Koochi, My guinea pig!

[voronwerr]

I got my pet guinea pig 4months ago. her name was koochi and she was 2months old when I got her.

she was such a happy and relaxed cavy. she bonded with me pretty quick and would lay on my lap, purring and listening to music with me. she was so smart & it would only take me 5-6 tries to teach her a trick. she loved lettuce and when i had lettuce on my hand, she would climb up my foot and stand on ny lap, putting her cute hands on my chest, squeaking for lettuce. she was just the sweetest thing, happy and healthy.

untill yesterday...

when i woke up, i found her sitting silent on the corner of her cage, so depressed and her chest was moving back and forth everytime she would breath. it was obviouse that she hadn't eaten anything all night. I took her to the vet right way. the vet couldn't exactly figure out what the problem was because of the sound of her heart being too loud. he said she has breathing problem & it's either an infection or allergy. he prescribed doxycicline and vitamin c.

so that day i gave her food and water through syringe & gave her medication. she wouldn't eat anything. she could barely walk and her nose was wet. she didn't pee or poo all day. i slept for five hours that night. and then today, when i woke up, i brought her our of the cage to give her food and medications. i put her on a towel on my lap. she was calm. i gave her a small doze of the medication. then she suddenly wanted to run away from my lap. i put her on the ground, she wanted to walk but she suddenly fell on one side and started breathing really hard,gasping for air. I could see with my etes that her heartbeat lowered and then she just died right in front of my eyes & I could do nothing about it!

It was the saddest moment of my life! the image of her last moment keeps flashing in my mind, causing me great pain.

& I keep wondering, was it my fault?!? did the way i was holding her and giving the medication caused her death?! if i was holding her in another position, would have she lived and got cured by the meds?! did I kill her??!! I'm feeling so guilty.

& I just can't believe that she's gone. i feel like i've lost a whole good part of me. i keep telling myself that this is just a nightmare that I will wake up from. I just can't imagine my life without her cuteness & sweetness. can't imagine waking up tomorrow without having her run to the front of cage to greet me.

I know i had her for only 4 months. but she was a huge part of my world. When i got her, I was in the worst situation, suffering from depression & suicidal thoughts. but she turned my whole world around and made me to actually feel true happiness. i remember just two days ago, I was thinking like this with myself: "I'm just so happy to have Koochi to love"

but now i dont..I dont have her. as simple and as quick as this. one day she's jumping on me, the other day she's dying on the ground. it was just so sudden. when I got her, I thought she's going to be around for at least 4 years.

ny family keeps telling me to buy another guinea pig. the idea of caring for another one of her breed is tempting for me. but i'm afraid that it may not be the right thing to do to get another one just right now. I'm also scared of getting another one and ending up with another dead pet!

p.s: sorry if they are spelling or grammar mistakes on my post. I really can't handle re-reading my words for check up as it would re-create the hurtful images of her...

[Heartlight]

Dear Elaavor, Koochi sounds like such a beautiful, wonderful creature.  You both were so lucky to find each other.

 

No, you weren't holding her wrong.  I can't tell you what was happening for Koochi but you had her for enough time that I'm positive you didn't do anything wrong in those last moments.

 

So many people are afraid of dying, and afraid of dying alone, but if you read around these forums you come to understand, it happens and we don't usually know why and suddenly and with mystery sometimes.  Experiencing loss like this makes it so you learn to find the blessings where you can.  Like for Koochi, there's a blessing to be understood that she got to be with you when she passed, and wasn't by herself in her cage, or maybe overnight at the vet.  It truly is a blessing.  Maybe she even knew it was coming and held on so she could have one more cuddle with you?

 

What is obvious, as you so bravely put, is that she gave you a gift.  A gift of a new life.  She gave you the gift of moving through your depression and suicide thoughts and that is a gift to cherish forever.  It's ok if you want to get another pet because you can always remember that Koochi came into your life to save you and that will always give her a place of honor in your heart.  And when you have your tears, and they will come often probably, remember to thank her for this gift of healing that she brought to you with her own existence.  And forgive her for not staying for four years and tell her that you're grateful for the four months she gave you and that if it was her time to go, you're glad you could be with her.

 

And then hold on and love yourself because it is sad and you will miss her.  Just remember to keep the legacy that she gave you -you- alive as you move forward and have the best life you can possibly have.

 

<3