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Feeling very unmotivated after my wifes passing, need advice!


Gambit

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Hi,

 

Im new to this forum and am trying to reach out to the community for help. My wife recently died on metastatic breast cancer in June of 2014 (about 3 months ago). We are/were a young couple (mid-30's) but she was diagnosed with breast cancer 9 months after we were married; which was 8 years ago.

 

I've gone through the ups-and-downs of the grieving process but one thing that has been a constant is my motivation (or lack there of) or zest for anything. Everything that I used to love to do is now just BLAH to me. I can deal with that but one thing that makes me nervous is my lack of motivation at work!

 

I own a small company that I am the main contact/operator. I work from home a great deal; mainly in part of needing to be available to my wife; but now I've noticed that I will look for anything to do other than work! This concerns me because with all the mounting bills, funeral/wake expenses; I need money coming in more than ever. (you'd think that would be all the motivation I need).

 

My question is: Has anyone else experienced something like this? If so, what did you do to break out of that funk? I feel like that is exactly what I'm in, a big funk!!!

 

Any tips, advice, kind words would be greatly appreciated!!! 

 

Thanks!

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Hi there Gambit,

 

Thanks for posting how you feel and being so honest.

I'm 20 months down the line from when my Girlfriend shattered my life and walked out on me from a long term relationship

For the first month I was in a daze, and couldn't stop crying, eat or sleep, it was terrible, I wasn't functioning.

 

I ended up losing my job, in fact I got sacked because I wasn't coping well at all.

 

Now I sleep a lot, and am on anti-depressants, which make me feel like im in Zombie mode, but I still have no motivation for life, however much people I know try to motivate me, I seem to fight against it for some reason I don't understand.

 

This next bit should interest you, after I lost my job, I was really in debt and couldn't find a Job, anywhere for about a year.

I would suggest that you do your best and hang on to the job / contract that you have and don't lose it, things are tough out there, as you know.

 

All I can say is 20 long months down the line, things have improved slightly, but I am still on tablets and in emotional pain, and feel lonely and isolated, but I am suffering a different type of pain now.

 

Hang in there Brother, it will all come back and the clouds will clear.

 

I look forward to hear from you, and I really hope I have helped.

 

Ritchie

 

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lobstahkiller

Hi there,

 

I'm very sorry to hear about your wife's passing.

 

My partner died a little less than two months ago (his death was sudden, he had not been suffering from a terminal illness).

 

I'm in a similar situation in that I work for myself, I'm a freelancer. I have a few small contracts that barely pay me enough to get by. I need to find more work, but I'm having a really hard time doing it. I made enough to not work a lot during the period when I was planning the memorial, etc. I had to travel and stuff. But now, I'm back home, and I can barely get it together to do the bare bones of my work, and truly I need to go out and hustle for more work, or there will be some serious problems soon.

 

What I will say is that some days are better than others, as you've probably found. I've also found that mornings are better, I seem to be more mentally alert and able to focus. So I try to harness those times to the best of my ability and get the most work done then.

Also, I will set a timer, and say, OK, for 45 minutes you have to work. When you're done the 45 minutes, you can do X as a reward (make coffee, etc.).  Even getting a little bit of work done helps.

 

As long as I do a little bit every day, it seems to help move things forward.

 

Hope this helps.

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I am so sorry for your lose. I lost my husband going on 3 years next month also at a young age I was 29 he was 32. I did the same thing stayed locked up in my house. The only thing that really got me out of my house was when it had to do with our kids. But once I started that is all it took to start getting out a little bit more. I know how you feel alot of time's someone had to make me get out the house and I think to tell the truth I still have my days that I still stay locked up inside. The best thing I found by talking to people who have went through what I went through helped me alot. I just joined the group a couple weeks ago but I have found it coming to help me alot is here.

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Hey Gambit -

 

It isn't unusual at all for you to be feeling this way.  Especially at only 3 months in.  Heck, I'm going on 2 years here soon and I still am completely unmotivated to get out and meet new people and do things.  I work, that is about all that I do.  I still feel lost.  I think that is the best way to describe it.  I don't know which way to turn or what to do.  They say it gets better with time, we shall see.  But for you, being so new in all this, yep, your going to feel a whole gamut of feelings...for a long while.  Only you will know when it gets any better.

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Hi Newbie  I know exactly how you feel and I am having the same problem.  My wife passed away 4 months ago and my attitude sucks, especially at work and I am not sure what to do either.  I am in IT and EVERYTHING is an emergency when something breaks.......well this is totally unacceptable to me after living in hospitals and ICUs for the last 9 months of my life.

 

I don't know what the answer is but everyone keeps telling me this is all normal.  The only thing I am trying to do is stay busy but it only helps so far.  Hang in there and don't give up......I'm saying that for you as much as for me because sometimes I want to give up everyday.

 

Take care,

 

Steve

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Yes hun. I lost my husband last month and work seems to be very hard for me. We drove truck together for five years. The last two years I drove for by myself. Without him here I just am having a difficult time working. My motivation before was for us. Now I guess I need to be motivated for me and the bills. I seek out God for help. I just recently found this sight also. It seems to help to share with others.

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