Members stephinavl Posted January 2, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 2, 2015 My mom passed away unexpectedly 3 weeks ago. She was 54. She went to the ER twice the week before she died crying about pain she was experiencing and was sent home and ignored. I work with children and families in difficult time and i'm a supporter of therapy. For some reason i'm having a hard time buying into therapy for myself. I have an appointment anyway because it's what i would recommend others to do. I just can't imagine it helping. It's not like a stranger can fill this giant void that exists in me. I was close to my mom. I loved her dearly. But i moved away 3 years ago with my husband and son. It's been hard listening to my sister talk about how often she saw my mom (like 2 or 3 times a week) and all the things they did together because i don't have those same memories or that amount of time with her. It's also hard because i'm pregnant with my second child and my mother was suppose to be by my side for the birth just like she was for my son. I feel so confused and lost. I can barely concentrate but have returned to work because i feel like as a 28 year old i should be at work and saving time off for maternity leave. I also feel like I can't even handle other people's drama right now and as a social worker, i don't really have a way to shut it off. So how do i move forward? Before all this i was an extreme extrovert and now I only want to be around my husband and son. I also wouldn't mind being around my sisters or father but we all live in different cities and in different states. I don't know what to do or what to say or what to feel or how to feel okay again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BaileyB Posted January 2, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 2, 2015 I'm so sorry for your loss. It was sudden, unexpected, and very recent. I think it's only reasonable that you would be a bundle of thoughts and emotions... Especially with the pregnancy hormones.I'm glad you made an appointment to see a counsellor. At this point, you should really be focusing on self care. Be aware that the full experience of this loss - the grief - will be revealed to you over time. You are still very much in shock after the loss. You may find that counsellor will be more helpful at a later time... If it doesn't help now, don't give up on it! I would expect that your thoughts and feeling will change with time, as you move through your grief on this journey.I write primarily because I too work with children and families who deal with great challenges. It may be wise to take some time off if you can... You may be 28 and under normal circumstances you should be at work and saving time for your mat leave... But your mom just died. Your mom just died... I took several weeks off after my mom passed and I used that time to do the things that I needed to do for myself. I used to joke with people that I was only going to do the things that I wanted to do:). I spent a lot of time with my family. When I went back to work, it was nice to have some routine but I had a very difficult time dealing with some people. For example, someone would be upset about something insignificant (probably important to them but rather stupid to me) and I would think about something Stevie Nicks said in an interview after the death of her mother "You think this is a problem? My mom died. That is my only problem right now!" I went back to work very slowly, and it took quite some time before I felt like I was really productive again and had the physical - but more importantly - emotional energy - to be helpful. In order to really do our jobs, we have to healthy. You know this:). Things happen. There are times in life when we all struggle with something. That's just what happens in this life. It happens to everyone at some time or another. Be aware of that and allow yourself the time to feel it. You can't "move on" until you feel it. The best thing you can do for yourself and your clients... Give yourself time, be kind to yourself, and know that it will get better with time. But, please be sure to do what you need to do to take care of yourself... Not just everyone else! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindyjane Posted January 3, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2015 I am so sorry for your loss. DITTO to everything that Bailey said. There are many wise and caring words spoken here by others who have gone through the pain of losing a parent. I still read every post here and the responses and probably will for a long time as it helps when those difficult moments hit. take care Cindy Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members luchi Posted January 4, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 I am sorry about your loss. I share your sentiments. My mom suddenly died two weeks ago and pain I feel right now is unbearable. I only want to stay in bed and cry and think about mom. I always ask why she suddenly died. I went back to work just this week and it seems I am working but not mentally there. I have become withdrawn. We may be adults, but the loss of our mother is making us feel like orphans; our direction in life suddenly becomes blurry. I am praying we both find our strength soon... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Phil47 Posted January 4, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 Luchi, you describe the feeling perfectly I too lost my mum over the Christmas period and the feeling of emptiness is unbearable. My mums funeral is 16 Jan and I just don't know how I will get through it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members luchi Posted January 4, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 To all, If only I can just take everyone's pain away from every grief, and consolidate in mine, I would. I know how it feels yet I don't have kind words on how to cope with it. I myself is lost from the grief. I just cry it out hoping my tears will become a stairway to heaven to see the light of it all. I am trying to turn to every corner to help me go through the pain by hanging on to my faith that is terribly shaken and by finding the rational aspect of why this happened.All I need right now is to be with my mom... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peeps511 Posted January 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 My mom also suddenly passed away about a month ago at 54. We were very close as she raised me and was a single mother. I'm 22 years old and had been planning my wedding with her. I can't imagine not having her there on my big day and when I have kids. I've been attached to my fiancé ever since her death. I find that he's my only comfort at times. Things just seem impossible right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members catflyinby Posted January 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2015 I'm so sorry for your loss. My Mom went away a year ago March 8th and I am still not dealing with it well. My husband says I am dealing with it well, but I feel like he thinks that bc I don't cry all the time like I did when it happened. My Dad passed when I was 3, my only brother died when I was 17, my stepfather died a year ago this past October. I have an awesome husband and two wonderful boys, but I don't think they know how much I'm still hurting. It's because I don't show how much I still hurt. I'm disabled so I'm home all day and I just try not to think about her. That's how I've dealt with it. I don't know how to deal with it. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't know what to do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members espresso_dreams Posted January 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 I'm so sorry for your loss... I wish I could offer you some sage wisdom on how to cope, but I have no clue myself... My mother passed away November 23rd (she was 50 and healthy) and I can barely manage to shower. We were raising my child together. All I can say is you are not alone, and again, I'm so sorry for your loss... I know how devastating it must be. Bailey said everything already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members espresso_dreams Posted April 1, 2015 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2015 1. Quick thank you too all who have been there for me through this... I love you all and don't know what I'd do without you. 2. Her cause of death was made official today. It is listed as "undetermined". This only brings more questions... We still have no idea why our living mother was abruptly taken from us. It makes no sense because she was young and healthy. She took good care of herself... She exercised, ate salads every day, took all her vitamins, etc. It makes no sense. All I can tell myself is that some higher power somewhere must have needed her particular brand of selfless love and compassion. She truly was a wonderful woman, and she is sincerely missed by almost everyone who knew her. The other people are just generally bad people. I hope wherever she is, she is finally happy. She deserves it. She suffered from massive depression for many years. At least she is no longer suffering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members espresso_dreams Posted April 1, 2015 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2015 Ack. I posted in the wrong thread and it won't let me delete. Sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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