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Lost my brother 2 months to the day


Sobox74

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Coming up to the 2 month mark and its felt like forever. I lost my 34 year old brother in early September, my whole life has changed.  Being a few years younger, we were always close and he was always involved with the sports and events I did.  We lived in a condo together,took road trips across USA for hockey together, We sat and watched hours and hours of football and hockey with our friends, everything together. My friends were his friends, we were so close and everyone loved the fact of how tight 2 brothers could be.   

 

2 month ago I came home from a family party ( he did not attend was feeling tired from early work schedule) only to see him sleeping on the couch. An hour went by when I decided to attempt to wake him up , I noticed something was not right. After attempting CPR , I realized he was deceased for at least a few hours in his sleep. He looked so peaceful in his sleep. The only thing that makes me feel anything good is the fact that he fell asleep and passed away without any suffering I think. 

 

Just recently we found out he was suffering from a heart condition that we were all unaware of.  I had to move out of the condo immediately, that was our place, all our friends were always over. I just couldn't ask someone to move into the place I called ours. As big of an adjustment as it is, I moved back to my parents, thought it would be best for all of us to be together for support. The thing he loved most was to come watch me play hockey a few nights a week.  Since his death  I finally stepped back on the ice. My friends all thought playing again would keep me busy and have that team/family feeling to keep my mind off of it. Its true , it works It just sucks remembering him standing in the corner of the rink watching my games. 

 

The one thing that does bother me is I work for 911/police,  Ever since the death of my brother, I think of the night I had to  cpr and call 911.  I was on the other side of my usual phone call. When I receive any calls similar,after the call I get pretty emotional at work. Of course work has not  offered any sort of counseling or anything.  It makes me want to change complete paths on a job also.  I work midnights so there is way too much time to just sit and think while at work. I try to keep myself busy during the day but at night its just inevitable to sit and think. 

 

 

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Sobox74,

I am very sorry about the loss of your precious brother. Have you considered counseling or therapy for PTSD? Obviously, you've experienced a terrible trauma. Does your insurance have any type of employee assistance for this type of thing?

Perhaps also, a self help group, such as an emotional support, a grief and loss or a PTSD group could help you. Talking about how you are feeling and what you are experiencing will help you. It's the best way to heal.

In the meantime, try not to rely on too much caffeine or alcohol; it will only make things worse.

 

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

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I am so sorry for the loss of your brother! I too lost my big brother he was only 36. The bond you described between you and your brother sounds just as the one I shared with mine. He passed unexpectedly in his sleep, heart problem and sleep apnea. I feel so empty and lost without him. I am 1 of 4 kids, but the only girl. We were all close as siblings, but as we got older we kinda paired off. My youngest brother and middle brother were very close and then me and the oldest brother were very close. It's hard to understand why he left me. Or how this could happen! I am heartbroken without him.

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