1st Anniversary approaching

[Soulmate1208]

Hi, I'm writing because I lost my husband last year on Sept. 20th. He went to bed and never woke up. I can still see him and feel the coldness of his arm when I touched him after he didn't respond to me calling him. I feel so alone and depressed as I'm reading from many people it gets harder not easier I'm dreading next week as the 20th approaches. I have 5 step children and only really communicate with the youngest one. I thought the oldest was my friend but as time goes on she keeps saying little things which makes me question my relationship with her father. I know she's grieving as he was very close to her but she makes me feel like she was his wife and I was nothing. No matter what I say she has to tell me how much he didn't like something or that he called her to complain about things. Now am I saying we had the perfect marriage ah no however I know we loved each other but we had our issues and many times it involved his children. I miss him every single day even more than I thought I ever would you see we didn't meet until I was 52 years old and he was 58. I really and truly believe we were soulmates. The anxiety and stress of dealing with my oldest step daughter is taking it's toll on me I don't want to believe she's deliberately saying things to hurt me but at this point I'm struggling to believe otherwise.

Has anyone had to deal with this type situation? If so, how did you handle it? I actually try to avoid phone calls or communicating with her for fear of having my feelings hurt again and then I end up questioning my husband and my relationship. Please any advice you might have would be so appreciated.

[HeyJude]

Hi Soulmate -

 

What a tricky situation.  I know what I would do and that is all I can tell you.  I would tell the step-daughter that she is hurting you by what she is saying.  Lay it all out on the table.  It seems to me that she is hurting from something else along with her grief and maybe she needs to talk about it.  I would also explain to her that there is no such thing as the "perfect" marriage.  All marriages have their problems but that doesn't mean that you and your husband were not in love and committed to one another.

[Soulmate1208]

Thank you so much for responding and you are right. At one point in the past I did tell her that she made me feel like no one did anything for her father including me and that it was so hurtful. She did apologize at the time and I apologized for lashing out at her, but, it continues. I am really considering after his anniversary next Saturday to really cut all ties with her completely. When my husband was alive she called everyday sometimes more than once a day and my husband would just roll his eyes sometimes and look at me and say "you talk to her" I would say "she's your daughter" so I would make him talk to her but it wasn't a long conversation and then he would hand the phone to me and I would be stuck for quite some time. I did love my husband unconditionally and I want to believe he truly loved me too but to be honest she does have me questioning myself and him. I don't like drama or confratation and will avoid it at all costs. Thank you again so much for listening and giving me your opinion I truly appreciate it.

[Daisy512]

Hi, new here.

 

I can't comment on the stepchildren issue as I am not in that situation but I too dread the 1rst anniversary of my husband's death.   It is not until December but I am already thinking of it and dreading it. 

 

I am sorry for your loss and have people in my life too that are oblivious to the pain and emotional upset.  They are clueless which makes me angry and envious of them at the same time. 

 

Take care.