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Mother-Delayed Grief?


GinaL

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It has been over a year now that my mother passed away from cancer. Her struggle with the disease was not terribly long and I am grateful for that. At the time she was diagnosed, we had been making plans for her to move with me and my boyfriend to Texas from NY. A big move, but I had finally landed a full-time job in my field after years of only working part-time and living at home. The whole experience was like a comedy of errors, except it wasn't very funny. I had already booked a moving truck and packed her bags as well as mine. At first they said it was congestive heart failure but that she would most likely be able to travel. I envisioned my mom living out 'golden years' here with me in a warmer climate and away from troubles at home with my brother.

I went ahead with my plans to move to Texas and start this important new job, with her blessing and insistence that I my fiancee and I go start a new life together. I think becuase of the pressure I was under to perform well at this new job, I kept a lot of my grief inside. She died not more than 3 months after I left. There was all kinds of trouble with my brother and her will, but that is not what concerns me here now.

I wonder is anyone else has experience delayed grief reactions? I really handled the whole thing very well at the time, and my focus was always positive - that she was in a better place, that everything happens for a reason. Of course I felt guilt over leaving my mother at that time of her life, but I knew how important it was to both of us that I go and be successful.

It's just that now and then I get this very painful feelings of grief that I recognize I just haven't dealt with in the time since she passed. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am reaching out for help understanding all this from those who have been there.

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GinaL,

My mom passed away over a year ago and she lived with my husband and I for the last five years and I thought that I have handled things very well at the time of her service and told myself she was better off and many of the same things that you have told yourself because I watched my mom suffer with some health issues. I've try to stay busy but I have come to realize that I have not allowed myself to grieve for her; I am angry, and  I have a sadness that is so deeply rooted.  My mom has always been there and I cannot ever remember a time she wasn't there for me and she was my support system, my best friend and loved me when I didn't love myself and I feel so empty and alone.

My mom passed away at home and it was on a Saturday and she had not been feeling well that week and I wanted her to go the hospital but she didn't want to and we talked that Friday night and I told her we were gonna go to the hospital Saturday morning and I got up early that morning and peaked in on her and laid back down and then my husband thought she had fallen on the floor and I knew when I touched her but didn't want it to be so. We called for an ambulance for her and I am screaming at the person on the phone and they talked to me and told me to give her CPR and I did and I couldn't save her or bring her back and I feel so much guilt because I feel like being her daughter, I should've been able to save her and that plays over and over within. This month is her birthday and we'd always do something special and she'd fuss at me but I just wanted to make her day special. I have had all types of thoughts to be with my mom again and all I want is her back and I just can't accept that she is not here anymore.I still just feel so lost and I am not sure how to go on.

I am reaching out also for those that have been there and because I have held all this inside and have not talked to anyone about how I have been feeling because so many see me as this strong person but I am broken inside and have faked being ok for far to long.

 

 

 

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