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The Days That Are Worse Than Others

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There are days that the hurt is greater, almost debilitating, tonight is one of the nights.  I want so badly to go into her room and pick ehr up and hold her, she isn't there.  I know she's not.  Today is a month since her funeral and I still can't wrap my head around her not being here.  I know she's not coming home, but something in me is holding on to hope that somehow there will be a mix up...like she had an identical twin, some crazy science miracle, and I'm going to get a phone call any second saying she's not really gone.  She was just a baby. I don't know what to do without her.  I have made it through a whopping 12 hours of work in the last two weeks because I don't feel like the world should have to keep going, I don't want to be there it's too much "normal" all at once and I just wish time would stop and wait for her, or speed up and let me go, I don't know. It just hurts so bad. The deep, in your chest, have to physically hold onto yourself so you dont fall apart hurt.  The kind that starts in your heart and creeps up your throat and out your eyes hurt.   I just want it to stop.  Does anyone know how to make it stop? :'(


Last Thanksgiving me and my baby </3

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Hey....just want you to know you are right....some days are worse...and then some days are just hell on earth...and you are not going crazy....you are just in deep mourning....

  and you are normal....for you should be in this deep freeze of grief that has such a hold on you....you feel you can't walk, talk or breathe....this is a time of great sorrow...heartache...heartbreak...heartsick....and do anything you feel like would bring you some relief.....just do no harm to yourself or others....

this is a time to wail and cry and scream....

   none of us on this site will tell you to suck it up.....rise above....pull yourself together....


none of us will tell you 'God needed another Angel'  or...

She is in a wonderful place......for her place was with you....


What we will tell you is that we 'know' how it hurts....we know the pain you are having...and we are walking that same road in the same shoes.....

We can tell you that we are here to hear you...

We are here to hold your hand...

And we will tell you when we see that photo.....we also know why your heart is shattered.


To tell you the truth.....I really don't know how I got by living one more day after losing my SONShine boy....there has to be some kind of divine sacred 'wrap' that is put around a parent...

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