For Stella

[missingmyfriend]

I'm on here because I don't know what else to do. 2 months ago, I lost my cat, Stella. She was so young, only 3, and I'd had her for about a year and a half. I rescued her at such a dark time in my life, and she brought me such happiness and comfort every day. I loved her, still love her, with all my heart. In some ways I feel better than I did when it first happened, and in some ways I feel worse. I feel like my memories are fading. I feel like even though I think about her all the time, there's so little I can do to keep them fresh.

 

I feel such guilt about the last two weeks of her life, too. It all happened so fast, I took her to the vet because she was acting a little strange and had almost stopped eating, and a week later, after a fews days of hospitilization, good news, bad news, and a feeding tube, I came home from work to find her gone, laying on her favorite rug. I should've known something was wrong sooner. There were little signs, but I didn't give them the importance I should have. I failed her. It's my fault. I try to take comfort in the fact that wherever she is now, she's at peace and her pain is over, but I still can't get over the guilt.

 

I feel such a hole in my life and my heart without her here. Being alone in my apartment is hell. I miss her getting up with me every morning, greeting me at the door every evening, and coming to sleep with me every night. A pet's love is so pure and unconditional, they never judge. I feel the need to nurture and take care of someone, and Stella was where I poured that love. I could meet her needs 100% and give her the happiest possible life. I can't say that of any human. Human relationships are complicated, pets are simple. They just love you. And it's easy to love them back just as hard with no fear of rejection. 

 

I just miss her so much. Nothing's the same. I'm struggling so hard to find happiness and fill the void she left. I thought we had so much more time together. When you get a pet, you know that you'll likely outlive them. You're prepared for that eventuality. But I wasn't ready. She was so young, it was so sudden. We deserved to have more time together. It's not fair. There are no answers. I wish I could believe that I'll see her again someday but I don't know if that's really how it all works. I'm trying to accept and move on. But sometimes I just feel bitter and angry and depressed. She was my best friend and losing her has been one of the greatest challenges of my life.

 

I loved you very much, Stella. I'll never forget you. I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry for everything. Thank you for moment of warmth and happiness you gave me. I hope I have the strength to find it again on my own.

[Heartlight]

Dear missingmyfriend,

 

This was such a beautiful testament to your love of Stella that I feel very privileged to have read it.  Thank you for sharing the love of your relationship here.  I know it is difficult and I'm sorry you have lost her.  If you keep holding onto that love, in the future you will start to see how many ways her love and your special relationship is still part of you.  Her physical presence is gone but her legacy will last within you and you will not have to find it on your own because as you find it, you will discover her once again, but in your heart.

 

<3