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Loss of a brother


alayla

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I lost my brother on the 12th of December 2008. He died in his sleep. He died of an accidental overdose exactly one week before his 21st birthday. I need to talk to someone. I am only 18yoa and I am struggling to survive this loss.

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the same happened to me. i would like for us to talk i sent you an email did you get it? I am sorry this happened , I know exactly how you feel.

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I am struggling to stay alive... I was comitted the day after his birthday... I tried desperately to join him in his death. I have found little reason to live since I lost him. And the worst of it is... I am engaged. And even that is falling apart. My fiance moved to WA state just after I got the news... I don't know when he'll be back. Even he doesn't know. That in itself is tearing me apart.:(

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You must feel really deserted Alayla. I've come here too to feel less alone and to cry for help.

From what I've read here so far, it seems natural to want to follow your brother or sister when they die especially if they are older than you.  My sister got sick and then decided she'd had enough and wanted to die.  I feel sometimes that the message she's given us is that when the going gets tough, you should give up and so that's exactly what I want to do sometimes.

What happened on your brother's birthday?

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If there is one thing that I have learned recently... it is that giving up is not the answer. Those who have gone before us, including my brother, and possibly your sister...  probably wherever they are, are looking at us in hopes that we'll make better choices and decisions and make the most out of this life we are living. Granted, I still think of suicide at least once a day. BUT. I look at my brothers guitar pick hanging on my necklace, and I think... 'Shelby taught me how to play the guitar so that I could enjoy music, so that I could share my music with others, so that I could make him proud.' If I took my life, simply because he is no longer living this life by my side, I would not be making him proud, I would instead be wasting the most precious gift he ever gave me besides his love. And so each time I return to those suicidal trenches in my mind... I think about that. My whole life I have wanted to make him proud. And now that he's gone, I'll be damned if I'm gonna give up and let him down.:?

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I am so very sorry to hear about your brother! I would love to talk to you. I just recently lost my brother. He was 17 and his girlfriend was 16 they were out on their first date and got hit by a 18 wheeler! I had not seen my brother for 2 days and when i got back from my friends house that day, I had no idea i would never see my brother alive again! That night i left to take my little brother to his friends house and as i got down the road i saw a cop pass me on my road and stop in front of my house. When i got back from dropping him off my little sister came out side screaming "JOSH IS DEAD, JOSH IS DEAD!" I couldn't believe it! I lost my brother and my hero. I try to be strong for my mom, dad and the rest of my family but it's a really hard thing to do when your only 16 years old.

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To amiamor92

I'm so sorry to hear of you loosing your brother.  I know it hurts REALLY bad.  They say that time will heal.  What they don't tell you is that it takes a REALLY long time to even start to heal! 

The best advice I can give you is to talk with your parents.  Get it out in the open how you're feeling.  I know that your parents are hurting and it hurts thinking about the pain they have.  But they need to know you are hurting too, but in a different way.  He was your parents flesh and blood.  He was a sibling to you.

Talk with them about him when he was alive.  Things he did.  Talk about how you'll miss him, how he'll miss going to the prom.  Talk about how sad you are because he won't be growing up with you.  I believe talking helps.  Maybe your parents will too.  And not just talking with one person.  Talk with several people.  You may get something from each person you talk to to help ease the pain.  Or maybe you won't, but you'll learn things.

I lost my older brother when he was 30.  I lost my younger brother in May or June this past summer.  They don't know when exactly he died. (Long story) he was 41. 

I'm hoping to get something from this website.  I hope you do too.

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thanks and my boyfriend is really good to talk to, because he was my brothers best friend. I think he understands me better than anyone else. But I still talk to my mom about it because it helps her too talk to someone!

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Guess who is traveling the farthest to our reunion?

It's Trudi.

Trudi is traveling all the way from Australia to Minneapolis, MN for our Beyond Indigo reunion in August!

If Trudi can make it, so can you! 

Come check our reunion page: http://www.beyondindigo.com/reunion/

Hope to see you there!

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The family and friends of Beyond Indigo would like let everyone know that Dawn Fisher (moderator of the Beyond Indigo message boards) lost her husband on Wednesday morning.  JD's death was an unexpected complication of surgery to remove a tumor.  Our most heartfelt condolences go out to Dawn and her children.  We know that there is no better place for Dawn to receive support than through these boards.

The online obituary for JD is here: http://fisherfamilyfuneralhomes.com/obits/obituaries.php/obitID/307941

If you'd like to send her condolences, you could send her a private message on the boards, visit the above obituary and sign the guest book (starting on Friday) or send materials to

Fisher Funeral Chapel & Cremation Services

1801 Chase Road

Logansport, IN 46947

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i had an brother he died at 27,he was my hero,father figure,bestfriend,security blanket,protector he was everythang u want...he died thanksgiving morining in fatal accident which i relive the day every day,i dont have the support in family i have my brothers bestfriend u help me.i have an bestfriend but she worries to much if i tell her how i feel im an lost puppy if he was here he would guide me i dont know what im going to do with my life,now i loss my grandpa that was another man i look up too to cancer he died fast now i dont know what too do

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Hi- Gatherings

i just read you post and I wanted to tell you how very sorry I am for your loss- Nobody can truly understand what you are feeling unless they have gone through it themselves.  They can love your brother and miss him terribly- but the pain and loss are very different.  I lost my only brother- He was 3yrs older than me and just as you said in you're message, He was my idol- my everything... I looked up to him and I can honestly say he meant everything to me- In your case it is a litle different because your brother was 27 or 28 ( I am sorry i forgot his age)- so I am sure the both of you being adults, you were friends as well as brother and sister.. In my case I lost my brother Peter to a horrible car accident when he was 19 and I was a month away from turning 17... He and I had just started to become friends- My brother died 17yrs ago this past March 13th... and in all the years that have passed there has not been a single day that I have not thought about him in some way or another- some days are more than others- But every year in March- starting on the 12th and ending about the 18th is always just horrible for me... I havent been on this site in a really long time and for some reason I was looking for something on the computer and my mind just broughtme here... I looked at his memorial page and than came across your post- after reading it, I immediately thought about myself- (even though you and your brother are both adults)- You spoke of your brother being your Hero and it touched me.. I just want you to know that you will never, ever get over your brother and you will always be missing a part of your heart that you wont get back- life will be different for you now- you will see life differently- However, I want to promise you that you will be okay and that awful pit in your stomache, the sadness that you feel will in time get better- I hope you have a good supposrt system around you because that will help you- however, there will be many people that don't kow what to say- they are scared to mention it to you because they think it will make you sad- they dont know how to respond to you when you speak of your brother- because they dont know what you are feeling- you need to talk about your brother as much as possible- and i hope there are some people you can talk about him for hours and hours if you want- when we lose someone that was literally a part of us, we have to talk about them because we cant nor do we want to pretend that they were never here... keeping their memory alive is the most important thing for anyone, like yourself, like me and any others out there- they will always be apart of us- and we cant pretend like they werent here by not speaking of them.. I am sorry if I keep stressing the fact that you should talk about him- I love talking about Peter, it keeps him alive- If u ever need to talk, please email me- I will listen, I will try and help you get through the pain that is so fresh and new- The worst part is going to be all the firsts without him- b-day, holidays... but please know in your heart that your brother is with you, he is right beside you- and when you talk to him, he will listen.. Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your Brother- I know how badly you are hurting right now.. In time you will heal- again, you will never get over him but you will be okay in time..

I wish you all the love and support from the people around you- I am here for you if you need to talk..

Marisa Levy

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Dear Friends: I'm so sorry for your loss and appreciate the fact that you are sharing something so personal, beyond comprehension. My dear brother died on December 3, 2009. So heartbroken, as you must be.

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June 07, 2010

 

Dear Members,

 

We’re excited to inform you that we’re moving to a new and improved message board at the end of this week. It may seem a little bit sudden, but we recently learned that the company that designed our current board is no longer in existence. Our new message board will offer enhanced profile capabilities and chat rooms with up to 20 people at a time (and more if we need it). All of your old posts and private messages will be migrated to our new message board. You may need to re-post your profile picture. Our new message board will feature:

 

  • Custom profile fields
  • Profile page customization with optional background colors, images, and tiling options
  • Facebook and Twitter integration
  • Multiple post responses via “mini-quotes”
  • Pinned discussion threads
  • Targeted board announcements (for entire board or certain sections)
  • Comprehensive search options enabling users to easily find all content created by a particular member (by clicking “Find Content” on the main profile page, or in the “Mini Profile” pop-up which can be accessed throughout the board) 
  • Enhanced privacy options that allow users to sign in anonymously, be hidden from the online users list, disable personal conversations, and deny user-to-user emails

 

You can access the new message board by visiting www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com. Grieving.com is still 100% a part of Beyond Indigo; we just created a new Web address for Search Engine Optimization (SEO) purposes. We’ll do our best to redirect all existing URL’s to our new board, but if you have difficulty accessing them, just remember to visit www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We’ll of course try to make this transition as seamless as possible. 

 

Our new board will seamlessly enable us to grow our community and provide you with even more ways to interact with one other, and for that we’re very grateful. Please feel free to email feedback@beyondindigo.com with any questions, and thank you for being a part of the Beyond Indigo online community.

 

Kelly Baltzell, MA

President/CEO, Beyond Indigo

 

 

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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I just wanted to say to Alayla and everyone else who has posted on this thread that you're not alone. I lost my brother about 6 years ago and what others has said about it taking a long time to heal is correct. Each day doesn't exactly get better, but I truly do feel each of us gets stronger. I think the realization that moving forward for our lost loved ones would mean a great deal more to them than us simply giving up. I still miss my brother very much... I still wish my family and I didn't have to endure this kind of pain - as I'm sure you all feel too. It's good to talk about it.

So in the end, stay strong for them and make sure you find some way to immortalize them.

Warm regards,

Fleming

Warm Tribute Online Memorials

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