Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Cant believe its been 5 months since I lost mum


MegRose

Recommended Posts

  • Members

I lost my mum on the 13th january 2014. That date will always be in my mind, I was just too shocked. Ever since I can remember she has been ill with cardiomyopathy, from there she went on to suffer from various other illnesses due to her heart. So me and my dad were carers and have been really vitial for her to get around for years.

3 years ago i started university at 18 and had the typical homesickness as I moved 4 hours away. We got on better being so far apart just because we were so alike. In september I started back at uni but in my 3rd year so I was under alot of pressure. Iknow she was so proud of me but in november she was admitted to hospital due to the pharmacy overdosing her... and when she was released in december i was home for christmas break and pretty much ran around after her so didnt do much work. Ive learnt that when i went back on the 1st january to spend time with my other half mum actually collapsed twice and the medical staff at the hospital refused to admit her.

On january 13th i actually felt something was wrong (corny but its true) and i actually put myself to bed for some quiet time at 7ish because of it. I then had a text off my second cousin saying "sorry for your loss" which sent me into a flap. Thinking about anyone to my granddad to my dog to my mum.

I actually sent a text to my mums phone asking if she was ok cause i was worried. About 20 minutes after that i was back in my room and the flat door went and someone answered it and I heard my dads voice and you know when you freeze well i did that and my heart just broke only way to describe it. I ran out into the hall and as soon as he saw me he just broke down.

I will never forget that part of the day ever.

I think thats normal, but then i really don't know. I feel angry because no one gets it? Iknow its stupid but no one does. My dads got his mum around, my boyfriend has his, his mum has hers etc. No one gets how i feel. I get ill and i would normally text mum and complain ask for sympathy or like some help and no offense to my dad hes just useless at that.

To make everything hurt just a little more, my birthday was 2 months to the day(ish) and it was my 21st. 2 weeks to the day from that was her birthday and the mothers day the day after. March really sucked.

Ive been seeing a counsellor at the university because apparently life must go on. I must get my degree even though i just want to crawl in a hole and stay there.

Everyone bar the counsellor thinks i should be back to normal. That my work will just get back to being done and ill graduate and be ok. Im not okay though and I jusy cant tell anybody. Its 2am here and im writing this in a way to just tell somebody.

I miss her everytime i see something that she would like, like a film or a new book. I want to ask her opinon on clothes because she was the only honest one who knew what to say. Im jealous of all the other girls that get to say happy mothers day to their mums and get to have their kids say grandma to their mum. Im sick of everyone assuming im ok, that they know what mum would want, that they know what i am dealing with and im sick of feeling guilty for being angry at them for not leaving me alone to give me space to heal after university is done (as im far behind as it is). Im angry at the damn NHS even though they are only partly to blame and they do such good work every other time. (I have respect for doctors nurses and all the other health car professionals honestly, my views abit tainted atm). I am angry at the people who took photographs of the air ambulance and tried to justify it by saying "it never usually happens in this village". I wish she was here so i could hug her, could just hear her. It was such a shock i never got to say good bye while she was there. The last conversation she sounded so frail and i cant stop replaying that.

I miss her so much i just dont sleep as im worried about work and i just need her. Im sorry this post is a massive me me me but I cant say this to a friend, or any family member especially not my partner as hes just as affected by her passing as i was and i dont want to lay it on anymore than i have, i just needed to talk. The counsellor helps but i feel sad other days than just every tuesday.

I worry about my dad all on his own in a house that was meant to help her. And i cant help him when i need help myself. I dont know where to live, in the north with my other half or south with dad. So confused so need to talk to her and i cant.

I hope everyone understands how i feel and im not being some big me me me party.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I understand how you feel and I just want you to know that what you are feeling is completely normal for someone who has suffered such a profound loss. It is very hard to focus on school or work when you are grieving... The grief affects your concentration, memory, not to mention your motivation. It's been two and a half years since I lost my mom and I still miss her dearly. I have days when I want to crawl into a hole and say, "screw it!" to everyone and everything as I remember my mom and grieve my loss. Today, was a sad anniversary for me and I felt that I needed the time to take some flowers to the grave and cry my tears... Sadly, this is just the way it will be for the rest of my life. I loved her, and I miss her, and I too get angry when I think of others who still have their mothers and I do not. But, it does get better with time. The waves generally don't knock me to my knees anymore... You find a way to remember the things you shared with love and not great sadness. Be kind to yourself. Do what you can to continue with school because your mom would want that for you... But try to give yourself time everyday to grieve your loss and remember your mom.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Take care.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

To MegRose

I lost my mum 6 months ago - 10th December 2013; it's only just hit me tonight. I can't stop the devastation so I came online and your post stood out and is so reflective of how I feel.

Ive been fine for months, I've gotten upset and dealt with it but now I can't stop. I feel barely able to move and can't quite put how I feel into words.

I want to write you a full message, maybe tomorrow, but for now I just wanted to thank you for making me feel not so alone xx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Maggie, thank you for saying that. Im sorry its taken me so long to reply. Ive been super busy and stressed with finishing my work off so i can graduate.

Im glad you found comfort in this, i think this site helped me alot but i dont feel i have grieved yet due to how much is riding on me finishing university. I really hope youre feeling better for me im okay for like a few days sometimes a few weeks then i have really bad days and ill like cry at nothing. I find watching tv hard sometimes such as the new advert in uk about british heart foundation, i cant help but cry over that.

If you want to talk about your mum or just talk just send me a message, im pretty much up til all hours of the night and up fairly early in the morning.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
dayzed and confused

Meg Rose,

 

Thank you for posting.  My first post was a huge all about me post, and while I felt weird putting it all out there, I think it really helped.  I hope your posting here will help you too. 

 

I certainly don't have the answer to ending your pain, but I do understand how it feels when the people around you aren't able to relate to it at all. It makes you feel like something is wrong with you for feeling the way you do.

 

Nothing is wrong with the way you feel; it sounds like your mom was a great source of love, comfort and friendship in your life.  

 

I hope you find the time and space to allow yourself to feel your feelings without any worry or guilt about work. 

 

I will keep you in my prayers.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I think thats everyone's first post. Just getting it out there was hard for me. But once id written it i felt better.

And i keep this forum open as a tab on my phone to keep looking. Not sure if that helps.

I think feeling like no one gets it makes me feel guilty, it feels like im in the wrong for being so upset cause everyone says move forward, if i hear that one more time i will lose it.

She was and now I just feel so isolated. I dont know about you.

Thank you i appreciate that, i will certainly keep you in mine. X

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
dayzed and confused

I do , I absolutely feel isolated! I feel alone in a way that can't be fixed by just being around friends, going about their lives and activities.  I have tried to be social, but its just too hard for me to put on the expected happy face and be around people.  By the end of the day at work, I just want to be alone, at home, where I can control who sees me in my saddest moments.  

 

It's interesting you say that - that feeling that no one gets it makes you feel guilty.  I totally feel the same way.  That's why I choose to be alone right now.  I don't need to tack on guilt to everything else I am feeling. 

 

Today is the three week anniversary of my mom's passing.  I feel like I've been reliving it all day. 

 

Lucky for me, I have a very mature niece (she's 32) who reassured me that how I feel is more "normal" than pretending nothing has happened.  She didn't mean this to be judgmental, but her dad and my other siblings just don't seem to have any problems keeping it together.  

 

You've been through a LOT, and if no one else tells you (aside from your counselor) please let me tell you that what you are going through is normal. There's no rule book on how long you should grieve, let a lone a parent at your young age.  

 

I may keep the app up on my phone too. Searching for comfort, and finding it here, has been helpful. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Its so hard because I hate being around people that seem to think you should be OK now. But when i am on my own I just feel worse and I think more about her and it just makes me sad. Tho if i am with someone all I want is some space to chill and then I feel guilty again.

Nope you don't but sadly people just dont seem to think like that or the people I am around at the moment dont seem to. Some are really great and then others make me feel so angry because its as if I have to be OK now its like its been long enough now stop grieving. Almost as if youre attention seeking I think thats also why I want to be alone because I wont be judged then. Its the whole isolation thing again. Damned if i do, damned if I dont.

I bet, i cant really remember the weeks after it was just such a blur and a drag at once and I just wasnt sure where to put myself.

I have just finished university. Which makes me happy but sad because now i am getting pushed into finding work and I just want to take some time to feel better but no one listens to me. I cant be asked to find a job when my effort wont be put in. I also feel guilty for not getting the grade i wanted. I know she would have been disappointed I didnt try hard enough.

Sadly i have no counsellor. Most university staff have time off over the summer and she was one of them. So now i am alone, not sure who to talk to if i should find someone else. Its another thing everyone seems to put me off doing. This is the only thing that i can vent to at the moment because i cant talk to anyone else, they all seem bent on pushing their own thoughts onto me.

Im sorry your niece's dad and her and siblings are not helping I keep being told that everyone grieves differently which doesnt help but may offer an explaination. Its the same for me my dad is amazing. My grandparents (her mum and dad) not so much nor her brother. My boyfriend sucks at the moment hes dealing with his own stress but whereas i can control it and keep it in because thats just how everyone seems to want me to act, he just takes it out on me and I have to take on that stress too.

Honestly can say life really sucks, generally have thought a few times that it would be better if i wasnt here. I cant do that to dad tho.

Sorry this has been a me post again. Im really sorry didnt mean for it to be. Just feels better saying it even if its saying it on here. I hope you understand too that it isnt just you, im sure if you tell a sibling theyd understand.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
dayzed and confused

I was worried about not being around friends and not accepting their invitations, because i was thinking, what if they forget about me? But I realize that if they're truly my friends, they will be there, no matter what.  I feel the same way you do - I'd rather be alone than meet someone else's expectation of how I should be.  I seem to only feel normal with my one sibling, even though she is grieving in an entirely different way than I am.  

 

The damned if I do, damned if I don't think - I totally get.  So, we have to just do what makes us feel best. Take care of ourselves.  

 

Congratulations on finishing school! Your mom needed you and is proud of you for finishing the degree. She would not be disappointed in your grades, knowing how caring and loving you were to be there for her when she needed you most. 

 

Please do vent - it honestly make the rest of us feel normal, when we can see that others are experiencing the same emotions and are confused, saddened and angry about them. 

 

I can't find a therapist right now either, and I desperately want one too.  My insurance policy only covers some, and I need them to return my calls, for crying out loud! Do you have insurance? Can you find a counselor through the insurance company?

 

I don't know how you do it, with the boyfriend.  Mine was being such a poop I broke up with him a week before my mom passed.  Now I do feel alone, but I know if I had to deal with his immature and self centered self, I'd be even angrier and more frustrated.  I'm better off without him, maybe I'll take up crocheting or something. 

 

I have several other things that are quite stressful that I have to handle right now and I can't help but agree with your sentiment.  It would be easier if we were just not here. I know these things make us stronger, but I need a break, I don't know about you - and I can't find anything that makes me feel any better.  I used to be really good at that - figuring out how to make myself feel better. 

 

I guess we just have to pray - for ourselves and each other and try to take each day as it comes.  Sometimes I fight just to get through work. 

 

Hang in there, you're not alone, even if you feel like it. 

 

Tina

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Sorry my internets decided it will have a go at me and not work. Everyone does grieve differently my dad is going out all the time and is at the pub alot as he is lonely whereas I just hide away. Pretty content with my own company as I cant face it all.

Its graduation next week and I know she would be happy but I just feel lost she wont be there and I got a dress for it and she wasnt there to pick it.

I live in the UK so we dont need insurance but its more about finding someone. My university had a counselling service which is great apart from I got used to her and now I cant see her anymore so I dont really know where to go.

I know that underneath his mood and his snapping he is stressed because he wants to find work but he cant because whats near he is "over qualified" and whats far they want higher grades. He is alot calmer now as I have my grades. Some people disappoint me, but it sometimes takes things like this to show their true colours. Mine dropped everything for like a month to help me. Iknow an ex barely said im sorry and me and him were close friends before dating for 5 years!

Me too. I usually find solance in reading and I just hate every book and cant settle into anything really. And then I cant sleep like right now I have a doctors appointment at 10 to 11 tomorrow so I have to get up at 10 (itl be earlier thanks to my body clock) and its half 1 in the morning and I am wide awake. The night before i was asleep at 2 and awake at 5 then 8 so Im running on empty now and I feel awful but I cannot sleep. Its really bugging me.

Its a fight to just sleep. I think in the past 6 months I have probably had one maybe two nights sleep that was peaceful. The rest are like this. I might because I know I need sleep be awake til 5am. That will be fun.

I find my mood just drops then picks right back up again. Dont know if that happens to you?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
dayzed and confused

MegRose, 

 

No worries.  Yes, I feel the same way - I withdraw when I need to.  When I need to not pretend that everything is okay and just be myself.  If I feel like crying, I can -without worrying about how it makes others feel. 

 

I wish your mom could have been with you to help you pick out your dress too.  I am sure that was a huge moment where you felt her loss even more completely and entirely.  Graduation is next week, what a bittersweet moment that will be for you.  I pray that you have friends and classmates who help fill the gap a bit, and it seems like you really have a great guy at your side, so I bet he will do something spectacular to help you celebrate.  It won't be the same, as if your mom was here, but she would want you to be happy and celebrate your accomplishments.  

 

I'm still struggling with finding a way to cope, and I keep having nightmares. Weird ones about spitting my teeth out, and broken glass, The loss of your mom is so profound, its hard to process it.  I am trying to be more patient with myself.  I get out for a little bit here and there, but I am not ready for big BBQ's or celebrations just yet.  I am escaping into Netflix and watching movies and tv shows, but I need to get some exercise in, I think that will help.  

 

I find it hard to reach out to the people who have offered to be there for me. I feel like I will just be more sad. I don't get it.  

 

I think you should go to a general practitioner and see if they can give you something to help you sleep.  It's hard enough to grieve, without sleep - its got to be next to impossible to get through the day.  I do have an anti anxiety medication I can take when I really need it.  It makes me feel better knowing I have it, even if I don't take it.  

 

I meant to get some yarn and a needle.  Crocheting always makes me relax.  

 

I keep searching for things to make me feel better, but I realize I need to be more patient.  Life and society doesn't want to be patient. 

 

I think about you when I pray and I really hope you find a way to enjoy your graduation next week. Congratulations:) 

 

Tina

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
JustPrincess

MegRose, I'm so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately I know what you are going through. My mum passed away on January 6th 2014, it completely sudden and unexpected. I'm also in uni although I have one more year til I graduate, so I also get how difficult it is to lose a parent when you are young... Well done for continuing on, people say that to me a lot but only when I see it in somebody else can I appreciate what a huge achievement it is. I know you posted this during a low point but I wanted to let you know you sharing how you felt and feel has helped me not feel so alone. If you ever want to talk I'm only a pm away, and I mean that. I know how much it helps to have that one shoulder to cry on, or a listening ear.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Guys I have done it. It is graduation day today and ive got through it without crying (so far its 9pm stil time). Had a fab day and I miss her.

Dayzed i still want to withdrawl and hide away Im being pushed into a job interview even though I dont want this job or want to start committing to something when i am not ready. No one listens.

Hes been good, helping me pack up my flat (ergh) and driving me to get my dress. Please dont keep it in. Talk to anyone nightmares and waking up on your own after one scares me so i can imagine it scares you. Message me on here if you need. I am awake most nights and early mornings thanks to stress.

Its hard to destress when if its not me missing mum its someone pushing me into something which happens more and more. Just need some breathing space.

Justprincess im sorry for your loss. Something youre sick of hearing i suspect. I dont think thats any easier just take these 4 months and chill someone I know lost their mother 1st year at the end and has came on to getting a 1st. Its not impossible. The same goes for you, i am here if you need to rant about anything. Especially if its just needing to talk about your mum or about uni. This forum helps. Even just having a post occasionally. I think having someone read it helps even if no one replies.

Feeling a little more upbeat which is probs because today hasnt gone too badly and because i havent stopped. Saw your post though and I needed to reply. Thank you for commenting. In a roundabout way it helps knowing people understand because my family just dont.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
dayzed and confused

MegRose,

 

Congratulations on your graduation!! I am so happy for you, and even happier than you have found some joy today.

 

I'm glad your boyfriend is helping and being supportive with your move. 

 

Enjoy the good day, you deserve it.  I know you wish your mom could have been there in person, but we can only make the best of what we have, and you have done that. 

 

Here's hoping that your job interview turns into something that you actually like.  If it's not meant to be, then it won't work out.  

 

I continue to keep you in my prayers. 

 

I met up with my ex boyfriend last night and we still have a spark - he apologized for not being able to be there for me near the end, when my mom was dying.  He thought he could , but he said he found himself ill equipped.  He is a good person, trying to cope with the loss of our relationship too.  I wish I could be with him right now, but he is going away to Kuwait for the Army in October, for a year so I should probably be careful not to get too invested and end up feeling a huge loss again. 

 

Enjoy your success, my dear. Thank you for the offer to private message you if I have a nightmare. That is really so kind of you.

 

tina

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you. It wasnt as bad a I had thought; although me and my boyfriend spent most of the day herding families which was impossible.

Moving out of my flat tomorrow. Finding it very hard, started with mum moving me in 3 years go and its not ending with her. Dreading tomorrow or rather today, just makes it all so real.

Then when I am back, my best friend is buggering off on holiday dad will be at work all week from half 7 am til 7pm. So i will be on my own. And i will be 200 miles away from my boyfriend. Generally feel so low right now.

Im glad you found a spark with your ex. Just be careful if he is going away. Its hard getting back together if youre not at least seeing each other occasionally. Still at least he apologised. Maybe he isnt such a jerk after all??

Meg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Meg Rose congratulations on graduating, what an incredible achievement. That would be a remarkable achievement even without your devastating loss but to finish in spite of it, you should be very proud of yourself. I too am studying, though only part time while I care for my toddler, and I know all too well how difficult it is to focus when you are grieving. Well done!

I can relate to so much of what you wrote, about no one getting it, about not being ok and people thinking you should, about your other parent not being particularly useful. For me, it was my dad that I lost a few months ago but he was my world. He raised me on his own and my mum floated in and out of my life. Thankfully my mum and I are friends now but nothing like what my dad and I were. He was my everything and although I knew he was sick, I had no reason to believe he wouldn't be a round for another few years to watch his little grandson continue to grow.

Thank you for sharing your story, it has made me feel less alone and like there are those out there that understand. Thinking of you during this big transition time

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
dayzed and confused

MegRose,

 

Moving out of your flat will probably bring up a lot, as you said your mum helped you move in there, and moving out must just be yet another glaring reminder that she is not with you, physically anymore. That is tough. 

 

I am glad you will be with your dad - and I'm sure you're worried about being and feeling alone when he returns to work. What is going on with your boyfriend now that he has to be 200 miles away from you? Is he going to school, or is that just how far school was from home? 

 

I think it is good to continue to strive for patience within yourself.  There is a lot of change going on for you to adapt to at the moment.  Make sure you take the time to take care of you, whatever that means for you. 

 

I do not think my ex and I will get back together, I agree, he is leaving in October for Kuwait and I will just be setting myself up for more heartache.  I don't think he was a jerk, I just think he is too immature.  My daughter's boyfriend was able to be there for her throughout, including the viewing and the funeral.  He is 16 years younger than my ex - so it was disappointing for me and my ex that he just doesn't have the strength to be there for me when I really need it. 

 

I still miss him, because now we are talking, and I feel very, very alone when my daughter isn't with me.  I think I am finding the new normal, some days and times its harder than others. I just try to let myself feel my feelings without judging myself.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Sorry for being silent, moving out is so stressful. Dad did alot of the packing as he stayed in my flat while i stayed at my boyfriends and he didnt sleep so he decided he would pack.

Being at home is nice, own space for a bit but I am so alone, literally the dog is the only one I have with me all day and shes not a great cuddler.

Dayzed, my school was that far away from home, hes local to the school so we end up being ages away in the holidays, which ends up really quite hard.

I just wish everyone else had paitence with me. I had my degree certificate through the post yesterday and guess what? It was wrong! Honestly why does the admin at that place love to torture me, they are stupid, lovely people but about as organised as a 2 year old finger painting. So frustrating!

Mmm yes immaturity and guys seem to go. Unfortunatly you see the true colours of people when you need them most. I bet its hard with your daughter but then i suppose she must help when shes there being a distraction and giving you something to smile about (although shes a teenager so maybe i am stretching that a little thin, hehe).

I am really sad today, the hospital changed my appointment to thursday and now i have to go back up sunday and stay with my boyfriend for a week. Although i messed up and booked my coach back home on a day where my boyfriend is out. Which is going to really put the spanner in the works.

Simetan, thank you for commenting. I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. I cannot even imagine how hard that is with a child. I am beyond stretched thin now and I am so done. As busy as you are try counselling. Although i cant imagine thats easy.

I am a little negative today so i cant really write things to help anyone. Im too all over the place. Excited i get to see my james sunday but sad because im leaving my dad for a week. :( i am attaching a photo of my puppy who has decided she must sleep in between my legs right now.

Its so small. Eck i dont get this!

post-394873-0-38102900-1406329836_thumb.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
dayzed and confused

Hi sweetie (MegRose),

 

I know you feel like you were negative in your post, but I disagree.  I think you are doing the best that you can, and I think that is pretty great! 

 

I totally understand your frustration with the university.  I tell you, once they have your money, they could care less about making sure you are taken care of.  I hope the process to get the degree certificate corrected is not too complicated.

 

I am doing a little better myself, I think group meetings and taking the time to feel how I feel without being harsh with myself has really helped.  Things still trigger the grief, the loneliness.

 

I am really happy for you that your James has been there for you.  I just wish "there" wasn't so far away from home! Maybe the long distance situation will make your time together that much MORE meaningful.  

 

I've seen my ex again, this past weekend, and I am really not sure I want to spend time with him again.  It's as if, at 35 he does not have the ability to feel and think beyond the surface.  I am fine on my own - and do not need to settle.  Mom was miserable with my dad for as long as I was alive, but at the end, she couldn't be comfortable if he wasn't in the room.  

 

He is trying to move on, and it is difficult because I don't really want to see him.  I don't know if it is my way of protecting myself, but I haven't been to see him since he had us remove mom's things.  I am not angry with him, but he is trying to do things on his own, and I am trying to support him as best I can while checking in on him by phone or email. 

 

I hope you are doing better today, and I hope your dog starts to be more of a companion.  He looks pretty comfy in your pic!  I am a lone much of the time, but that is okay with me.  I started crocheting a blanket and it is very calming for me right now. 

 

Take care, and please check in when you can!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Im back to being numb again. I feel down but not actually sad. Just empty.

How are you tina? I hope you are starting to heal. I am sorry I havent posted in a while. Been busy trying to do things. Just failing. Im in a constant i cannot be bothered, snapping at everyone. Angry at everything. Still feeling isolated. :(

Just felt i needed to post, telling a forum makes me feel like hey at least you told someone instead of holding it in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
MissingPieces2014

MegRose,

 

I lost my mom almost 7 years ago, when I was 16. I profoundly relate to what you have posted. I don't want to be like everyone else and say that it gets easier..it doesn't. It gets normal. It becomes a part of your daily life and who you are to miss your mom. When she passed I did stop my life and crawled in my bed for seven months. I guess I thought that one day I would wake up and it would be some terrible horrific nightmare. One day, and I can't remember when, I didn't think about it anymore. Seven years later, i miss what we had but more I miss the relationship that would have been. I find that I now mourn what would have been. You will always be jealous of others who have their mom. Its not fair and darn it that sucks! I find when my friend complain about their parents that I try to use my experience and loss to help strengthen their relationship. I mean some good has to come from this somewhere or sometime right? Just know if you feel alone you aren't. There are plenty of people who feel similarly to you. I know I found comfort in that. That someone out there understands the whirlwind of emotions. That I am not crazy. Other people will move on and get on with their lives quicker that you may find appropriate. I know I found it strangely disrespectful that some of my family members just kept going on with their daily lives. Don't feel like you need to. Go at your pace. If you need to take a semester off..that might be what is best for you. No ones can know what is best for you but you. Take care of yourself, your mother would want that.

 

I hope anything I have said has been the slightest bit helpful,

 

Elle Dulles

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Good day Elle and MissingPieces,

 

I'm really truly sorry for both your losses! You're amazing young ladies, getting on with your lives even though you lost your mom, and you Elle, your dad too, at such young ages.

 

I'm in my thirties, so way older than you, and although I was very blessed to have my mom for a few more years, I feel the same, devastated, angry, sad, shocked, and empty without her physically here.

 

I don't doubt that time may bring an acceptance of the situation, but for me, I'm sure that I've lost a huge part of me the day that my mom left this world, and I know that I will never recover it, only when my time comes.

 

It's been 8 months for me, and it's become more difficult as time goes by, it's as if the realization of not having her had become more apparent in my head and heart, for how much longer I can pretend and try to deceive myself by fantasizing about my mom being on a sabbatical or on a long round the world trip!!! It's my reality, and it hurts that like you two, I've had to face this nightmare while other people still get to enjoy their moms until they turn eighty something or even nighty and beyond, and until they're in their fifties and even sixties.

 

I know that our moms are now free from all pain and suffering, and I'm glad it's me and not her who gets to miss her so much and not the opposite. However, it's extremely painful and day by day I really have to work hard to go on.

 

I wish I could really be of help to you and everybody else on this forum who is going through the same or a very similar type of nightmare, but all I want to say is that I also understand what you are going true, and that I hope that we can find a way to feel less lonely and isolated in this world, where surely we have others who love us and we love, but where there is this void inside of us who many of those we know haven't as yet tasted, thus making us somewhat different and unique, but hopefully more sensitive to the suffering and pain of others.

 

Take care, and warm regards to both, and Meg, if you need and can afford to take time out, please do so, I wish I could crawl into a ball for a long time and take my time rather than have to move so fast in this really tough world!

 

Trish

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Good day Elle and MissingPieces,

 

I'm really truly sorry for both your losses! You're amazing young ladies, getting on with your lives even though you lost your mom, and you Elle, your dad too, at such young ages.

 

I'm in my thirties, so way older than you, and although I was very blessed to have my mom for a few more years, I feel the same, devastated, angry, sad, shocked, and empty without her physically here.

 

I don't doubt that time may bring an acceptance of the situation, but for me, I'm sure that I've lost a huge part of me the day that my mom left this world, and I know that I will never recover it, only when my time comes.

 

It's been 8 months for me, and it's become more difficult as time goes by, it's as if the realization of not having her had become more apparent in my head and heart, for how much longer I can pretend and try to deceive myself by fantasizing about my mom being on a sabbatical or on a long round the world trip!!! It's my reality, and it hurts that like you two, I've had to face this nightmare while other people still get to enjoy their moms until they turn eighty something or even nighty and beyond, and until they're in their fifties and even sixties.

 

I know that our moms are now free from all pain and suffering, and I'm glad it's me and not her who gets to miss her so much and not the opposite. However, it's extremely painful and day by day I really have to work hard to go on.

 

I wish I could really be of help to you and everybody else on this forum who is going through the same or a very similar type of nightmare, but all I want to say is that I also understand what you are going true, and that I hope that we can find a way to feel less lonely and isolated in this world, where surely we have others who love us and we love, but where there is this void inside of us who many of those we know haven't as yet tasted, thus making us somewhat different and unique, but hopefully more sensitive to the suffering and pain of others.

 

Take care, and warm regards to both, and Meg, if you need and can afford to take time out, please do so, I wish I could crawl into a ball for a long time and take my time rather than have to move so fast in this really tough world!

 

Trish

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.