to me concerning Josh's school and really appreciate your post!

I don't have any good news about the court systems either, just that I can relate to what your going through!

The kid that is charged with 1st degree reckless homocide for giving Josh the 2 Methedone pills, still hasn't gone to trial! He's still out enjoying his life like nothing has happened! The court dates have been scheduled and postponed several times now and again we are playing the waiting game! This kid acts like he will get away with this because so much time has passed (15 months now!) and in the depth of my soul, I pray that that doesn's happen! What we have gone through and the fact that Josh is gone, is as real to us as if it happened, yesterday! I pray that the jury and judge we eventually get, will understand that!

You've come this far, don't let things get you down, and try not to give up! In the end justice will hopfully prevail for all of us!

I look at it like this......all I have now is time, and the time that I do have I will spend getting justice for Josh!

Your daughter is looking over you and will give you the strengh to get through this last hurdle! (Well not the last, but hopfully the last big hurdle!)

I don't want to see another family get put through what this kid and his Mother have put our family through! They have been caught giving out this drug again since Josh died! That is enough for me to keep fighting and see the day they are put away! Even if it is for a short time, they will have to admit they did wrong, which to this day, they still have not!

Hugs to you and your family in your venture, and strength to you also!

Josh's Mom (Sue)

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Joshsmom: I have been following your story and my heart breaks for you...is there anyway to get federal agencies involved? If the local police force is not doing anything constructive maybe a tip to federal? I obviously know nothing about this type of situation but it just seems logical that selling drugs (any kind) is illegal and deserving of jail time.

Thanks for your kind thoughts, and no, I have no intention of giving up, I plan to go the full 9 yards with this Wrongful Death Suit. My daughter, Bridgette, was 2 months away from turning 18, she still had her braces on, she hadn’t graduated high school yet, she never had a serious boyfriend yet, she never went to college yet, no children, no nothing in the way of life…That is wrong and someone caused that, I want it known publicly that my daughter lost her life due to the actions of others.

The reason I want it over now…other than the fact that I can’t close this chapter is that I would like to lobby for the R/R to slow down in areas that are not rural. Or force them to put in over passes, underpasses…whatever. There was another accident with a 15 yr old just 2 weeks ago just up the “tracks” from our accident. So, until the suit is final I won’t be able to lobby, or make too public my thoughts. (I guess this web site is pretty public though). Oh well.

Again, thanks for your kind thoughts and that of Kirksdad, also. My thoughts are with all of you everyday.

Denise

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RibitsMom,

Actually I would love to get others involved in this, even a lawyer (which we don't have, just the District Attorney), but we are lucky to even have gotten the charges we have!

They're were so many skrew ups along the way so far....I wont go into details, but the coroner even messed up on obtaining the evidence of what and how much medication was in Josh's system, when he died. He was staying over at his best firend's house the night this happened and he was found unresponsive in the morning. I've been told that this kid gave Josh anywhere from 2 to 3, 10ml Methedone pills and told Josh they would give him a cool buzz! My son was not into drugs, he didn't even smoke cigarettes, but it was Memorial Weekend and almost the end of school, and his Sophomore year and I guess they were just looking for "somethingfun". Anyway, this kid knew what these pills were and how lethal they could be....they were his own Mother's perscription and she had almost OD"d on them 2 years ago! He chose to hand Josh a lethal dose of these pills! If he would have given him only 1 pill, I don't beleive that Josh would have died that night! This kid acts like everyone should just foget what happened, it's been long enough....well unfortunately we can't forget and we wont forget and I will spend the rest of my life making him remember too!!!

Josh also was so young! He had just started driving, had his first real girlfriend, his first real job! He was only 16! I too feel empty knowing I will never have grandchildren from him! He would have made a great Dad some day!

I run a home daycare and he always came home and played with the kids! He pushed them on the swings or just picked them up and would flip them around! He was such an easy going person! He had a real goofy sense of humor and he never really was bothered by much! He was content to be with his friends or in his room playing video games! I haven't changed his room at all, it's exactly like it was the day he died! I can't bring myself to take things out of there or change it in anyway! I sit in there all the time! I still smell his cologne when I open his door! Our dog used to sleep with him every night and now he wont go in Josh's room at all!

It's so unfair! Why us and why our kids???

I just miss Josh so much and I feel bad for my older son, he's lost his little brother!!! He's all we have now and I think we smother him alot! I know we've kind of pushed him away by doing this! We want him so close and now he's moved out on his own! That's been really hard on my husband and I! I know it was hard living here though after everything happened, it was just hard on him!

Thanks for understanding! It means alot to me to have that here!!!

Take Care,

Josh's Mom (Sue)

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Joshsmom, my heart breaks for you. As I sit here trying to think of something of compfort to type I hear the train whistle blowing in the back ground, to me that is my Bridgette saying, "Love you mom", which makes me think that our kids are with us always. It is an impossible situation that you are in, that we are all in.

Is it possible for you to get a lawyer with the DA working on the case? I am obviously ignorant of these things, but it just seems that if something doesn't work, look for something that might.

As for keeping Josh's room the same, and smothering your other son, I so understand this. My husband and I have spoiled our son terribly sinse the accident and can't seem to stop. It hasn't done our son any favors at all and he actually feels guilt taking things we offer freely. He is a good kid, a very good kid and misses his sister so much. The accident has hurt him in ways we hadn't seen coming until it was too late. He missed too much school after the accident, then was ill and in the hospital about 6 months after the accident, so missed antoher 2 weeks of school and then this last April he was in an accident and broke his back and missed the end of his school year (he is now a senior). So didn't get to graduate. I tie most (not the broken back) to the accident. I think the illness that put him in the hospital had much to do with his body not bouncing back from the depression of our loss. The broken back I think his sister was watching out for him, he could have lost his life.

As for the room, I made the mistake of cleaning it out 1 week after the accident...I don't know why I did it, but I wish I hadn't. My son asked me the other day why I did it and that he wished I hadn't, and that broke my heart because I can't undo it. He said that he would have a place to think about his sister if I hadn't done that...he wasn't mad at me, just disappointed. I think I would rather he was mad.

Denise

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Hello-- I am new here and find myself amazed, stunned and saddened by all the stories. My heart goes out to you all. I, myself, lost my son at three weeks of age due to an undiagnosed heart defect that could have been easily detected by an echocardiogram, and surgery would have enabled him to lead a normal, healthy life. His defect was transpoistion of the great vessels. I am now involved in a full blown lawsuit with my OB/GYN, due to her never ordering the echo, even though she was instructed to do so; by the ultrasound tech. They ordered this echo., because of my age and the higher risk of abnormalities in women over 35---I was 35. My OB readily admits she never read the order, never saw the order and only read "No abnormalities noted" and went on about her day, well, my Will was born in a small town hospital with NO neonatal unit, he had to flown to two different hospitals. He fought for his life for three weeks. I also have alot of questions for the second hospital where he landed, they did quite a number on his heart and pulmonary system and he had to be placed on an ECMO machine in order for these organs to heal themselves, he jumped that hurdle got off the ECMO, began to ingest breast milk, starting at 2 cc's and was ingesting 12 cc's within a(n) 8 hour period. They later tell us that he sustained some/slight brain damage in the Cath Lab, this is where they performed the ballon septosmy, and the ECMO came into play. I have already served and am in full battle mode with the OB~~~but I want answers from this hospital. On the night he died, they allowed his oxygen levels to drop so low his blood began to go acidic, and he passed. The cardiologist on call stood in a corner and cried as I held my dead son...I kept asking why????He did nothing but bellow and shake. My problem is: the attorneys I am dealing with, I have three, one in Fla. and two in Atlanta will not go after this hopsital until the OB case is over, but in all likely hood, the statue of limitations will run out and I will not be able to get these people. I want revenge, I want answers, I want MY BABY, but that is, impossible---does anyone relate to this??? Does anyone have any ideas??? Thank-you in advance. WillsMom

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Willsmom,

My heart breaks for you...I am finding that the court battles are such a long drawn out process, they take forever. I don't understand (I am sure there is a reason)why they can't file both cases at the same time, to me it sounds as though they are 2 different issues and should be able to go simotaniously. (sp)My thoughts are with you.

Denise-Bridgettes loving mom

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Hi Denise:

Thanks for the reply...I wish they would file against both, but the doctor from the hospital in Florida has signed an affividid (SP) with us against the OB/GYN, and my attorneys do not want him to change his testismony...or waiver from it. I have a horrible time with this. It is like letting people get a way with murder, and only punishing one person. I have complained and raised sand, and they only tell me I would be hurting myself...even if it goes to a jury trial, I would look like I was out to get everyone...but I am, you did it--you suffer for it. My baby boy is dead,a and I am suppose to take this like some amusement ride??? Yes, I want blood, because their hands are covered in my sons'. I am sorry. I just get so mad. Let me know what you think and your story...maybe I can help you...Sincerely, WillsMom~~Allyson

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Hi Allyson,

My story is that we lost our daughter Bridgette on Sept.26, 2003 @10:05pm. She was going out with people that she really had never met before, one of them (the driver) she met once a year before, and they were going to pick up one more person and never made it. They were hit by a train. Of course the first things the rail road said was that they went around the arms...evidence says that they did not. There are no witnesses other than the engineer and conductor and they could not see (although they say they did) if the car was going around the arms, due to angle of tracks and brush and trees blocking view. The first thing the media said was that they were drinking, which was false, toxicalogy says that they were all clean (4 in vehicle). All were lost in this accident. The train was going 60mph, which is just way to fast for this intersection, very busy intersection. 3 of the 4 were ejected from the vehicle and thrown I believe 200 yds. My daughter was laying across a track 200 yds from the intersection. The railroad plays a game with the courts and refuses every little thing that will help this case be completed. I just heard yesterday that they are shooting for October 2006 for a trial date, my guess is that this will not come about. I assume that the Rail road will put up too many road blocks for this date to happen. Bridgette was 2 months from her 18th birthday, she wanted to be a fashion designer and own her own fashion line. My biggest fear is that people will forget her, she was the life of the party and had soooooo many friends. She was good to everyone, always had a smile on her face, stood up for the underdog, her heart was larger than life and now its gone...what a fricking waste. So not fair. It is so different to lose a child vs an adult that has lived a long healthy life. Not to minimize the loss of anyone, but it is so needless, pointless, wasteful. Grief is grief and the loss is so devistating either way, but the loss of a child? It is so unfair.

It has effected us in ways we were not expecting; my son, who is now 18 has not graduated from high school with his class mates, he has been ill (very ill) many times since this accident and has missed so much school, he has been caught drinking 3 times by the police (not driving but at parties)he is living life dangerously, had a 4 wheeler accident in April and broke his back...we just can't seem to get back on the right foot. Our marriage has been strained, not awful but strained in many ways that it wasn't before. People don't know how to act around us, afraid to say the wrong thing. It is a completely new life, not a life that I enjoy at all.

So, my point with that novel I just wrote (sorry, long winded)is that, YES, I do understand you wanting blood and I do understand you getting so mad, I think that it is natural to want vengance. I don't know how you feel about taking this to court, but we are not after the money...we want them to hurt and the place that they will hurt is the pocket book. We want them to publicly appoligize (which will never happen) and we want rules to change. They did just redo the intersection where the accident happened, the arms are in working order now, there is a median between lanes so there is no way anyone can go around (if the arms are working). After the accident the news media was at the intersection and caught on film the arms messing up and coming down on cars or not coming down at all when a train went through. Lots of bad things that would take another novel to explain.

Good luck to you and my thoughts are with you and yours.

Bridgettes mom - Denise

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Oh wow, Denise---I have no real words, other than to tell you how sorry I am and your daughter sounds like a wonderful, talented girl; someone I would've hung out with. I am so sorry. The RR is a big Daddy to take on and I commend you for your bravery, and determination. Like you, I cannot hurt these people any other way but through the courts~~Money is no object either. I want to right the wrongs and fix this so it never happens to another baby or Mother. I was floored when you said 2006...I sometimes wonder if any of this will really pan out, and if fighting the good fight for all the right reasons will make a difference. I would love for the RR to suffer a horrible blow. I hope they do, they should. On your son, he is just reacting to the horror he feels. I can relate to that emotion, as I know you can too. I just hope he rides out of the fog. He is hurting. I pretty much suffer alone. I do have two living sons, who I can honestly tell you are the only reason I am here. My husband and I never discuss any thing...not a single thing. I handle all the attorneys and such. He worries with his businesses and pretty much does his own thing. It has hit us hard too. I have often wondered what is worse, having a beloved child for many years and losing them or never REALLY knowing them....what all might have been: what they would sound like, feel like, act like---smile like...I could go on and on. I have yet to decide which is worse. I know that loss of something so dear is absolute misery and despair. You hang tough with those bastards and I will do the same...Our children deserve that from us...and I hope we get our justice and vengence. Let's stay in touch! WillsMom~~Allyson

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Oh wow, Denise---I have no real words, other than to tell you how sorry I am and your daughter sounds like a wonderful, talented girl; someone I would've hung out with. I am so sorry. The RR is a big Daddy to take on and I commend you for your bravery, and determination. Like you, I cannot hurt these people any other way but through the courts~~Money is no object either. I want to right the wrongs and fix this so it never happens to another baby or Mother. I was floored when you said 2006...I sometimes wonder if any of this will really pan out, and if fighting the good fight for all the right reasons will make a difference. I would love for the RR to suffer a horrible blow. I hope they do, they should. On your son, he is just reacting to the horror he feels. I can relate to that emotion, as I know you can too. I just hope he rides out of the fog. He is hurting. I pretty much suffer alone. I do have two living sons, who I can honestly tell you are the only reason I am here. My husband and I never discuss any thing...not a single thing. I handle all the attorneys and such. He worries with his businesses and pretty much does his own thing. It has hit us hard too. I have often wondered what is worse, having a beloved child for many years and losing them or never REALLY knowing them....what all might have been: what they would sound like, feel like, act like---smile like...I could go on and on. I have yet to decide which is worse. I know that loss of something so dear is absolute misery and despair. You hang tough with those bastards and I will do the same...Our children deserve that from us...and I hope we get our justice and vengence. Let's stay in touch! WillsMom~~Allyson

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Hi Everyone,

It\'s been awhile since I\'ve been here. Allyson and Denise, I hope both of you, as well as all of us who have a huge road ahead of us in our legal battles, come out ahead with the justice our children deserve.

My Kristian was misdiagnosed, grossly and negligently for 2 years by the time she was correctly diagnosed for brain cancer.

Right now, I am waiting for my deposition date. I am going to be the first. My lawyer, without needing too, made it clear the doctors\' ( there is more than 1) lawyers are going to try their best to make it seem like they did all they could. i say BS. My daugther was emaciated, completely blind and barely conscious by the end of the night the day she was finally sent for a catscan for and I quote med records exactly \"a possible detached retina\". She had a brain mass so large and veining, that night they told me they weren\'t sure there would be anything they could do for her, but they would try. It\'s not like this could have \"snuck up on her\". There was so much that I took her to the dtrs for, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week during those last few months.

I\'ve been out of my mind with rage since then. From that very day until this day. It makes me tired every so often, but it never dissipates. Not in the least.

I have a question for those who have already been through their depositions, how did you handle it through all the questions that I can only imagine will make me want to jump over the table and choke the life out of those other lawyers?

Anyhow, I sent my youngest 2 off to their first day of school. My second school year in a row seeing 2 off instead of 3. I miss all of them being caught up in that excitement. Nothing can replace that. There are so many words and not enough space to express them.

Allyson, I know what you are feeling and even though Kris had just turned 10 when she passed, I see her face in my youngest daughter and the time I had with her seems so short for me, that compared to the short time you had with Will, I can\'t imagine.

As hard as it can be, take care, and peace to all. Chels

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Chels mom the best way to handle the deposition is to remain calm and direct and provide short answers to the questions.It is very difficult not to be emotional but you don't want to show them any areas that are weak for you as it gives them ammunition for trial.I have not yet had to do the deposition for my son but I have done other depositions as I am in the medical field.Finally on Monday the driver who is responsible for my son and another boys death is going to change his plea and accept charges that have been reduced to virtually nothing since it is youth court to avoid trial then we will have a disposition hearing where finally I will be able to tell(scream) at the boy and tell him what I think.I don't know much about your daughter but it certainly warranted a CT scan earlier.

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Hey Chels:

First and for most, let me say that I am sorry. I have yet to be deposed...they are still after the OB and the cardiologist that signed the affividat (SP)....Please let me know how that goes...I wish I could give you advice on what to expect and say..but from what I understand it is NOT pleasant.You hang tough and know that I am just as mad...I wish you only the best and please clue me on the deposition thing...all my lawyers say we will never see a jury...and I would LOVE to....give me a hand full of Americans and I would love to see the outcome...I will only send you the best vibes/prayers...and let me know about you...I am here with you and want you to suceed...and let us all rest easy...finally. Type soon or e-mail me at gbush@rose.net...Allyson

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chels, willmsom is right, stay calm and hang tough. Also your attorney will be in the room with you and should meet with you either the day before or right before the depo to go over your testimony. Take your cues from him and follow his advice - after all that's what you are paying him for. I wish you the best. Lynda

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Hi Lynda:

If I can be so bold as to ask you for some advice...It seems like you have been through this before. If you can help me, I would be so appreciative. I am facing possible depo., even though the cardiologist and the OB have yet to be deposed. All the attorneys think it will be settled, but do I have the right to demand a jury trial?? I do not want any gag orders or anything of that nature. I would like this doctor (OB) to loose her hospital license and where-ever else I can hit besides money. Is this possilbe?? Please tell me your story...Between all of us, I can see real help and kindness coming from this, just because we all have been so wounded. My son would've been 1 year old tomorrow--the 13th, and I am having a real time of it....back on all meds. and just plain un-emotional...like disbelief....Any help would be wonderful. Thank-you in advance...WillsMom~~ Allyson~~ gbush@rose.net

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WillsMom: Happy Birthday Will! I hope this day is gentle on you Allyson and wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts.

I have not been to this thread for a while and I don’t know why, I think that when I think of the court system and lawyers and all that is involved with this, it is difficult. I don’t consciously shy away from it, but I find that I shy away just the same…does that make any sense?

Allyson, I just wanted to thank you for the kind words below and apologize for not replying sooner. As for the RR being a “big daddy” to take on…you are so correct. We never would have pursued this if immediately the police officers hadn’t pulled us aside and said, “You need to get a good lawyer and here are some recommendations” and asked us not to repeat the fact that they suggested we get a lawyer. Immediately after the accident we also thought that the kids went around the arms and that some of them were probably drinking (I knew my daughter hadn’t because she had been with me up until just before she left). So, we weren’t even thinking about a lawyer at that point.

We are 2 years into this with all of the lawyers and they are just now starting to do depositions, they did 1 last week. There will obviously be many and they have only done 1. From what I understand, the RR has blocked/dragged their feet on the depo portion of this also. If I am correct, all parties are to be present while depo’ing? I didn’t know that we/the parents would be depositioned…is this correct? This is such a huge case that I feel lost in the mess of it all. There are so many lawyers involved.

What would be a correct amount of contact with the lawyers? I find that the further we get from the accident date, the less I speak with my lawyer…1 every few months. I feel that I am interrupting them if I call and they are not very good about calling me. Maybe it is that nothing has changed, but as the parent the law suit has given me something else to concentrate on other than the loss I suffered. It gave me an outlet for my anger. Or, I should say that it used to give me an outlet in the beginning.

Good luck to all. Denise ~ Bridgette’s mom.

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Hi Denise:

Today had not been very nice to me, so I will make this short, but sweet. On the attorneys, I would call and call, until my questions/fears are either answered or reassured. By law here in GA. they are required to contact you atleast once a month for an update and the like...same law in Fla. My heart goes out to you to hang in there for so long, and want to get the justice your daughter deserves. You and I are paddling the same boat...you have been at it alot longer than I have, but we are rowing together! I would go on full bitch mode (excuse me, but that's what I call it) and let these attorneys KNOW they work for you. I have had "words" with my attorney, sometimes he is right and sometimes I am, but I always get out of it what I need. You have go to be sooo frustrated. Doctors and lawyers only see dollar signs and forget that these were living, breathing, loved children...I never let my attorney forget that, and I have told him not to use the word "settlement" with me~~it gives my stomach a hard smack. All I can say is hang tough. I am about to call it a day. Will's 1st birthday has been hard on all of us today. I just miss him so.Type soon and let's be each others' cheerleaders....we're gonna need it! Bye and have a nice day/evening...WillsMom~~ Allyson

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Hi Lynda:

If I can be so bold as to ask you for some advice...It seems like you have been through this before. If you can help me, I would be so appreciative. I am facing possible depo., even though the cardiologist and the OB have yet to be deposed. All the attorneys think it will be settled, but do I have the right to demand a jury trial?? I do not want any gag orders or anything of that nature. I would like this doctor (OB) to loose her hospital license and where-ever else I can hit besides money. Is this possilbe?? Please tell me your story...Between all of us, I can see real help and kindness coming from this, just because we all have been so wounded. My son would've been 1 year old tomorrow--the 13th, and I am having a real time of it....back on all meds. and just plain un-emotional...like disbelief....Any help would be wonderful. Thank-you in advance...WillsMom~~ Allyson~~ gbush@rose.net

Allyson - I can't give you any other advice that what I have already stated. And no I haven't been through this myself. I work for attorneys, but please understand (I have to shout this, sorry) I CANNOT GIVE YOU LEGAL ADVICE AS AM I NOT AN ATTORNEY. It's just the things I would say if we had a client such as yourself. Most of what we handle are divorces, but some personal injury too. Nothing like what I read on the board, thank heavens, because since I lost my daughter to a car crash I don't think I could handle it at work. And work has helped me regain my sanity. For sure, keep after your attorney to you get the answers you need. I hope all goes well for you and the others on this board. Lynda

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Lynda:

Sorry, if I stepped over a line with you. I just thought you maybe able to help and I completely understand where you are coming from. I too, wish you only the best and will not impose any other questions upon. I wish you only the best and know that I mean that. Willsmom

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Allyson – you can be in “bitch mode” all you want, I think we have all earned it. “Once a month” you say? Well, that is certainly not happening. In fact, a short, catch up story: My husband was ‘full steam ahead’ with hiring an attorney in the beginning, then after almost a year he just wanted out of it…this is after we got the other 3 families behind us with attorneys. (If 1 family does the law “road” then everything is put on hold until the case is completed, no ins. Pay out or anything, so they were almost forced into filing suit also.) So after the first year my husband said to call the lawyer and tell him we want out…well, I couldn’t at that point, my conscience wouldn’t allow it. He is a business owner and has lawyers on his staff and asked questions of them as to a guess on the outcome of this suit we filed. The answer he had was that there will be almost no money in the end once the lawyers get all the fee’s that they charge along with expenses. So, he had me tell the lawyer that we want a monthly accounting of expenses…which we got only once. Not only that, but I believe we irritated the lawyer with that request…he was very diplomatic and all but he was still irritated. What happens is that all 4 families will split all the expenses when the case is over, and each of the law firms are in charge of gathering certain evidence and each gathering of evidence is more than likely pretty expensive. What I don’t understand, and Julsmom you may be able to fill in some blanks, is why they wait after 2 years to start doing the depositions? Why they wait 2 years to talk to witnesses or others that have had issues at this crossing? My thought is that nobody’s memory is as accurate after 2 years. I gathered as much evidence as I could…talked to people that had issues with this crossing prior to the accident and after the accident. Every time the arms at the crossing had an issue that I was aware of I notified the law firm of date and time and what the incident involved. I wonder why the law firm couldn’t have put a camera in the vicinity to monitor the arms. Even police officers have been complaining about this intersection for years.

Anyway, that is my novel…once again. Sorry for “typing your eyes off”.

Denise

Julsmom: I am very sorry...I didn't read the history. Please don't answer the question above...no need.

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willsmom and ribitsmom- don't worry, you didn't step over any lines. I wish I could give you more information, even just as a friend. I know in our state, the attorneys try to settle the matter before going to court, but if it doesn't settle they must file a suit within 2 yrs of the accident. (I don't know about medical malpractice). That's when all the depos, etc start. Hope you are all ok and find justice and peace. Lynda

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