Moving into the 4th year

[Sole-Mate]

Well, this last year I focused on becoming engaged with life's activities.  There was nothing special but what I wanted to do was to let things flow and not press trying to be or do who/what I used too.  At one time I wanted to sell and move elsewhere, but the reason was that I wanted to run away.  But, I also noticed that I was trying to do the same things or engage with the same people as before when I was married.  I stopped thinking like that and have tried to expand my circle of friends with who I am today and not who I was yesterday.  This has worked to some extent as I really do not see the old friends anymore and the new ones are taking time to become friends. Also, I think I am getting used to my new space and will see how this fits me.  I am not opposed to meeting new special people, but I am not trying nor plan on it as I am just trying to be the new me.  There are a few times I get emotional; not so much anymore.  The good times are more important to remember and nice to smile about.  I do find it easier to move about as me and not get involved. As I move into the fourth year I look forward to ?????  who knows at this point but the constant emotional drain is gone....

 

[Shattered14]

ForeverYoung,

 

4 years...oh my...I can't even imagine getting to that point.  I am at 9 months and don't want to live another day.  I completely understand what you mean about the old friends and not fitting in.  I feel that way.  Unfortunately, I even feel that way around some family.  The odd one out.  The spectacle at times.  Everyone waiting to see how I'm going to react.  Its awful.  Being around other couples is just torture to me.  I know for the most part they all mean well but it just hurts.  Life feels pointless....empty...hopeless.   I read your post and thought maybe some day I'll feel a little better...I don't know.  I applaud you though for getting to 4 years.   Moving forward with your life.   Starting to find a new life for yourself.  All the best to you.

[Sole-Mate]

Well, I hope it works out for you and in a good way.  I find it takes people different times to get over the loss.  Two aquaintances were married within 6 months which seemed a bit too soon for me.  Another person has no desire for another relationship. Another person sold out and moved to CA.  There were quite a few people that I knew lost their spouse within a short period of time and we all handled it somewhat differently.  It is not the same for us all.  Personally, for me, it works out best for me to think of this as part of the married life, in a way.  Now, I am the "Widower in that house over there."  LOL....  

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

ForeverYoung, I noticed your post and read it...I think the insight you have gained from the loss of your dear wife can be applied to different losses as well... 

 

My adult son in October 2012 got ran over by an inattentive driver on his way to a doctor's appointment...we were very close...

 

However, it seems from your writing that even though it took awhile to level off in the emotions, it seemed to happen, and I found it insightful to how your various friends who also had spouse loss handled it...all differently but it was what they needed...

 

I think sometimes one does have to leave those old friends and circles, as they serve as too much as a reminder of "how things used to be and no longer are"...that is the point I am at too...perhaps sometime next year I will chart a different course...

 

...."as I am just trying to be the new me"...I think for me personally that is the greatest change...I am not who I was, but somedays I don't recognize myself anymore either...

 

Again, thanks for the posting. I wish you gentleness in the journey ahead.