October 3, 2014

[beckysheart]

My name is Rachel. I lost my sister on Oct 3, 2014.

 

I received a call at 11:01 pm on October 3rd from my older sister, she was on her way to Becky's friends house, she had gotten a call that something was wrong...when she got there my sister had passed. She overdosed on heroine....she had been clean for 6 years prior to that night.

 

My siblings are more than just my sisters and brother...they are my best friends, my other halves...when my sister died it was like a piece of my soul was ripped out of my chest.

 

People say that you never stop grieving but it gets easier each day...the pain I am feeling today is the same that I felt when I received that call the night Becky past. I miss her so much...her daily text messages, jokes, her little boyish walk lol...the way the room would light up when she walked in. I miss being able to just show up at her house and sit and talk for hours about nothing with her...I just miss my best friend. 

 

I wonder everyday how I managed to make it thru...between my emotional breakdowns, anxiety attacks...i get frustrated over everything...I can't stay focused. I don't know how to deal with this...it's too much for me to handle. 

 

Thanks for reading...I haven't spoken to anyone really about this and I just needed to vent.

 

 

[Kellie86]

My heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry for this tragedy that you and your family are suffering. Words cannot express the sadness that is in your heart. I know, because I lost my brother to a heroin overdose in January 2014. We are coming up to our first Christmas without him and I don't know how we'll get through it. I can understand how you must be feeling now: lost, broken, devastated, but again, words cannot describe this pain. The anxiety and panic attacks and breakdowns...I understand, and I truly feel for you.

I want to tell you that it gets easier and the pain fades, but I can't. The pain is still as raw and heartbreaking as it was in January. But I can tell you that the time between the breakdowns gets longer. I imagine you are likely breaking down every day now, as I was. It doesn't happen as often anymore, but it hurts just as bad when it does happen. The panic attacks will go away but the confusion and feeling lost and empty...well, that still remains for me. But everyone is different.

I want you to know you're not alone. If you want someone to talk to, send me a message anytime. I'm thinking of you and your family during this awful time. Take care of yourself.