someone to talk to

[logan12890]

welll....i used to come here alot about a year and half ago..maybe a few of you remember me. but i lost my lover and my friend to suicide. he was 25 when he did it and its been two years now...for some reason i stopped coming to this site, not because of the people who helped me i just felt like i was talking about it till i was blue in the face. at that point nothing could help me, its been two years and still no one and nothing can help me..the reality still hasnt hit that he is gone. i dont know why either, i would like it to hit but i just cant seem to make myself grasp the idea that i will never see him again.. and i think thats the toughest part is that i will never see him again, because thats all i think about. i hate the fact i cant run to him anymore..its crazy how someone can just be gone like that, what i would do to have him back in my life...and i have met other people that i have been interested in but no one is like him and i dont feel anything close to what i felt for him..its hurts but also feels good, because i have bonded alot with his father and for his father to turn around and say his son really loved me and that it was too bad i didnt come into his life sooner makes me think what if? and then i get real upset because i dont want to have the what ifs, i want the real thing..i want him..it makes me happy that he did love me but it upsets me because he isnt here..

 

i think the thing i get scared about most is that i wont see him again, and i really hope i do because i feel like i cant live this life knowing that when it comes to an end i wont..it really hurts because so many people say different things about what happens and i never grew up in a church so i dont know anything really but thats my fear that i wont see him it hurts really bad just thinking about it....

 

my problem is i really miss him and its not fair and i need to talk to someone about it

[susanbruce]

I totally understand your fear of not seeing him again.

I lost my husband in April 2006, suddenly, un-expected. He weent to work that Friday AM, and didn't come home that night.  We were married 26 1/2 years. I was 48 when he died.

My fear is that I live another 26 1/2 years or longer without him. That I cannot imagine nor do I want it to happen.

I believe with all my heart that when I die, my husband will be waiting for me. If I didn't believe that, then it's like you feel, what's the  use, please let me die now.

My husband has visited me a few times in dreams. The next morning you wake up feeling so much better, almost elated that you've had a visit. You almost walk around with a little spring in your step for a couple days. Then that wears off and the pain slowly starts to come back.

I talk to him all the time. He'll let me know in ways that only the 2 of us would know that he's around.

You will see him again. Believe it, because you will.

Susan

 

[logan12890]

susanbruce,

i have dreams of vic as well but not alll the time, its only once in a while..i feel as if he knows when i am having a really hard time without him and knows that i cant get through it. Those are the nights he comes into my dreams and helps me and relaxs me in a way like it does for you..sometimes i feel like he wants me to get through it on my own without his help..Its funny sometimes too that i can hear his words of something particular ya know...like say if i meet someone knew and i am okay with the person, sometimes i just hear this second voice and its like him saying this to me and is like are you crazy and i start to second guess myself..because i know if he was still hear and i told him something i would already know his respone to it.

i feel crazy just saying that but i know him like the back of my hand..i know his reactions when i tell him specific things..