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Dealing with the depression


Nancy724

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My brother died october of 2013. I will never forget going into his room to find him purple and stiff. The scariest thing was check for a pulse on his ice cold wrist and not finding one. To this day I can't stop thinking about him. He was my younger brother by a year but always acted like my big brother. I sleep in his bed whenever I can and wear his favorite team, the jets shirt every night. The depression gets worse everyday and I've thought of suicide. When will I get out of this depression? I don't like talking to my mom about it and my younger brother doesn't talk about feelings. This will hopefully be a good outlet. I've layed on his bed all day today crying. Please tell me how to cope

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Hi Nancy. I am so sorry for your loss. My brother died May 29, 2014 suddenly of an asthma attack and wasn't found for 3 days. I feel so messed up and depressed about it and I really don't know how to cope either. I don't think anything I can say will make you feel better. Meditation is good, but I don't feel like I can do it a the moment. Being around nature is good too. I guess making a deal with yourself that you will do at least one thing a day and then congratulating yourself for mustering up doing that one thing. Even if it is just a walk around the block. If you don't do the one thing you set out to do though, don't be hard on yourself. Just know I am here sending you lots of love. I don't know that anyone has the miracle answer for us.....

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peacefulwanderer

Hi Nancy & UfiT- Just holding space for you both. I lost my brother in 2007 and the first three years were very painful. Now it's been 7 years and things have gotten easier. What has helped me is trying to find the positives in the situation. I know it seems impossible.... but when I find myself focusing on something horrible like... why didn't I do this or that... instead, I ask myself quetions like... what if I never had a brother... or what if he died 5 years prior to when he died. I find that this helps lift some of the depression that I feel. Also,Nancy, you need to make sure you are taking time to nurture yourself... take time to go for at least a walk... try to eat healthy foods and meditate

 

Ufit- I find that everybody's process is different. Honor your process. I find that if I put myself in solitude and I hold items of my brother it allows me to release. I also find listening to sweet music is helpful for me. I feel the release will come for you when it's time... or not. Sometimes we do not release. The key is to be patient with your process. Holding space for you.

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I lost my brother on March 14, 2014 due to an asthma attack (which we had no idea he had it so badly).  He was living in Texas with his girlfriend and her son.  My father and I live in California.  We received a text message from his girlfriend on March 9th stating that they were are the hospital and he had an asthma attack (the second in 30 days) and had stopped breathing on the way to the hospital.  My brother was very stubborn at time and refused to go by ambulance so his girlfriend took him when he realized that the attack was not get better.  We flew to Texas on the first plane we could catch and did not arrive in Texas until late Monday night.  He was already on life support and they were doing all they could to keep him comfortable. They placed him in a medically enduced coma so that they could reverse any damage that may have occurred due to the lack of oxygen.  Long story short, my dad had the awful task of removing his only son from life support.  I was not able to be in the room due to the worst chest cold I had contracted while in Texas (they did not want me near the other patients).  So I did not get to say goodbye to my brother.  I am still trying to wrap my head around it (even after 7 months).  It's hard for me to realize that I no longer have a brother and that I am now an only child.  It has been a weird situation after his death between my family (my dad and I) and his girlfriend.  I have had to take up the responsibility of handling his estate (which doesn't thrill me in the least because there was quite a bit of debt).  He made his girlfriend as a pay on death beneificiary of his life insurance but did not designate one on his 401k.  So we are at a crossroads as to whether or not file a probate or a small estate affidavit.  I have been experiencing depression in a way.  Not everyday but there are days when I really feel it. 

 

The other reason for my posting is this issue.  While on Facebook this weekend I noticed a lenghthy post by his girlfriend stating that she is in a new relationship and is very happy.  She states that she will always love my brother and misses him terribly and wishes he would walk through the door right now.  I had "liked" her post and then immediately received a text message from her.  She did not want me to be mad at her for what she had said and was worried that we would be upset at her new relationship.  I told her that my brother would only want her to be happy.  

 

I am conflicted with this news.  I know each person deals with grief and moves on in different ways but I feel that this is way to soon.  I am in defensive mode.  Am I wrong to feel this way.  It seems to me that maybe my brother wasn't as important to her as she claims.  Also she and her son will be at our home for Thanksgiving this year.  We as a familiy wanted to share that with her because of my brother and where their relationship was going up untili his death.

 

I don't know how to feel about this. 

 

I know this isn't part of this thread but I'm sure where I should post this.  I just need some guidance as to how to deal with his passing (which I still don't want to) and now this girlfriend thing.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

 

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