I lost my best friend, the love of my life, my everything

[zuleikarega]

Hi I'm new to the forum, I was looking for some place where people wouldn't take my grief lightly like people around me does.

 

I had dated this sweet guy named Rio from a year and half. He was a very honest, sweet, hardworking, determined kind of guy. He died on December 19th, 2014 (which was 10 days ago) in his sleep. He died of a heart-attack which I suppose was caused by exhaustion from working overnight almost everyday for the past few months.

 

We practically living together for over a year in outside the city for college. He was the guy that was very quiet and secretive to other people, but extremely bubbly, talkactive, silly when he was with me. It was kind of hard when his family said that he was very secretive to them while I know basically almost everything about him. I had always slept on his arms and opens my eyes to his face every morning. He liked to cuddle. He loved it. I never asked him to hug me but he pulled me into his arms every single night. Even though, on the contrary to what other people accused, he was a really decent gentleman. He never touched me inappropriately, hugs me tenderly, held the door open everytime, we also drive to and from campus every single days.

 

To be honest, I had always had a hunch about him. He was the first boyfriend that I always waited to get home safely, or anywhere actually. I had always worried if something bad gonna happen to him when i wasn't around. I always had the feeling that I'd never end up marrying him, but somehow I always knew I'd never break up with him.

 

He was the love of my life. I had 12 relationships before him and had never loved someone that deep. And actually I'm not sure if I would ever love someone that much. He had always been the calm one, I was the one with hard-headed, hot blooded, selfish, harsh personality. Thanks to him, we had a lot of arguments but never lasts more than 24 hours.

 

I read all the written conversation I could find, from post-it notes he used to put all over our room, Whatsapp, Line, texts, emails, Path posts, twitter, facebook, BBM, everything. Now I ran out of things to read.

 

I practically cried and screamed his name almost every night. I came to his grave almost every day. I really don't know what to do without him in my life. We had always been together. We started of as hang out friends too, and our friends are basically the same. So whenever we hung out, we were together as well.

 

I am sick of people keep telling me that the parents are having it worse than me. I'm not gonna say anything about me having it harder or less, but I can't see how on earth thinking that someone else have it harder suppose to make me feel any better... His parents lost their only child, a very bright and honest child that they always proud of, and me, I lost the love of my life that I saw every single day from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep again. I don't want to rank my hard with anyone else's, because for me, I am at my rock bottom right now...

 

I still have some friends that is incredibly supportive right now, but I completely aware of the fact that they have their own life, and their routines, and I'd never go back to my routines. My routines has gone.. The one I shared my everyday life has gone forever...

 

There is no more of his panic face whenever he sees me hurt, no more him taking care of me when i am sick, no more gentle kiss in the middle of the night when i was half asleep; whispering "I love you so much", no more...

 

He was kind. One of the purest people i've ever met. Throughout the relationship I had never heard him lie to his parents even once. He was always careful before making promises. He was a really really faithful and religious guy. I love him with all my heart, something that i had never did before him. He once told me "in catholic, when I love someone I'd love her to die"

and the thing is, his last word to me was "I love you".

[mmm]

Hello!
The same date, except I heared about it at 23. evening. I was walking through the town the whole night, cause I had no piece enough to come home, be quiet and sleep. Appart from him, the next what I was missing was another person who would feel the same lost as I did. Seemed his family was too eager to money and did nto respet best his best sides. That was the most terreble thing. 

 

I am stil no aware he is not here. All I try to do is to function at least minimaly effective in my everyday's functions, becuase noone can do it for me and for the kid instead of me.

[roc]

I too lost my mate of 13 years December 19 2014, He was only 39 years old. He died of a heart attack also. I feel like it's a dream. I'm so heart broken. I buried him 4 days ago. I did everything myself financially and psychically. I don't know why this has happened to him so soon. So I share everything that you are feeling. I know that he is at his permanent home and I wish I could take his place. I believe in God and I know he is alright. I just wished that he could have just at least

brought the new year in with me.