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Mom's New Boyfriend


CiCi-KY

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I am new to this site. I never imagined I would be on one like this, to be honest. But I don't know what to do. My father passed away on October 19, 2013, a day I will never forget. Throughout my entire life, my dad was my rock. He battled so much adversity his entire life and always seemed to have won each battle. Through multiple brain tumors (the first when he was eight years old), to triple bypass surgery, and several battles with cancer, the doctors thought it was a miracle he was still alive. He was told he wouldn't make it past 21. My father passed at 58.

 

I guess after seeing everything my father had been through, I didn't think for a second he would ever lose a battle. I thought he was Iron Man. Life kept throwing boulders his way, and he continued to defeat them one by one. That is, until one finally took him out. When they say that "losing a parent makes a child realize their own mortality," I finally get it.

 

This isn't my real reason for this post. I guess I just needed to explain the type of man my father was. Strong.

 

After my father passed, I didn't know what to expect. I guess that I was in a state of shock for several months. It actually wasn't until my mother told me she had started dating that I really began to feel the shards of glass piercing at my heart. I missed him and cried often, but when she said those words, reality sunk in all too quickly. In that moment, I realized fully that my father was gone. He wasn't going to rise from fallen rock to proclaim his victory. My nightmare came to life.

 

I was uncomfortable talking to my mother about the men she had been dating. That didn't seem to stop her from sharing. But, eventually, I got used to her talking about it. Last night, though, something happened that did NOT sit well with me. I was forced into meeting her new "boyfriend". We had our Thanksgiving dinner Sunday night. My siblings, nieces, nephew and my mother. That's how we've spent our holidays without dad since he passed. Just us. But last night she decided to bring him.

 

I am not opposed to her dating. Not exactly, anyway. I just don't want to know about it. I know she deserves happiness. After all she has been through, it is selfish of me to ask her to be lonely. And, in time, I would have willingly met her new beau and maybe even tried to like him. But last night was NOT the time. On a holiday???? As if holidays aren't difficult enough since Dad left this world. Every holiday since has been torture. And Mom bringing her new... whatever you want to call him... was like adding gasoline to a wild fire.

 

I don't know how to process this. It is eating me up inside. Should I address my mother? Explain to her that I am not ready to welcome this guy with open arms? Or should I simply leave it be and let it fester inside of me? I feel as if my father is becoming nothing more than a memory to her. I am simply trying to gain some understanding.

 

Someone... anyone... please help.

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Hello, I am sorry to hear that you are going through so much heart ache and pain, I can relate to some of what you are going through. I lost my father as well, on fathers day of 2008. He was only 50 years old and like you my father was my superhero. Thankfully I still have not been faced with my mother having a new boyfriend but I can imagine what it would feel like. Of course like you I would want my mom to be happy and it would be very selfish for me to tell her otherwise but if she tried pushing her new boyfriend on me I would confront and express my feeling's to her. She's your mother so I would think, well hope that she would understand and respect your feeling's. If you don't face this situation and deal with it, you more then likely will end up feeling like you betrayed you father, not that you should feel this way but I know I would. Hope I helped you in someway.

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I'm sorry to hear about your father as well. There is no greater pain that I have ever felt in my life than the pain of losing my father. My heart aches for everyone who has had to experience this torment. I have not yet confronted my mother. I plan on it soon, though. I just am trying to (still) let my emotions settle so that the conversation doesn't go wrong. I would have willfully met him, had I been given time to prepare myself. But I arrived to my brother's house that Sunday and he was just there. I wasn't given any type of notice, forewarning, nothing. Thank you for your feedback. I realize that I cannot leave it inside of me and I must be vocal, without being disrespectful or hurtful. Last thing I want to do is hurt my mother more than she has already been.

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