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An only child - mom passed away 26 Oct 2014


Karenf920

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My mother passed away suddenly early Sunday morning 26 Oct 2014. I was not able to say goodbye and didn't realize she was sick....she did normal things that Saturday....went to Lowe's purchased new air filter (I found receipt in her car trunk) she ran her usual Saturday morning errands.  I'm lost, angry, sad, hurt, and feeling completely alone as I'm an only child. Yes I'm 55 and she was 75 but this just came from nowhere it seems. I can't sleep, I've lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks not eating much, I had to plan the funeral all by myself (didn't really know where to start but somehow figured it out) Fell apart at the funeral and continue to fall apart everyday. My list of true friends have dwindled down to 4....this does not include the people I grew up with since I was 8 years old and not one of them came to the funeral....I was hurt again by their absence.

 

She was my best friend, mom and confidant, my everything. We talked every Saturday morning except that Saturday, as I spoke to her Thursday and we made plans to spend Thanksgiving together. I live 2.5 hours away from her and I had rented a car to drive down to pick her up and my uncle. She took care of my uncle who had a stroke about 5 years ago and it affected his brain. He needs constant care. She was his 2nd mom. She was always a care giver....she would give you her last. I have so many memories of us traveling together and spending time together...just talking and eating blue crabs and beer...she was all I had.

 

I've contemplated killing myself just to see her again and tell her goodbye and just spend time and talk like we used to...but I know she would not want that for me. The pain at times is unbearable...I mask it by trying to work even harder/study longer... or when someone does call to check on me I tell them I'm ok....but I'm not ok....I can't handle the pain....not sure what I'm doing or what to do.

 

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Dear Karen,

 

I am so sorry to hear about your sudden loss of your Mom.  I can only imagine how you are feeling so close to her passing.  Amazing how you were able to pull off a funeral in two weeks.  This takes a lot of planning and preparation.  Very stressful - especially doing it by yourself.  I don't think people understand when someone older dies.  They expect you to "adjust" or "accept" because of age. 

 

Please don't do this grieving thing alone.  There are a lot of resources - books, on line support groups like this one, Pinterest, and Compassionate Friends who have support group meetings - you just have to look them up on line for your area.

 

I recently lost my father and son in a plane crash off the oregon coast, very unexpected and sudden loss of two people I loved very much.  I was in total shock the first two weeks, it has only been five short months on November 15th and I feel a little better but it is still very much "unreal" to me.  I cannot believe that my son is gone.  He was the light of my life and I miss him terribly.  I am only now starting to grieve the loss of my Papa.

 

One thing that has helped me is being in Nature - or outside.  I was gardening all summer.  I also do water aerobics and that seems to help.  water is very soothing to me.  Find something that connects you to peace.

 

Prayers out to you..Lisa D.

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