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A christmas message to My brother.


mazza4008

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Dearest Tony,

Miss you so much words cannot descibe not having you here to share this christmas with us. Their is so much i want to say but in  a  word  we love you and will have you in our hearts as we sit around the dinner table . Their will be an emptiness without your laughter and smile. My children will miss your stories and my parents have a sadness that will never disappear. We hope you are watching over us and are their in spirit . You will be in our hearts forever you will be forever my one and only amazing brother.

Love Mazza.

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That made me cry. This past Christmas was my first without my brother Shelby. It was so lonely. My mom was drinking by Christmas morning, she never really drinks at all. My dad hardly smiled... I felt empty. I wanted nothing more than to hold my brother and tell him Merry Ho-Ho like we always used to do. Now the thought of the phrase makes me feel cold and hollow inside... But seriously. Thank you so much for sharing your heart.

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Hi There,

Thanks for the reply its nice to know their are people such as I who struggle everyday with the thought of their sibling not around, today was my birthday and even though my kids and my husband were doing their best to make it special their was an emptiness inside me that wont ever disappear. Reading your message about  your loss of your brother is heart wrenching . I hope you can talk face to face with someone or a group who will help. I am possibly going to try it too. Found that people and friends who havent experienced loss loose interest in listening and try and be simpathetic. I hope this forum will help take care. Mazza

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[user=23440]mazza4008[/user] wrote:

Hi There,

. . . its nice to know their are people such as I who struggle everyday with the thought of their sibling not around. . .

Yes, there are many.  I lost my cousin who to me was my brother, in the WTC attack.  Here we are,  7+ years later and the depth of the emotion is still unbelievable. 

Somehow, we all make it through another day, but often it is very tough.  In a book that I read recently (I think it was Letters to Sarah) a statement was made that really struck me.  "Extreme grief is the price we pay for extreme love."

/*tom*/

 

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Hi Mazza, Alayla and Tom

I just wanted to 2nd the statement regarding the depth of emotion.  I move onto the 3rd year that the celebration of his birth date will pass without him.  While the feelings of pain and sorrow have lost some of the intensity, the frequency has not changed, he is in my thoughts when I drift off to sleep and he is the first thing that I think of when I wake.  For a brief moment in the mornings, while I am still groggy with sleep, all is well, but within the few minutes of awaking, that is the first thought that comes to  my mind, Jeffrey is no longer here.  The world is not the same for me, and of course it never will be.  I find tremendous sadness in that.   I see my children moving forward  like there has been no change in their lives, and I should be happy for that, but I am not.  I am jealous and at times I am angry that their lives don't seem to have the darkness over them like I feel mine does.   Then I feel such guilt that just because my forward motion has stopped, I should be grateful that theirs has not. 

I have found this website to be a Godsend.  I don't know what I would have done without my friends here.  I not longer come here daily, but feel the need to check in on my friends and to offer any support that I can for the new people.  I wish you all the best and I hope that you can find some solace and companionship here.  This is a road like no other and each ones path is so unique and individual, but those who have lost their brothers are sisters know that the path goes on and does not end, it just gets a little easier to travel some days.  My thoughts are with you all, peace and blessings, Jackie

Johnny Cash:  "There is no way around grief and loss: you can dodge all you want, but sooner or later you just have to go into in, through it and hopefully come out the other side.  The world you find there will never be the same as the world you left."

Shakespeare:   "my grief lies all within, And these external manners of lament are merely shadows to the unseen grief that swells with silence in the tortured soul".

 

 

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[user=23440]mazza4008[/user] wrote:

Hi There,

Thanks for the reply its nice to know their are people such as I who struggle everyday with the thought of their sibling not around, today was my birthday and even though my kids and my husband were doing their best to make it special their was an emptiness inside me that wont ever disappear. Reading your message about  your loss of your brother is heart wrenching . I hope you can talk face to face with someone or a group who will help. I am possibly going to try it too. Found that people and friends who havent experienced loss loose interest in listening and try and be simpathetic. I hope this forum will help take care. Mazza

I understand completely... I hope that you can find someplace to go as well, to deal with this pain, I mean. Best of luck. Blessed Be. ~Alayla

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