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Lost my partner, my soulmate, the love of my life


Barrial1

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It's been 2 weeks since I lost the love of my life my wife to suicide. It's the most empty struggling thing I woulndt bear on anyone. It makes it so much worse that she left 3 kids behind. A 3,6 and 13 year old. I don't know how I will do this. I can't get the picture out of my head finding her hanging in the basement. I have nightmares over and over and just want to have a good dream about her I miss her so much. She was struggling with coke addiction and depression possible voices in her head she was saying. But never liked to talk about them. She was putting us further and further in debt and I got her help to go to treatment. After one week in she called me and asked to come get her so I did after her promising me that she will never use again. I said if she used again I will have to take the kids and leave.1 week later I wake up to find the vehicle missing finding out she lent it out for drugs. I didn't know what else to do but leave. We were in so deep of debt I couldn't even by food for the house. So I packed the kids close and left to my brothers letting her know I was leaving. While I was gone for about a hour or more I had this feeling to go home like I knew something was wrong. I ran all around the house and had this terrible feeling to go in the basement and that's where I found her. I have a lot of guilt and that's the worse feeling by far. I shouldn't have left or went home earlier. Please help.

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I lost the love of my life, husband of 27 years to cancer on September 22, 2014. Never in a hundred years did I think he was going to die. I'm so lost without him, he was only 57. I don't understand why him, why not some murderer or a child beater, or someone like that. Why a man who worked hard for a living who never hurt a fly be taken from this life.

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To everyone on this page, who spoke ur pain..I'm so sorry for ur loss& the hell you're going thru. To Tammy: I ask myself the same ques. bout my fiance.' Why? Together 8yrs, diagnosed in Jan with brain tumor, gone in August.I don't think I'm ever gonna love anyone again. To lose again? My heart couldn't take this pain/ grieving a second time. Just hurts too much. Peace& blessings to everyone.

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My lashes I feel the same way, I'll never love again. To hard going thru the pain. My husband was told he had lung cancer on March 28, 2014 and died Sept 22. The pain of losing a love on is to hard.

I'm sorry for your loss and the pain you have. The doctors told my husband he was doing better and my husband even said to the doctor I don't have a death sentence do I? The doctor said no. I wish we were told the truth so we could of said good bye. And not spent all our money on chemo and radiation. So much in this life that is not fair.

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TammySue

Thank under ur kind words. Pls.feel free to send apvt msg to talk, to vent. We're all in this together

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I'm just not sure how to act anymore. Everyone is happy this time of year and I feel like I can't go on without him. I try so hard to understand why but can't. I'm not sure I believe it when people say you'll see him again, or he's looking down at you. I'm just not sure what to believe.

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"Lost my partner, my soulmate, the love of my life" This title summarizes all the stories I read here and mine. I lost my husband 11/30/14 after we fought brain cancer for three years. We shared 28 wonderful years of hard work, friendship, and laughters. He was the source of my happiness; only with him could I really enjoy anything. When I was next to him, I felt at home, relaxed, whole, at peace. That was my place, where I should be, where I belonged. And like you, Mylashes and Tammy, I don't know what I'm doing here. I go on for my 21 years old son, my parents, my friends...

I feel stuck here in a loveless, boring, empty life. But I'm in love with my husband and always will be. So I try to reproduce him; I put our pictures everywhere, I talk to him, I write to him every night. I think I'm going to light a candle every day when I come back home. I am not a believer, but there might be a tiny chance that he might still be "alive" on the other side, under one form or another... I'm just preparing for the day I'll join him. 

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I read the posts by bereaved spouses here and so many of you said things that I am feeling or going through these past five months since the love of my life departed this world. My darling husband was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer in November 2013 and passed on August 4, 2014. I, too, died with Joseph the day he died. He was 49 years old, and we had been married for 14 happy years. 

 

Like for so many of you, my husband was my everything, my world, the reason for my existence. He was everything I wanted. Just seeing his broad smile and hearing his voice would set my heart aflutter after all those years; we were together for 19 years. When we spent time together--and we spent a lot of time together, we even taught at the same university, there was no need for anyone else. We lived and worked in Alaska, and during the hard winter months when we were stuck indoors, we never felt bored or cut off. We were everything the two of us needed to feel content and happy, and stay entertained. We could pass days, and sometimes weeks, without having to seek other companionship. We were so much in love, so in synch, so compatible, we didn't need much more as long as we had each other. Very often, both of us would express our gratitude for being blessed in this way. We were aware that what we shared doesn't come by too often. 

 

Until Joseph's diagnosis in November of 2013, we always thought we would grow old together. How else could it be? We often talked about how we would take early retirement and move to warmer climes and enjoy our golden years trying to do the good works while enjoying warm weather. Little did we know that our happiness was coming to an end very soon and that we had no future to look forward to. Our life together, our love was too magical, too good, and perhaps that's why it didn't last.

 

I feel guilty that I am alive--I am five years older than him--and probably I will live another 20-25 years while he didn't get to turn 50. When my husband was fighting the cancer, I prayed that half the years of my life be given to him... My life without my darling Joseph is simply not worth living; if it were up to me, I would go now and be with him in the next world. All I can do now is just wait for my time to come and hope that it comes soon.

 

My heart goes out to each and every one of you who have come to this site looking for solace and peace. Please let us find peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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"Lost my partner, my soulmate, the love of my life" This title summarizes all the stories I read here and mine. I lost my husband 11/30/14 after we fought brain cancer for three years. We shared 28 wonderful years of hard work, friendship, and laughters. He was the source of my happiness; only with him could I really enjoy anything. When I was next to him, I felt at home, relaxed, whole, at peace. That was my place, where I should be, where I belonged. And like you, Mylashes and Tammy, I don't know what I'm doing here. I go on for my 21 years old son, my parents, my friends... I feel stuck here in a loveless, boring, empty life. But I'm in love with my husband and always will be. So I try to reproduce him; I put our pictures everywhere, I talk to him, I write to him every night. I think I'm going to light a candle every day when I come back home. I am not a believer, but there might be a tiny chance that he might still be "alive" on the other side, under one form or another... I'm just preparing for the day I'll join him. 

It's very touching how you write about your love for your husband. I, too, lost the love of my life in early August 2014. I can totally relate to how empty, boring, and meaningless life seems without our soulmate by our side. I believe that souls are immortal and that they live on in another form in the afterlife. Honestly speaking, some days the only way I can go on is by taking comfort in the thought that one day, no matter how far away, I will be reunited with my darling Joseph. This thought helps bear the utter pain I feel. It won't be like the way we were in this world, it will be the reunion of two loving souls. I just long for that day to dawn. Please let it be soon. I wish you peace in your journey of grief. 

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This is all new to me so here goes. I recently lost my best friend, my buddy, my soul mate and the love of my life of 5 years to a sudden massive stroke on Dec. 19,2014. He was 58. We had so many plans and so many memories left to make and share. Like others because we were not married yet it is like I should suddenly just be fine, that life goes on. I often wonder how much they love their husbands so quick to tell another how to feel or react to such a loss. The numbness continues, the pain still on the surface and the tears continue to fall. I feel so lost and feel as though life is not worth what it once was. I find it hard to try and talk to God anymore it is like my brain stops me before I can even get it out of my mouth. I want to know why? Why me , why him, why our family? It just so unfair. He was an amazing man, hard worker, caring, loving,supportive and the best father figure any child could ask for. Why someone so good to others and so selfless? The pain never ends. I can't even go to the store for groceries and I panic , it took me 45 days to cook in my own kitchen and I cried the whole time, as this was something we shared together on the weekends it was our down time. I hear my children cry and notice sleepless nights from them as well (16,17&19). They try and be strong but can hear behind closed doors. Nothing is the same! I just wish someone would understand and not tell me to feel something I don't.

my heart and soul left with my soul mate, I have nothing left. I just wish my time were closer so we could be together again. I will love him forever and that will never change.

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My name is John and I am from Philadelphia Pennsylvania. I am 35 and on April 17th 2014 me and my wife of almost 14 years as of September 23rd 2014. And please I really need help with this if anybody knows what I'm going through please help in anyway and I dont even what I need right now. Me and my wife was using drugs and we both had died. I was dead for over 17 minutes and when the paramedics revived me I woke up to the worst nightmare that I could possibly every imagine. My wife was an arm length away from me with all the paramedics there as I was calling to her trying to crawl to her I was repeatedly pushed away as the paramedics was telling me (GIVE IT UP SHE'S DEAD) she was 33 and I wish they never saved me and god let her live.I truly died inside that day! I know we all have lost a very big part of who we was. I have been clean from all drugs since that day and I will remain that way. But everyone of my family tries to help me but I live on that day every day. But it's getting harder and harder everyday and I'm just trying anything to help with the guilt blame and the not wanting to live anymore. I've been in and out of mental hospitals seeing therapist and doctors but it still seems hopeless with these feelings. I dont know what else to say so please help me find a way to cope before I lose all my will. Thanks room

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No need to be sorry John.  My heart is just aching for you right now and I'm really going to have to do some thinking here to know what I might possibly be able to say to help you.  Do you like to read?  Or do you have any way to listen to audio books?

 

You have to hang on honey, just take things minute by minute right now.  I know your feeling horrible guilt on top of grief.  There are several members here who have lost someone to drugs, maybe they will chime in.  I'm glad to hear your sober right now.  I am a recovered addict as well and you have to know that anytime we did drugs, especially to excess like I did, you are flirting with death.  I had gotten very heavily into fentanyl after my husband died and almost killed my self a couple of times.  So don't take the responsibility on yourself, it isn't your fault, it is just the nature of the beast and a reaction any one of us can  have to drugs at any given time.

 

Listen - email me if you'd like.  I don't think you need metal hospitals right now.  You need to be healed on a spiritual level and I'm not talking about being a Jesus freak either.  h3yjude1957@gmail.com

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Hey Jude thank you for responding and telling me that you dealt with addiction. I really don know what to do anymore, I really don't sleep anymore I'm afraid of the nightmares. I try my best to eat but I get nauseous when I eat. I see my wife everywhere I go I hear her voice every minute of everyday. I have such big demons beating down my door it's killing me. We gave custody up of our son at 9 he Is now 11 to a doctor we knew (who then adopted him so he can get his benefits) so he can have the chances to go to college and be stable. We was not using at the time but was moving a lot because of Financial reasons. We didn't know how hard it was going to be. We was still active in his life. But we got so depressed that we didn't know how to deal with it. So we started to use drugs to numb the pain. After my wife passed away it hurt my son badly, the doctor decided to move because the kids at his school knew he was adopted and that his mom has recently passed, teasing him that his mom gave him up and died because she didn't love him. He acted in a aggressive way to that kid and hit him. He knows that wasn't true but it hurt him. So they moved to Georgia over ten hours away from me, So he can have a new start! I never been this far away from him since the day he was born. I can write him letters but being so far away and the guilt that I condoned to his mother death is ripping the last little bit of soul out of me. I dont read much and my feeling about God is that I mad at him.

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Your wife was beautiful John and your son is a real looker too!  Kids can be so cruel to each other, I'm sorry that your son had to experience that.

 

It is very normal to have your wife on your mind 24/7 and not be able to eat or sleep.  That is grief my friend.  I lost my husband two years ago and he is still on my mind 24/7.  You do have to get rid of the guilt you are feeling though.  Everyone's life is preplanned before they are ever born.  This is the path that her soul decided to take for some reason.  Our souls are eternal beings who choose to become a human in order to learn things.  Let me just say that you will be reunited with your wife again.  I believe that with all my heart.  The hard part is just waiting but you have to.  I know without a doubt that there is more to life than this.  There is an afterlife.  I'm totally convinced.

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MissingDaniel

John, I am so sorry for what you have been through. My heart breaks for you. I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Like Judy said, several of us have lost our partners to drugs. I lost my husband almost 2 years ago now to a heroin overdose. I don't know that I have any great wisdom for you, but I want you to know that you can come through this. Unlike you, I was not with him when he died. We had both been clean for some time, and I really thought those days were past. He had a long history of drug use, and for a time, depression took hold of me and I began using with him. I can remember some times that I was so afraid he had used too much and thought I might lose him. Those were scary times. We had two daughters at the time that were staying with their grandmother, and I can relate to your feelings about missing your son and using drugs to numb that pain. I remember feeling very much like that. Ironically, the drug use was the reason for the girls not being with us, but I couldn't make myself stop using to get them back with us.

Anyway, my husband was an unfortunate victim of the "just one more time" thinking, and the one more time was all it took. It is a difficult way to lose someone, and to have been right there with her at the time can only make it even harder to handle. I went through so many different emotions, and it was a hard road, but I can tell you that if you hang in there it does get better. Now, with the perspective of some time, I find myself wanting to use what I've been through to help others who are struggling to hopefully not fall victim to drugs. Right now, I know you are just trying to get through the days, but maybe after some time, you can find a way to make what you went through mean something. Maybe take the good memories that you have of her, and let them inspire you to do something in her honor.

I hope that you are able to find a way to remain close to your son. I think that will be very important. I am so sorry that other kids were hurtful to him. Regardless of his custody situation, he is and will always be your son. You now need to love him for both of you. You are still here for a reason. With some time, perhaps you will figure out what that is. Be kind to yourself and try to fight the guilt. What happened was terrible and I know you are heart-broken, but it was not your fault. Reach out for support in whatever way you can. And know that you are definitely not alone.

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Hey Jude thank you on the thoughtful words about my wife and son. And missing Daniel your words hit home. The one more time thinking was exactly what happen with us. Me and my wife was settling a lawsuit, we was just waiting for the check to clear in two days. So we had gotten a advancement loan off my lawyer. We had planned to have "one more hurrah" before going into rehab. So we can change our lives with the money for the better and not blow it. I never would of thought that the money would go to bury my wife. The one last hurrah was exactly what happen CRAZY! I heard of people telling me about that but I said that would never happen to me. I have already reached out to hopefully help educate the next person from making the same mistake I had made. So I went to the Philadelphia inquire it's a newspaper here in Philly to get my story out there. The article was published it was called(deadly drug mix: fentanyl makes a comeback) posted: August 24,2014. If anybody would like you can look and read the article. But even that I try to reach out I feel like I'm reaching out to nothing. But I'm trying and if I don't make it at least my family can say I tried but my demons was to big for me. And I'm sorry for talking like giving up on a site for people who are hurting about losing a loved one and are trying to find something to help them and me talking like this does not help. But I don't know how else to feel so sorry if what I say bothers anyone that is not my intention.

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John - you are hurting!  You belong here.  There are so many of us here who have said that we want to die, that living is just too damn hard after a loss like this.  So don't be sorry about anything.  We totally understand where your coming from.

 

Keep reaching out to help others not make the mistake that you did.  Even if you don't see a person actually change, I'm sure that your article has made a lot of people stop and take notice of what they are doing and the consequences.

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It has been almost 2 years.  I still think of my husband every day.  I have finally accepted that I will always miss him, all the time, and wish he was back with me no matter what.  That is just part of me now and accepting that I will always have that hole in my heart and longing has really helped me not feel so depressed, oddly enough.  I feel the pain, and instead of resisting it, I let it have me for whatever moments it grips me.  He was just so amazing.  We have 2 awesome children together, and I get to raise them and tell them about him every day.  And they tell me things, too, that they remember.

 

I don't think it ever "gets better" - you just start accepting the hurt and incorporating it into your life.  It becomes a 'friend' of sorts.  It gives me memories and I sometimes remember the most random things.  I haven't "moved on", but I have indeed "moved forward".  I think the difference in those two phrases is poignant.

 

I do have anxiety, and depression, and I am always worried about my health now that I raise two kids alone.  I am working with a therapist, too, to help me get over those issues.  But there's no getting over my husband.  But I can move forward knowing that.

 

Some days are easy and some days are so hard.  The hard days are especially when my son has all sorts of 'guy' questions, and I want to say, "Oh my! Go ask you dad ... " and he can't ask his dad.  And I feel the loss for both of us at that moment so acutely.  

 

There is a song by Bread that I cry each time I listen to it, because it reminds me of how I feel daily.  It is called "Everything I Own".

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My love died 9.23 .14 3 days later one of our children turned 3.

we lived as man and wife but never got married. It ws not a big deal to us.

now, it is.

his family says I don't deserve anything. They are stealing and are trying to get me removed from our house.

They and some of our friends act like since we were not married that I should be over it already.

I get asked about who I am dating.

Are they kidding?

I'm barely breathing.

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Hey room I've been away for awhile to get things together in my head. I'm still fighting hey Jude, missing Daniel and everyone else still going through the emotions but I'm back thanks all....

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Hi all. I'm new of this. Seeking for comfort from my husband's death. He died last Feb 17,2015. It's been 4 months and I thought I was able to recover and accept his death but I was wrong. Instead, I felt tired pretending to all people around me that I am already okay but deep in my heart I am not yet okay. I'm tired pretending I am strong because the truth is I am getting weak. I miss my husband very much.Sometimes I can think half of me wants to be die and half of me wants to live for my children. I felt insane of trying to understand everything. I've been a tough person all my life but my husband's death weakens me and my personality. It's very hard.

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It's been 10 days since I lost my husband. I miss him so much. It was so sudden, he was only 29 and died in bed next to me. I feel so powerless, there was nothing that I could do to save him. This weekend is his memorial service. I am flying across the country to bring him home to rest and leaving our babies for the first time in their lives to do it.

I feel like I'm lost in a nightmare that I can never wake up from. I don't sleep at night because I'm worried I will never wake up and will leave my babies motherless as well. My heart is hurting. How do you go on from this?

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June 29 I lost the love of my life and I miss her so much.  There are times when I just don't know what to

do

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mourningbill

I lost my love on July 10th, 2015. It's like a large part of me died that day, too! It was sudden and unexpected. We are still waiting to hear the cause of death. In the meantime, my heart hurts so bad that I really don't want to go on. My life seems colorless and empty without him. He made me feel so loved and cherished and took such good care of me. He made me laugh with all the silly things he did. He always told be how beautiful I was and how much he loved me (He always said "I love you MORE!!!)
Now he is gone. There is a giant huge void in my life right now that causes me so much pain. Now I am scared and alone.
Don't know what to do.

 

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I'm new to this site but my husband passed just on 9 months now of a fatal heart attack and the pain of losing him is still so in fair I cry so easily and really have no desire for anything anymore even my children or grandchildren and they use to bring me so much happiness I can't believe it's really happened and he won't be home when I get home it's so cruel to have to cope on your own the loneliness is just to much the memories hurt like hell and I try to focus on other thoughts but this stupid brain of mine goes back to that hurtful night God bless us all but it really brings no comfort

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mydeepestthoughts

I would like to extend my deepest condolences to all of you and your families that are in this post. Death is the greatest enemy of mankind, knowing that we will no longer be able to hear our loved ones laughter, or see their smiles is a devastating thought. And to lose an close friend, or relative to that enemy, is such a hard, and devastating thing to endure. In the world that we live in unexpected, and tragic things occur. Eccl 9:11 Says "Time and unforeseen occurrences befall us all." So bad things happen to good people. But is death the end of all things? Please allow me to share a hope found in God's word the bible..John 5:28,29 which reads " Do not be amazed at this, for the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice. 29: and come out" This is a promise that Jesus made to all of us who are affected by death. Many are taught that when someone dies that God needed another Angel, and because of this false belief, many instead of drawing close to God in times of tragedy..push him away. From the words in this post, I can feel the love that many of you have for your loved ones, and that you would have done anything for them. . Can you imagine how God feels seeing you suffer? Then why does God allow suffering? Why do bad things happen to good people? What happens to our dead loved ones? Many have these same questions. Please examine this free tract entitled "Would you like to know the truth?" On the following link. http://www.jw.org/en/publications/books/know-the-truth/1102008390/#?insight[search_id]=facc7496-d0fd-45b9-b4ba-34b0826f4f32&insight[search_result_index]=0

You will find bible based answers to these questions.

May you find peace, and comfort. Condolences.

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Hello everybody... Sorry for your losses... My name is Sergio...

The love of my life (Josh) passed away three weeks ago. The pain is so much! I have been trying to escape from this... Distracting my mind in other things, but honestly there is no way for me to smile again. I had a relationship with my partner for only six months and I knew him as if we have been together for years. He wanted to marry me and was making plans for the future, but he was too sick and was pain killer´s dependent (He had two autoimmune diseases and had scar tissue damage on his legs). I did not care about all his health issues, we were fighting together against all that. Now, I understand all the pain and the hell he was going through and I have a little bit of peace because he is not hurting anymore. Although, everything I´ve said I feel alone and I´m hurting so bad every time I think about him. It feels as a part of you is dead, I don´t want to do anything. We talked a lot about him dying. He wanted me to be happy and move on, but I can´t. Just yesterday I got a message of one of his friends telling me that he told him I was the best he could asked for... That just broke my heart into pieces and is killing me every day... I´m tired of be crying but I cannot help it...

I´m 29 years old and I´m counting the years that I need to be in pain in this earth without him. I really want to see him again and it is hard for me because I don´t believe in anything. I´m so desperate to believe in something and have hope that someday I´m gonna see him again an be reunited. It is so hard to think right now...  It just hurts...

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Hi, I'm sorry for your loss.  You say he died three weeks ago but your angel date says February 6, so that confuses me.

Yes we feel like we died too because everything about our life changed the moment they died.  It takes much time and effort to process all this and adjust to it.  

Try not to count how many years you have left without him, that invites anxiety...breathe and take one day at a time (or an hour if you can't handle a day).  Try to live in the present.

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Thanks for your answer and advice... I´m trying... Well, it was three weeks ago. I wrote Feb 6 because that was the first day we met and I consider him my angel since then...

Thank you so much...

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Oh, that makes since then!  Most people put the death date as their angel date, that just had me confused. :D

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How do I say it? I have read every one of your stories and it makes my heart ache.My story is a little bit different , but I am in the same endless grieving zone as everyone of you are. You feel so hopeless, and life seems so futile.There's no where you can go to without taking your grief and pain together with you. 

I met this women a few years back and instantly fell in love.Something clicked as soon as we saw each other and we had never been happier.But she's leaving soon.She suffers from Cerebral Aneurysm and Lung Cancer ( No she's never touched a cigarrette) and we are doing all we can to cure it or prolong her life ,but nothing's working.I can't take her abroad for better treatment as there's no way I could or she could afford it.The doctor has given her 6 months. Now everyday is like going through this never ending pain of guilt and sorrow. How do you console yourself when you see her in pain everyday and knowing there is no hope ? How do I console her?  Is there life after death ? I desperately hope that there is. That is the only thing that keeps me going.That's the only way I can meet my baby after she leaves me in this life. I keep listening to Pearl Jam's "Last Kiss" .I need to be a good guy in this life.I got to be good so that I can see my baby when I leave this world.Until that time, it's going to be one tough journey.I won't commit suicide. I think about my family. Why give them the same pain? I can't let my parents suffer the same way I am suffering. I know how hard it is, and I don't want that for my parents. They say life moves on .I highly doubt it. I will never recover from this loss. This pain's never going to leave me. What can I do ? Can I sell myself to provide her better treatment ? If it could raise enough money I would. I wouldn't give it a second thought. I have asked for help of course. I have written to Ellen, to Oprah, to a Saudi Arabian Prince and football players. I never heard back from anyone. I felt stupid doing so afterwards. But what options do I have , than to try such desperate measures? I don't blame them. Why would they help a stranger? A random life has no value in this world. It's just another person. But I really don't blame them. They don't know how much I love my baby, and how much I want to save her. I don't know what else to say. Everyone who read this far, thank you for doing it.Please pray for my baby. Maybe miracles are possible. Maybe she'll recover . I still have some hope left.

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Ben,

I'm sorry.  I don't consider it stupid at all to reach out for help.  I would be calling news media, starting a GoFundMe account, writing Dr. Phil and anyone else that does any good works.  I know, Dr. Phil usually helps with drama laden people, not people dying physically, but it never hurts, right?  Every contact you make, even if they can't help, maybe they know someone who can.  

You are in what they call Anticipatory Grief.  It's a hard place to be in.  You watch the person you love dying bit by bit, suffering, while you can't stop it, all you can do is be there for them, try to make them comfortable, take care of them.

I am so sorry that all of the best efforts to save or extend her life don't seem to be working.  I will pray for her..for you too.  This is both of you going through this together.

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Ben22---I am so sorry for what you are going through. i really don't know what to tell you. Just be there for your loved one. Be with her as much as you can, enjoy that time, cherish it. Keep praying to God. God hears us and He is watching over the both of you.

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Thank You KayC and KMB for such kind words. It's not over until the Almighty says so, and I still have hopes left that the Almighty will answer to my prayers.

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Hi Ben 

My heartiest prayers to God that he does a miracle and your baby becomes well again. Just like before. We should never loose hope in God. Nothing is impossible for him.

I would advise you to fulfill all her little wishes which she wanted in her life. Maybe this would make her happy during this tough time.

 

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13 hours ago, Sadaf Nazim said:

Hi Ben 

My heartiest prayers to God that he does a miracle and your baby becomes well again. Just like before. We should never loose hope in God. Nothing is impossible for him.

I would advise you to fulfill all her little wishes which she wanted in her life. Maybe this would make her happy during this tough time.

 

Dear Nazim, 

I am doing everything within my might to keep her happy.She's been unbelievably strong and most often she conceals her pain and accompanies me with her beautiful smile. But because I love her so much, I can clearly see it in her eyes the pain she's going through, not just physical pain but emotional pain that she feels given the fact that she is going far away from me. We both each other so much and are trying to cherish every moment we are together right now. 

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8 hours ago, Ben22 said:

Dear Nazim 

Ben 

You made me smile today. I am Sadaf and Nazim is my deceased sweetheart. When you mentioned me by his name, it made me feel happy. Thank you. 

I pray to God that he eases the pain of both of you, gives you and your love strength and makes your love healthy again. Please don't lose hope. 

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One of the things I've learned since my husband died is that physical death does not completely separate us.  It changes things in our everyday lives for now, but the love we have is forever, now it's displayed through faith, the same way it was built originally.

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34 minutes ago, KayC said:

One of the things I've learned since my husband died is that physical death does not completely separate us.  It changes things in our everyday lives for now, but the love we have is forever, now it's displayed through faith, the same way it was built originally.

That's so true kayC. It's about faith now. Thanks a lot. 

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1 hour ago, KayC said:

One of the things I've learned since my husband died is that physical death does not completely separate us.  It changes things in our everyday lives for now, but the love we have is forever, now it's displayed through faith, the same way it was built originally.

Faith---the biggest word with the most meaning at this moment in time and everyday we travel this journey.

KayC---You are our source of constant comfort and wisdom. God has blessed you since you are traveling on the same journey. Hugs to you.

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Thank you.  I was just speaking about this on my other site:

I try to encourage everyone to at least open their minds to the possibility that just maybe life after this exists!  There is so much research on this and even if someone is of a different faith/belief, they can agree that there's a lot we don't know.  Even just believing in that possibility gives one hope.  The only things that extinguishes that hope is closing your mind to the possibility.

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My guy and I were planning a life together. Had been together 2 years. We hadn't gotten around to getting married but had numerous talks about it. It hadn't been incredibly important to get married because, like you said, it's just a piece of paper. There wasn't a rush.

Don't let anyone undervalue your relationship just because you didn't sign a paper. I'm struggling with this kind of thinking from his family. I was living with him and his kids. I wanted to adopt them when we got married, his family knows this. But, since he died, it's like I'm not family because we weren't married. 

I guess try to remember what you both had. It's hard when people try to devalue your relationship with your soulmate. I'm not sure people do it intentionally. Doesn't make it hurt any less though. 

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Myghostdance, No one should undervalue a relationship. Not even your partner's family. That is crossing a judgement line. You were living with him, loving him, planning a future, helping with raising his kids. He was your soulmate, don't need a marriage license for love. I'm sorry his family hasn't been more supportive to you. It does happen unfortunately.

Do the best you can in dealing with them. You have every right to grieve. They are grieving as well and maybe their loss has them acting less than generous with your feelings. Be patient and kind with yourself and others.

 

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4 hours ago, Myghostdance said:

I guess try to remember what you both had. It's hard when people try to devalue your relationship with your soulmate.

Wise advice.  Both of you know what you have together and the fact that he died didn't change anything in how you feel about each other, only your ability to be together like you'd like to.  As KMB said, maybe their loss has them acting less than their best.

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I know exactly how it feels to have a relationship devalued. My girlfriend's family did not approve of our relationship, they felt I was too old for her among some other reasons, but the result is that when she died, my relationship with her was denied by her entire family. I was barely even considered a friend of hers let alone an intimate partner. This meant that I didn't get to help with any decisions, I didn't get to help carry out her wishes that she had expressed to me, and I didn't even get to keep very much of her stuff - mostly the stuff she had directly given to me herself. 

Her family has actively accused me of lying about our relationship.

I try to base this on the fact that they are grieving hard themselves, and the fact that their daughter had been in a relationship with someone they disapproved of is too much to accept, so it's easier to devalue me rather than to accept that she made her own decisions. 

Luckily, my own family and friends and people who knew us both acknowledge not only our relationship but the depth of it. I have a lot of people who do recognize that we were in love and that we had a strong bond. But sadly, none of those people could have any effect on the decisions made by her family. Her family made all of the decisions as to what to do with her stuff, how to lay her to rest, and so on, and I know for a fact based on our conversations that much of what happened would not have been what she would have wanted. 

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4 minutes ago, fzald said:

I know exactly how it feels to have a relationship devalued. My girlfriend's family did not approve of our relationship, they felt I was too old for her among some other reasons, but the result is that when she died, my relationship with her was denied by her entire family. I was barely even considered a friend of hers let alone an intimate partner. This meant that I didn't get to help with any decisions, I didn't get to help carry out her wishes that she had expressed to me, and I didn't even get to keep very much of her stuff - mostly the stuff she had directly given to me herself. 

Her family has actively accused me of lying about our relationship.

I try to base this on the fact that they are grieving hard themselves, and the fact that their daughter had been in a relationship with someone they disapproved of is too much to accept, so it's easier to devalue me rather than to accept that she made her own decisions. 

Luckily, my own family and friends and people who knew us both acknowledge not only our relationship but the depth of it. I have a lot of people who do recognize that we were in love and that we had a strong bond. But sadly, none of those people could have any effect on the decisions made by her family. Her family made all of the decisions as to what to do with her stuff, how to lay her to rest, and so on, and I know for a fact based on our conversations that much of what happened would not have been what she would have wanted. 

Fzald, and anyone else struggling with families who didn't accept them, or tried to diminish their relationship,

This is a touchy subject, but in many ways funerals and arrangements are for the living.  I understand your concerns about carrying out her wishes, I had more than a few of my own during Christine's arrangements.  Between balancing the wishes of a strict Catholic side of her family including her mother, the much looser interpretation of Daughters exploring their own spirituality, the limited wishes Christine had expressed to me, the immediate money we had available, and the intense shock I was going through, it was a juggling act.  If I had my way, things would have been done differently, but I didn't need it.

Nothing that was done would bring her back to me, and at the core of it, in my heart and I know in hers, that was all that really mattered to both of us.  So I capitulated to the wishes of our Daughters on most thing, knowing what Christine would really want is them protected, to my Mother-in-law on issues that I knew were priorities for her faith, cut corners on things I thought no one would notice, and tried to hold on to my reality through the entire nightmare my life had become.  In the end, I think we had a beautiful service and funeral, that everyone approve of, and would have put a sad smile on Christine's face and a tear in her eye.

I am so sorry that her family tried to diminish your role in her life, but take comfort that they can't.  Only you have that power.  They can not make your love for her any less intense, nor can they reduce what she felt for you.  Only you can give them that power.  They can manage the funeral in a way you don't approve of, they can warp what your love was in their own minds, they can be hurtful to you at a time when you are already crippled with pain and grief.  All that does is give them a false sense of who they lost.  In your hearts is where love resides, and we all know the absolute and beautiful truth of it.  The truth of knowing what the other person was feeling, thinking, hoping, and desiring.  By denying that, the families are putting themselves further from their lost, not closer by controlling the physical affairs.

Specifically for you Fzald, I am sorry that you don't have many of her possessions.  Take comfort that those you do were so special to her that she shared them with you.  If you need more, perhaps get her a gift, that you keep with yourself.  After she passed I got Christine a beautiful coffee cup from Starbucks with pink orchids on it.  She loved coffee, orchids, and the color pink so it was obvious.  I brought her a cup of coffee in it to the grave site, then brought it home with me.  Now I take it out when I have coffee, and sit it near her favorite chair.  It isn't the same of course, but I do feel closer to her at those times, and it has helped me.  Remember, no one can take your memories, your love, or your knowledge of hers from you.

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6 hours ago, Herc said:

Fzald, and anyone else struggling with families who didn't accept them, or tried to diminish their relationship,

This is a touchy subject, but in many ways funerals and arrangements are for the living.  I understand your concerns about carrying out her wishes, I had more than a few of my own during Christine's arrangements.  Between balancing the wishes of a strict Catholic side of her family including her mother, the much looser interpretation of Daughters exploring their own spirituality, the limited wishes Christine had expressed to me, the immediate money we had available, and the intense shock I was going through, it was a juggling act.  If I had my way, things would have been done differently, but I didn't need it.

Nothing that was done would bring her back to me, and at the core of it, in my heart and I know in hers, that was all that really mattered to both of us.  So I capitulated to the wishes of our Daughters on most thing, knowing what Christine would really want is them protected, to my Mother-in-law on issues that I knew were priorities for her faith, cut corners on things I thought no one would notice, and tried to hold on to my reality through the entire nightmare my life had become.  In the end, I think we had a beautiful service and funeral, that everyone approve of, and would have put a sad smile on Christine's face and a tear in her eye.

I am so sorry that her family tried to diminish your role in her life, but take comfort that they can't.  Only you have that power.  They can not make your love for her any less intense, nor can they reduce what she felt for you.  Only you can give them that power.  They can manage the funeral in a way you don't approve of, they can warp what your love was in their own minds, they can be hurtful to you at a time when you are already crippled with pain and grief.  All that does is give them a false sense of who they lost.  In your hearts is where love resides, and we all know the absolute and beautiful truth of it.  The truth of knowing what the other person was feeling, thinking, hoping, and desiring.  By denying that, the families are putting themselves further from their lost, not closer by controlling the physical affairs.

Specifically for you Fzald, I am sorry that you don't have many of her possessions.  Take comfort that those you do were so special to her that she shared them with you.  If you need more, perhaps get her a gift, that you keep with yourself.  After she passed I got Christine a beautiful coffee cup from Starbucks with pink orchids on it.  She loved coffee, orchids, and the color pink so it was obvious.  I brought her a cup of coffee in it to the grave site, then brought it home with me.  Now I take it out when I have coffee, and sit it near her favorite chair.  It isn't the same of course, but I do feel closer to her at those times, and it has helped me.  Remember, no one can take your memories, your love, or your knowledge of hers from you.

Herc, 

I think you handled things quite wonderfully with the arrangements, you sound like a thoughtful and considerate person, and I'm sure your beloved Christine was more than happy with all of your decisions. And I agree, funerals and viewings or visitations are for us. I refer to them as "rituals of closure". Things WE need to do to get past point "A", so we can move on to point "B". These things help us by memorializing our loved ones, taking care of them one last time, giving us a tactile focus for our grief. It provides "direction" when we are so lost. 

Fzald, Herc is absolutely correct, they can't diminish what you had, you know the depth of the love you had for one another, and nothing can change. I imagine that their "coldness" has contributed to the sorrow you feel, not being able to connect with her family has to be its own agony. Sharing stories or trading memories is a big help during this time, so the isolation you feel is probably made worse by their attitude. Whether they feel "protective" of her, or simply grieving in a way that prevents them from having even the slightest empathy, it's not right at all to shut you out. Whether they "approved" of you or not, it doesn't matter, your beloved approved of you, SHE loved YOU. 

Herc, I like the idea of buying a gift for our beloveds and then keeping it as symbol or tribute, that's beautiful. I bought flowers for my wife this Valentine's Day, and I had intended taking the entire bouquet to her grave (God, I can't believe I'm saying that...), but decided to take just one rose. The flowers we so beautiful that I know my Tracie loved them in OUR home, just as if she were here physically. It makes us feel better doing things for them, it helps keep us connected. We still get to express the love that we know will never fade away. 

Peace and comfort,

Andy

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Andy,

You're right, nobody can take what we had from me. The good news is there are others who acknowledge and valued our relationship - most of my friends, and my family. My mom had already accepted her as my "long-term partner", and she has told me she fully expected us to be married someday, and even to raise a family together hopefully. She saw her as part of our family. To that end she was very open and friendly with her, invited us out to eat many times, included her in our own family celebrations like birthdays and holidays, and so on. So my mom at least had a ton of respect for her, and she can empathize with me being upset with her family's position.

The only thing that makes me sad is that she never was able to "get" her family to accept me. To the bitter end they chose to decide I was a thorn in the family's side, someone to be devalued and ignored, and no amount of her love for me could change their mind. Obviously their disapproval was big enough that even in her death they cannot accept how much of a part of her life I was, how much we grew together, how much our personalities meshed together. I suppose the best way for me to think of this is to feel pity for her family, in that in being this way they are choosing to ignore and miss out on some of the best parts and memories of their daughter...

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