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my kitty, starel


rexifelis

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Starel, whom we called Star, was not a cat.  she was part of our family.  we got her as the family who adopted her from the shelter discovered their daughter was allergic to cats.  she was a very sick little girl.  after several vet visits and treatments it turned out that she had feline leukemia or FelV.  despite this her vet had made up a concoction of immunization boosters and other stuff for her.  she got a shot every month.  she had, at first, really resisted going because it was rather unpleasant... but as she got used to the visits she just accepted it and really did not give the vet much difficulty any more either.  she was a smart girl.  she could get into any closed door in the house.  she also wanted to play with us (she did not like to just play with her toys, she needed interaction with us).  her favorite toy was a flyswatter with some yarn tied to the end of the handle.  she would drag the flyswatter around the house using the yarn.  her other toys were bits of pipe cleaner twisted into shapes.  either of these or other toys she would bring to us, drop at our feet, look up and meow.  we would pick up the offered toy and throw it.  she would romp after it, pick it up, shake it hard (to "kill" it) and bring it back to us to throw again.  some of the best memories are of me and my wife playing with miss kitty.  she did not pick one of us.  she would come to either of us.  she loved being in the same room with us, if she was asleep and we got up to go to another room, she would get up and follow us and most likely sleep in there too.

 

she loved being outside.  so we let her out at certain times of the day and let her back in within an hour or so.

she loved bringing us "presents" of dead mice or just... parts of them

one sunday night she did not come home.  my wife and i went out with flashlights and called and called and called for her... but no kitty.  we had really hoped that another cat had chased her up a tree and she could not get down easily in the dark... since my wife had to go to work in the morning we had to call off the search.  the next morning i called and called for kitty.  i then had to go to work.  once i got back home i looked in the ditches and under bushes in the front yard.  it was there, under the grapevine i found miss kitty.  she had been hit on the road... she had managed to drag herself off the road.

it still hurts the both of us.  that she is no longer in our lives.  still have moments that it seems she is still here.  looking for her to come through the door with a toy in mouth.

 

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one of her favorite spots, on top of the laser printer (it was always warm there)

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one of her favorite spots outside, near the end of the driveway

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that same spot, like our lives without her, empty

 

 

i also experienced the death of my Mom, recently.  it was somewhat expected and she suffered pretty badly before the end.  now she is not suffering.  

 

what i asking, is... her passing, while hurting, does not have the raw bleeding pain that the loss of my kitty does.  that seems ... somehow wrong to me.  is there something wrong with me?

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MaverickCacheAcadia

There is nothing wrong with you. My Grandpa died of Alzhiemers 2 years ago and while I did cry my eyes out, I did not cry as much as I did when my kitty Kia was hit and killed by a car 10 days ago. I'm the one that found her in the road at 10 o'clock at night and I had a meltdown in the middle of the street and cried and cried (and am still crying) until my eyes were swollen shut. I even made myself sick from crying so much. You are not alone. My heart goes out to you and your wife ❤

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