Remebrance

[Fiddlefancier]

I had a good year for the first time since 2008. Thanks to my friend Marinda Freeman. She gave me some great suggestions. On the run up to Tom's date (never a good time) she suggested that I set up an altar of remembrance. I put out things that reminded me of Tom, his poems, pictures, school awards. I made a collage of his photos through the years. I burned a candle, put on some music and  spent awhile meditating on Tom's brief life every night. It was very hard at first, as I'm sure you can imagine. The effort was worth it. I've transformed. I'm closer to Tom now than I have been since his death. I'm able to think of him more and more positively, as a presence rather than as an aching black hole in my life. I've also taken the initiative. I gave the family the option of either coming with me to spend the holidays away from home or not. It was a tough choice for me, but I know how hard those memories, those scents and sounds of the holidays hit me every year, kind of like a cannon fired at short range.They chose not to come with me. Perhaps it is for the best. They simply cannot conceive of the depth of my pain and merely find my grief during the holidays irritating. Death separates us sometimes and that is just the way it must be.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I am sorry for the loss of your son, Tom.

 

Thank you for sharing. The suggestions you gave are all very helpful...I for one, would like to spend the holidays away...

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Dear Fiddlefancier...I, too, think what you have done to heal....is simply what one has to do....to move forward on this earth home without our child.....am happy to hear you have finally had a 'good' year....we move forward in such slow motion ...and I know that I will have to find some way....to sit between grief and grace....to get to my healing place. I also think that going away for the holidays is a great idea....right now....when September came....I was already dreading the holidays coming up...for I know how painful the last 2 years were during that 'holiday time'....peace to you.

[Tobysmom]

I am dreading the holidays.  This will be my first without my Toby.  His birthday is December 30th.  He would have been 20 this year.  I am going to Florida for Christmas.  I just don't think I can bear being home without him.  I will be home for his birthday and that will be hard enough.  I just cannot fathom him not being here this year.  How did you get through?  I don't think I can.