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What do you eat?


backyarder1

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backyarder1

I know this sounds like such a stupid question, but since Tom passed away, I haven't really wanted to cook entire meals for myself. My body is suffering because I am only eating the most basic meals.

 

I actually did an internet search to see if I could find "meal plans for widows" but I didn't see anything.

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Sammijo2424

For at least a year I too did not want to cook, I ate peanut butter crackers, protein shakes, TV dinners (and I hate TV dinners) or I would go get something to eat, I survived mostly on sweet tea and sprite, and lost 50 lbs in two months.

So now I still don't really cook, I just make very simple easy meals. I will scramble eggs, make on omelette, cook turkey bacon in microwave and eat it with fruit. Fry up a hamburger patty and have cucumbers and tomatoes, or a salad, or some canned vegetable, also I get those individually frozen chicken tenderloins and just cook in pan with Pam, throw a potato or sweet potato in microwave. For me, I just decided I at least need to eat healthy when I eat and the easier the better. Hope this helps.

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backyarder1

Thanks Sammijo. I usually cook something in a crockpot and eat it for a few days. My biggest problem is I forget to mark down when I made it, so I probably usually eat it for more days than I should. But I REALLY want to start eating better. I'm surprised no one has created a website that has menus for widows. :)

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Heartlight

Hi backyarder and Sammijo,

 

I can't even imagine what it's been like for you both but I did have some thoughts about eating when I read your message, backyarder.

 

First I really wanted to tell you that it's not a stupid question and doesn't even sound like a stupid question and I'm really glad you asked it.  I also wanted to say that if you have any kind of internet skills, maybe you want to start up a free blog at wordpress.com and actually create that website as part of your journey?

 

And if you don't, maybe someone who reads your very logical question will some day.

 

The other thing that your post made me think was about the struggle I had trying to be the person that I used to be.  That's what I felt like I was doing for many years, trying to recapture what I used to be.  I finally started to realize that I couldn't be who I was anymore because everything had changed and I had to figure out who I now am instead of berating myself for not being that past person.

 

The reason I mention that is because your question reminded me of that part of my grief journey... the "not expect you to be the same" part.

 

So I thought I'd say maybe there's a way to come at cooking with a completely new attitude?  For instance, I started trying recipes from this woman's website, not because I need gluten free or any political reason, but because I wanted to add more protein into my diet through using almond flour and coconut flour instead of white flour: http://www.elanaspantry.com

 

And that might not be the website for you (although everything that I've tried on there is awesome) but maybe making food into something different than it used to be... not just finding a new way to cook but making it into an adventure or a learning exercise or something otherwise interesting or fun might help in determining how you want to eat now?

 

Anyway, people are always welcome to ignore my suggestions, but I thought that locked in my head you wouldn't even get that opportunity.

 

<3

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backyarder1

Hi Heartlight. Since the beginning of this process, I have known that there was no sense in trying to be the person I used to be. That person died with Tom. My challenge is trying to become the new me, and figure out who that person is.

 

:-)

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Sammijo2424

Oh backyarder, I agree totally with the fact that we really do die when our husbands' died. Never thought of it like that, but it is so, so true. The woman that I was died with my husband. That is something that no one could understand that has not lost their spouse, my whole life I had with Ron died on feb 8, 2013, along with dealing with the horrible grief, I've had to find my way in a whole new world, for many, many months I tried to hang on to my old life, that just made it harder so very slowly I am building a new life for myself and trying to learn who I am and where this life will lead me.

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backyarder1

Sammijo, one of the counselors I went to early on told me that. That one of the things we grieve for is the person we were. I was Tom's wife. And now there is no "Tom's wife". that's all I was and all I WANTED to be. All of my dreams and plans for the future died with him. So now I have to figure out who I am and what I want for my new future. And it is SOOO hard.

 

My whole life, I had wanted to meet a great guy and build a house. And Tom and I did that. We picked out the property together and we designed the home together and we worked on it together. And now I have this big house and everything about it reminds me of Tom. I can't stand the thought of moving OUT of the house, but everything about it reminds me of him and the life we had together.

 

It is ROUGH!

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Sammijo2424

One of the saddest things about the new me is I think Ron would have really liked the person I have become...independent, always on the go, he always wanted to go, I was a homebody. I have also lost so, so much weight and I look so much better, plus I eat better, finally, after many months of eating almost nothing, and I am much healthier. I am now off insulin and BP med. just makes me so angry that he is not here to see it, but maybe he gets a peek every once in a while from heaven, and smiles.

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backyarder1

I haven't gotten there yet. Tom would HATE seeing the current me. So sad all the time. Just crying myself to sleep. Maybe that should be a goal for myself. To make myself into the kind of person Tom would be proud of. But I'm certainly not there yet.

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Sammijo2424

You will get there though backyarder, remember has been year and half for me and have really only seen real improvement in the last few months, plus I totally expect to have more bad times, but it helps knowing it will happen, I will just live thru them and keep going forward. I know Ron would want me to find some kind of happiness, that is all he ever wanted, to make me happy. And I also thought (heck, still think) all the time about making him proud of me and the person I have become, his motto was always love deeply, give freely and make each moment count. Funny thing, he would never, ever take a nap unless he was really sick, said he did not want to miss anything, wanted to be awake to enjoy each moment.

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backyarder1

Thanks Sammijo. I'm just going through another rough time. I think we all know by now that they come and go in cycles and I am in a down cycle right now. And its funny how we can never remember how to get ourselves back out of them. LOL

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