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Barrial1

Lost my partner, my soulmate, the love of my life

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Hi all. As I have seen many other say, I am not sure if this place is what I need, but I am willing to give it a try.

I lost my soulmate of 8 years to lung cancer on June 4 and I have been in agony ever since. He was my best friend. We did everything together. And I feel so terribly alone. No one knows how to relate to me or how to treat me.

It also angers me that just because we had not gotten around to marriage....people seem to treat my loss as somehow less than if he had been my husband. We were planning on spending our lives together. Does a lack of a piece of paper from the state somehow lessen our love for each other or the pain I feel now?

Why are some days so much worse than others? There is no rhyme or reason to it.

All I know is that I miss him every second of every hour of every single day.

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A week ago today I lost my girl of 4 years in a car accident. Other than the circumstances of loss, everything your wrote is exactly spot on with my situation. We knew each other like nobody else did, including our families. She was the only person that i've ever been 100% open and honest with, and the only person that could help me when my depression settled in. And now that I'm expreriencing the worst pain I've ever known, I have nobody that understands me, or can relate to me even a little. Also, like you, we had never gotten around to getting legally married, but fully intended to spend our lives together. We always said that we were married in our own eyes. And being introduced as her "boyfriend" at her memorial just didn't feel right. I don't think people realize just what her loss has done to my life. They just say "I know, we're all going to miss her", or "Keep your head up, it will get better". They aren't going to miss her like I will. They didn't even really know her. I'm the only one who will ever know who she really was.

 

The truth is that I died with her. Being with her was my life, and now my life is gone. The lonliness is worse than unbearable. I am truly sorry for what you are going through, and I know that there's nothing I can say that will help. I just wanted to let you know that I understand. I hope beyond hope that somehow we both eventually find some kind of peace.

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I am so very sorry....though I know that really doesn't help.

I know what you mean about being introduced at the memorial. His family took care of all the arrangements and, while including me, consulted primarily with his x-wife. I get they were together for a long time and had 2 children (can't really call them children. in their 20s now). But that part of his life was over and had been over for years. Made me sick to always be placed on the end of everything as his "special friend". It just wasn't right. Just because they had not moved on, he had.

I try not to get upset. I know they were all just trying to help. But they did not really know him. Not at all. Not even his x. Not his true self.

Just like you and your girl.

I hear you.....

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Recently my girlfriend and mother of our 3 year old son committed suicide.  i am so lost without her.  i am doing my best for my son.  i even started working again.  the pain is numbing during the day and i hate it.  i dont want to let her go.  i drink at night to re feel the pain and open the flood gates.  its only been a month.  its already been a month.  i feel abandoned. so alone and scared for my son.....  help me :(

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On Father's Day, my wife and I were involved in a terrible car accident. I was sent to the hospital with a cracked skull, a terrible concussion and a broken finger. My wife of 28 years was killed instantly and died at the scene. I was informed in the ICU of my wife's death.  We were hit by a distracted driver. We were parked on the side of the road, on the shoulder. My wife did not deserve such a violent death. Our family doesn't deserve to lose such a loving person.  I miss her every minute of every day. The ache does not seem to go away. The hardest part of this for me is waiting until I die to get to see her again. I realize that I probably need to be here to take care of our college age daughters but this doesn't help me get over this major loss. 

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You can be with someone for years and not feel a thing, you can be with someone for only months and feel infinite love. The amount of years nor a piece of paper defines the love one feels for a significant other. I understand because my boyfriend and I, whom I just lost to suicide, were only together for months but our love for our significant other can never be understood by anyone, only us. I also feel alone, I dont look forward to anything my future is now nothing without him. everyone says time will help heal, but no it only seems to get harder. I dont know if you are religious or have any beliefs, but only thing I can say is pray. Our questions will never be answered to why were left alone but praying can help ease us at least a little bit.

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It also angers me that just because we had not gotten around to marriage....people seem to treat my loss as somehow less than if he had been my husband

Barrial1, A piece of paper from the state that says your married is only important, if you feel that it was important. It does not make your love any less, or your loss any less painful. He was your soulmate and the two of you were committed to one another, thats all that matter's. I'm sure he would tell you the same, if he could. So very sorry for your loss. 

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I'm in the same situation, but we've been together for 14 years and it's only a day & a half since I got the news. I'm desperate for help from this unbearable pain. It's so new & I haven't slept or eaten yet & am not thinking clearly at all, when I'm able to, I'll expand on my story. But I'd so much like to have some support from others in the same situation, until I am in a state where I can write more.

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My heart goes out to you, Suzy.  I was with my husband about the same length of time, and losing him felt like losing myself.  It's been over a year for me now, but I do remember the fog of those first few days and weeks.  It is hard to do anything, or think of anything except the shock and pain of losing that other half of yourself.  It is so important to try to take care of yourself and to accept the help that is offered to you.  Right now you need whatever help people are willing to give.  I am so very sorry! 

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Thank you so much! Just to hear comforting words helps. How long does this pain last? I wake in the morning in excruciating pain & unbearable crying, & have another horrible day to face when even a minute is unbearable. I cannot imagine getting through the rest of my life. I want my life to pass to escape this pain, where I should be enjoying each day. I wish I knew that it would get better. I have a new grand baby I have to babysit over the next few days & I can't do it! No sleep, pills, constant screaming pain. I feel so guilty for reaching out to people, because they can't help & get tired of it. Guilt makes me feel worse! And the fact that I've already had to inconvenience my family re the baby sitting arrangements, add the baby can't sleep at my place in my state, my other kids have to have him there, but they're busy in the days, & I still have to go over there & baby sit. I know no one can help me, but how long does this last? There's no life for me without my soul, my light, my reason, my love. Sorry to be a burden with all this.

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I'm going on 20 months and it still hurts.  I imagine it always will.  How in the world can  your kids expect you to baby sit??  You are only 1 week into this. At one week I was a mess and a half.  Felt like I was walking around in a fog.  Couldn't eat or sleep.  There is no way I could have watched a baby.

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I'm only 3 days into it. We've tried to work out every alternative, but there's no other way except he sleeps at my other sons place instead of mine (that gives me the night free), but, because that son will also be out both days, I still need to go over to his place to babysit. Today, 1 son & his g/f will be there, as back up, but they're no help at all. Tomorrow the other son will be there, he's more support. But I still don't know how I'm going to do this. I'm dreading it. Up to my eyeballs in pills to try to alleviate pain & calm me down. I got a bit of sleep last night because of the meds, but feel like I haven't at all. Thanks for your concern. I hope I get through these next 2 days. How long does this last until you can start to feel a little life again, or even want to be alive again?

I hope you are feeling better these days.

It means so much to talk to people who understand.

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One good thing happened.. The kids left some of the baby's stuff behind and they were thinking of taking him with them anyway, to save the problems for me. So this seemed to be a sign . As guilty as I feel about it, it's a good thing right now. They all stayed with me for a while & that lifted me for that time. I'll repay them with a weekend of babysitting when I'm feeling up to it.

Does anyone have to be on medication in this first part of the grief? And how long have people found they need it?

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I lost my husband to cancer on March 30th 2014.

I just wanted you to know that being married doesn't make people treat you any better. Family included.

I am miserable. No one recognizes my suffering or checks on me.

The only reason I haven't taken myself to a solitary cottage in Ireland or Scotland is because I'm waiting for my house to sell so I have the money to disappear for a while and feel sorry for myself.

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I'm so sorry people aren't checking on you. I understand how alone that makes you feel and that you want to escape & be alone. I, too, would love to get away from the memories, but it's impossible. I hope you can get to do what helps you feel better.

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I am so sorry people are not checking on you, too. I found the same thing happened with me, though. I guess people are not exactly sure what to say or feel they don't know how to help. What they don't realize is that just there presence helps....this is such a horribly lonely place to be. Hang in there. The pain doesn't seem to go away, but little by little I am getting used to it so it isn't the only thing I feel.

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I wasn't looking for anyone... but I found him!  The most loving, caring man I'd ever met!  We were together 3 years and just got engaged in December.  We never fought even once! He was so easy going and nothing ever bothered him. Everyday he told me he loved me, would kiss me and say he'd see me after work.

On April 30, 2014, nothing was any different! Hugged me, he loved me, kissed me and said he'd see me that night.

At 3:00 a cop showed up at my work, shrugged his shoulders and said, "Don't worry, you're not in trouble!" and laughed.

Went into a room, I sat down and he said...." My fiancé, had passed away and told me where to pick up his truck!" That's it!

There were NO SIGNS what so ever!  He was always in a great mood especially when he was cooking! A song would come on the radio and he'd grab he and we'd dance in the kitchen..... always joking and laughing! He seemed so happy and everyone said that they'd never seen him that happy until he met me!

I never got to say good-bye to him because his mother had him cremated .... but I was told that I wouldn't have been able to anyway because there was a deer rifle involved.

I can't stop crying! Everyone tells me that I have to get over it and move on!  How? He was the one I've been waiting for all my life! Now... I've got nothing!  When I finally go to bed I sleep with one of his shirts that has his deodorant smell on it just to make it seem like he's there! I feel like I'm crazy!

I just miss him so much.... but I put on my mask when I go to work... come home and cry with my dog.  That's my life now! 

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This is my first time here, everyone. I'm in a fog, hurting beyond words. I lost my partner of 8 yes on 8/24/14. And bcuz of his mother,, I never wuz given any input , no info on his medical procedures& kept fr him..He wuz diagnosed with brain cancer in July,surgery to remove tumor, more surgery fr his brain swelling, then went into a coma, day after 1st surgery..She created an atmosphere that I wznt able to visit him, last weeks of his life. Then when it became to hard to keep living in our home without him,.I moved with family . I found out my love had passed 3 DAYS after he passed. She never bothered to put the venom aside to at least do that..His fav cousin txtd me, only one from his family to reach out to me. For 8yrs him& I were joined, loved each other to death. Went thru everything. So hard to believe that diagnosed with a tumor in Jan, gone in Aug, at 46?????

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I agree with the comments people making about " a piece of paper" being important..In my case, now I wish I had married him. He kept bringing it up" why don't we". But I wuz being patient, waiting for his work situation to get better. Figuring we had time..At least then I coulda bin involved, had a say so in his medical issues. So many things I wish now, I had done differently.. So many things I just also wanna say how sorry I am to everyone out here for your loss

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I'm relating to all the comments. Esp.bout how I feel.so alone,.just so so hard to believe he's gone so.sddenly. Im not trying to hear" it.takes time I just know what I'm feeling now. And my whole life has turned on a dime. I'm lucky& blessed to have loving family& friends that are here for me. But all I can do is think of the love of my life is no longer here.

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I am so sorry to everyone here who have lost their loved ones.

There are NO rules, rights or wrongs, time limits, etc. - everyone deals with it differently. When you lose someone ,you do whatever you can to find comfort.

It took me 5 yrs to finally let the love of my life go but I still miss him everyday.

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Having a down day today. Staying on the verge of tears. I miss my partner so so much. Feeling empty& alone today.

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I m so angry rt now. My partner's mother treated me like crap, during his illness. Never to this day told me he passed. Found out 3 days ltr fr his cousin, who thought I knew. Now I'm hearing she's " concerned bout me, not mad at me, we can be friends" The grimy nerve of this woman. No calls bout his funeral, no calls since he passed but now we can be friends???? No soul, no conscience, no heart. Unbelievable!

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every moment is an anniversary now

of every moment i spent with you

 

and every breath is a reminder 

of how much i miss you now

 

 and i miss you so much now

i do not want to have to breathe again

 

this world is a worthless place without you

 

i simply do not want to be here

i want to be gone

 

like you are gone

forever; every day...

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How do i begin to talk?; to whom do i speak?; who has ears to listen?; who has a soul to hear?

 

My anger wants to batter something, someone; hammer itself away until the hammer hits me and i am dead to the world.

 

that is all i want... to be dead to the world. as you are. my love. my wife. my heart. my self. my self you found and cherished til it grew.

 

it is all so hard

 

something has to break

 

and what is breaking now 

 

is me.

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