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sissy

Help me help my grieving brother please

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sissy   

My brother just lost his young wife to suicide. He is really hurting. I was with him for a few days just before the funeral until just after. I live in another state. I have been texting him every night since I got home. I have read about how important listening is and what you shouldn't say. it has been hard to respond to texts though. Please give me some advice on what to say when he tells me how much he hurts. I have been saying "I hear you" and I'm praying for you. Any other advice on what I can say or do for him from a long distance? Thank you!

 

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Can you actually call him or  facetime him? How about skype? I am so very sorry your family has had to deal with this. It is very important to listen and let him know you are there for him. 

 

You are definitely doing the right thing. Keep it up, and tell him about this site. It may help him.

 

ModKonnie

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Hi sissy,

 

(and warm wishes to ModKonnie)

 

When I was in my worst grieving times, it was very helpful when people didn't hide from my pain because of their own discomfort.  When people asked a question that was difficult for them (because of their uncomfort) but important to me, because it was about my relationship and my pain, those actions helped me to understand that everything I was feeling was right, that I didn't have to question my own questioning.  I felt safe to exist in the pain that was the only way I could exist for a while.

 

They knew that I had nothing else in my existence except learning how to struggle to live each and every moment with such unbearable pain.  The people who helped me the most made me feel like whatever I needed to be in each moment was ok.  There is such insanity in grief... and feeling like it's ok to be insane at times is the most amazing gift I was given.

 

Whenever you feel you can, help him to understand that everything he is feeling and questioning is natural.  Help him feel safe in his insanity.

 

And I agree with ModKonnie to tell him about this site.  I have seen it be helpful to many people on their journey.  Maybe even reading some of the stories he will be able to understand some of what he, himself, is feeling.

 

<3

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