nola2atl

Only Child who lost BOTH Parents....Very Difficult Holiday Season Ahead

14 posts in this topic

I too share all of your pain of losing my parents.... and what makes my situation so difficult and heartbreaking is that I am an only child. My father passed away in his sleep on March 20, 2006. He just went to sleep one night and never woke up. I could have never imagined that the same thing would happen to my mother. One minute we were laughing and enjoying each other's company during the Christmas holidays, I drove back to Atlanta a few days after Christmas and on December 31, 2007 I was unable to get in touch with my mother all day. I called her cell phone and house phone and my heart told me something was terribly wrong, so I sent a friend over to the house and her car was there. We had to call the police to have them break into the house and they found her in her bedroom. I believe she had been dead most of the day. Another heartbreaking, unexpected death of the one of the two closest people I had. I too believe that after 34 years of marriage, my mother was quietly grieving over the loss of my daddy. My world has been upside down ever since but trust me when I say that God gives you all the strength you'll ever need to get through anything. There is not a day that goes by in which I do not think of my mom and dad and people are still amazed that I can still laugh and find happiness in the midst of being and only child who unexpectedly lost both of her parents but I am a living testimony that you can get through it slowly but surely!!! It is very difficult to find anyone in my life that can truly understand myhurt. I am so grateful for this site. There are quite a few of us who feel alone in this world as only children who lose both parents. I had not had any children at the time of their deaths ( I still don't) and I am not married so that makes it especially difficult b/c you truly feel alone. New Years Eve will mark the 1-year anniversary of my mother's death. When everyone else in the world will be celebrating new beginnings, I will be reminded of a somber ending of the life of my best friend. I will make it through some how and I am praying daily that I can one day look at New Years Eve in a different way other than in sadness and dispair :-(

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I am so sorry about the loss of both of your parents.  You sound like you are in a good frame of mind.  I hope that everyday is gentle on you.

J.

 

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Thankyou for you kind words. Everyday is a struggle and as you know...some days are better than others. As Christmas and New Years gets closer...I am sure my spirits will fluctuate. I keep thinking every morning I wake up that WOW...last year around this time, my mother was still breathing, laughing and enjoying life. Such a hard and difficult pill to swallow. I wish and pray that you and your family have strength this holiday season as well.

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Thank you............my mom died suddenly on my birthday last Feb.  and it seems surreal now..............

There are times when I know that she is around; and that is very comforting.

Please take care of yourself.....it's hard; but I try to find something good in every day and that helps.  I think a positive attitude is the best thing.

Have a good weekend.

 

J.

 

 

 

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My beloved Daddy died of liver and pancreatic cancer when I was just 13. My Momma and Best Friend, who raised me all on her own, passed away in September of 2007. I, too, am the only child of their marriage, although I do have two half-sisters from Mom's first marriage and, thankfully, we are pretty close.

But, like you, Nola, I never married either and, in fact, I lived with my Mother until the day that she died. It has been a VERY difficult and brutal year as I have also lost two other people who were VERY close to me. The holidays are particularly hard ... so many memories and traditions of happier times gone by ... I will be glad when not only the holidays, but the dark, dreary, cold loneliness of the winter is OVER, too!!!

Bring on the WARMTH and LIFE of SPRING!!! I pray God will keep each of us safe and comforted and in the hollow of His hands, and give us each the strength and comfort we need as we go through this very difficult period in our lives ...

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This time of year 3 yrs ago, I was watching my Daddy slip away right before my ears. It was heart wrenching and so-this isn't my best time of year by any means. I can be going along, preoccupied with thoughts of this and that and all of sudden it just hits-memories come from those terrible times. I miss him so much, with all my heart still.

 So, I pray that you will get through the holidays and come out on the other side of it peacefully and knowing that your Mom and Dad are watching over you. I feel like mine is. We will get through somehow.

Regina

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i lost my mom too i was just looking at my old cell phone and looking at my old miss calls and i saw where i missed so many of her calls from a few weeks before she died - i am crying as i write this as it hurts so much because i will never see her again till i die which is a long time from now --  i feel like i just let her die i just accepted what she wanted - i should have called the ambulance as i wanted to but didnt because she didnt want for me too - she so laid in bed and died a lot because of me i feel like bc i was unloving and caring at times but it wasnt her that i felt that way about it was my life that i felt that way about - i loved her but she couldnt see it and so she died and left me for good

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Sheela-  I understand how you feel.My mom hadn't been feeling good for so long,but than this past April she really was feeling sick.I kept telling her I thought she should go to the hospital(she really wasn't looking good)but she refused,so I let it go.She died in June,looking back,I feel I shouldn't have listened to her,I should have just called an ambulance and had her sent to the hospital.Maybe she would be alive today?I feel so guilty,and god,I miss her-my best friend,more than anything.My life is so empty now without her.:X

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Sheela,

I understand your feeling of guilt. I was with my mother for Christmas, we had a wonderful time together (December 2007) and as I was leaving to head back to Georgia (which is where I live), I noticed she was very tired. She started complaining that her heart was beating abnormally. I too urged her to go to the hospital but being the person she is, she did not like hospitals and she definitely did not want me or anyone else to be worried so she did nothing. She acutally fussed at me about trying to stay longer and eventually I drove back to Georgia. She died at home, alone 3days later. Me and my family never learned what actually happened b/c an autopsy was never performed. I beat myself up about that for a LONG time but...God does everything for a reason. Looking back, I had to thank God for allowing me to spend those last few special moments with her. Christmas was always our favorited time of the year and since my dad had pased the year before, we were finally beginning to come out of our own grief over him...then I lost her. Many never get that chance to spend with their loved one before they leave this earth. I talk to my parents all the time and they talk back. I usually get a very warm sensation all over and then a very strong, unexplained sense of comfort and reassurance. They NEVER leave you and are always only a thought away. My mother and I were so close, I was her only child and she promised me when she was alive that even in death she would never leave me and I know she is keeping that promise. I can't wait to see them both again!! Enjoy life, that is what they want most for us....to grieve and let go and remember what they instilled in us and remember those memories. They love and miss us too but they are never far away and they are still constantly involved in our lives. Be blessed and I will continue to pray for all of us who lost the closes things to us in this life.

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Here I am posting a little over a year after my very first post on Beyond Indigo. As I sit here and type, I am listening to Christmas tapes that were recorded when I was a child with my mom and dad while we opened Christmas gifts on Christmas Day. My heart is filled with so much joy of the happy memories. Just being able to hear my mother and father's voice full of joy and laughter is so special. I will forever treasure these tapes and I am so grateful that my mom decided to save our Christmas memories for me to enjoy as well as my future children and grandchildren to enjoy for years and years. I was so sad this past month thinking about everything, the holidays..the 2 year anniversary of my mother's passing, the absence of my father at my upcoming wedding....but listening to these tapes has made me feel so comforted. THANK YOU GOD for providing me two loving, thoughtful, generous, amazing parents. I am truly blessed :)

Please treasure the memories everyone, whether they are tangible, in your mind or in your heart. Treasure them...our loved ones that we lost created those memories with us for this time in our lives when we can reflect. Yes, we will always miss them but the memories we have are so priceless and no one will ever take them from us.

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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I am new to this forum, and so glad I found it. I am an only child too, who lost my grandmother (who was both my parents) and cousin in 3 months time. My grandmother passed on 8/10/2012, and my cousin on 11/25/2012. First Christmas without them, and I am so numb and lost I don't know what to do. To top it all off, I am "married" with a husband who gives me no emotional support, objects to me going to grief counseling, and is emotionally abusive to me. I hope I can read posts and learn ways to cope from all of you.

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I am also new to this forum. I am an only child who has just faced her first holiday season without any family. My Mom passed away suddenly at the end of June and I have had to deal with her things, face Christmas cards coming to her so that I have to write back and let them know of her passing, as well as deal with lawyers in order to receive her finances that were not in both of our names! While I have wonderful friends and colleagues who have been there for me, kept me busy over the summer and asked me to their homes for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day dinner, I had a very hard time making it through New Year's Eve by myself. Most of my friends do not understand my feelings of being alone. They say you won't be alone because we're here for you. But there are times when you are alone. All of my friends still have family (parents, brothers, sisters) and/or spouses/partners so they do not get it. I have made it through and I know that time heals. I know that it will get better and that the first year is usually the hardest. I also know that my dog is my saviour right now and the reason that I won't go into a deep depression because she needs to be taken care of and she forces me to get outside where I see other dog owners in the neighbourhood. Even now, I feel much better since I have been able to express what I was feeling. Thank you for being here and allowing me to share.

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Nola2atl. I am an only child and both parents are deceased. My mother died two years ago period I have no relatives period no aunts no uncles. I was left with nothing. A couple that I really didn't know has allowed me to live in their house while they are overseas. They are coming home soon. I am alone on every holiday I have no money to go anywhere not even to buy flowers for my parents grave this weekend period I just barely got a job that was supposed to be full-time and it's turned out to be 20 hours a week not enough to move forward. I saw often feel alone and Abandoned and lost. The only friend I have keeps telling me how poor she is well going out to movies and dinners and traveling. I wonder if I'll ever climb out of this hole. I'm sure I will it's just hard when you have no one to love or be loved by or be with and my mom was my best friend. I could tell her anything we have so much in common we talked to all the time. I just wonder what you do to be happy without them I'm putting all my effort into it but tonight it's hard and I'm alone again.

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