Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Too much death


Arkel101

Recommended Posts

  • Members

May 2013 my life was changed. 

 

Several months prior my family received news that my grandpa, my fathers dad, had cancer. I scared, knowing nothing about cancer or knew anyone who died from it. The only death I knew was my great grandparents, and I was very young when they passed. We went down south to visit a college I had been interested in when my dad received a phone call that his father was ill, my grandpa. My parents had been fighting a lot around that time, and I had overheard whispers of divorce. So needless to say the fighting never ceased and I was miserable, but I had no idea what would happen when I got home. It was a long 10 hour ride, made longer because we only stopped home to grab fresh clothes before traveling to the hospital my grandpa was at in Pittsburgh. We stayed for a few days, then traveled home because school was resuming after Spring Break. Over the next couple weeks I missed I believe it was 12 days of school, including some finals. But that wasn't even close to the worst part. When he was transferred into Hospice, my parents, who had been staying in PA, got me and my brother there. However, we were too late to say our goodbyes. By the time we got there he had already gone into a coma, unable to communicate. The images of those days will stay with me forever. His face was sunken, dull. I barely recognized him. Over the next couple days the only time I left his side was to go to my other grandparents house to sleep at night, because my parents said he moaned and screamed at night...I would just hold his hand and try to stay strong. My family kept a vigil over him: Me, my brother, my parents, his wife (my step-grandma), my uncle and his girlfriend (now fiancée). They laid on cots and couches at night with him. The nurses said they had never seen a family do this before. Other family would come, silently hold his hand or sit with him, talk to him. The first couple days he would moan a little, move his eyes or blink, sometimes even squeeze your hand. As the days went on, nobody could figure out why he was holding on. The nurse said she had never live through some of the stuff that happened to his body after he went into the coma-he was not on any machines or anything. I had a feeling, though-Monday was his birthday. I was right. At midnight Monday morning we gathered around his bed and sang a tearful happy birthday. My brother and I left-only to come back a half hour later because he had past. I will never forget the sense of dread I felt when I heard the phone ring that night. That phone call is the worst feeling in the world.

 
What made everything worse, some sort of cruel humor, is that Wednesday, the day of two viewings and the funeral, was my 17th birthday. I celebrated between the two viewings, at my grandpa's house, with cake. There was no joy that year, though. 
 
This wasn't the only thing to happen that year, not even close. At the same time we had gotten the call about my grandpa, we also received one about my aunt. She had brain cancer, and it was bad. She had actually passed away at the same Hospice home the day before my brother and I had arrived, that Wednesday. A couple months later, my grandpa's sister passed, and following her another of my aunts. Then my friend's father committed suicide. Following that was another friend of the family. And just this past month our family dog, who was 10 and we had raised from a pup, died suddenly. Then a few days ago one of my best friends texted me that her dad died from brain cancer-today was the funeral...I have been torn into so many pieces some days I just don't know how to go on. I wonder what the point is, wonder when my next relative will die...I'm angry at the world. How I can be only 18 and have been to 8 funerals in the last 14 months. I've seen so many people grieving, and am grieving myself. I don't know what to do with the anger or sadness, loneliness, confusion...or how I can possibly handle someone else dying....
 
 
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Arkel101,

It is very sad that you've had to experience so much loss in such a short space of time. It is certainly understandable that your head is swimming from it all. The anger, sadness, loneliness and confusion are completely and totally normal. How you deal with all of your emotions is to talk about them and experience them. Don't try to stuff them or squash them.

Death is part of the life cycle--the part most of us try to ignore or deny. Hopefully you may go many long years before you experience any other loved one dying. But in the meantime--continue to talk to you loved ones and tell them how much you love them. Continue to live and enjoy your life. Let the memories of your lost loved ones be cherished and help you to be the very best person you can be--someone they would be proud of and one that you are proud of.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.