Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

New Widow


rosalie53

Recommended Posts

  • Members

My husband died Jan. 4 2009.  I miss him so much.  I know it will take time to heal but I feel as if I want to scream.  I have no motivation.  Just hanging around the house.Feeling empty and drained. I started a journal to help me deal with my feelings and I am going to go to Hospice for grief counseling.  Does anyone have any other ideas to help me deal with my loss?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Rosalie,

I am so very sorry to hear about your husband.  It's great that you have found this website, starting a journal and going to grief counseling. If you feel like you need to scream, go ahead and do it. Really.  I wouldn't try to do too much so fast myself but everyone is different.

Come back to this board. It will help.

Susan

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I lost my husband 13 and half months ago. I have found its a day at a time. Sometimes a mintue at a time. I am still with Hospice consular and also went to grief share.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Rosalie,   I lost my husband 3 years ago this week.  Not sure if anything really helps that much, but eating healthy, drinking enough water and exercise really do help somewhat once some time has passed.   I still have some rough days, but it has gotten easier in many ways.   We had just gone thru Katrina and were still evacuated when he passed away.  Within 2 weeks I had to pack up all my belongings and drive back to MS.   Things were not good there, so I headed for CA within a few weeks, looking for relief from the overwhelming sadness.   After driving around the US, crying all the way,  I realized that the unhappiness was within and I might as well stop somewhere and deal with it.   I would not have believed at that time that it would ever get better, but it does.   Hang in there and come back often, reading helps as much as talking.  All of us know exactly what you are going through as nobody else will and we care about you.  Be good to yourself and take one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time and let yourself feel what you need to feel.   Don't let anyone tell you how you should feel or what you should do - it is up to you and there is no wrong way.  Take care.... Linda

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you ladies for responding to me.  I really appreciate it.  You are right when you say no one else knows what you are going through unless they have lost their mate.We were together for 30 years and you don't get over that over night.  I did get out for a walk today and I think it made a difference. I am taking it minute by minute.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Oh Rosalie, Your pain is so new and fresh...you must still have those feelings of nausea when you try to grasp any thoughts.    You are exactly where all of us were just a year or so ago.   Its something I would not even wish on my worst enemy.  Yes, continue ALL the counseling, groups, etc. you can.  I did for 18 months.  And, here over 2 1/2 yrs.  and I still fall over many bumps that come my way.

Take care of yourself, first and foremost and tell your story, tell your story, tell your story.....

Praying for you,   GrannyC

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Granny C Thank you for your reply. I appreciate any advice and words from one who has been there.  Your prayers are especially appreciated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Rosalie, this is all so new and recent.  I want to share a few things I did that really helped, some were things I did on my own, and some were from friends...

The first was advice from my spiritual teacher, who told me to try my best not to make any big changes for one whole year, one full walk around the sun.   For me, that meant leaving my beloved Ishaq's clothes in the closet, keeping his slippers by my bedside...doing things MY way, not the way some folks wanted me to do them.  I think that is so important.  You need to do what is right for you, and you alone. 

I set up what I call my "ancestor altar" - it has pictures of Ishaq, his ashes, a box with a lock of his hair in it, and other special items. 

And know that he may contact you, whether in dreams or in waking life.  Ishaq left me feathers the first year, tons of feathers where I'd never found special feathers before.  Our connection in dreams is still very strong after 2 1/2 years - today is the 2 1/2 year anniversary.  He has never left me.  And many of our friends still have dream visits from him too.  For me, I feel I am still in a relationship with him, and that will never change.  He is my beloved forever.

I found those first weeks and months I could hardly think.  Be gentle with yourself.  Take "baby steps" as one friend told me.  Watch for signs and visits.  And know he still loves you, and in his new form, is still watching over you. 

I post a lot on the "I Miss Him So..." thread, as do many of the others who've responded here.  You've found a good place to come for support. 

Peace and Blessings,

Anna Armaiti

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Rosalie

I checked your profile, was going to send you a private message and give you my e-mail, but you did't share your e-mail address here.   I do more corresponding with gals I've met here via our own e-mails.   Matter of fact, I've gotten together with one twice.

I am 57, live in Minn. and have been widowed 2 1/2 yrs.   It is a walk in a Valley that is so very much work, just to figure out who you are, now single.   OH! I hate that word.  Single, I never chose to be Single.  I am/was happily married!

hagens3@midwestinfo.net

GrannyC

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Anna Thank you for your kind words. I have been waiting for some kind of contact but I haven't had any.  I so want to see him in my dreams but I have been unable to do so.  While he lay dying I whispered in his ear to please give me a sign that he is ok once he passed into the next life. Before I left the hospital after he passed I asked the nurse if I could have his ID bracelet which she gave me.  Later that day when I was walking where I always walk I looked down and there in the snow was a hospital ID bracelet just like the one that he had worn. Do you think that was just a coincidence or do you think that it was a contact?  You sound very wise and so that is why I am asking you this. I keep expecting to see him in his favorite chair or hear his voice call my name.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Rosalie, I had some contact with Ishaq soon after he passed, but most of the dreams didn't start for a few months...I think that just like anybody in a new place, they have to learn how to get around in their new form. 

As for the bracelet, if you feel it was contact, then that is what is important.  I've found that a lot of what other folks might think were just "coincidences" to me feel like contact from Ishaq, and that is what I believe.  For some on the board here, it's been a clock that plays a special song going off at odd times, or something they've lost unexpectedly turning up where it wasn't before...our beloveds were very different from each other in their bodies, and continue to be so after they cross over, I think.  I always had a very active dream life - Ishaq used to be amazed by the complexity of my dreams, so I think that's why he contacts me that way. 

Blessings,

Anna

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Rosalie,

I think you're getting some great advice here. We all understand how you're feeling even if some of us are further down the road. My husband died 2 1/2 yrs ago. I just really hurt when I think about the pain you are going through right now. It never totally goes away but you will learn how to cope with it. Screaming in the car and writing in a journal were my best ways early on. Keeping you close in thought...

Mary Jo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Guests
Guest grievingperson

rosalie53,

Finding a grief support group is good step.  I lost my husband 13 1/2 months ago.  I started attending one group through a hospice oraganization and 6 months later I found a group at my church too.  So I have been attending 2 completely different groups.  I can diffinately see how far I have come in 1 year.  I also journal, scream when I need to (in private of course) cry when I can't take it anymore.  I visit the cemetary and talk to my husband to let him know how things are going at home. Just do what ever you need to heal.  Most of all be kind to yourself.  It will never truly go away but it does get somewhat easier to cope. Keep coming back to this site there is a lot of good advice on here. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.