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Thomas123

I need some kind of help, hear me out please

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I was adviced to come, so someone could help me. Here is my story: I'm 19 years old, my name is Thomas and i come from norway(horrible english).I lost my parents and little sister in a massacre here in norway for 1 1/2 year ago. The first year, i couldn't really talk to anyone except my grandfather who made me at least eat dinner. The last half year now i've visited a pshycologist, and are now able to talk normal. My problem is that i dont know if its wrong to remember me everyday that i couldnt help them or at least die with them. The day that they died, at this island, i was supposed to join them but had already planned to visit my friend. Those last angry words i heard on the phone from my mom, said i had to stop being so careless about those get-together things on this island. Those words keeps looping in my head. I've been in other forums were they told me to get a religion...i almost got kicked out of school again after just rejoining it, when i almost killed a guy at school who showed a small piece of sympathy to the killer. Every time some idiot ask me how its like to not talk to anybody, dont socializing and just dont smile, i say, its like drowning, but you can see everyone else around you breath.

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Thomas123,

I am so very sorry you've had to suffer the loss of your parents and younger sister in such a horrible manner. Of course you struggle with trying to feel and act "normal" when you are just a mess inside. I am glad at least you are able to start talking because talking is the best way to heal. 

I'm sure your guilt is overwhelming at times, and that's perfectly understandable, although you do realize that there was nothing you could have done to prevent the situation. Many "survivors" of terrible tragedies talk about the intense guilt they feel for being left alive. I'm not sure if that's what you feel...

So when you say you don't talk--do you mean you don't say anything to anybody? You don't utter any words at all? Or you just don't feel like socializing? 

It's okay for you to feel however you do. We don't judge here. We welcome anyone who grieves. 

 

We will be here for you! 

 

ModKonnie

 

 

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Hi Thomas123,

 

(and warm wishes ModKonnie)

 

It is a terrible thing that you've had to live through and blessings to your grandfather for making you eat.  I am sure you are suffering from normal grief, survivor grief and post-traumatic stress syndrome.  Each of these is a terrible thing to have to heal from and I can only imagine that the combination is crushing.

 

Remember to always give sympathy to yourself, Thomas.  That's the person who needs it right now.  For instance, I don't know your mom but most moms would agree: no matter how angry she was that you didn't make it to the island that day, she would be blessing all the gods that ever existed that you were NOT there.  That you still live is the greatest gift that can be given to your mom.

 

I'm so sorry you feel such insanity :(  ModKonnie is right, we welcome anyone who grieves.  Read around and maybe there will be things that people say that help you understand parts of what you're feeling.  When you want, express yourself here, let your pain out in your words.

 

Most of all, be gentle with yourself.  A year and a 1/2 is just a blink of the eye when it comes to this horrible loss you must feel.  Find a safe place inside yourself to understand that you are exactly where you are supposed to be in all this.  It is from this place you will be able to understand and accept all that you are feeling.

 

One moment at a time.

 

<3

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