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My brother died and so did a part of me


sadsis97

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My brother died august 10th 2014, he overdosed on a drug he thought was heroin but according to the drugs found in his system it was something different. To this day were not 100% sure if it was intentional but it looks like it was, considering his past with suicide attempts and depression. Anyways, I wanted to give some background to my real point of this topic, and my point is that I feel I'm losing control of my life. Each day I wake up with no strive to go on and I'm so completely depressed. I finally understand what depression is after losing my brother. I have 2 other brothers and they seem to be moving on in their lives, one took the LSAT recently and the other just bought his first house with his girlfriend and daughter. With my whole family in a room it feels incomplete. I can't seem to fall asleep until 3 or 4am even though I'm on ambien, and I sleep until 5pm. This causes a lot of hostility from my mom who I'm the closest to because she's very concerned about me, I've been losing weight and I just don't feel like eating anymore. I think a lot "what's the point" I've put another topic on here and only gotten one reply, no one seems to want to help even though this is what this site is about.. I just feel very alone in every aspect of my life. I'm not sure what to do next and I've lost enjoyment on things that used to make me happy, I truly know my brother would be so upset that I'm acting this way but that brings me to feel emotions of anger towards him for putting us/me through this. I told him many times what it would do to me if I lost him, I believe in a heaven and I know he's at peace I can feel it, I just really wish I could see him again.

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I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother, how tragic for you and your family. I understand the feeling of losing control and the incompleteness of the family. I hope that you seek out a doctor for help with depression, it can spiral out of control if you don't get a handle on it. Your brother no doubt loved you very much but he was unable to shake the demons ; he didn't want to leave you but perhaps he couldn't handle the pain. You are right that he would be so unhappy to see you going through this; you can honor his life by doing what he would want you to do- taking care of yourself & living your life to the the fullest- this would make him very happy. It's difficult right now because the pain is so raw but I'm told it does get better with time & we forever keep our loved ones in our hearts. I lost my beautiful son Michael to a drug overdose on sept 27, 2014; I'm devastated- I loved him so much; it's actually hard to breathe at times. My younger son misses his brother so much; I have told him about this site so I hope that he will start to read and post when he's up to it. I post on the loss of adult child forum but I came here to show my son where he could post that's how I found you. My heart aches for your loss, please try to get help so that you can go on. My name is Francesca & Im Mikes mom

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