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My Big Sister/Best Friend Murdered By Her Husband


jlynn3

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My big sister was my everything; my soul mate, my other half, my light. She was the closest person to me and my very best friend. She was the only person who genuinely understood every part of me. This woman was the most beautiful person, inside and out, that I've ever known. She will always have my heart, and that scares me. She was always very sweet, kind and generous and everyone absolutely adored her. Unfortunately, she was married to a monster who has always been verbally and mentally abusive toward her. I tried and tried to intervene, she always denied it or told me not to worry. I noticed this since I was a little girl and have always hated him for it. My sister and I were extremely close; we shared a room until she got married and moved out at 23 and even then I was spending every weekend with her. She was always by my side...she even took/drove me to college my freshman and sophomore year, which was in a different state. Her husband has never liked how close she was with me, my mom and dad, and he also hated how admired she was by our relatives and many people in Denver. I mean, there were over 600 people at her services. During the past two years we noticed drastic changes in my sister. She wasn't coming around anymore, didn't call much at all anymore, and her appearance even changed. I tried to help and figure out what was going on (even though I know it was him) but she continued to be distant when I would try to talk to her. I can see fear in her eyes but she just wouldn't listen to me when I told her we could protect/help her. I spent the last two days of her life with her. I wanted to protect her. I can vividly remember me telling her how beautiful she was, how much I loved her, and how she has always deserved better. I HATED seeing her hurt. It's like I felt it too. I spoiled her rotten for those last two days. I surprised her with her favorite food, favorite snacks, favorite drink from Starbucks and we watched  her favorite movies while I hugged her. I was in shock to see how someone could continue to hurt the most kind-hearted person in the entire world. I remember her falling asleep crying and me wishing I could somehow take away this pain. Although her kindness was something I fiercely admired, it was something he completely took advantage of. He manipulated (threatened) her into coming home the evening of the 19th ( I heard him yelling through the phone and I saw the things he was messaging her). I refused to take her. My best friend refused to take her. My parents were at work. However, my brother agreed to take her to his job. I cried and cried and cried and BEGGED her not to go. I felt like he was going to do something. I told her to wait until mom and dad got home. But nope. Her exact words while holding my face, "Sister, don't worry, I'm coming back" I said " you love him more than you love me? After all he has done to you?" She said "That's not true at all. I Love you mom and dad more than anything in this world". I told her I loved her back, several times. Then she left. I called her throughout the night she answered once and said she was fine. Didn't hear from her all morning the next day. I knew something was wrong. The "day of the yellow tape" (is what I call it) was the worst day of my entire life. I felt numb, I was in shock, I got physically sick, I fainted. Everything was just...dark. He severely beat her and shot her. He is now being held for 1st degree murder with deliberation (premeditated) without bond. It's November now and I still am trying to wake myself up from this nightmare. I cant really remember much that has happened in the past two and a half months. It's been very zombie-like. I spend most of my time pretending it didn't happen and the other half I put a HUGE mental block in my head where I tell myself NOT to think of her, because if I do, I have panic attacks and I feel sick.  What bothers me the most is knowing that she isn't going to grow old with me like she was supposed to. She isn't going to be at my wedding, or grad school graduation, or anything! This was TAKEN from her and from me! The anger and the hoplessness consumes me. Please help, if anyone else has dealt with something like this, please tell me what I can do. I'm seeing a doctor, I'm trying to be active, but nothing seems to get "better". Thanks.

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Jlynn3,

I am beyond sorry for the tragic loss of your dear sister. You are absolutely reeling, no doubt about it. You are doing the right thing by talking with a doctor. Obviously, you must be in shock. I'm sure you are experiencing a roller coaster of emotions, including hatred, guilt, loneliness, and even disorientation as you struggle to make sense of this all.

There really is no way to make sense of everything; you just take it day by day and keep moving forward. Your sister absolutely knew how much you loved her. How long has it been since this happened?

 

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

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