Members Jac S Posted July 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 13, 2014 3 weeks ago tomorrow, June 22, 2014 my husband of 15 years committed suicide in our home. I found him about an hour after the fact- my daughter found him first & was in a state of shock not telling me till questioned by police an hour later. She is 11. I have so much guilt and anger. We were having marital issues really bad the last 4 months, our relationship shaky the last 3 years of marriage mostly due to his alchohol and depression and my hormonal changes. He was seeing a crappy councelor but she was the only one he'd talk to. He quit drinking on and off but the depression snuck up on him then. I told him I'd stand by him even though things were bad if he'd get help with his alchohol and depression. I told him we'd fix him then see what we could do to save our marriage. I have so much guilt, so much anger. Things were so bad between us and words said in vain, things left undone. I wish I could have one more day to try and change his mind, hug him and tell him I love him more than he knows. I was so consummed by anger the last few months & he buried himself in booze so much that we avoided eachother. My children and I are getting counceling. The grief is so unbearable. I feel numb sometimes like a zombie, then I crumble or get mad. Can someone help me I feel like I'm living in hell. I don't know what to do sometimes so I pace or wander....feel so lost, so much to blame, so bad for not being able to save him..... I cry non-stop at times. Someone please wake me from this nightmare Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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