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Just wanted to put my story out there


travis1234

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I just wanted to put mine and his story out their, and ask for help.

 

   Austin was my older brother by 8 years, whom at first I did not even know existed till I was  13 years old. when he was younger he ran away from home to Mexico to smoke pot and surf (he was amazing at surfing). but as soon as he ran out of money he came back and turned my world upside down, I was never told that I had a second older brother but as soon as he came back he wanted to make up for lost time, he taught me how to surf, wood work, drink, play soccer, and how to be an overall great human being (that part i am still working on). but just over 6 months ago when he was 23 and I was 15 years old I woke up one morning  to go for a run (i was and still am trying to lose weight). to come back to find my home flooded by cops and hearing that my older brother had hung him self in our garage. From then till now i have been in a perpetual feeling of numbness, I have not cried a single tear, I have not lost a wink of sleep and i am starting to wonder if i am even human. This news was a huge shock to my system, I mean he had the perfect life a great job in the sals department, had a loving feanccé, and a great little apartment. But the worst thing of all of this was that the week before he came over to my house angry about god knows what and he started to aggravate my mother and father who would never lift a hand towards him. As for me though even though I loved my brother I would not stand for the tears he brought to my parents faces because of the words he called them, thus i took him out side where we fought angrily till it finished with me on top of him beating him bloody forcing my father to pull me off of him. This was not the first time i have been in a fight like this with him or someone else but this is the first time someone has died as result of this brawl. As i said before ever since his death i have never cried a tear on his behalf and I have not lost a nights sleep, so I was just wondering if anyone knows a psychological reason behind this and can help me feel more human about this whole ordeal. 

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travis, all i can say is that you are not responsible for your brother's  death. you fought with your brother because he made life difficult for your parents-you didn't hang him; he did that. It's obvious he had some serious issues he could not cope with; it's unfortunate he didn't seek help. Everyone grieves in different ways, just because you're not crying or losing sleep doesn't mean you are not grieving in your own way. you loved your brother and you miss him. take care of yourself, you will find your own way in this.

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